Teenage Bullying-What do we do?

[luvmy3]

I personally think energy is better spent finding solutions than arguing about who's "more" at fault here.

Let's not let Phoebe's death be in vain.

Let's let it help us learn more and find solutions of how to deal with the tough issues of today - then her life and sad death has more meaning.

The name of this thread is "What do we do?"

What DO we do? I'd like to see more information along those lines. Anyone else?

Nobody is arguing, just stating opinions and of course they will differ. I pesonally believe you need to place blame (or assign responsibilty) otherwise any solutions, like having a seminar to teach kids how bad bullying is will be pointless. Parents need to know what they can do, they need to know the signs, they need to know how to inviolve themselves. Schools need regulations in place that make the punishment for this harsh and immediate. Parents and schools need to communicate so that they know exactly whats going on, because like others have said kids sill sometimes hide their torment. Parents of bullies need to recognize their kids behavior, take responsibilty for it and do what it takes to change it instead of making excuses for it. Without blame we get seminars and the same old same old that doesn't work.

luvsJack, you are right I am basing my opinons on my experinece and you are correct that if my child wants to hide things he will. However, I know he may do that but I also know that I will keep myself involved so that I am aware, even if he doesnt even know it. He has been a target, I don't need to know anything else to know that he may always be and that it is my job to make sure that it doesn't continue. It is my job to know the signs, it is my job to communicate with the school, or friends or his siblings, other parents. It is my job to keep tabs on what is being said on the internet about him, or what kind of texts he is recieving (he is young so we haven't gotten to that point). It is also my job to have taught him to be comfortable coming to me with anythig and that it can all be fixed. If going to the school doesn't resolve the issue, at what point does a parent say "this isn't working, I need to take control"? For me, it would have been after the need for a second meeting. If that makes me smug, so be it, but I know I'm not going to rely on someone else protecting my child more than me. I feel that in this case, these parents relied on the school and unfortunately that wasn't enough. Yes, they are responsible for that. As long as people don't believe that, and see it as all the schools fault there will never be a solution that totally works to save kids like Pheobe.

 

[luvsJack]

I personally think energy is better spent finding solutions than arguing about who's "more" at fault here.

Let's not let Phoebe's death be in vain.

Let's let it help us learn more and find solutions of how to deal with the tough issues of today - then her life and sad death has more meaning.

The name of this thread is "What do we do?"

What DO we do? I'd like to see more information along those lines. Anyone else?

You are right. There needs to be time and energy spent on finding a solution.

I don't know about other schools, but dd's is doing a lot of "anti-bully" activities (sort of like the anti drug things they did in the past). They spend time in class having talk sessions with their teacher and with professionals brought in. They are told different stories about the results of bullying and what it really can do to the kid being bullied. I think it gives them some empathy toward other kids.

Too many people seem to have no feeling about the pain and hurt being caused to others. And they seem to feel that if kids can be given that back, it will help to reduce the bullying or at least the "gang mentality" that seems to happen so much in these cases.

And like in my pp, they have talked to them about standing up for those that are being bullied and standing together as a group against bullies.

As for the school's actions, they now take every complaint that even sounds like a bullying episode very seriously. A complaint form is filled out by the parent. The form is not given to the student but to the parent by email or fax (so that the bully never knows the student is doing anything). This form is then used in a formal investigation. If it is deemed seriouse enough an outside investigator is brought in. Some of the disciplanary actions that can be taken against the bully are that charges can be filed, if accusations are serious enough, and/or the bully can be removed from regular classes and either confined to ISS or sent to alternative school with mandated counceling. (I am so glad to see this change come about as this is the same school that swept ds's episode under the rug)

 

[Shreggor]

Looks like one of the bullies' parents is already saying "Not my child!!"

http://www.bostonherald.com/news/re...cts_mother_my_daughter_never_fought_with_her/

"Velazquez lives in the same neighborhood as Sergio Loubriel, 14, who said he felt butterflies when Prince agreed to go to the winter cotillion with him. They discussed transportation to the dance at school the day she died.

Loubriel said he regretted never telling Prince he had a crush on her. “I wish I could have stopped it,” he said "


That part broke my heart.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I agree with this post completely and especially with the parts I bolded:

Let me ask you this, if the parents and the school had done all they could to ensure this girls torment was over do you think she would still have killed herself? I don't.
If her parents had to go to the school several times that means they knew of the issue and that is was ongoing. It was their responsibilty to not just take her word for it, but to make sure it really had stopped. They are her parents, they brought her into the world and it is their job to make sure she is always safe, period. Its disturbing to see that people think the school should be held more accountable than this girls own parents, however its certainly isn't surprising in this day and age when everyone thinks everyone else is responsible for them. Just like people are saying things about the bullies parents should have known what was going on but Pheobe's own the could just take her word for it is insane. Yes, the school is at fault, they witnessed this girl being bullyied and did nothing, but if the parents were more forceful, like going to the superintendant, or going to the darn police, who knows maybe the school would have done something more. The blame lays at the bullies, the parents and the school, but I guarantee that poor Pheobe was counting on her parents to help her more than any of the others, and thats heartbreaking. So in that sense, they failed her more than anyone.
Do I feel sympathy and sadness for these parents, I sure do, they no longer have their dd and will go on the rest of their lives thinking they could have done more, and the sad reality is that they could have. You can call it cold hearted, but that doesn't mean it isn't true.

It seems like the media is playing up the point that this family was new to this country and therefore unaware of how to handle the situation. I have two thoughts on that. One is that because she just moved here, we know that the girl was not bullied by these kids from a young age, which is often the case in extreme bullying situations. They lived here two years, correct? So this girl's self-esteem was so badly damaged by two years of bullying that she committed suicide for that reason alone? I doubt it. Two is that if I brought my children to live as strangers in a strange land, I would be extra vigilant about where they went and who they were in contact with.

What DO we do? I'd like to see more information along those lines. Anyone else?

My opinion is that parents who suspect that their kid is being bullied should make certain that child knew he/she was loved unconditionally in the home--that school popularity means nothing, that school years are short and relatively few, and the child can and will make friends later on in life. I think these parents need to spend extra time with their child so that the kid doesn't spend too much time dwelling on his/her social life (or lack thereof).

If it were my kid, I would enroll him/her in activities outside of school so that the child had a chance to make friends outside of school. I would also arrange for my child to spend more time with his/her cousins and extended family.

For many parents, adolescence is when their kids separate from them and form their own social network. For kids who are having difficulty doing that for any reason--and just moving to an area would be a big reason--their parents have to give them extra time and attention.

 

[momrek06]

"Velazquez lives in the same neighborhood as Sergio Loubriel, 14, who said he felt butterflies when Prince agreed to go to the winter cotillion with him. They discussed transportation to the dance at school the day she died.

Loubriel said he regretted never telling Prince he had a crush on her. “I wish I could have stopped it,” he said "

Oh, I am certain there are many in South Hadley that are so regretting not doing something about Phoebe's bullying. Absolutely, her death will be on many, many minds in that community for a very, very long time. Just so sad.

 

[FireDancer]

My opinion is that parents who suspect that their kid is being bullied should make certain that child knew he/she was loved unconditionally in the home--that school popularity means nothing, that school years are short and relatively few, and the child can and will make friends later on in life. I think these parents need to spend extra time with their child so that the kid doesn't spend too much time dwelling on his/her social life (or lack thereof).

If it were my kid, I would enroll him/her in activities outside of school so that the child had a chance to make friends outside of school. I would also arrange for my child to spend more time with his/her cousins and extended family.

For many parents, adolescence is when their kids separate from them and form their own social network. For kids who are having difficulty doing that for any reason--and just moving to an area would be a big reason--their parents have to give them extra time and attention.

In addition teaching that self esteem and self worth come from yourself and not others. If that was the case it would be other-people esteem. Be your own person and not a follower. The media, celebrities, and your friends don't determine who you are, how you should act, what you should wear, or what you are worth, only you do.

If someone doesn't like you that is merely their opinion of you, no more. No one is universally loved or hated.

That is what we were taught growing up and it really wasn't all that hard, even for a kid, to grasp. Once you have that mind set you know getting called a name no longer effects you and the "words hurt" BS goes out the window.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Nobody is arguing, just stating opinions and of course they will differ. I pesonally believe you need to place blame (or assign responsibilty) otherwise any solutions, like having a seminar to teach kids how bad bullying is will be pointless. Parents need to know what they can do, they need to know the signs, they need to know how to inviolve themselves. Schools need regulations in place that make the punishment for this harsh and immediate. Parents and schools need to communicate so that they know exactly whats going on, because like others have said kids sill sometimes hide their torment. Parents of bullies need to recognize their kids behavior, take responsibilty for it and do what it takes to change it instead of making excuses for it. Without blame we get seminars and the same old same old that doesn't work.

I meant arguing in a broad sense. We're all doing it to some degree. And I agree we do need to look at situations carefully to see what went wrong. Identifying problem areas have to be part of the solution.

But as far as your feelings about parental involvement, I have to ask you one thing. What about the kids who don't have the luxury of having involved parents? Not all families have two parents that are completely involved in their children's lives. How do we reach those kids who don't have anything near that? Uninvolved parents take many forms, and they're not all just physically unavailable.

And to what degree are we adults sending mixed messages. If you're "too" involved, you're a helicopter parent. If you're not involved enough, you're a deadbeat. Where is the happy medium and how do we get there?

How do we expect to solve these problems if we can't even begin to agree ourselves?

I also look around at kids that are the same or at similar ages as my 12 yr olds. We (collectively) give them cell phones with texting and camera abilities but do we really educate them to the responsibilites that come along with using them? Do we police their activities? From what I see, we're not. I think we're sticking our heads in the sand if we don't think kids are using them inappropriately at times. Same with networking sites.

How are our kids behaving when we're not around, both inside and outside of school? Do we really know? I am absolutely at some of the stories I hear about what happened at [middle] school every day. Whose kids are doing this if we're all doing such a good job?

Just some random thoughts from a Mom who's trying to prepare my own children from the world they're growing up in. We've dealt with some bullying issues as well and it's not always easy trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. I'm trying my best to understand it and help my kids navigate their way through the choppy waters.

 

[luvsJack]

In addition teaching that self esteem and self worth come from yourself and not others. If that was the case it would be other-people esteem. Be your own person and not a follower. The media, celebrities, and your friends don't determine who you are, how you should act, what you should wear, or what you are worth, only you do.

If someone doesn't like you that is merely their opinion of you, no more. No one is universally loved or hated.

That is what we were taught growing up and it really wasn't all that hard, even for a kid, to grasp. Once you have that mind set you know getting called a name no longer effects you and the "words hurt" BS goes out the window.

That a wonderful idea and a great theory. But we are talking about kids who are at a point developmentally where their peers are the most important to them. We can believe what we want about our kids, but the fact is they are all going to reach a point where what their peers think is more important than what their parents think. That is why peer pressure continues to be such an issue.

Middle school/jr high are the worst times for this because of the developmental stage. And the thing is if they do not go through this stage it hinders them in seperation from their parents. Its a hard balancing act. Acknowledging that the opinion of thier peers is important to them but that they need to be secure in their own being.

All of the things that were mentioned in the pp about building up the self esteem of our kids is exactly what parents should do (regardless of whether a kid is being bullied or not) but there still needs to be policies and procedures in place for the system to deal with the bullies. There must be things in place that require any school to take immediate action.

 

[agnes!]

...It seems like the media is playing up the point that this family was new to this country and therefore unaware of how to handle the situation. I have two thoughts on that. One is that because she just moved here, we know that the girl was not bullied by these kids from a young age, which is often the case in extreme bullying situations. They lived here two years, correct? So this girl's self-esteem was so badly damaged by two years of bullying that she committed suicide for that reason alone?

I think this assumption is incorrect, so far as I can tell the Prince family had lived in this country for less than six months before she took her life.

... My opinion is that parents who suspect that their kid is being bullied should make certain that child knew he/she was loved unconditionally in the home--that school popularity means nothing, that school years are short and relatively few, and the child can and will make friends later on in life. I think these parents need to spend extra time with their child so that the kid doesn't spend too much time dwelling on his/her social life (or lack thereof).

If it were my kid, I would enroll him/her in activities outside of school so that the child had a chance to make friends outside of school. I would also arrange for my child to spend more time with his/her cousins and extended family.

That might be kind of hard if the family is an ocean away. Maybe the mother had arranged for a visit, since Phoebe was supposed to go visit her dad within a few weeks after her suicide.

For many parents, adolescence is when their kids separate from them and form their own social network. For kids who are having difficulty doing that for any reason--and just moving to an area would be a big reason--their parents have to give them extra time and attention.

Phoebe Prince, her mother and her three sisters hadn't lived here very long. The family moved to the United States in the fall of 2009, Phoebe committed suicide in January of 2010. The family had apparently only lived in Massachusetts for about 4 or 5 months. The father did not make the trip to the US and I am not sure the brother did either. Most news accounts only mention the mother and the three sisters.

From a January 2010 Boston.Com article
http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2010/01/24/the_untouchable_mean_girls/

Last fall, she moved from Ireland into western Massachusetts, a new town, a new high school, a new country, a new culture. She was 15, when all that matters is being liked and wearing the right clothes and just fitting in.

She was a freshman and she had a brief fling with a senior, a football player, and for this she became the target of the Mean Girls, who decided then and there that Phoebe didn’t know her place and that Phoebe would pay.

Kids can be mean, but the Mean Girls took it to another level, according to students and parents. They followed Phoebe around, calling her a slut. When they wanted to be more specific, they called her an Irish slut.

The name-calling, the stalking, the intimidation was relentless.

Ten days ago, Phoebe was walking home from school when one of the Mean Girls drove by in a car. An insult and an energy drink can came flying out the car window in Phoebe’s direction.

Phoebe kept walking, past the abuse, past the can, past the white picket fence, into her house. Then she walked into a closet and hanged herself. Her 12-year-old sister found her.

You would think this would give the bullies who hounded Phoebe some pause. Instead, they went on Facebook and mocked her in death.

They told State Police detectives they did nothing wrong, had nothing to do with Phoebe killing herself.

And then they went right back to school and started badmouthing Phoebe.

They had a dance, a cotillion, at the Log Cabin in Holyoke two days after Phoebe’s sister found her in the closet, and some who were there say one of the Mean Girls bragged about how she played dumb with the detectives who questioned her.

Last week, one of the Springfield TV stations sent a crew to South Hadley High to talk to the kids.

One girl was interviewed on camera, and she said what was common knowledge: that bullies were stalking the corridors of South Hadley High.

As soon as the TV crew was out of sight, one of the Mean Girls came up and slammed the girl who had been interviewed against a locker and punched her in the head.

The Mean Girls are pretty, and popular, and play sports.

So far, they appear to be untouchable, too.

South Hadley is a nice, comfortable middle-class suburb that hugs the Connecticut River nearby and a certain attitude.

“Things like this aren’t supposed to happen in South Hadley,’’ said Darby O’Brien, a high school parent, wondering why the bullies who tormented Phoebe are still in school. “And so instead of confronting the evil among us, the reality that there are bullies roaming the corridors at South Hadley High, people are blaming the victim, looking for excuses why a 15-year-old girl would do this. People are in denial.’’ ... ...

O’Brien is thinking about going to that meeting and suggesting that they have the kids who bullied Phoebe look at the autopsy photos.

“Let them see what a kid who hung herself looks like,’’ he said.

Last week, Phoebe was supposed to visit Ireland, where she grew up, and she was excited because she was going to see her father for the first time in months.

She did end up going back to Ireland after all, and when her father saw her she was in a casket.

Phoebe’s family decided to bury her in County Clare. They wanted an ocean between her and the people who hounded her to the grave.

And from a Kathy McCabe column on the same website:
http://www.boston.com/news/educatio.../24/teens_suicide_prompts_a_look_at_bullying/

Prince was the daughter of Anne O’Brien Prince and Jeremy Prince. She also leaves her sisters, Lauren, Tessa, Bridget, and a brother, Simon, according to a death notice published in The Republican, a Springfield newspaper. The family could not be reached for comment.

The family moved to Western Massachusetts last year, in part, “so that Phoebe could experience America,’’ they wrote in the death notice stated. “Here she touched many lives with her Irish mannerisms and sense of humor.’’

agnes!

 

[momrek06]

I watched the TODAY show and they have been covering this ALL WEEK. The town is shaking now. People are scared. And the more media coverage Phoebe's death gets the more this is rattling all of South Hadley.

This is not going to go away until all the questions are answered to "WHY THIS EVEN HAD TO HAPPEN TO PHOEBE". Administrators, faculty, students will all be questioned extensively. So far the 9 charged are still standing as well as the statutory rape charges. So far it appears that allot of people are LYING about what they did know about the bullying.

This has put a bad mark (F) on South Hadley. I am from MA and do not even know where SH is ... ? Springfield area maybe ... ?

 

[Capn.Flynn]

I find this rather saddening and quite depressing just 2 days ago i read about another girl who committed suicide. This girl should not have been through this, nobody should . I would have befriended her, stood up for her and tried to help and also called the police due to its severity Life is just too valuable to be thrown away.

i've been bullied in the past (still do, actually) i've had the usual name calling, bully intimidations, i've even had stuff thrown at me. But the bulling has calmed down a bit now, i'm currently living through it, and i'll never accept defeat .

R.I.P. Phoebe from your Dis friends that never were.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I think this assumption is incorrect, so far as I can tell the Prince family had lived in this country for less than six months before she took her life.

Then I really don't buy that the bullying by itself is what caused this girl to commit suicide.

That might be kind of hard if the family is an ocean away. Maybe the mother had arranged for a visit, since Phoebe was supposed to go visit her dad within a few weeks after her suicide.

I wasn't talking about Phoebe visiting her cousins. I was talking about kids in general since womeone asked what we would do to stop teenage bullying.

That's a very sad article in Boston.com, but it is only an article. The "mean girls" are innocent until proven guilty.

 

[agnes!]

... If it were my kid, I would enroll him/her in activities outside of school so that the child had a chance to make friends outside of school. I would also arrange for my child to spend more time with his/her cousins and extended family.

For many parents, adolescence is when their kids separate from them and form their own social network. For kids who are having difficulty doing that for any reason--and just moving to an area would be a big reason--their parents have to give them extra time and attention.

Then I really don't buy that the bullying by itself is what caused this girl to commit suicide.

I wasn't talking about Phoebe visiting her cousins. I was talking about kids in general since womeone asked what we would do to stop teenage bullying.

... That might be kind of hard if the family is an ocean away. Maybe the mother had arranged for a visit, since Phoebe was supposed to go visit her dad within a few weeks after her suicide.

Ah, in general that might be true but I was referring to the 'visiting cousins' and 'extended family' in your post. So far as I can tell, Phoebe's family (including any cousins or extended family and her father), was across an ocean in another country.

That's a very sad article in Boston.com, but it is only an article. The "mean girls" are innocent until proven guilty.

Yeah, they are innocent until proven guilty, but that doesn't mean I can't have an opinion. Btw, my having an opinion doesn't mean I'm going to tar&feather these incipient sociopaths. People might have an even more extreme view of the bullies if all the filth the South Hadley punks posted on Facebook hadn't been removed. If these people had left Phoebe alone and hadn't tortured her, I think it's fairly safe to say that she would most probably still be alive.

agnes!

 

[JerseyJanice]

Ah, in general that might be true but I was referring to the 'visiting cousins' and 'extended family' in your post. So far as I can tell, Phoebe's family (including any cousins or extended family and her father), was across an ocean in another country.

I was speaking in general. A poster here asked about what we should be doing to stop teenage bullying, and I gave an answer based on a personal experience. DS has a cousin who moved from the City to the suburbs here in NJ and has been having difficulty adjusting and making friends. One of the things his parents are doing to help him is arranging for him to spend time with my son.

Yeah, they are innocent until proven guilty, but that doesn't mean I can't have an opinion. Btw, my having an opinion doesn't mean I'm going to tar&feather these incipient sociopaths. People might have an even more extreme view of the bullies if all the filth the South Hadley punks posted on Facebook hadn't been removed. If these people had left Phoebe alone and hadn't tortured her, I think it's fairly safe to say that she would most probably still be alive.

agnes!

You can have an opinion, and so can I. I think that she was very emotionally fragile, and that is why she committed suicide.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Today

Confronting cyberbullying: Tips from police
E-mail|Link|Comments (1) April 2, 2010 12:42 PM
By Maria Cramer, Globe Staff

Amid concern about a rash of cyber-bulling in Boston schools, police have sent a memo to the city's headmasters and principals providing tips on how students can avoid invasion of privacy on the Internet.

The memo said students should be reminded to restrict access to their on-line profiles and not become "friends" of the pages posting the offending photos lest they become victims themselves.

Joining such pages makes it easy for posters to steal photos from the victims' own profiles and publish them without permission, the memo explains. In cases where the students who are being disparaged are easily recognized, school officials should be proactive and call the children's parents directly, the memo advised.

This week, students and city and school officials say they have found at least 15 Facebook pages that use obscene or hateful language to target female students, as well as a handful of male students, school administrators, and teachers at schools in Boston and surrounding communities. Many of the pages concerned students at Charlestown High School.

Police said they are working hard to get Facebook and other social-networking sites to take down offensive pages, but acknowledged that with the speed of the Internet, "policing the millions of pages on any of these sites ... is nearly impossible."


http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2010/04/confronting_cyb.html

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My opinion is that parents who suspect that their kid is being bullied should make certain that child knew he/she was loved unconditionally in the home--that school popularity means nothing, that school years are short and relatively few, and the child can and will make friends later on in life. I think these parents need to spend extra time with their child so that the kid doesn't spend too much time dwelling on his/her social life (or lack thereof).

If it were my kid, I would enroll him/her in activities outside of school so that the child had a chance to make friends outside of school. I would also arrange for my child to spend more time with his/her cousins and extended family.

For many parents, adolescence is when their kids separate from them and form their own social network. For kids who are having difficulty doing that for any reason--and just moving to an area would be a big reason--their parents have to give them extra time and attention.

Thank you for those tips. They are good ones. You are a teacher, aren't you? I can understand teachers feeling defensive in discussions like these but I think we all have to look at the bigger picture and learn from what we're seeing. JMO

It is well known that bullying leads to depression and depression leads to suicidal thoughts and the act of suicide. The literature even points out that this occurs not just with victims of bullying, but with bullies themselves. A child does not have to be mentally unstable (whatever that means) to become so tortured and distressed that they take their own life. Currently, around the world, this data is coming in, so we'll know more in the years to come. But it behooves us as a society to look at the writing on the wall now.

it is increasingly clear that any participation in bullying increases the risk of suicidal ideations and/or behaviors in a broad spectrum of youth.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18714552

 

[agnes!]

Ah, in general that might be true but I was referring to the 'visiting cousins' and 'extended family' in your post. So far as I can tell, Phoebe's family (including any cousins or extended family and her father), was across an ocean in another country.

Yeah, they are innocent until proven guilty, but that doesn't mean I can't have an opinion. Btw, my having an opinion doesn't mean I'm going to tar&feather these incipient sociopaths. People might have an even more extreme view of the bullies if all the filth the South Hadley punks posted on Facebook hadn't been removed. If these people had left Phoebe alone and hadn't tortured her, I think it's fairly safe to say that she would most probably still be alive.

agnes!

I was speaking in general. A poster here asked about what we should be doing to stop teenage bullying, and I gave an answer based on a personal experience. DS has a cousin who moved from the City to the suburbs here in NJ and has been having difficulty adjusting and making friends. One of the things his parents are doing to help him is arranging for him to spend time with my son.

You can have an opinion, and so can I. I think that she was very emotionally fragile, and that is why she committed suicide.

I'll agree to disagree then. I think the physical assaults, the statutory rape, the verbal and physical harassment most probably *did* contribute to Phoebe's state of mind. *IF* she had found some good friends, *IF* these other teenagers hadn't gone all Lord of the Flies on her then I cannot in all honesty say that I think she would have harmed herself anyway.

And if I followed this particular train of thought, that Phoebe was emotionally fragile and that her state of mind is the ultimate/only reason she committed suicide then contrary to your previous posts actually maybe it might not have mattered whatever the mother did. If I follow your theory of suicide then someone who is intent on doing themselves harm, their friends and family can move Heaven and Earth and they will still do themselves harm. It seems to me that you are somewhat arguing both sides of the issue... that parental/authority figures can intervene and make a difference *and* also that they intervene, make no difference and the harm still happens. Both of which have happened in my experience so both can indeed be true.

In Phoebe's case Anne Prince did go to the school more than once, she did *something*. Maybe she didn't do as much as someone more familiar with the South Hadley High School might have done, but it's entirely possible that things are handled differently in County Clare, Ireland. I find myself stumbling on how things in an individual school are run, how issues are handled differently from administrator to administrator, getting answers from a state and local bureaucracy...and I am a native! I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to move to a completely different outside culture, have to deal with a different county/district school culture and have on top of all that having to negotiate the complexities of high-school/teenage society.

agnes!

 

[luvsJack]

Quoted from Agnes:

Last week, one of the Springfield TV stations sent a crew to South Hadley High to talk to the kids.

One girl was interviewed on camera, and she said what was common knowledge: that bullies were stalking the corridors of South Hadley High.

As soon as the TV crew was out of sight, one of the Mean Girls came up and slammed the girl who had been interviewed against a locker and punched her in the head.

The Mean Girls are pretty, and popular, and play sports.

So far, they appear to be untouchable, too.

South Hadley is a nice, comfortable middle-class suburb that hugs the Connecticut River nearby and a certain attitude.

“Things like this aren’t supposed to happen in South Hadley,’’ said Darby O’Brien, a high school parent, wondering why the bullies who tormented Phoebe are still in school. “And so instead of confronting the evil among us, the reality that there are bullies roaming the corridors at South Hadley High, people are blaming the victim, looking for excuses why a 15-year-old girl would do this. People are in denial.’’ ... ...

O’Brien is thinking about going to that meeting and suggesting that they have the kids who bullied Phoebe look at the autopsy photos.

“Let them see what a kid who hung herself looks like,’’ he said.

Last week, Phoebe was supposed to visit Ireland, where she grew up, and she was excited because she was going to see her father for the first time in months.

She did end up going back to Ireland after all, and when her father saw her she was in a casket.

Phoebe’s family decided to bury her in County Clare. They wanted an ocean between her and the people who hounded her to the grave.




Sounds like the school system is continuing its policy of doing nothing. How many other kids will be tortured by the untouchable Mean Girls?

 

[skater]

Being bullied every day in a place you can't get away from can certainly make someone emotionally fragile. I'm a fairly strong, happy adult, but if I had to face this every day, I might start to doubt myself too, who knows? I'm sure some people are stronger than me and would handle it better, but that's human nature - we're all different. I sure hope that High school is not survival of the fittest .

 

[Buckalew11]

As the mom of a 16yo girl who was bullied at a small, private christian school, this upsets me so badly. Her bullying went on for several years and it took its toll. I watched her go from happy go lucky to very sad and withdrawn.

I have very strong feeling about bullies and how people handle it but I'm going to keep it to myself.
I have a friend whose son hung himself at 19 after being bullied by students and a teacher even ( ) and so my feelings are pretty raw and real.