Teen Anxiety, Panic Attacks Need Advice -- Long

[PrincessKsMom]

Hoping someone would be willing to share their experiences with me regarding teen anxiety and panic attacks, whether by responding to this post or by IM.

Background: DH, his mom and his grandmother all suffer from depression, anxiety, agorraphobea... I have seen instances of this in my DD. A few years ago she went away to an academic program in Washington, DC which she begged to go to. Within 2 days we had to go pick her up. Vomitting, crying, pleading for us to pick her up, no sleep, etc. There wasn't anything that triggered this. Her roommates were great and helped her through it. I would stay on the phone with her for hours on end trying to calm her, nothing worked. This is something she begged to go to, not something we made her go to. I just assumed it was that she just wasn't ready to be away from home.

The next instance was 2 years ago. A few schools merged (hers being one). Again, vomitting, crying, pleading to stay home, etc. The merged school was in her old school building, she knew 1/4 of the kids, a few of the teachers, etc. Multiple calls from school that she was vomitting and we needed to pick her up. Days of calls from school. Within an hour or two of her getting to school. I went to school and explained to her teacher, the nurse and the principal what it was and that she was being seen by her pediatrician. Multiple visits to her pediatrician, who even gave her something for the vomitting that they give to cancer patients -- nothing worked. I also told the school they weren't doing her any good by allowing her to leave. She needed to tough it out and find out she could do it and nothing bad was going to happen. I told they I realized it was a distraction and apologized for the disruption, but they needed to let her clean herself up and go back to class. If she knew there was a way out, she'd take it. After about a week or so, she settled in and was over it and back to normal. And this is why I made the difficult decision of sending her to the local public high school with her best friend, instead of her going to the local girls' Catholic school with her other friends. Thankfully she is in class with a few friends, so she's not completely alone. She needs to start to deal with changes now, not when she goes off to college. She needs to build her self-confidence and self-reliance skills, as well as social skills.

And now we come to high school. It's 2-1/2 weeks before school and the vomitting and crying has begun. She tells me it's not about school, but I know better. I know it's normal for people to get anxious and nervous about new situations, but not to this extent. I'm concerned about putting her on meds because they can have serious side affects in teens. She freaks every time I mention going to a doctor or therapist. I know it's just a matter of time and she'll settle in, but I'm not mentally prepared for the next month or so.

I am solidly entrenched in the "buck up and deal" camp. I will not and cannot feed into her anxiety. I have compassion and my heart breaks for her. I spend many hours crying too, but not near her. She tends to feed off the anxiety of others. Has flown to Disney multiple times, but the first time my mom came with us (who doesn't like to fly), DD was anxious and wanted to know if we could drive (from NJ). Once my mom was able to hold her anxiety back, DD was fine and neither have had an episode since (two more trips). As I mentioned, her dad's side of the family has these issues as well, but they tend to use them as an excuse to be irresponsible. It becomes a convenient crutch and I don't want that for my child.

So does anyone know of an therapies, can you share your history with prescription therapies, etc.

 

[KitKat_Tink]

I'm a teenager and I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety issues and have been for the last 5 or 6 years.

I often get panic attacks when i'm stressed or in a crowded place with people i don't know.

One thing that has helped me is getting a therapist. I go in once a month to talk to her and she has given me coping methods. The one thing your DD needs to remember is to breath and everything will be okay. Breathing often can kill the panic attacks quickly.

Also when i know i'm going to be around something that is a trigger for me I bring a good friend along that is completely aware of my situation. While it was embarrassing to have to explain everything to my friends, it has been a huge help. If they notice me starting to panic they tell me to breath, hold my hand, sit me down, really whatever they think will help.

I also carry around my ipod. Its a great distraction from the environments that make me anxious.

Distractions are the best thing.

But your DD probably right now is worried about school. Its going to be a new environment, its stressful. Ask her and try to find out whats causing it, like whats her main worry. I know mine when i moved to a new school was lack of friends, but I made sure i was at the new student orientation and I made a really good friend there.

I hope this helped some. But don't make her "buck up and deal". Often that causes the panicing more. Most of the time a nice hug from my mom and her understanding can help.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

If it were me, I think I would go ahead and find a psychiatrist that works with teens and make an appointment. Don't tell her about the appointment too far ahead of time so she doesn't have time to stress over it. If she's having such terrible bouts of anxiety that she's vomiting and crying, it's time for professional help. She may just need a little medication to balance the chemicals in her brain. Or, the Dr. can give her some self-help techniques to deal with it when she feels it coming on.

My DH15 has Asperger's and a moderate level of anxiety. He gets very worried about things that could happen. He's sensitive to loud noises and is constantly checking the weather report to make sure there are no thunderstorms in the forecast. Luckily, we live in an area that rarely gets thunderstorms but we did get a few on our vacation to the mountains a few weeks ago. He's also afraid that his grandpa will die. Everytime the phone rings, he comes running and asks, "Is Grandpa OK?" He has been seeing a psychiatrist since he was 8. Right now, we have him on a low dose of Zoloft to take the edge off the anxiety. We try to get him to talk through whatever is worrying him and see that things are OK. Right now, he's anxious about starting school on Monday.

I think your daughter's case is more extreme that she would benefit from seeing a doctor. Hope things get better soon!

 

[C.Ann]

There's quite a bit I could say, but I won't - at least not yet..

You have said that she won't go to a therapist.. I would strongly suggest that you go to a therapist on your own and discuss the situation with them.. They will have better suggestions than anyone here (or at least more knowledge).. There's a fine line between "feeding into" the situation and being her "safe" person..

Start by having a chat with a therapist - ASAP.. Then when other people make suggestions here - or talk about meds - you will already have the thoughts of a professional to use as a reference in your mind while deciding which posts sound reasonable and which ones you can toss aside..

Good luck!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me. This is exactly the type of advice I was looking for.

As I mentioned, she is going to the new school with her best friend, who is in a few of her classes, and other friends she knows. I think it's all a bit overwhelming -- Catholic to public, 600 kids total versus 700 incoming Freshman alone in the new school, etc. I'm glad you are able to articulate what triggers you. She's still not at that point. She denies that there is anything wrong at all.

As for the "buck up and deal", I'm the one that holds her while she's vomitting, rubbing her back, telling her to breath, bringing her cool washcloths etc. I am totally, 100% there for her 24-7, but after a point I feel like I need to be the drill seargant because the coddling seems to feed into it and grant her an unspoken permission to continue. When I get drill seargant on her, she tends to snap out of it, begin to breath, calm herself somewhat. She's also been a mommy's girl for far too. I've overprotected her and coddled her. It's hard breaking that bond somewhat and making her be self-confident and self-sufficient.

Please don't think I'm disagreeing with what you wrote or your advice. I hear you. I'm just sort of trying to work this out outloud and help my daughter. Again, I really appreciate your sharing your experiences and definitely think therapy, whether she's accepting at first or not, is in her immediate future.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

LuvBunnies and C.Ann:

I will be contacting her ped first thing Monday for guidance and a possible referral. He was somewhat against sending her for further treatment and takes the strong line with her as well. This is the one time where I think she needs something more.

I think my feelings for other family members dealing with this is clouding my judgment in her case and, I'm sure, she's reading those feelings for them which keeps her from admitting this is something she needs help with. I feel like I'm failing her no matter which direction I go.

 

[Christine]

I am a lifelong sufferer of anxiety. It probably started when I was a year old. When my mom would take me somewhere stressful, like my pediatrician, I would vomit. They got to know me and would have "the bucket" ready for my visit! This was in the early 1960s when the medical community knew FAR less than what they know now. My pediatrician told my mom that I was "just one of those people who produced to much adrenaline when they got nervous" and that's why I got sick. The adrenaline then feeds into it more causing all those feelings. He basically said, way back then, that I was born that way, wired that way, and there really wasn't much to do about it.

As a teen, I really didn't suffer with it, but again, I never really put myself "out there" into situations that would provoke it. I never really had to change schools, I didn't get involved in competitive sports, I just did what was comfortable.

I have had various "bouts" of anxiety and find that when I'm over tired or my health is not at is best, I suffer way more. When I was iron-deficient, the anxiety was pretty bad.

I have been to therapy. It is nice having someone to talk to about it and they can give you some coping mechanisms that can help. But, in my experience, nothing that I have ever done will change the way I'm wired. I think you can have different successes based on the genesis of your anxiety. What I mean by that is that if you've had a traumatic experience or an event that actually caused the anxiety and you weren't always that way, then I believe therapy can be a great help because you can resolve what started it. If you are just wired that way, not a lot of talking and problem solving is going to change that. But coping mechanisms are ALWAYS helpful.

The most helpful thing to innate anxiety seems to be medication. I've tried them with varying results on the anxiety. Some meds did seem to alleviate it but they came along with a host of so many other side effects that it just isn't worth it. So I just deal with it.

My DS has inherited my wiring. Poor guy. My DD did not. He is a real "thinker" and I think that gets him going. But he has been like this since he was little. Right now he has joined cross country in high school and he is going but each time before practice he experiences pretty bad anxiety. I just talk him through it, tell him I understand, and tell him he'll feel better soon. He had to run someplace new today that he's never been and he was REALLY anxious, almost sick to his stomach.

He also stressed about starting high school last year (even though all his friends were going). It was 2 weeks of worrying.

 

[C.Ann]

LuvBunnies and C.Ann:

I will be contacting her ped first thing Monday for guidance and a possible referral. He was somewhat against sending her for further treatment and takes the strong line with her as well. This is the one time where I think she needs something more.

I think my feelings for other family members dealing with this is clouding my judgment in her case and, I'm sure, she's reading those feelings for them which keeps her from admitting this is something she needs help with. I feel like I'm failing her no matter which direction I go.

Silly goose! How can you be "failing her" when you're asking for help?

If the ped. is adamant about her not seeing a therapist right now, I strongly suggest you go ahead and see one yourself.. You need some professional insight in order to weigh out what you will find here..

 

[KitKat_Tink]

When I get drill seargant on her, she tends to snap out of it, begin to breath, calm herself somewhat. She's also been a mommy's girl for far too. I've overprotected her and coddled her. It's hard breaking that bond somewhat and making her be self-confident and self-sufficient.

.

High school will definitely help with the becoming self-sufficent and it may help with the confidence. And thats great that you help her. I must have misread before. If the being tough helps her then thats what best. For me its quite the opposite but thats do to some other issues involving PTSD. She's be able to tell you whats wrong when she learns that she isn't alone and it is more normal then one would think. When i was stilll in high school I learned of other kids with the same problems and that helped me learn how to talk about it. Talking is always best.

If she won't talk maybe have her start a journal? When I was that way I would write down was making me get anxious and review it at a later time when I was calm. It helped some

 

[minniebeth]

I hope that your DD and you and your whole family for that matter, can find some peace and resolution to the situation. My DD has a friend who has a similar situation and we know how hard it can be. I like what C. Ann says, I agree that you need the counseling as well, to help find coping strategies. I know that counseling does help DD's friend as well as her family.

I think you are not alone in your situation...I think this can be more common than you think, I just know that some families try to cope with it in private, which I don't necessarily get. Everyone needs a support system.

Best wishes~

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Thanks Christine. DD has always been outgoing. When she's in a comfortable situation she's funny, friendly, boisterous. It's when she's not comfortable that she's introverted and unsure. She started dancing school when she was very little. Did numerous recitals, did competitive cheerleading where she was always front and center and used as the example for the other girls, played basketball in grammar school... it really wasn't an issue until that first example I gave, and then only periodically. I often found myself wondering if it was just normal pre-teen/teen anxiety/menstruation hormones, etc. I don't want to give her the impression that she's doomed to be like others in her life, but I also don't want to ignore a very real need.

I am truly grateful for all who are sharing their advice and experience. It is definitely helping me, which can only help her.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Silly goose! How can you be "failing her" when you're asking for help?

If the ped. is adamant about her not seeing a therapist right now, I strongly suggest you go ahead and see one yourself.. You need some professional insight in order to weigh out what you will find here..

Thank you for that pat on the back C.Ann. It's appreciated more than you can ever know.

High school will definitely help with the becoming self-sufficent and it may help with the confidence. And thats great that you help her. I must have misread before. If the being tough helps her then thats what best. For me its quite the opposite but thats do to some other issues involving PTSD. She's be able to tell you whats wrong when she learns that she isn't alone and it is more normal then one would think. When i was stilll in high school I learned of other kids with the same problems and that helped me learn how to talk about it. Talking is always best.

If she won't talk maybe have her start a journal? When I was that way I would write down was making me get anxious and review it at a later time when I was calm. It helped some

I think you're absolutely right. A support group of similiarly affected teens is exactly what she needs and I love the idea of a journal.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I hope that your DD and you and your whole family for that matter, can find some peace and resolution to the situation. My DD has a friend who has a similar situation and we know how hard it can be. I like what C. Ann says, I agree that you need the counseling as well, to help find coping strategies. I know that counseling does help DD's friend as well as her family.

I think you are not alone in your situation...I think this can be more common than you think, I just know that some families try to cope with it in private, which I don't necessarily get. Everyone needs a support system.

Best wishes~

If you've ever seen any of my posts, you know I let it all out. Being private is something I've never felt the need for. I don't want her to feel any shame. If you have a problem, you get help and deal with it. I don't believe in sweeping things under the rug. It only breeds more loneliness and a sense of shame. Sometimes I share too much.

 

[Magic Mom]

There's quite a bit I could say, but I won't - at least not yet..

You have said that she won't go to a therapist.. I would strongly suggest that you go to a therapist on your own and discuss the situation with them.. They will have better suggestions than anyone here (or at least more knowledge).. There's a fine line between "feeding into" the situation and being her "safe" person..

It sounds to me like she is doing a great job at being her child's "safe person."

 

[stichy]

Hoping someone would be willing to share their experiences with me regarding teen anxiety and panic attacks, whether by responding to this post or by IM.

Background: DH, his mom and his grandmother all suffer from depression, anxiety, agorraphobea... I have seen instances of this in my DD. A few years ago she went away to an academic program in Washington, DC which she begged to go to. Within 2 days we had to go pick her up. Vomitting, crying, pleading for us to pick her up, no sleep, etc. There wasn't anything that triggered this. Her roommates were great and helped her through it. I would stay on the phone with her for hours on end trying to calm her, nothing worked. This is something she begged to go to, not something we made her go to. I just assumed it was that she just wasn't ready to be away from home.

The next instance was 2 years ago. A few schools merged (hers being one). Again, vomitting, crying, pleading to stay home, etc. The merged school was in her old school building, she knew 1/4 of the kids, a few of the teachers, etc. Multiple calls from school that she was vomitting and we needed to pick her up. Days of calls from school. Within an hour or two of her getting to school. I went to school and explained to her teacher, the nurse and the principal what it was and that she was being seen by her pediatrician. Multiple visits to her pediatrician, who even gave her something for the vomitting that they give to cancer patients -- nothing worked. I also told the school they weren't doing her any good by allowing her to leave. She needed to tough it out and find out she could do it and nothing bad was going to happen. I told they I realized it was a distraction and apologized for the disruption, but they needed to let her clean herself up and go back to class. If she knew there was a way out, she'd take it. After about a week or so, she settled in and was over it and back to normal. And this is why I made the difficult decision of sending her to the local public high school with her best friend, instead of her going to the local girls' Catholic school with her other friends. Thankfully she is in class with a few friends, so she's not completely alone. She needs to start to deal with changes now, not when she goes off to college. She needs to build her self-confidence and self-reliance skills, as well as social skills.

And now we come to high school. It's 2-1/2 weeks before school and the vomitting and crying has begun. She tells me it's not about school, but I know better. I know it's normal for people to get anxious and nervous about new situations, but not to this extent. I'm concerned about putting her on meds because they can have serious side affects in teens. She freaks every time I mention going to a doctor or therapist. I know it's just a matter of time and she'll settle in, but I'm not mentally prepared for the next month or so.

I am solidly entrenched in the "buck up and deal" camp. I will not and cannot feed into her anxiety. I have compassion and my heart breaks for her. I spend many hours crying too, but not near her. She tends to feed off the anxiety of others. Has flown to Disney multiple times, but the first time my mom came with us (who doesn't like to fly), DD was anxious and wanted to know if we could drive (from NJ). Once my mom was able to hold her anxiety back, DD was fine and neither have had an episode since (two more trips). As I mentioned, her dad's side of the family has these issues as well, but they tend to use them as an excuse to be irresponsible. It becomes a convenient crutch and I don't want that for my child.

So does anyone know of an therapies, can you share your history with prescription therapies, etc.

Is she seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist? If now I would recommend both. I've beem seeing both types for years. Look for ones that specialize in children and teens. A pdoc can discuss meds that are the safest for kids. A therapist would be able to to do some behavioral therapy with her and give her techniques to cope with the anxiety and work on identifying the root of the anxiety. You also might want to see if there is an anxiety support group in your area.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

It sounds to me like she is doing a great job at being her child's "safe person."

I'm the one she always cries for. I'm the one that's always been rock solid for her. She knows she safe with me. This week she's been away with her dad and the in-laws and she calls me to tell me she misses me. When she first started vomitting the other day, she called me for reassurance and sympathy. I'm so happy to be that for her.

She just texted me to let me know she's feeling much better and on her way home. It hits out of no where and goes just as quickly. I feel like it's a rollcoaster and I'd just better be prepared as best I can for the next hill and the next turn.

My favorite DIS saying is "snowflake". I don't want her to be a snowflake, but I don't want her to feel all alone either. We're very lovely, huggy, love you people. I'm her biggest supporter and probably her biggest critic as well. She knows I expect certain things from her (good grades, effort, etc.) but am the first to celebrate a great report card, etc.

Keep your thoughts and experiences coming DIS. I feel like I should be paying you all as my therapists.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Is she seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist? If now I would recommend both. I've beem seeing both types for years. Look for ones that specialize in children and teens. A pdoc can discuss meds that are the safest for kids. A therapist would be able to to do some behavioral therapy with her and give her techniques to cope with the anxiety and work on identifying the root of the anxiety. You also might want to see if there is an anxiety support group in your area.

Not seeing either, but I'll be making a few calls Monday morning.

 

[Buckalew11]

What I worry about when getting together with others affected is that yours may take on newer problems, issues your DD may not have right now. That's just my opinion but I would never allow DD to a support group type thing for anxiety or depression. Power of suggestion and all that...
I am, however, in favor of a counselor/therapist. Some are no good though and I'd research and ask a lot before I took my dd to anyone.

I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since I was in K or 1st grade. I'm 45 now and it has been a long road for me--like a roller coaster ride. Some times are better than others, some situations are worse than others, I just never know what might set me off but change and new places and people can certainly do it.

I'm just sending you and your DD love, hugs and prayers. I wouldn't wish anxiety and all that goes along with it on anyone (Osama & co. I guess). But it is a horrible thing to deal with and my heart breaks for people who deal with it--esp. young people.

In case you hold Christian beliefs, the Bible deals a lot with worry and anxiety and seeking out verses for her to hide in her heart can help a lot. I know I have pulled a lot of strength from repeating scripture when something like that goes on in my mind.

 

[Magic Mom]

I'm the one she always cries for. I'm the one that's always been rock solid for her. She knows she safe with me. This week she's been away with her dad and the in-laws and she calls me to tell me she misses me. When she first started vomitting the other day, she called me for reassurance and sympathy. I'm so happy to be that for her.

She just texted me to let me know she's feeling much better and on her way home. It hits out of no where and goes just as quickly. I feel like it's a rollcoaster and I'd just better be prepared as best I can for the next hill and the next turn.

My favorite DIS saying is "snowflake". I don't want her to be a snowflake, but I don't want her to feel all alone either. We're very lovely, huggy, love you people. I'm her biggest supporter and probably her biggest critic as well. She knows I expect certain things from her (good grades, effort, etc.) but am the first to celebrate a great report card, etc.

Keep your thoughts and experiences coming DIS. I feel like I should be paying you all as my therapists.

I don't think this falls into the category of snowflakiness.

There are things a therapist can offer, besides the suggestion of drugs, to help her recognize the triggers for her panic, how to sense the beginning of an attack, and how to deal with it once it's set in.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

What I worry about when getting together with others affected is that yours may take on newer problems, issues your DD may not have right now. That's just my opinion but I would never allow DD to a support group type thing for anxiety or depression. Power of suggestion and all that...
I am, however, in favor of a counselor/therapist. Some are no good though and I'd research and ask a lot before I took my dd to anyone.

I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since I was in K or 1st grade. I'm 45 now and it has been a long road for me--like a roller coaster ride. Some times are better than others, some situations are worse than others, I just never know what might set me off but change and new places and people can certainly do it.

I'm just sending you and your DD love, hugs and prayers. I wouldn't wish anxiety and all that goes along with it on anyone (Osama & co. I guess). But it is a horrible thing to deal with and my heart breaks for people who deal with it--esp. young people.

In case you hold Christian beliefs, the Bible deals a lot with worry and anxiety and seeking out verses for her to hide in her heart can help a lot. I know I have pulled a lot of strength from repeating scripture when something like that goes on in my mind.

Funny you should mention the above. MIL deals with panic, agoraphobea, depression, etc. She apparently passed a comment to my DD the night before the vomitting started that this is about the time she used to get nervous about going back to school (MIL was a school bus driver who had the summers off). If she would have been standing in front of me, I would have smacked her. Why would you basically tell her it's time to start to panic?

We are Catholic, although I am not a practicing Catholic. DD has gone to Catholic grammar school since PreK but hasn't showed much interest (for lack of a better word) outside of school. I guess I'm providing a bad example for her by not practicing my faith, but she knows I'd be more than willing to take her and support her if she feels she needs that in her life. It's part of the reason she was sent to Catholic school -- it may not be something I feel personally strongly about but I wanted that option to be there for her and know I support it.

Thank you for your prayers and support.