Teen Anxiety, Panic Attacks Need Advice -- Long

[shortbun]

This is not something she can 'tough out.' She needs a therapist and perhaps a little med to help her through it. The therapist will give her techniques to deal with her anxiety. They are simple and they work for most people. The meds will keep her calm and the stress reducing techniques will help her reduce her level of anxiety naturally. Please get her some help and stop expecting her to grow out of it or deal with it. A child does not have the knowledge or ability to combat an anxiety disordeer on their own. Your pediatrician should have referred you/her a long time ago. I'd be looking for another family doc.

 

[C.Ann]

It sounds to me like she is doing a great job at being her child's "safe person."

That wasn't meant to imply that she wasn't.. But once she talks to a therapist about this situation, she will find that there is more to being her "safe person" than what one might think.. I speak from personal experience..

 

[disneycruising]

I understand how hard this is. As parents all we want to do is the best for our children. But some times we have NO idea what that is. It can be very frustration.

My DD (16)has asperger with anxiety. Her anxiety is about germs. This started when she was about 8 and her great-grandfather died. Then she started washing her hands non-stop. Would freak out if people were sick around her. I did everything I could to 'inform' her that germs are not away dangerous...but NOTHING work. I had my dh talk with her and even my 2 sisters. After a few months it got better...bust still not 'normal'.

Unfortunatly, I didn't know how to help her and I didn't know where to turn--so she did not get 'professional help' until she was 12. I wish someone anyone would have told me where to go. I did talk with the school (teachers, counselor, principle) & the pediatrican but no one helped me.

When my DD was 12 our tutor said: I think we need to take her to a psychologist and even helped me look for one. When my Dh & I had our first meeting with him, we left thinking: he get it, he understand our DD's problems, and finally somone is going to help us. A week later my DD met with the Dr. He started her on medications right away. What a difference that has made for her! I had no problems "trying" her on medication. With in a few weeks we saw a big improvement.

I am glad you reach out here. Hopefully everyones stories and ideas will help. I wish I had done that!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

This is not something she can 'tough out.' She needs a therapist and perhaps a little med to help her through it. The therapist will give her techniques to deal with her anxiety. They are simple and they work for most people. The meds will keep her calm and the stress reducing techniques will help her reduce her level of anxiety naturally. Please get her some help and stop expecting her to grow out of it or deal with it. A child does not have the knowledge or ability to combat an anxiety disordeer on their own. Your pediatrician should have referred you/her a long time ago. I'd be looking for another family doc.

Ouch! And thank you! A jolt of reality and facing the fact that I can't fix everything by myself is exactly what I needed.

That wasn't meant to imply that she wasn't.. But once she talks to a therapist about this situation, she will find that there is more to being her "safe person" than what one might think.. I speak from personal experience..

As odd as this sounds, sometimes you write things and I'd swear you know me in real life. Maybe I'm reading more into it than need be, but I could swear you have a better understanding of the underlying story than I've written.

I understand how hard this is. As parents all we want to do is the best for our children. But some times we have NO idea what that is. It can be very frustration.

My DD (16)has asperger with anxiety. Her anxiety is about germs. This started when she was about 8 and her great-grandfather died. Then she started washing her hands non-stop. Would freak out if people were sick around her. I did everything I could to 'inform' her that germs are not away dangerous...but NOTHING work. I had my dh talk with her and even my 2 sisters. After a few months it got better...bust still not 'normal'.

Unfortunatly, I didn't know how to help her and I didn't know where to turn--so she did not get 'professional help' until she was 12. I wish someone anyone would have told me where to go. I did talk with the school (teachers, counselor, principle) & the pediatrican but no one helped me.

When my DD was 12 our tutor said: I think we need to take her to a psychologist and even helped me look for one. When my Dh & I had our first meeting with him, we left thinking: he get it, he understand our DD's problems, and finally somone is going to help us. A week later my DD met with the Dr. He started her on medications right away. What a difference that has made for her! I had no problems "trying" her on medication. With in a few weeks we saw a big improvement.

I am glad you reach out here. Hopefully everyones stories and ideas will help. I wish I had done that!

Again, another experience which shows me I can't be in control of all situations and fix all things on my own. That's one of my hardest things to deal with. It's hard to give up control when it comes to your child. I'm glad your daughter is getting the help she needs and is making tremendous strides. Thank you for sharing.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I don't have children to tell stories about. I have a mama that has anxiety and panic attacks and everything else. She has had them all her life and finally at 50 something is getting the help she needs.

I think for us family members we don't understand because we have coping skills and a resilience that we are born with that some have to learn to develop. Because some of us are born with it, I think we tend to tell others to just "snap out of it" or learn to deal with it.

I would also think that because your in laws, particularly your MIL, has alot of issues that this maybe clouds your judgement. Your MIL has alot of issues maybe not dealt with or maybe she is seeing a phyisician but either way it's no doubt trying on you and your family.

Think of it this way, it's alot easie to teach your daughter coping skills now instead of her having to learn the hard way in another 20 years. Don't let her suffer for that long. Help her learn and grown with the outside help.

 

[Green Tea]

If it were me, I think I would go ahead and find a psychiatrist that works with teens and make an appointment. Don't tell her about the appointment too far ahead of time so she doesn't have time to stress over it. If she's having such terrible bouts of anxiety that she's vomiting and crying, it's time for professional help. )

I agree. Both with this and with a counselor. Medication for anxiety makes SUCH A HUGE difference.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Well, DD is home and feels great. Singing, dancing around, going to hang out with her friends. I even went so far as to ask if she's pregnant, because both sick days have been in the morning, then by afternoon she's better. Drives me crazy! Sometimes it's like living with Sybil. One minute she's beyond consoling and 3 hours later she's happy, chipper and back to herself. This is why I haven't pushed getting treatment. I second guess myself all the time -- is it just homesickness, is it anxiety, is it normal... she went for Freshman for a Day last year and loved it, no issues at all. Went a week or so ago for a tour of the school and had no problems. Sometimes I feel like I'm projecting things onto her, and other times I feel like I've dropped the ball.

Well I will say this, if she doesn't need professional help, I sure do.

And because I was so self absorbed-earlier, I think I forgot to return the good thoughts, prayers and pixie dust everyone was kind enough to send to my way. It takes true courage to stand up and fight for yourself and your family members and it gives me courage and strength to see that determination pays off.

 

[Christine]

Well, DD is home and feels great. Singing, dancing around, going to hang out with her friends. I even went so far as to ask if she's pregnant, because both sick days have been in the morning, then by afternoon she's better. Drives me crazy! Sometimes it's like living with Sybil. One minute she's beyond consoling and 3 hours later she's happy, chipper and back to herself. This is why I haven't pushed getting treatment. I second guess myself all the time -- is it just homesickness, is it anxiety, is it normal... she went for Freshman for a Day last year and loved it, no issues at all. Went a week or so ago for a tour of the school and had no problems. Sometimes I feel like I'm projecting things onto her, and other times I feel like I've dropped the ball.

This is very common with anxiety. Quite honestly, it sounds as if your daughter is experiencing actual panic attacks (and not the short 30 second ones but the ones that last for a few hours). This differs from Generalized Anxiety which is just a low-level nervousness, worry, doom that goes on all the time.

She may, like me, just be supersensitive to the adrenaline we all get when we get nervous--or she produces a lot which causes all the physical sensations. When it's over you feel fantastic!!

Just yesterday I was having a panic-type of day. I had been in training for two days and when I got to work yesterday I had a HUGE workload and I was also in charge of the office and short-staffed. I started going through things, then I had my tea. Probably made it a little too strong and got the jitters. Then, the work day turned into a pressure cooker and I felt like I was speeding all morning. The jitters never wore off and by the time lunch came I felt like I was going to actually have a panic attack. I had to get away from the office, go somewhere quiet and try to get myself down. It still kept happening but I kept taking deep breaths. Sometimes it works and thank god it worked yesterday. Other times it progresses and I get the stomach issues, intestinal issues, rapid heart rate, hot flashes, etc. Not pretty.

Anxiety is very unique in some ways for each person. I don't overly stress out about what people think of me and I'm not afraid at all of public speaking or interacting in large groups on being "on", it's just these odd little things that get me. Basically getting spun up about something will set it off.

 

[Cooky]

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[Magic Mom]

I don't have children to tell stories about. I have a mama that has anxiety and panic attacks and everything else. She has had them all her life and finally at 50 something is getting the help she needs.

I think for us family members we don't understand because we have coping skills and a resilience that we are born with that some have to learn to develop. Because some of us are born with it, I think we tend to tell others to just "snap out of it" or learn to deal with it.

People with panic and anxiety disorders have coping and resilliency skills too. The difference isn't having or not having coping skills, it's about having an actual physical disorder. People that have panic disorder can't use the same coping skills that other people use, because they don't work the same. Those skills don't fix the chemical imbalance. Yes, learning extra or special coping skills goes a long way in helping the overall problem, but it isn't as easy as it woold be for a regular person becuase of the actual physical aspect of it.

 

[Christine]

People with panic and anxiety disorders have coping and resilliency skills too. The difference isn't having or not having coping skills, it's about having an actual physical disorder. People that have panic disorder can't use the same coping skills that other people use, because they don't work the same. Those skills don't fix the chemical imbalance. Yes, learning extra or special coping skills goes a long way in helping the overall problem, but it isn't as easy as it woold be for a regular person becuase of the actual physical aspect of it.

I agree with this.

I feel that I have the same coping skills as everyone else. Everyone else just doesn't know what it feels like to have that butterfly-in-your stomach feeling all of a sudden escalate to feeling like you just drank 10 Red Bulls and you're going to throw up. People who do not have an anxiety disorder, no matter what, would just never even get to that point.

 

[Rora]

I haven't read the other responses but here's my thoughts. Take what you want from it. :

Your daughter and I sound like twins. I have worried about things since I was a child. I would have panic attacks, make myself sick with worry, and just be inconsolable.

I vomited every single day of 8th grade. Seriously. It was my routine. I'd wake up in the morning, eat breakfast, worry myself so much between leaving the house and arriving at school that I'd set foot on campus, go to the girl's bathroom and vomit. Then, I usually felt better but not always.

High school was the same way-- I worried about grades, getting into college, my friends, my boyfriend (now husband), etc. I was a mess. I cried and clinged to my mother. She did all she could, telling me "not to worry" but nothing makes a worrier more upset than being told not to worry. The only way my anxiety didn't get the best of me all the time was by being involved. Involved in leadership, with friends, etc. But of course, because of the anxiety, I didn't always want to be involved. It truly was a day to day battle.

College was miserable. I cried and cried and cried for months. I begged my parents not to leave (I went to school 4 hours away-- not too far). Finally, after another experience (date raped at a Frat party.. sorry if it's TMI), I forced myself to go to a therapist. And it has made a huge difference. It's definitely a process but my therapist has taught me various ways of coping with my anxiety. Sure, there are days when the coping mechanisms don't cut it but most of the time, they help slightly. That being said, the worrying doesn't go away but the severity of the worrying declines.

I personally chose to not go on medication but I definitely believe that it can help some people. Some days I wish I was on medication but I think I am managing my anxiety fairly well these days. However, I am completely open to medication for myself, in the future, if necessary.

Also, and I don't mean to start any fights, as I became more religious, the power of prayer and reading my Bible has helped me personally.

OP- again, I haven't read any other posts or your responses but I hope you got something out of this-- even if it's just to let you know that you and your DD aren't alone. My anxiety was and still is difficult for my mom to deal with-- she wants to help but as you have found, can't always make things better.

In my opinion, have your DD meet with a therapist. Make sure she knows that it isn't "embarrassing" to see one and that results might not come immediately but hopefully, she'll feel some relief. I'd also consider medication.

Best of luck to you and DD.. my heart goes out to both of you as I know, firsthand, how crippling anxiety can be.

 

[Magic Mom]

I agree with this.

I feel that I have the same coping skills as everyone else. Everyone else just doesn't know what it feels like to have that butterfly-in-your stomach feeling all of a sudden escalate to feeling like you just drank 10 Red Bulls and you're going to throw up. People who do not have an anxiety disorder, no matter what, would just never even get to that point.

Right. When my panic or anxiety isn't running hard and I'm normally worried about something, I use coping skills to deal with the worry, like everyone else. But if I'm having a full blown panic attack (which is very rare) no amount of regular coping skills is going to stop it.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I haven't read the other responses but here's my thoughts. Take what you want from it. :

Your daughter and I sound like twins. I have worried about things since I was a child. I would have panic attacks, make myself sick with worry, and just be inconsolable.

I vomited every single day of 8th grade. Seriously. It was my routine. I'd wake up in the morning, eat breakfast, worry myself so much between leaving the house and arriving at school that I'd set foot on campus, go to the girl's bathroom and vomit. Then, I usually felt better but not always.

High school was the same way-- I worried about grades, getting into college, my friends, my boyfriend (now husband), etc. I was a mess. I cried and clinged to my mother. She did all she could, telling me "not to worry" but nothing makes a worrier more upset than being told not to worry. The only way my anxiety didn't get the best of me all the time was by being involved. Involved in leadership, with friends, etc. But of course, because of the anxiety, I didn't always want to be involved. It truly was a day to day battle.

College was miserable. I cried and cried and cried for months. I begged my parents not to leave (I went to school 4 hours away-- not too far). Finally, after another experience (date raped at a Frat party.. sorry if it's TMI), I forced myself to go to a therapist. And it has made a huge difference. It's definitely a process but my therapist has taught me various ways of coping with my anxiety. Sure, there are days when the coping mechanisms don't cut it but most of the time, they help slightly. That being said, the worrying doesn't go away but the severity of the worrying declines.

I personally chose to not go on medication but I definitely believe that it can help some people. Some days I wish I was on medication but I think I am managing my anxiety fairly well these days. However, I am completely open to medication for myself, in the future, if necessary.

Also, and I don't mean to start any fights, as I became more religious, the power of prayer and reading my Bible has helped me personally.

OP- again, I haven't read any other posts or your responses but I hope you got something out of this-- even if it's just to let you know that you and your DD aren't alone. My anxiety was and still is difficult for my mom to deal with-- she wants to help but as you have found, can't always make things better.

In my opinion, have your DD meet with a therapist. Make sure she knows that it isn't "embarrassing" to see one and that results might not come immediately but hopefully, she'll feel some relief. I'd also consider medication.

Best of luck to you and DD.. my heart goes out to both of you as I know, firsthand, how crippling anxiety can be.

First off I know it must be hard to share your story and yet you are confident enough and secure enough to do so all for the benefit of a stranger. You and DD sound very similar, except her periods of anxiety seem to be much less often than yours. They're just that -- episodes -- not a daily occurrence, yet. And this is why I worry. I'm afraid it will get to be a daily part of her life. But it's also why I think I'm projecting onto her, because it does tend to come and go quickly. I'd rather have a professional tell me I'm exaggerating and she doesn't need meds or therapy than decide that for myself. I actually broached the subject with her and now that she's feeling better, she's not quite as resistent. She's bullheaded like me and I'm sure it will take time for them to get through to her, but I'm sure they will.

I'd also like to try to explain my earlier statement about being tough her. When at her worst, she will say things like "why can't I stay home with you daddy forever; why do I ever have to leave the house"; I want to live at home forever... This is where I won't let her go, why I told school she needs to stick it out. I can't allow her to hide from the world forever and run interference with normal life for her. I have to be the bad guy and make her go to school, make her leave the house. If I didn't, she'd be a hermit who never left the house. Of course these episodes pass, but when she's in the full throws of an attack, she's not thinking clearly and is almost incoherent. It is truly a scary thing to see. I made her go to school every day except one. Within a week or two she was better. I'm not sure what's anxiety, what's homesickness, what's normal...that's why I'm going to speak to a professional. I just know it needs to be under control now because going to college will be brutual if I don't find the tools for her to cope.

 

[Hollywoodhaha]

I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, along with depression.
I am on zoloft for depression and it helps my anxiety too.

I still freak out though. It is more than being shy..I just can't talk to people. I am dual enrolling at the local college starting Monday and I am freaking out and getting so nervous ..I am dreading having to walk in and deal with it.

I mostly have social anxiety and I know that is tough.

Anxiety is just something you have to learn to cope with and get some understanding from family.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, along with depression.
I am on zoloft for depression and it helps my anxiety too.

I still freak out though. It is more than being shy..I just can't talk to people. I am dual enrolling at the local college starting Monday and I am freaking out and getting so nervous ..I am dreading having to walk in and deal with it.

I mostly have social anxiety and I know that is tough.

Anxiety is just something you have to learn to cope with and get some understanding from family.

Hollywood, long time no see. You and I used to be on a few threads together a while back. I'm glad to hear that you have the tools to cope with your anxiety and work through it. I'm trying to understand and that's why I've reach out to my DIS friends. I realize I will never completely understand but I'm trying.

DD sounds very much like you. New social situations are the problem. We have a vacation home (since she was 7 or 8) and she has no friends there. Refuses to speak to anyone at the pool. Even if they speak to her first, she gives 1 word answers in response, so they just walk away. People assume she's stuck up or a snob, when that's actually not the case at all.

Please know that I'm here sending you good vibes and strength for Monday. One foot in front of the other. Good luck in college and if you have a spare minute, I'd love to hear how your day goes on Monday.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Just wanted to follow-up since you were all gracious enough to take the time to respond to my original post. DD's pediatrician recommended a psychologist in our town for DD to see. He won't be available until right before school starts, but at least we're headed in the right direction. DD has agreed to give it a shot, so I'm hopeful she will be given the tools she needs and grateful she is accepting of the help being offered. He also recommended a book that is no longer in print, but there is an updated version out, so she'll be able to begin working with that before their first meeting.

I wish you all health, peace and serenity.

 

[Green Tea]

A great start!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just wanted to follow-up since you were all gracious enough to take the time to respond to my original post. DD's pediatrician recommended a psychologist in our town for DD to see. He won't be available until right before school starts, but at least we're headed in the right direction. DD has agreed to give it a shot, so I'm hopeful she will be given the tools she needs and grateful she is accepting of the help being offered. He also recommended a book that is no longer in print, but there is an updated version out, so she'll be able to begin working with that before their first meeting.

I wish you all health, peace and serenity.

Sorry I missed your post earlier.

My 13yodd is an anxiety, panic person. She is on the right track with meds and she had THE BEST counselor who does cognitive behavioral therapy.

My dd has to get braces and she offered to help her with her phobic anxiety over medical procedures. Getting her braces is in Oct. and my dd thinks she can do OK. We will see.....

My dd did meds first and then counseling. She was depressed. Just so you know, anxiety can lead to some heavy depression. This is why you need to get a handle on this.

The thing about anxiety is that it is a building thing. Success builds upon success.

Conversely, failure builds upon failure.

It is never ending and you have to use tools to get thru the day or structure your life.

Also as a side note my dd passes out with her anxiety. So it is kind of urgent to fix that. Is it better than vomiting and crying, I don't know.

Good Luck!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Sorry I missed your post earlier.

My 13yodd is an anxiety, panic person. She is on the right track with meds and she had THE BEST counselor who does cognitive behavioral therapy.

My dd has to get braces and she offered to help her with her phobic anxiety over medical procedures. Getting her braces is in Oct. and my dd thinks she can do OK. We will see.....

My dd did meds first and then counseling. She was depressed. Just so you know, anxiety can lead to some heavy depression. This is why you need to get a handle on this.

The thing about anxiety is that it is a building thing. Success builds upon success.

Conversely, failure builds upon failure.

It is never ending and you have to use tools to get thru the day or structure your life.

Also as a side note my dd passes out with her anxiety. So it is kind of urgent to fix that. Is it better than vomiting and crying, I don't know.

Good Luck!

Good luck to you and your daughter. Sounds like she's definitely on the right path. As for the passing out . Not sure there is a "better" in this situation.