Teen angst or drugs?

[The Mystery Machine]

Afterschool -- he's home at 1:55 -- calls me when he gets home. He's grounded, so he's home.

So you don't know what he is doing afterschool, eh? Well I have to say that the possibility is there. So don't discount it.

As far as before school....oh you are so naive mom. Alot can be done in 10 minutes. Don't say that.....

Of course if he is doing drugs the evidence will be in his room more than likely. Since you suspect it, I would do a search, without his knowledge, just to be safe. If you find nothing, no harm, no foul. Don't tell him you did it.
As a parent you are just trying to find out "why is my kid....????"
I don't blame you.

 

[tar heel]

You pretty much described one of my teens when he was that age and the other had some of the symptoms.

Given how long and severe his grounding is I would be surprised if he wasn't getting more argumentative all the time actually. If you have to ground him again this grading period, I would try to work out the restrictions so that he isn't grounded from all physical activity b/c teens really need to channel some of that energy. My middle son and I would have both been basket cases if he were grounded from outside at that age!

 

[Martha7]

Just want to send you some We've struggled with our older DS for years over the grades, the friends, etc. He made his mind up years ago that he wants to do film editing, (he is very good at it), but doesn't feel that he needs to work in any other classes. He's 18 now and will graduate in June. He knows that his only option at this point is Community College, which is OK. He may even take a year off to work and mature a bit. It's so hard to get your kid to care about his grades when he doesn't "get" the big picture and the importance of it. He may even end up going straight to work and never getting a degree, I don't know. At some point, they just wear you down and you end up lowering your standards. He's not a bad kid, and at 18, certainly doesn't argue with us as much as his 16 year old brother. Good luck to you. Another consideration these days is that there are drugs that we had never even heard of in our day. Does he have cash available to him? After all, no one is going to keep supplying him if he doesn't have the means to pay for it. I hope it all works out for you.

 

[sweet angel]

So you don't know what he is doing afterschool, eh? Well I have to say that the possibility is there. So don't discount it.

As far as before school....oh you are so naive mom. Alot can be done in 10 minutes. Don't say that.....

Of course if he is doing drugs the evidence will be in his room more than likely. Since you suspect it, I would do a search, without his knowledge, just to be safe. If you find nothing, no harm, no foul. Don't tell him you did it.
As a parent you are just trying to find out "why is my kid....????"
I don't blame you.

I know that he's home afterschool no matter what I call. I know that my house does not smell like pot. HE knows that it is my right to go through ANYTHING in my house at will. If he's doing anything afterschool, I'd be truly surprised.

I'm far from naive' -- trust me on that -- and I honestly DON'T suspect. It was a 1% section of my brain that was suspicious and wanted to be sure.

You pretty much described one of my teens when he was that age and the other had some of the symptoms.

Given how long and severe his grounding is I would be surprised if he wasn't getting more argumentative all the time actually. If you have to ground him again this grading period, I would try to work out the restrictions so that he isn't grounded from all physical activity b/c teens really need to channel some of that energy. My middle son and I would have both been basket cases if he were grounded from outside at that age!

I agree with being more surprised if he wasn't getting argumentative after the grounding. However, in my defense, the terms of this punishment were set forth WELL before they actually went into effect. He knew that for EVERY grade lower than a C (which should be difficult for the average kid to maintain with a minimum of effort -- I'm not demanding As here...) he would lose a privilege. He didn't believe that I would follow through. He learned differently. With any luck, he will learn from this and not repeat it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I know that he's home afterschool no matter what I call. I know that my house does not smell like pot. HE knows that it is my right to go through ANYTHING in my house at will. If he's doing anything afterschool, I'd be truly surprised.

I'm far from naive' -- trust me on that -- and I honestly DON'T suspect. It was a 1% section of my brain that was suspicious and wanted to be sure.

Then why are you posting this? I trusted that you thought there was a possibility...now you are changing your story?
What gives?

 

[sweet angel]

If you'll re-read my posts, you'll see that I said I was 99% sure he WASN'T, but that there was that 1% that though, well maybe...

I was erring on the side of caution.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If you'll re-read my posts, you'll see that I said I was 99% sure he WASN'T, but that there was that 1% that though, well maybe...

I was erring on the side of caution.

OK, I didn't get that.

 

[CookieGVB]

Sounds like my son hangs out with your son (we're from the same area, so maybe...)

He's only 14, but still...EVERYTHING is an argument, whether it's with me, his brother, the dog...UGH!!!!

My temper isn't any better than his, and we usually go a few rounds before I realize that I'm arguing with an arguing MACHINE...and he's 20 years younger than me, and I'm sounding silly...

I don't want to speed up time, but geez...when will it end???

 

[sweet angel]

Sounds like my son hangs out with your son (we're from the same area, so maybe...)

He's only 14, but still...EVERYTHING is an argument, whether it's with me, his brother, the dog...UGH!!!!

My temper isn't any better than his, and we usually go a few rounds before I realize that I'm arguing with an arguing MACHINE...and he's 20 years younger than me, and I'm sounding silly...

I don't want to speed up time, but geez...when will it end???

Cookie, you're sooooo right! Maybe we should get them together and watch the sparks fly! Drop 'em off at the mall and run!

 

[CookieGVB]

I'd fear for the mall.

Now I'm laughing at myself for my math - he's actually closer to THIRTY years younger than me.

If my younger son sees this, I'm toast!!

 

[sweet angel]

Have you been in the mall lately on a Saturday night? With all the regular mall-dwellers, I'd fear for our kids. No matter how tough they think they are, the Saturday night mallgirls are tougher!

 

[Nevergrow'nup]

I brought my DS15, almost 16 to the doctors yesterday for the very same reasons!! The only difference is, he has asthma which has also been acting up. Doctor ran a whole bloodworkup on him to see if anything is wrong. Then we came home, ate supper and he fell asleep!! It is reassuring to know he is not the only one!!
We also have been going thru the "I don't need to do homework, study, etc." However, his grades are dramatically improving now that he wants to take drivers ed class. I told him I "didn't want to burden him with another class if he was struggling with the ones he has now!!" Well, he now makes sure he has solid C's and more B's!!

 

[CookieGVB]

Have you been in the mall lately on a Saturday night? With all the regular mall-dwellers, I'd fear for our kids. No matter how tough they think they are, the Saturday night mallgirls are tougher!

I've learned to avoid the mall on Friday and Saturday nights. It's annoying to have to fight your way through the PACKS that hang out by the entrance. I'm aggravated enough at work (but at least here they pay me...), not going to go through that to go shopping.

My kids both keep asking if they can go with their friends and "hang out at the mall". Uh...no. Sorry. If I'm in the mall somewhere, and you run into your friends, then by all means. Otherwise, no way. For lots of reasons.

 

[sweet angel]

I brought my DS15, almost 16 to the doctors yesterday for the very same reasons!! The only difference is, he has asthma which has also been acting up. Doctor ran a whole bloodworkup on him to see if anything is wrong. Then we came home, ate supper and he fell asleep!! It is reassuring to know he is not the only one!!
We also have been going thru the "I don't need to do homework, study, etc." However, his grades are dramatically improving now that he wants to take drivers ed class. I told him I "didn't want to burden him with another class if he was struggling with the ones he has now!!" Well, he now makes sure he has solid C's and more B's!!

Let me know how everything turns out.

Did he go willingly to the doctor??? I mean, was he not feeling right and approached you about going? Or did you make the appointment and then tell him why?

 

[minkydog]

It sounds pretty normal for that age. We went through this with DS19. At first I didn't worry to much, that is until his grades started dropping and his friends all changed. That was a red flag to me. He kept insisting he wasnt' using drugs, but it sure did appear to be the case. A teacher even called me once to say she thought he might be using because he hung out with a bunch of known users. Of course, by that time he was beyond argumentative, he was downright nasty! I was searching his room, his pockets, the car, everything, and couldn't find the drugs.

Turns out, he was clean. The child was bipolar having his first manic episode. It took about a year to get things under control. He has never used drugs and now at 19 is doing pretty well. I don't regret my response. It was a reasonable assumption. I knew something was wrong, I just picked the wrong problem.

 

[ckay87]

I just wanted to say 2 things - First I'm with you on the grade thing. My DS13 has been grounded for entire marking periods at a time, but I never took away his activities (scouts, karate) because I knew that having him home every single second might well just kill ME! It's crazy - what else are we supposed to do? If you do nothing and let them fail...that seems like an appropriate punishment. But then you get the flack from the teachers ("bad mom, bad mom").

Second - I can't believe you are getting arguments about this here! People! This is not a point of debate - give us a frigging break. We are grown women trying to deal with maturing men. Talks about 2 worlds colliding! I feel like I'm doing psychoanalysis on a martian most of the time.

 

[sweet angel]

I just wanted to say 2 things - First I'm with you on the grade thing. My DS13 has been grounded for entire marking periods at a time, but I never took away his activities (scouts, karate) because I knew that having him home every single second might well just kill ME! It's crazy - what else are we supposed to do? If you do nothing and let them fail...that seems like an appropriate punishment. But then you get the flack from the teachers ("bad mom, bad mom").

Second - I can't believe you are getting arguments about this here! People! This is not a point of debate - give us a frigging break. We are grown women trying to deal with maturing men. Talks about 2 worlds colliding! I feel like I'm doing psychoanalysis on a martian most of the time.

Thank you for your post and for the part I bolded that made me laugh out loud. How true is that!

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Sweet Angel, it sounds pretty normal, but I do understand your concerns. Our DS13 has always LOVED baseball. Plays it in the spring, plays it in the fall. However, this season he has been less than motivated. His mother and sister had to drag him out of bed (literally) to get him to go to practice. Now this set of all kinds of warnings in my and DH's minds. It doesn't help that his uncle is a big pothead (luckily he's in NY) and his cousins (who do live here) grew up thinking pot is no big thing. He has never been really interested in school, and his grades suffer. His mom switched his school and he is doing much better now because his classes are smaller. Anyway, if we didn't concern ourselves over such matters, what kind of parents would we be?

Teens.

 

[Barb D]

Then why are you posting this? I trusted that you thought there was a possibility...now you are changing your story?
What gives?

You're really in a mood today, Mystery Machine! What gives?

Is it really necessary to attack the OP?

 

[sweet angel]

You're really in a mood today, Mystery Machine! What gives?

Is it really necessary to attack the OP?

It's fine -- all is well...