Teen advice please - Am I being too strict?

[Disneyglobegirl]

My 15 year old son has a "girlfriend" who is also 15 and they spend alot of time on the phone and texting. They have not gone on any dates or meet anywhere yet. I have told my son that I would be willing to pick her up and take them to the movies or that she could come here to our house and swim and hang out in the living room to play videos or listen to music. If we did this I would call her parents before hand to discuss it to make sure that this was fine with them. So far DS hasn't asked to do this yet.

Well she invited him to her house to spend the day today. I said "No" first because I do not know the girl or her parents, didn't know if anyone would be home and I told him I would have to speak to her parents. So a few minutes later he gives me a piece of paper with the mom's name and cell number for me to call. Now shouldn't this mother be calling me to talk about this since the daughter is wanting my son to come over there. All kinds of warning bells are going off on this. If I knew the girls parents and the girl and if I knew there would be parental supervision while they are together I wouldn't have a problem with this. I just think unsupervised teens equals all kind of trouble. Of course DS thinks I am being too strict.

So to all those that have experienced the teen years - at what age did you allow your kids to go hang out at their GF/BF house ( if ever) and did you always make sure there would be parental supervision? I don't want to be a third wheel but I don't want leave any curious teens too much alone time I don't want to be overly protective but I also don't want to give too much leeway. Please tell me this gets easier.

 

[dairyou]

It seems like we're the only strick parents in the world huh? I think you are right on track. The teens are a sticky road. My son has dated girls who it seems like the parents just don't care. One even told my son to lie about where he was so they could spend more time together.

I think your doing the right thing. Now at 16 and 18 my kids need to be supervised. I know they can go and do whatever on their own, but while living in my house I would hope they respect my rules.

 

[Evil Genius]

I don't see what the problem is about her mom should call you. You're the one with questions about the day so why can't you call her?

No I wouldn't be happy with leaving them unsupervised, but I certainly would get all the details before I said no.

 

[Tinkmom75]

I did not call my DD's BF's parents the first time he came over. I did however know I was going to be there to supervise. Also, she was shy so two of her friends were there. Now, I did speak to his parents when they walked him to the door and the first time she went there My DH walked her to the door. They are not allowed to be together without parents home.

For the first time, I would walk him to the door. Chat a little with the parents and ask what they plan on doing. Now it's been 6 months. I don't do this everytime, but often I talk to the parents. Sometimes it's just a wave from the clothesline or whatever.

 

[Carpenters]

I don't see a problem with you having to make the call to the mother instead of the other way around. You are the parent with concerns about supervision, so call the mom up and talk over what the ground rules will be at their house. It does get easier, I promise. Communicate with the other parents. I have found that just about everyone shares my concerns and is supervising as I do at my own home. Good luck!

 

[SC Minnie]

My DD will be 15 in a few weeks. . No, you are not too strict. There is no way my DD will be going to a boyfriend's house or him coming to my house without at the very least my have a conversation with the parents on who is going to be there. If no parents are home then DD will not be there either.

I know if kids what to be 'together' they will find a way but I don't plan on making it easy for them.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I was doing very adult things with my hs bf at age 15. Be sure they are supervised. We sure weren't.

Nothing bad came out of it, thank god. But looking back it's just like wow...

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Your son did the right thing giving you the number and name of the parent. Most kids would have a hard time even asking for that. Call the mom and make the plans.

 

[Disneyglobegirl]

Thanks everyone - I will give her mom a call to chat and make sure we are on the same page. I think I am going to be a nervous wreck during these teen years.

 

[Christine]

I think that since you are the parent with concerns, you need to be the one who makes the call.

Teen "playdates" go by a different set of rules than the kiddie playdates where the host parent of those would do all the calling to set them up.

Last year, when my husband took 5 girls snowboarding, there was one parent who wanted to make sure that there was a parent on the slopes with them (These were 16 year olds). That parent called me to discuss how we were handling the day. It was not my position to call that parent because I was comfortable with the way it was set up.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

I don't think you're too strict. I would have reacted the same way.

 

[Disney Doll]

So, you said you wanted to speak to her mother, your son gave you her mother's cell phone # and you don't want to call her because you think she should be calling you????
Is that in an etiquette book somewhere?????

You're the parent who is concerned. I'm sure her mother probably said "Oh sure...here's my cell #. Have her give me a buzz when she has a minute". Her mother is probably not concerned because she knows she's going to be home.

You wanted the #, you got the number, so call her.

 

[terri01p]

I was doing very adult things with my hs bf at age 15. Be sure they are supervised. We sure weren't.

Nothing bad came out of it, thank god. But looking back it's just like wow...

I have to echo this!!!! At that age the more supervision they have with the BF/GF the better off your life will be. Trust this from someone that has made plenty of mistakes with my dd...who barely make it out of teens with her life....

 

[rileyroosmom]

My son is 15 and I just dropped him off at his GF's house. I admit that I've never met the parents until today. When my son tells me parents are home, I believe him. I've dropped him there before and they have taken him to a movie or given him a ride home. The GF has been dropped at my house as well (again, never met the parents). Now, my rule is a parent must be home and my son gets that. My trust may come back to bite me, but so far, so good.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you wanting to meet/speak with a parent. I agree with others, you asked for a number, you were given it, so go ahead and call.

 

[Disneyglobegirl]

Thanks for the advice everyone The ones that posted I am the one with the concerns and should be the one to call are right. So I did try to call a bit ago and no answer so I did leave a message so hopefully she will call me back when she can. I will be the first to admit I am not a perfect parent and I know I will do some things that are wrong but I hope that I can also pull off doing the right thing once in awhile too. Atleast I hope I survive these teen years without too much drama. Some of the stories I have heard from friends with their teens have made me

Thanks again DISer's

 

[Christine]

delete...wrong thread.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I'd call too, just to make sure it's actually the mom's phone number. I'm torn between trusting my child and the little voice inside me that says I should question her sometimes. Hopefully the mom can put you at ease and discuss any fears you might have. However, you have to be prepared if the parents are not at all on the same page as you. What if she says they trust their daughter and don't feel it necessary to be home when she has company, or they let their daughter have "guests" in her room? Not trying to cause you more undue stress, but don't always assume everyone is concerned with the same situations you are. Just be prepared for whatever arises during the conversation and be strong when you talk to you son after.

 

[KAMLEM]

My DD is 15 and she is only allowed at her boyfriend's house if the parents are home. I got lucky, though, because her boyfriend's younger sister is best friends with my younger DD. I can't tell you how convenient that is!

I think your doing the right thing. Now at 16 and 18 my kids need to be supervised. I know they can go and do whatever on their own, but while living in my house I would hope they respect my rules.

You don't even allow your 18 year old to be alone with a girlfriend/boyfriend?

 

[dairyou]

My DD is 15 and she is only allowed at her boyfriend's house if the parents are home. I got lucky, though, because her boyfriend's younger sister is best friends with my younger DD. I can't tell you how convenient that is!
You don't even allow your 18 year old to be alone with a girlfriend/boyfriend?

I guess it depends on the situation, but I don't think alone here at my house. This is my house and I really don't want that stuff going on here. I'm not going to be naive to think that nothing is going on, I'm sure it is. They are adults.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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