Teachers... why?

[EEYOREMAMA]

BUT, what about the children who are being raised with no respect for their own parents let alone the classroom teacher. I would challenge any one of you who feels you know it all about everything that goes on in a classroom to spend a week teaching in a public school. I'm sure you'd come to a very different conclusion. Teaching your child that they are always right and they are the victim of the "mean" teacher (or anyone who tells them "no" for that matter) is doing them a real disservice.

I totally agree with this

I said something to a student with an "attitude" the other day. I actually said something that I thought would help her. She looked at me and said "If you think I have an attitude, you should call my mom. She would tell you ********. Who do you think I learned my attitude from?" Nuff said?

 

[darrose]

As a parent I would have let the boy make the call. Cool teen age boys are exactly popular because of their crying in the classroom. Respect should work both ways.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I would challenge any one of you who feels you know it all about everything that goes on in a classroom to spend a week teaching in a public school. I'm sure you'd come to a very different conclusion. Teaching your child that they are always right and they are the victim of the "mean" teacher (or anyone who tells them "no" for that matter) is doing them a real disservice.

Who here claimed to know it all about everything that goes on in the classroom??? Or that they teach their children that they are always right???

I'm VERY supportive of teachers. I'm the type of parent who, if my child were to say, "the teacher doesn't like me" (which happened ONCE that I recall), I'd ask "What are you doing that would make a teacher not like you?" But I tell you...don't tell my upset child that they can't call me, period. What if they were sexually abused, and that teacher isn't the teacher he/she wants to tell? Or any other number of scenarios?

I DID tell my son's teachers when my mom was having surgery, that I wasn't sure she'd survive, on my DS's 11th birthday, and that I was going to be out of town for days to be near the hospital. One teacher brought him a cake to the classroom, and I am eternally grateful (I still ask him, every so often, 2 1/2 years later, to tell me "the cake story" ). I DO have respect for teachers and so do my kids, and most likely no teacher would deny my kids a phone call home if they were upset. IF, however, they did, my children have been told to leave the classroom to call me, and I will deal with the issue with the school.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

I have a couple more to those who tell their kids to just go. Is it just this one rule that you tell your child they can break or are there others? I mean, if you or your child feel the homework is meaningless do they have to do it? Or if the rule is that there is no eating in the classroom and your child missed breakfast do you tell them that they can eat in the room? Or how about, if the rule is to sit quietly and your child is feeling chatty do you just tell them to go ahead and talk? Seriously, where is the line?

When I was in grade school, I had an abusive teacher. She hit her students (she once banged me on top of the head over and over again because I answered a question without raising my hand first). She would grab kids by the cheeks and squeeze them black and blue, and on one occasion the psychotic witch grabbed a girl in a back brace and drug her to the front of the room and paddled her (she was talking too much in class).

When I was in high school, my contact lens once came out and I asked permission to go to my locker to get my saline solution so I could put it back in. The teacher said no. I went anyway...why? Because my parents would have killed me had I not taken care of the thing. Contacts were very pricey in those days and I KNEW what my parents would have expected me to do; take a detention...but don't let that contact lens get ruined because of a teacher who is a bloody control freak!

I once saw a girl pee herself because the teacher wouldn't let her piss in a toilet. Another girl bled all over her clothes because her teacher wouldn’t let her tend to her personal hygiene.

For all of these reasons, I have come to the decision that my child can leave the classroom if the situation calls for it...with or without permission. She understands that to mean IF and only IF a teacher is being unreasonable...meaning that if a teacher is being physical in ANY way, or if a teacher is denying my child the right to take care of her health (including peeing in a toilet as opposed to in her pants) then she may walk out. But she also knows that if she were to ever abuse that right, there would be hell to pay at home. She is 15½ and has never done it (walked out of a classroom). Thank God she has had kind teachers who don't hit their kids and who let their kids use the restroom when needed. But IF that situation were to ever come up, she knows she has that right...that I would never punish her for peeing in the toilet as opposed to being forced to piss in her pants in front of 30 other students.

So to answer your question, my daughter must always do her homework or she is grounded. If she talks in class, I expect the teacher to punish her. And if she misses her breakfast, tough ****...she should have gotten her butt outta bed sooner. I'm not a permissive parent. But I know from personal experience that while most teachers are great, there are a few jerks. I do not want my child to be a victim...ever. I have always instructed her to respect adults but if an adult abuses his or her position of authority, she has a right to disrespect that adult.

As far as the OP goes, there simply isn't enough information to make any kind of sound judgment. For all we know, the teacher had already been informed of the boy's situation and given instructions by the principal. So it's hard to really know. The first thing that went through my mind was the possibility that a family member was sick. I once had to have hernia surgery and let my daughter go to school anyway. Big mistake...her heart was at the hospital the whole time. She cried in class and was sent to the guidance office (they were aware of my surgery) and they let her talk and call the hospital to check on me. She too was in seventh grade at the time. I would hate to think that the teacher could have said no to her when she was that upset! Yikes! But again, in this situation, we really don't know all the details so I think I have to reserve judgment on this one!

 

[Beth76]

As a parent I would have let the boy make the call. Cool teen age boys are exactly popular because of their crying in the classroom. Respect should work both ways.

So if it was the nerdy kid or the the goth kid, they have to tough it out?

Without any other info, I'm fine siding with the teacher in this situation. My son's only 5 and they have their own bathroom in his K room. They are allowed to use it whenever they need to. When he gets older I will explain to him that bathroom/sick emergencies are the only time it's acceptable to defy the teacher and run out of the room.

 

[lovingthemouse]

Simply because one teacher said she was a "sap" for a crying student doesn't necessarily make her a better teacher than the rest of us. I am an excellent middle school teacher, but there are rules of the school and my common sense that would compel me to judge a situation before allowing a student to leave my classroom. We do not have phones in our classrooms, cell phones are not allowed to be seen or we must confiscate them, no students in our building are allowed to go through the halls without an adult escort, and, in all honesty, I have seen students "turn on the tears" to get what they want. I must trust my judgement in each case.

We are in no position to judge what the actual situation was,therefore what are all the negative teacher comments for? The OP repeated what she had heard, she was not there as an eye witness. Rather than pass judgement on something that none of us were there to observe, let's hope the young man is fine.

 

[Lanshark]

At first glance it is easy to ask why the teacher did not respond to an obviously despondent student. As a teacher I can say there is often a history that dictates how certain situations are handled with a particular student.

There are two sides to every story but if the students behavior was atypical and it was the first time this type of thing had happened with him I would have probably had him go to the counselors office.

 

[darrose]

Who knows maybe the cool kid IS goth. My point is his behavior was not typical
of him (ie he was not known for asking to use the phone every day and crying).

 

[EEYOREMAMA]

Simply because one teacher said she was a "sap" for a crying student doesn't necessarily make her a better teacher than the rest of us. I am an excellent middle school teacher, but there are rules of the school and my common sense that would compel me to judge a situation before allowing a student to leave my classroom. We do not have phones in our classrooms, cell phones are not allowed to be seen or we must confiscate them, no students in our building are allowed to go through the halls without an adult escort, and, in all honesty, I have seen students "turn on the tears" to get what they want. I must trust my judgement in each case.

We are in no position to judge what the actual situation was,therefore what are all the negative teacher comments for? The OP repeated what she had heard, she was not there as an eye witness. Rather than pass judgement on something that none of us were there to observe, let's hope the young man is fine.

"Excellent" teachers don't call other people names. Is that how you disrespect your students too?

 

[lovingthemouse]

Excuse me- who did I call a name? The word "sap" was used in a previous post, I simply repeated it. Before you are so quick to judge, go back and reread previous posts.
Actually, I do not believe that any of my students would feel that I am disrespectful toward them.

 

[EEYOREMAMA]

Excuse me- who did I call a name? The word "sap" was used in a previous post, I simply repeated it. Before you are so quick to judge, go back and reread previous posts.
Actually, I do not believe that any of my students would feel that I am disrespectful toward them.

So you repeat rudeness. Good role model. To quote my students "whatever." I'm going back to nicer threads. This one is getting nasty.

 

[Talking Hands]

7th grade!

Would a teacher NOT let a kid go to the office to call home??? My DD told me one of the "cool kids" (not that it matters just to point out he isn't a cry baby) asked to go to the office to call home, she said he begged and the teacher never let him go, he tried to hide the tears but kids saw. I guess he went a couple other times that day too from different classes.

Sounds to me like something was bugging him and he was trying to reach home for that reason, whether it was a home problem or him I dunno, but I was sooooo mad!! I told DD if that ever happens to walk out and go to the office!!

What the heck was that teacher thinking???

edit to add Oh and he was absent the following day

Many teachers and schools have a policy about when students can leave the room. Our school policy is that no student may be given a pass 15 minutes after or prior to class change or dismissal.
What you did by telling your daughter to walk out and go to the office just took control of the classroom out of the hands of the teacher. This is a big part of why teachers can no longer control the classroom. Parents who give their children permission to go against the teacher. You just opened up a can of worms for the teachers. If you want your child to be able to go against the teachers instructions do the school a favor and take them out of school and teach them yourself. When you send your child to school you are giving the school and the teachers permission to make rules that the kids must follow. Walking out of the classroom without permission is unacceptible in any circumstance. If it were my student they would have been written up for discipline and I would not accept them back into the classroom until I had spoken with the parents.
Other times when we don't give passes are lock-down, tests, FCATs, PSAT, mid-terms, finals and other occasions determined by the principal as well as during lunch ( split lunch). Personally I am pretty lenient with giving passes as long as the student gives me a good reason. The bathroom pass sits on my desk and they only need to ask politely as long as I am not trying to give instructions or lecturing. Classroom phone is available to call parents if needed. But don't walk out without permission because I will write you up and give you a failing grade for the day.

 

[paigevz]

GETTING? Has been..............

 

[EEYOREMAMA]

GETTING? Has been..............

Was Paige. I'm outta here!!!

 

[Talking Hands]

So if your 7th grade DD gets her period in class and asks to leave the room and the teacher says no, she's supposed to explain exactly what the problem is? Your child is MUCH mature than I ever was, because that would have completely upset me.

Trust me. There are ways for a girl to indicate she needs to go to the restroom because of her period without having to come out and say it. And they know how to do it. There are plenty of euphenisms. Yes she should explain. Btw I have had students to bluntly tell me the need to change their pad.

 

[stenickar]

7th grade!

Would a teacher NOT let a kid go to the office to call home??? My DD told me one of the "cool kids" (not that it matters just to point out he isn't a cry baby) asked to go to the office to call home, she said he begged and the teacher never let him go, he tried to hide the tears but kids saw. I guess he went a couple other times that day too from different classes.

Sounds to me like something was bugging him and he was trying to reach home for that reason, whether it was a home problem or him I dunno, but I was sooooo mad!! I told DD if that ever happens to walk out and go to the office!!

What the heck was that teacher thinking???

edit to add Oh and he was absent the following day

With all of the school shootings and school violence lately, do you really want your child in the hallway by themself ? Most school policy is that students can call home between classes or at lunch time. There are times at the school where I teach that there is no one at the main office desk(for a variety of reasons). Who would be responsible if the child that was so upset couldn't reach home by phone and decided to go home? What if there was a community member in the hallway that offered the student a ride home? I can see a variety of things happening that the school could be held liable for. I also agree with a pp that telling your child that they can leave the room is sending your child the wrong message. What a student thinks is an emergency and what really is an emergency are not always the same. Teachers usually know their students well enough to know if the child has a valid reason to leave the room immediately or if the problem can wait.

 

[rt2dz]

So you repeat rudeness. Good role model. To quote my students "whatever." I'm going back to nicer threads. This one is getting nasty.

Just an FYI--the "sap" comment came from a post that basically said something along the lines of "I'm a sap...". The pp was stating in the lines of "sap" as if someone had said "30 something" or "Disney Fan" or whatever. It was a self-proclaimed sap and not meant in any way to be rude.

And everyone is right. We don't have enough information. What some people are saying is they can see one side of it (the child's) from what was observed. I believe the OP was asking what would make the other side say no. I don't think there has been a general teacher bashing; some personal expierences posted that make some think a dictorship in school isn't a good idea pretaining to specific teachers. While teachers do deserve the utmost respect--they work hard for very little money--not every teacher is always right no matter how much experience they have. The biggest thing I hope my kids learn in school is how to think for themselves; when to know to stand up for something and how to do so.

This is a time for teachers to post their personal expierences as to why the no was done (and has been and done so with good reasons behind them in some cases).

 

[MrsPete]

I do have one student that would go to the bathroom 50 times a day if I let him and another that's obsessed with the school secretary and is always trying to find an excuse to go to the office. Those two are going to have to convince me and nine times out of ten, I say no.

I have more than one student who'd leave my class multiple times per day if I just allowed them to go anytime they asked -- I have other students who think that anytime one student leaves the room, everyone needs to leave the room too -- and anytime a student asks, it's ALWAYS an emergency. This is just the way it is with the low-level, low-motivation classes I teach; they search out reasons to leave the room.

I've also had PARENTS ask that their students NOT be allowed to call them at work. No, these weren't parents who were uncaring -- they were parents who realized that their children were using them as crutches. These were parents who'd left work too many times to bring forgotten projects, lunch money, etc., and they realized that they needed to nip that problem in the bud and make the student responsible for his own stuff. Before anyone complains, all sick kids go through the nurse's office, and the school nurse -- not the student -- calls the parent. The student may talk to the parent during the call, but the call is made from her office.

 

[disney junky]

We do not have enough information to make a judgment call. I teach 7th grade. There have been instances where parents have informed me that a family member (usually a grandparent) is sick or is having surgery that day, and the child is upset. The parent wanted the child to be in school to have somewhat of a normal day. That could have been the case here. We just don't know enough.


Sandy

It's possible this is the case. It could be the teacher was advised that this would be a request and the parents indicated to the school that they didn't want the child calling home.

Maybe the teacher was wrong, too. But we are often advised from the office about things going on which another student in the class wouldn't be aware of. I often get email during the day of certain students who should or shouldn't be allowed in the halls. Perhaps the student had called home two or three times and the parents told the school...no more. Please don't let him call home. But we don't know that.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

So you repeat rudeness. Good role model. To quote my students "whatever." I'm going back to nicer threads. This one is getting nasty.

Repeating a term is not necessarily considered rudeness and I don't think she was being rude (though I don't necessarily agree with her posts--at this point they are all a blur so not sure which position she was taking again).

I have used that on the DIS a lot and have seen others do it as well.

Also IRL too. It isn't a rude---unless you are derogatory about it and I don't think that poster was.

But "whatever".