Teachers... why?

[N.Bailey]

I told my kids if they ever needed to call home and weren't allowed, to use the bathroom and call me from their cell phone or send me a text message. They've never once called home, so it's not like they take advantage, but I want them to have that access if they ever find themselves in a situation where they need to.

We have 1 nurse who is the nurse for the high school and the middle school. My kids just entered the high school this year, but for the past 3 years, the school nurse was NEVER in the middle school. My daughter wasn't feeling well one time this year and again, no nurse in the high school. I don't know what the heck she's doing, but she's NEVER there. It wouldn't matter how sick the kids were, until the nurse authorizes them to leave, they must stay at the school. Unless of course, they'd need rushed to the emergency room.

This IMO, is where the cell phones could come in handy if they truly are so sick they need to leave.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I also agree with a pp that telling your child that they can leave the room is sending your child the wrong message. What a student thinks is an emergency and what really is an emergency are not always the same. Teachers usually know their students well enough to know if the child has a valid reason to leave the room immediately or if the problem can wait.

Those parents have posted also that if their child abused that "parental permission" to walk out of a classroom...that they would have consequences.

My mother also allowed me to have personal days--amounting to 1 or 2 per year. Did I abuse the privilege? Absolutely not. I have never cut a single day of class as a result of my mother permitting me to have a personal day.

I even called her once to come pick me up b/c I just wasn't in the mood to be in school any longer that day. She was in an academic program through the military and for 2 years--she was home often during the day--quite the change over my 10 years of life earlier. I called her only ONCE in those 2 years.

A parent giving the child direction on how to handle a problem (be it illness, bathrooom needs, or just simple burnout) or an emergency that a person of authority in school fails to recognize..isn't giving them carte blanche to defy authority.

But I was never in a situation in the 10 schools I attended where a teacher refused to listen--except for one time. That teacher was in the wrong. I did suck it up and never did anything about it. But my respect and like for her slipped away and the relationship was just never the same after that. Maybe she had a bad day--but to call me a liar in front of the class when we all heard the same set of instructions from the administration...was beyond unacceptable. (It wasn't an emergency--but I did as I was told..and then got in trouble with a teacher who didn't hear the announcement correctly--it was an after the fact situation). Most teachers were wise to true needs and can separate those who abuse the privilege from those who are simply telling the truth.

 

[declansdad]

There was a teacher at my son's school who was apparently new, a young female teacher at an all boys high school. In an attempt to assert her control over the class she was very strict about who could leave the room for whatever. Last year one of the boys in his class (they are Srs now) said he didn't feel well and he had to use the restroom. The teacher would not let him go, and by the time the kid just got up and left, he soiled himself. Now this poor soul will forever be the kid who crapped his pants in class.

I told my son if he were ever in a situation like this that he should just get up and go....and I would be happy to go toe to toe with the teacher on his behalf. Of course, I don't send my son to school when he's sick, either...

Would you stand up for the teacher if it was shown your son was taking advantage of the situation?

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

A little known fact. This can happen any time a child is passing from one class to another during the day. This can happen when guidance, the office, the clinic or another teacher sends for him during the day. It's okay to send the child out of the room when he is called and "trust" that he will get there without doing something stupid, but not okay when he asks to leave. I'm not sure I follow your logic.

I have tons of rules too. I also have a heart. Sometimes they can actually exist in the same space.

I understand what you're saying, yes, a child can take advantage of any situation at any time...between classes, lunch, whatever. My logic is only that many people who feel the rules don't apply to them and would tell their child to leave the room and they'll "kick butt and take names" for them, would be the first ones crying "foul" the moment something happened to their child. Trust is a great thing but commen sense must prevail, and right or wrong, the teacher is in charge. As parents, is there one of us who have not made a mistake? Have you never had a child who said "I don't feel good and don't want to go to school" but you sent them anyway because they didn't seem ill, but ended up really sick by the end of the day. Have none of you allowed you child to do something (climb a tree, ride a bike, wear skates, etc) and have them get hurt? Its all a judgement call and again I stand on the fact that you have a 12yo child giving the "facts" of something that she really probably doesn't know much about. The teachers and employee's of these schools are the responsible adults in your absence when your child is in school. They are not always right, but God knows, they're not always wrong and it saddens me that more people than not are willing to scream "off with her head" towards the teacher when no one but the boy knows the real issues.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

Would you stand up for the teacher if it was shown your son was taking advantage of the situation?

Yes, I would. As I said my son is now a senior, he's a good kid and he's never been in trouble, in school or out. I feel confident he would not take advantage, which is why I can offer that option to him. I realize not every parent could or should do that.

But if it was proven that he had taken advantage, there would be hell to pay. And he knows that.

 

[jennyh2829]

I, as a teacher, have to say that I have many students ask to leave class for the RR, phone, etc. I rarely (mostly never) let them use the phone because it is usually because they forgot something. I feel like they need to learn responsibility and if they are relying on Mom or Dad to always bring them a needed item they are not learning it. If someone is sick I send them to the nurse and she determines if they need to go home.

As a teacher I try to keep my students in my classroom as much as possible because when they are out of the room they are missing instruction. I value the time I have with them and therefore most likely will deny requests to leave unless I deem it to be an emergency, which it usually is not. And at all ages there is the mass exodus symdrome ... when one leaves we all seem to need to go now too.

 

[CEDmom]

Why does everyone think that because this kid is a boy, cool" and in 7th grade that he couldn't possibly be crying over something quite minor? Maybe not minor to him but minor in the scheme of life. Perhaps a girl he liked dissed him, perhaps a coach told him in wasn't starting in the next game, maybe he forgot an assignment and was told he'd be benched if it wasn't turned in, maybe his buddies ganged up on him.

So many think it's ok that a 12-13 yo just leave class whenever something upsets them. What happened to teaching kids to be self-reliant? I don't expect a child to stay in class if sick or physically hurt but having a bad day is something they need to learn to deal with.

 

[AC7179]

I haven't finished reading the posts but wanted to throw this in...

I worked the school office right before DS was born, and we had many middle schoolers come to the office to use the phone. More often than not, they wanted to ask if so and so could come to their house after school, if they could go to so and so's house, or some sort of matter that should have been sorted out AT HOME.

Something that can get a preteen worked up is not necessarily a true emergency.

EXACTLY! I teach 8th grade English, and I have classes of about 14. I routinely have 6 kids ask me to leave the room to go to the bathroom a PERIOD. They like to wander! If they are doing independent practice, I usually let them go, but if I am lecturing I tell them that the have to wait unless it is an emergency----just because I am a softie----not because I think I should be required to.

I have kids that play around outside or in my class during the five minute passing period. The tardy bell rings. I start my class and their hands go up. "May I use the restroom?"
"Why didn't you go between classes?"
"I was playing hacky sack!"

Seriously! That is the way their minds think! I will usually let them go because I have them for 2 block periods (with a break in between!) and they get plenty of instructional time........but a math class? Much harder!

And if hacky sack kid was told no, he may not leave class to use the restroom, and ended up having an accident, I'm pretty sure I would blame hacky sack kid for making bad choices. If hacky sack kid realizes the situation was an emergency, and walked out of my class without permission, I would write him a referral to the office and he would probably receive detention or ISS---and yes, he would deserve to!

If it was my kid, I wouldn't be angry at my kid, but I would definitely let her know that HER bad choices led to the problem.

And don't even get me started about the kid in my class that has to leave WEEKLY to go to the nurse for a personal item and stays gone 20 minutes. Yes, I let them go when they bring up the personal issue card and YES, they abuse that too!

 

[Karel]

Why does everyone think that because this kid is a boy, cool" and in 7th grade that he couldn't possibly be crying over something quite minor? So many think it's ok that a 12-13 yo just leave class whenever something upsets them. What happened to teaching kids to be self-reliant? I don't expect a child to stay in class if sick or physically hurt but having a bad day is something they need to learn to deal with.

I often find that it is the 'cool kid' that knows how to manipulate the system. That's how they got to be the cool kid - you know, the ones who know how to sweet talk the teacher, the one who knows how to get what they want...

I was subbing for a resouce room teacher last spring and had three boys that I took to another room to do reading. One was famous for going to the bathroom to get out of doing work. He'd go four or five times a morning. So I let him go before we started our work and he never came back! I felt like I was going to have a heart attack looking for him. Found out later that the speech teacher had come by and taken him, without a word to me.

It's very scary to lose a kid.

 

[darrose]

Note to self: make sure that we stay in our current school district at all costs
and if we do ever have to move pray that I get a teacher like Lanshark who will
give a kid the break if its the first time seeing this kind of behavior and would send the kid to the office to make a phone call.

 

[Gupsmom]

Trust me. There are ways for a girl to indicate she needs to go to the restroom because of her period without having to come out and say it. And they know how to do it. There are plenty of euphenisms. Yes she should explain. Btw I have had students to bluntly tell me the need to change their pad.

I disagree. I was a very well behaved pre-teen/teen....squeaky clean. I also was a pretty gutsy kid. I cannot imagine telling the teacher, euphenism or not, that my period had started. I'd walk out before I even hinted at that out loud.

I can't comment too much on whether the teacher was right or wrong. I'm not sure I understand the whole story from the OP....

but, to those who say it's wrong to tell your child to break a rule; If there was an issue with my child and they were kept from getting ahold of me (or atleast kept from leaving the room to see guidence or the nurse), I'd be unhappy. I also don't have a problem telling my child that if they are put in an uncomfortable situation, they can leave the room. We'll iron out whether it was appropriate later. Just because I expect my kids to respect thie teacher doesn't mean that they need to follow blindly. If push comes to shove and my kids are in a bad situation, I feel they need to know that it's ok to be rude. We can always go back and appologize for any misunderstanding later. For example....let's say the teacher is getting a little too close to your child. wouldn't you want them to Get Out!. I'd rather discuss it after my child felt safe...then we can figure out if someone was in the wrong (teacher OR child).

My kids are a bit younger still (oldest is 9)....but I tell them that they need to use manners and be polite. Ialso tell them that if someone tries to get them to go with them, they have my permission to be RUDE. I think they need to be told this.

There are rules, yes...but there's also common sense. Every rule has it's exception.

Jess

 

[AC7179]

I would have died before I told my teacher I had started my period, too, but you would not believe the kids who tell me, every month, that they need to go to the nurse for a pad, etc. I let them, to err on the side of caution, but it does raise my suspicion that EVERY month the kid would need to go and not be prepared. These are MULTIPLE kids. Five or six every year.

 

[miss missy]

OK, I started my reply then there was only one reply, by the time I posted there were 21!! Miss Missy, you seem to be adding more details each time you post and then attacking others for their views. Perhaps if you had included more details in your origional post the replies might have been better suited to the actual situation and your view. Oh and my school does not have a thing called a pass so it has not been around forever.

Yes I added details when people pointed out they were missing... make sense? I didn't post this to fight about it, I truly do not understand why the teacher would do that.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I would have died before I told my teacher I had started my period, too, but you would not believe the kids who tell me, every month, that they need to go to the nurse for a pad, etc. I let them, to err on the side of caution, but it does raise my suspicion that EVERY month the kid would need to go and not be prepared. These are MULTIPLE kids. Five or six every year.

I didn't have problems indicating to a female teacher that I had a problem. I think it only happened once and it was in no way embarrassing compared to the fact that a BOY had to tell me that I had spotted. I knew I had my period, but at the time didn't know that those stupid teen maxi's were just too darn small to accomodate my needs.

Thankfully--this boy was kind of cool, kind of not. And was a perfect gentleman. Noone else had noticed but he did (EMBARRASSING!!!). He whispered to me as softly as he could so that noone could here and with bright red face I went to my teacher and ultimately called my mother for assistance (I think--either that or I was able to cover up with a jacket or something).

He didn't say a word to anyone. When I returned and for the rest of the day--school was business as usual.

I can understand in conveying to a male teacher about a personal issue--but at that puberty time, I cannot understand what teacher would not take with utmost seriousness and respect when a girl has a problem. Thankfully--in that regard, my male teachers were few and far between in middle school. I think that particular year that coincided with my new visiting friend--I had all female teachers.

Quite truthfully--though...I can see how some girls..who don't get properly educated--will realize they need to carry emergency pads just in case.

 

[miss missy]

Just a quick note...

If my child asks to call home with tears in his eyes...and is told NO. Still cannot concentrate and asks again...then YES..he has my permission to go to the office and call home.

Obviously, things are NOT going his way and staying at school at that point, would be useless.

I do NOT encourage breaking the rules..but sometimes there are certain circumstances, that needs to be taken in consideration.

I DO not know the entire story that the OP started with...but I do think a 7th grade boy in TEARS is NOT normal and should not be TREATED lightly.

Thats just it. I picture something bad, was he calling about something going on at home that he was too embarrassed to say out loud in front of the other kids? I mean come on, it could be anything! MOST Teen boys don't usually chit chat on the phone, let alone to their parents during school.

 

[miss missy]

I teach 7th and 8th grade. I substitute in other classrooms. I am always walking around the campus and in the lunchroom. I see any student that looks upset, or not the way a child should be looking and I try to engage them in conversation. If I notice that they are unresponsive, I ask "how they're doing." If I sense that there's a problem, I address the situation. I ask them if they need to go to guidance and talk to someone.

I can't imagine a child coming to me, asking to call home and saying no. Unheard of. Any child this age who gets up the "nerve" to ask to make that call, there's a signal going off. A trained educator should be sensitive enough to see this. I am very upset that this was so mishandled. How could anyone be so insensitive?

I have 2 boys of my own around this age and I would be p****d off if their teachers wouldn't let them get hold of me. Not acceptable practice at all. The parent needs to contact administration at the school asap. Sensitivity training should be mandated!!!

Thank you for saying that. This is how I feel.

 

[AC7179]

The teacher was probably following policy, if you are wondering the reason.

Or she made a judgment call, one or the other.

Trust me, I have seen cool seventh AND eighth grade boys cry for minor instances, seriously.

One, an 8th grader, because I told him to put up his math homework and read his AR book during AR reading time in English.

 

[miss missy]

This thread is bringing back memories. When I was a sophmore in HS, I went to school even though I hadn't been feeling well; I had two tests at the end of the day. I just kept getting sicker and sicker through the morning. I kept asking teachers if I could go to the nurse and they kept saying no. I was not chronically absent, a trouble/bad kid in any way, or anything--I was an office aid!; the good kid. It was just "no", even though it was pretty obvious to everyone around me that I wasn't feeling well. I even tried to go to the nurse between classes who told me I had to have a pass from a teacher.

Well, no teacher would give me a pass. So I went to the office, where they told me if teachers were saying no it must be for a reason. Well, we had pay phones. I called my Dad, who called the school & came and picked me up. Took one look at me and went straight to the doctors office.

Guess what? I had an ear infection. My first. But I was also running a temp. of 103 and my eardrum popped while in the office. I never did regain full hearing. Had I gotten to the doctor 30 minutes earlier, I would not be partially deaf in one ear now. Or in otherwords, if any one of those 4 teachers, school nurse, or office ladies had let me see the nurse...

Yeah, my parents had a nice little meeting with the head principal and my grade level prinicipal (who was at a conference that day), the 4 teachers, and school nurse. I think there were a lot of unhappy people that day.

Point is, those in authority are not always right. No one should follow blindly. But when breaking the rules, you should have first tried to work within the system and then have a good reason too.

I feel for this boy. A 7th grade boy that upset in front of peers, especially a "cool kid"; has a reason, even if he doesn't want to share it. Teachers should be respectful of kids instead of taking an all-powerful, I'm-the-authority stance.

You are so right. Thats what I teacher my DD "authority are not always right." I need her to question things when she feels uncomfortable. Adults/authority, doesn't make them right. Think child molesters, they gain trust first, she need to get that.

 

[miss missy]

I haven't finished reading the posts but wanted to throw this in...

I worked the school office right before DS was born, and we had many middle schoolers come to the office to use the phone. More often than not, they wanted to ask if so and so could come to their house after school, if they could go to so and so's house, or some sort of matter that should have been sorted out AT HOME.

Something that can get a preteen worked up is not necessarily a true emergency.

Ya but I dont think something like that would of caused tears.

 

[AC7179]

Oh, I do. Definitely, if he wanted to go home with Joe, and they were going to play Xbox and call Kim and ask her if she wanted to go out with him, but he couldn't go home with Joe without Mom's permission and he can't get a hold of Mom after 12:00 because she is in class, so he has to call her before that and he is in period 4 and the teacher WON'T LET HIM GO.......I can see tears, and have in similar situations.

I realize that was quite the run-on!

I think if it was a family emergency, he could have said as much without going into detail.

You really just have to know how 7th and 8th graders act in a bulk to really "get" this situation!