Teachers involved with private conversations

[ckay87]

Generally speaking, do you think teachers of older students (MS and up) should take action on the contents of private conversations between students? This is assuming that there is nothing threating or scheming about the conversation?

Specifically, my son....who is admittedly no angel (so don't start with the "snowflake" nonsense).... got in trouble for saying to his friend "teachers are jerks." Got detention for that one. I'm sorry, but I just don't see it.

I'm "supporting the teachers" of course, but I don't know what they hope to prove to him. Frustrating to me when we are working very hard on appropriate behavior and consequences, etc. Told him that when he's in trouble at school, he's in trouble at home. But ... I don't know.... I just don't feel like punishing him for the contents of a private conversation.

And BTW, yes, that IS the whole story. That's the school's version of the story. Kids were talking, teacher heard it.

 

[kafitty]

kind of a violation of free speech, if you ask me. not that kids are guaranteed their rights in school, but it wasn't threatening or even directed at one specific teacher - just an expression of opinion.

i'd be a little miffed too...but that's school for ya.

 

[XYSRUS]

Kid should have been more quiet, IMHO.

 

[dismom2]

Generally speaking, do you think teachers of older students (MS and up) should take action on the contents of private conversations between students? This is assuming that there is nothing threating or scheming about the conversation?

Specifically, my son....who is admittedly no angel (so don't start with the "snowflake" nonsense).... got in trouble for saying to his friend "teachers are jerks." Got detention for that one. I'm sorry, but I just don't see it.

I'm "supporting the teachers" of course, but I don't know what they hope to prove to him. Frustrating to me when we are working very hard on appropriate behavior and consequences, etc. Told him that when he's in trouble at school, he's in trouble at home. But ... I don't know.... I just don't feel like punishing him for the contents of a private conversation.

And BTW, yes, that IS the whole story. That's the school's version of the story. Kids were talking, teacher heard it.

Honestly, I've heard many, many teachers bashing their students loud enough for others to hear, even parents. The teachers should be more discrete, too. If it was a private conversation, then no, I don't think he should get in trouble.

 

[ckay87]

Kid should have been more quiet, IMHO.

Excellent point. I'm sure I said all kinds of things about my teachers back in the day, but I was smart enough to be more discreet. Perhaps this will be a good lesson for him after all.

If you don't have anything nice to say....say it quietly.

 

[golfgal]

It comes down to if you want your son to have manners and respect teachers or if you want to let kids say pretty much anything they want about anyone. What would happen at your job if your boss overhear you calling him a jerk?? What if another child called your son a jerk? How would he and you feel about that?

 

[turkeymama]

No advice, but I can sympathize. I don't think the comment was worthy of detention. That seems a little extreme given the circumstances of the comment.

 

[happygirl]

I don't think that statement was worth any kind of punishment, don't all kids think or say that at one tiime or another.

Now, if the kid had said I;m going to shot Mr, Jackson because he's a jerk, then the teacher should have said something then

 

[ckay87]

It comes down to if you want your son to have manners and respect teachers or if you want to let kids say pretty much anything they want about anyone. What would happen at your job if your boss overhear you calling him a jerk?? What if another child called your son a jerk? How would he and you feel about that?

Point taken, but if I'm frustrated with someone, I've been known to say "he's a jerk." And I do have manners and respect for people (so IMO that's a separate thing). And I would be sorry if they heard it. So yes, it probably is a good lesson - he needs to be more careful about who might be listening.

 

[nutterbutter2010]

Excellent point. I'm sure I said all kinds of things about my teachers back in the day, but I was smart enough to be more discreet. Perhaps this will be a good lesson for him after all.

If you don't have anything nice to say....say it quietly.

I'm so using that!!!!

 

[golfgal]

Point taken, but if I'm frustrated with someone, I've been known to say "he's a jerk." And I do have manners and respect for people (so IMO that's a separate thing). And I would be sorry if they heard it. So yes, it probably is a good lesson - he needs to be more careful about who might be listening.

No, you really don't have to be more careful. You are an adult and that is an entirely different situation. First, you have enough years to figure out you don't tell someone loud enough to be overheard that your boss is a jerk. Second, he is a KID and like it or not different rules apply to kids. Part of living long enough and not going to jail by the time you are an adult are the perks of being able to do things you couldn't do as a child. I have said plenty of people are jerks but my kids know better than to come out and say that about another adult.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Although it wasn't ok for him to call his teacher a jerk, I don't think they should have punished him- the teachers are sort of proving DS's point by punishing him.

I agree with PPs, in my day (and by that I mean I graduated in 2005) we at least had the sense to not say thing loud enough to get us in trouble...

 

[Magic Mom]

It wasn't really private if the teacher heard it. I think its a fair punishment. If he needs to express his disdain for teachers, then he should wait until after school. Some teachers are jerks, but school isn't the place to announce that.

 

[Feralpeg]

When I was teaching, I would not have given your son a detention. I might have said something to him in private about inappropriate language for the situation. As a teacher I was required to turn in a student if I heard the student talk about things such as drinking, sex, drugs, etc.

 

[Tamarap]

Was this said during class time or during a class lecture??? If this was said during class time, loud enough for me to hear, I would have assigned a detention as well.

 

[kidzmom3]

I think its fine that he got detention, and I am frankly shocked at anyone who would think its not okay. Everyone needs to learn the consequences for their actions. Its not okay to say out loud every thought that passes through your mind. Its not okay to say things to people in authority. You cant call a policeman a jerk. Your boss, your mother etc..... Call the wrong person a jerk and you might find yourself the victim of assault. (not right but it could happen).

 

[michellev]

I think your son is learning a valuable life lesson. If you are in an office environment, talking to another co-worker and say all bosses are jerks, would you be surprised that you were overhead and reprimanded for it?

Detention is fitting, if you son was suspended over this, then I'd say it was an overreaction. Detention won't hurt him and perhaps he will learn something from it.

You are not going to like every teacher or every boss for that matter. That's just life.

 

[cheermom1]

Nope sorry I would be LIVID if my kid got that kind of punishment - ever hear the saying let the punishment fit the crime??? Please all she had to was say something to let him know she heard what he said and he would have been embarrassed especially in front of his friends ....and from my understanding this was the first time he was cought saying something like this so yes a verbal warring would be enough and if he was cought doing it again then yes something should be done. yes he needs to learn but how can you learn if the crime doesn't fit the punishment? as another poster said this is just proving his point that teachers are jerks in his mind...

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

No, you really don't have to be more careful. You are an adult and that is an entirely different situation. First, you have enough years to figure out you don't tell someone loud enough to be overheard that your boss is a jerk. Second, he is a KID and like it or not different rules apply to kids. Part of living long enough and not going to jail by the time you are an adult are the perks of being able to do things you couldn't do as a child. I have said plenty of people are jerks but my kids know better than to come out and say that about another adult.

It wasn't really private if the teacher heard it. I think its a fair punishment. If he needs to express his disdain for teachers, then he should wait until after school. Some teachers are jerks, but school isn't the place to announce that.

I agree with both posts.

This is one thing I've told my DS about his soccer teams (after seeing a girl march across the field after a game yelling to her mother on the sidelines that she hates her team and her teammates suck)...he can vent about anything TO ME, as loudly as he wants, about his coach, his teammates, the other team...anybody...as long as no one else hears it. Ditto with school and teachers.

 

[MerMom60_94]

Let me pose a question back at you: If your son had overheard two teachers talking about him in a private conversation and one of them had called him a jerk would you be ok with it or would it upset you? Whatever your answer is, same rules apply.