Teachers have any of you had bad PARENTS?

[olwyngdh]

I wonder, are the bad parents, parents of gifted students....

That is just nasty and uncalled for.

 

[scrapquitler]

The really bad parents are the ones the teacher's never hear from- because they just don't care.

Sorry, disagree.

I rarely call or email a teacher because I feel that it is my duty as a parent to coach my child and teach her strategies for handling things herself. When I give her tips on how to approach teachers about issues that she is having, I think I am teaching her skills that she will need/use throughout her life. Only if she doesn't get anywhere after a couple of attempts to solve the problem on her own will I get involved. I hate to think that a teacher will assume that a parent who doesn't micromanage and intervene continually is a parent that just doesn't care.

 

[Mermaid02]

Sorry, disagree.

I rarely call or email a teacher because I feel that it is my duty as a parent to coach my child and teach her strategies for handling things herself. When I give her tips on how to approach teachers about issues that she is having, I think I am teaching her skills that she will need/use throughout her life. Only if she doesn't get anywhere after a couple of attempts to solve the problem on her own will I get involved. I hate to think that a teacher will assume that a parent who doesn't micromanage and intervene continually is a parent that just doesn't care.

You can disagree- but I'm talking about not just parents who dont' care enough to say when something is wrong, I mean parents who don't go to Open House or Parent Teacher Conference or PTO meetings or a Concert or an Art show or a Gym Program etc. Parent's who seriously have ZERO interest in their kids education and school life.

 

[spaceacewannabe]

The really bad parents are the ones the teacher's never hear from- because they just don't care.

Sorry, disagree.

I rarely call or email a teacher because I feel that it is my duty as a parent to coach my child and teach her strategies for handling things herself. When I give her tips on how to approach teachers about issues that she is having, I think I am teaching her skills that she will need/use throughout her life. Only if she doesn't get anywhere after a couple of attempts to solve the problem on her own will I get involved. I hate to think that a teacher will assume that a parent who doesn't micromanage and intervene continually is a parent that just doesn't care.

I think you're talking about different things. Scrapquitler, no need to call when nothing is happening. What I am guessing Mermaid02 is talking about is the parents that you try to make contact with over and over and never get them. I have had this experience. Message after message and nothing back is frustrating. It is hard to fix bigger problems and help the child if you can't involve the parents.

 

[bgirldeb]

Didn't we just do this fairly recently?

Yep

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2792327

 

[Jeafl]

The overwhelming majority of my parents are wonderful, caring, supportive individuals.

However, being in Special Ed I am dealing with parents who are overwhelmed, scared, and even in denial at times. Mostly they are trying to be the best advocate for their child and don't realize how they are coming across. I wish they would just trust me when I tell them we have a common goal--we both want the very best for their child. I don't get all the teacher bashing or the parent bashing. There are good and bad people in any profession.

Having said that, I have had a few over the years who abused their child, and when that happens I feel very comfortable in saying that they are a bad parent.

 

[torinsmom]

I think you're talking about different things. Scrapquitler, no need to call when nothing is happening. What I am guessing Mermaid02 is talking about is the parents that you try to make contact with over and over and never get them. I have had this experience. Message after message and nothing back is frustrating. It is hard to fix bigger problems and help the child if you can't involve the parents.

Yes, these are the ones that don't answer the phone or return phone calls when they see the school's number on the caller id. I have had kids sit sick in the office for hours because their parent can't or won't be bothered. Their folder is packed full of papers that are never read or returned. They never bring in extra clothes for their cubby and when you send clothes from the guidance counselor, they don't come back. Those are the kids I feel bad for. I have 4-6 year olds, so I don't have the other kind of non-communicating parents. At that age, you have to communicate with the teacher to some extent.

 

[princessmom29]

Oh please, that is exactly what you are doing. I feel sorry for the children you teach if you hold this much animosity towards the parents.

I feel the mods should just close this thread immediately, no good can come of it.

I haven't seen you demanding the closure of a single one of the many teacher bashing threads here. I wonder why?

 

[princessmom29]

Oh, I could write a book!

I have encountered 2 types of "bad" parents, those who don't care at all and those who are hyperinvolved and controlling to the point that the child hasd no opportunity to think or choose for themselves. I am really not sure which is worse. Both to huge amounts of damage to thier childrne vias their behavior.

 

[spacemountainmom]

We've got a real control freak at our school this year. We hold a back to school open house at our middle school approximately two weeks before school starts. We require that each student has a PE uniform and sell them at open house. We are pretty busy getting ready for the school year and there are so many checks to deal with that it takes some time for the secretary to put it all together and get it to the bank.

We had one mom get very upset because her check did not clear her bank until about three weeks after she wrote it. She called and raised a big stink about it. The band and choir just did a "fundraiser" t-shirt and sweatshirt order. This woman's daughter came in with her order form, check and a note from mom. It pretty much said that we were to cash her check by "this date" or she would call her bank and put a stop payment on it. The date was 2 or 3 days after the order forms were due.

Now, most of us realize that these kind of projects take time. The choir teacher and band teacher need to get together, sort everything out and put the order together. The usual protocol is that the checks are all deposited and the secretary issues a school check for the order.

The secretary ended up making a special trip to the bank to keep this parent happy. Her statement to me was, "it's going to be a loooong three years." Personally, I would have just held the check and done the deposit as usual and dared the mom to stop payment.

And we wonder why the kids are so demanding...............

 

[handinpocket]

Oh, I could write a book!

I have encountered 2 types of "bad" parents, those who don't care at all and those who are hyperinvolved and controlling to the point that the child hasd no opportunity to think or choose for themselves. I am really not sure which is worse. Both to huge amounts of damage to thier childrne vias their behavior.

OMG, this is too good not to quote.

 

[Mama Who]

I know I have had a huge amount of parents that I would not let babysit my dog much less allow them to take care of a child. Me too. Of course, that's true if I substitute "techers" for "parents" too. Oh and please do not think this is parent bashing. Sure it is. If you want to do it, at least own it. If you feel retaliatory bashing is warranted, go for it, but own it..

.

 

[HsvTeacher]

Did the OP happen to share the frustration of a recent incident or was she generalizing?

I had assumed she was generalizing since she finds that many of her parents are terrible at parenting. I missed where she was mentioning a specific issue on a specific parent. Her intent was hate filled and behaving like a martyr doesn't make her "justified" in her actions.

This of course is my opinion. It would be helpful on BOTH sides if they recognize that there are indeed people who just do sucky things and that their title should in no way give them a pass.

The way I read the OP's post--doesn't matter if she makes a "mistake". Her job is hard and the parents should just stuff it.

Reminds me of an OB I once had who came across as not liking women as clients. Well--he kind of picked the wrong profession if he felt we were all whiny PITAs that interrupted his tee times.

I won't knock that it is a difficult profession. I have known a few teachers and have heard the red tape stories and difficult parent issues. We all have our anecdotes--but when we paint with broad brushes, it makes us look foolish. I mean-unless the OP works at a school in a horrible area with deadbeat parents...are really a HUGE portion of her parents unworthy of watching her dog? And she isn't bashing? Yeah right!

Perhaps OP should move for "complaints" about anyone who is now or ever was or ever will be a teacher or the profession to be banned. Then it would save her from having to hear that there just might be a teacher out there who actually did something wrong.

Hardly a fair comparison...

I'm sure she gives a lot of parents the "benefit of the doubt," as you told me you give teachers the benefit of the doubt (most of the time) in another thread. On the other hand, how do you know the OP doesn't work in a bad area? When I first started teaching, I worked in one of the worst schools in the city, and no, I wouldn't have wanted those parents to watch my dogs, either.

If I recall correctly, you homeschool, right? What if every teacher on the DIS started bashing homeschooling parents by starting threads on pretty much a daily basis? After awhile, would it wear you down?

I usually either skip the teacher threads, however, today has been one of those days when I did have to deal with an irrational parent. He decided that because my principal made a safety-related decision regarding a field trip that he had the right to call our secretary and me every name in the book. He was nasty and belligerent, but because he was a parent, he got a pass on his behavior. If I had acted as he did, I would have been fired.

 

[scrapquitler]

You can disagree- but I'm talking about not just parents who dont' care enough to say when something is wrong, I mean parents who don't go to Open House or Parent Teacher Conference or PTO meetings or a Concert or an Art show or a Gym Program etc. Parent's who seriously have ZERO interest in their kids education and school life.

Just because you don't see them at these sorts of events doesn't mean that they don't have any interest. I know plenty of people who don't go to Open House, Art Shows, Concerts, etc. because they are at work. These things are not always scheduled conveniently for working parents, and many of the parents I know are single parents who don't have the luxury of taking a morning off of work to come and see the Spring Concert. On top of that, at my child's elementary school, we were told NO YOUNGER SIBLINGS allowed at things like the concerts. For many of us, there's no way that would work either.

 

[HsvTeacher]

We've got a real control freak at our school this year. We hold a back to school open house at our middle school approximately two weeks before school starts. We require that each student has a PE uniform and sell them at open house. We are pretty busy getting ready for the school year and there are so many checks to deal with that it takes some time for the secretary to put it all together and get it to the bank.

We had one mom get very upset because her check did not clear her bank until about three weeks after she wrote it. She called and raised a big stink about it. The band and choir just did a "fundraiser" t-shirt and sweatshirt order. This woman's daughter came in with her order form, check and a note from mom. It pretty much said that we were to cash her check by "this date" or she would call her bank and put a stop payment on it. The date was 2 or 3 days after the order forms were due.

Now, most of us realize that these kind of projects take time. The choir teacher and band teacher need to get together, sort everything out and put the order together. The usual protocol is that the checks are all deposited and the secretary issues a school check for the order.

The secretary ended up making a special trip to the bank to keep this parent happy. Her statement to me was, "it's going to be a loooong three years." Personally, I would have just held the check and done the deposit as usual and dared the mom to stop payment.

And we wonder why the kids are so demanding...............

What a gem!

 

[Boston Tea Party]

Does the one who kept me after school for an hour long conference on a Friday because her son got an 89 on a report card count?

 

[Mermaid02]

Just because you don't see them at these sorts of events doesn't mean that they don't have any interest. I know plenty of people who don't go to Open House, Art Shows, Concerts, etc. because they are at work. These things are not always scheduled conveniently for working parents, and many of the parents I know are single parents who don't have the luxury of taking a morning off of work to come and see the Spring Concert. On top of that, at my child's elementary school, we were told NO YOUNGER SIBLINGS allowed at things like the concerts. For many of us, there's no way that would work either.

I disagree- there must be SOMETHING the parent can show up and attend. We've all missed things- but at some point you can make it work. Everyone works hard, everyone is busy.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My comments in red.

Hardly a fair comparison...Perfectly fair. She has an issue with whom she serves. It certainly is something to consider when one chooses their profession. Unless there are teachers who NEVER have to deal with parents.

I'm sure she gives a lot of parents the "benefit of the doubt,"Really? Has she spoken with the kids or the parents to see how they might treat their pets? as you told me you give teachers the benefit of the doubt (most of the time) in another thread.Sure--I also don't go around saying MOST TEACHERS I KNOW....and then say something bad. Blanket statements like that are nothing more than hyperbole. On the other hand, how do you know the OP doesn't work in a bad area? I didn't dispute that--I would say "unless"...and I am sure if that was important, she would have mentioned it. She wants to parent bash and nothing more.When I first started teaching, I worked in one of the worst schools in the city, and no, I wouldn't have wanted those parents to watch my dogs, either.I have had friends who have taught in such areas. They didn't parent bash. They had compassion for the children and understood that some areas are just rough. But you wouldn't ever hear them say "I wouldn't trust them to watch a dog..."

If I recall correctly, you homeschool, right? What if every teacher on the DIS started bashing homeschooling parents by starting threads on pretty much a daily basis? After awhile, would it wear you down?Nope. Because I would know that statistics doesn't back up their ignorance if they chose to generalize in that manner. I also don't play homeschooling martyr and get irritated with those who do.

I usually either skip the teacher threads, however, today has been one of those days when I did have to deal with an irrational parent. That is fine--I never said that people don't have moments where they encounter irrational people. It is when you use that irrational moment to characterize an entire group that would make one wonder why (general) you remains in a profession that causes such grief.He decided that because my principal made a safety-related decision regarding a field trip that he had the right to call our secretary and me every name in the book. He was nasty and belligerent, but because he was a parent, he got a pass on his behavior. If I had acted as he did, I would have been fired.I know that folks don't like education to be termed like a business, but this is one of those "customer is always right" moments. They may be totally in the wrong. As the professional, your boss holds you to a higher standard. In retail, I would not be permitted either. However, if the behavior was abusive, we could at least kick them out of the store. I'm, not sure why he gets a "pass" though. Do you mean that he gets a "pass" because you can't rebut, or he gets a "pass" because the school lets him dish while you must take it until he is finished dishing?

 

[Pigeon]

The really bad parents are the ones the teacher's never hear from- because they just don't care.

Really? I've got two straight A students, and I've had no communication at all with several teachers. My older dd won the junior high school award for all around scholarship and community involvement last year. I never talked to three quarters of her teachers. There really was no need. Does that make me a horrible parent?

My dh, who is a public high school teacher didn't feel the need to contact her teachers, either.

 

[Pigeon]

You can disagree- but I'm talking about not just parents who dont' care enough to say when something is wrong, I mean parents who don't go to Open House or Parent Teacher Conference or PTO meetings or a Concert or an Art show or a Gym Program etc. Parent's who seriously have ZERO interest in their kids education and school life.

I've stopped going to Open Houses. They are a waste of time, and after you've heard the exact same carefully timed presentation designed to not allow for questions enough times, you really just don't need to hear it again.

Our PTA is all fundraising all the time. If the PTA was allowed any input into anything other than fundraising, I would be involved. I'm happy to send in a check to support the school, but I'm not organizing fundraising crap. The school administration keeps the PTA entirely in the dark about everything that doesn't deal with fundraising.

I attend tons of concerts and art shows. Most of my kids' teachers would have zero idea if I were there or not, because other than the music and art teachers, the block teachers aren't there. I would guess that the music teachers could figure out that I care about their music education because my kids didn't get to be as good as they are without me writing a lot of checks, and doing a lot of driving for private lessons. I'm not saying the block teachers should know this, but they'd hardly be in a position to criticize me for not having an interest in my child's activities.