Teachers advice please

[flafan]

Hi Everyone,

No better place to seek advice then here with my DIS Friends. My daughter (13) 8th grade has been trying to get together with another girl for a group project in French due on Wends. She has called so many times and the girl keeps putting it off. My daughter is now in panic mode and is doing the project solo.

She does not want to say anything to the teacher about the lack of help from this girl but she is really upset.

Should I email the teacher and explain the situation or just let it play out.

Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks everyone.

 

[Disney Doll]

No, your DD should tell the teacher that the other child is not helping at all with the "team" project.

 

[Stitchnut]

I would continue having your daughter finish the project solo so her grade is not compromized. It sounds like your daughter tried to make contact way more than she should have and was being responsible. Most kids that age do not want you going to their teacher for anything, because they are afraid of what the other kids will think. Personally I would email the teacher and share what has been going on and how your daughter tried to problem solve. The teacher has probably had other situations like this before and knows how they want to handle it. By not informing the teacher, she may think they worked as a team and give the other girl credit she does not deserve. Thank your daughter for the effort that she made. Good luck.

 

[flafan]

Stitchnut. I really think you are right and that is what i am leaning towards. Exactly as you said my daughter DOES NOT want me to email the teacher but sometimes I think it is necessary. My daughter is very responsible and I do not want that to go unnoticed.

I will decide by the end of the day.

Thank you

 

[mjkacmom]

I have a dd13 in 8th - let your dd handle it. You can give her ideas on how to handle the situation herself, such as letting the teacher know this girl isn't helping, or suck it up and do it herself. This is a pretty good life lesson, actually.

Last year dd forgot to do a homework assignment - VERY unusual for her. She asked her teacher if she could make it up, and get a lower grade instead of a zero, since it was the end of the year, and she had never missed an assignment, and had an A+ average. Nope - she got the zero. Did it kill me that I was powerless? Yes, but she's in middle school now. Luckily, her average was high enough that she ended up with the A anyway - if her grade dropped to a B, she wouldn't have been able to take the vector class this year.

 

[agnes!]

I was just telling my DD (junior in high school, honor roll) about this and she wanted to write a response, so here it is:

Just leave her name off any of the papers on the project that she didn't help with. This girl probably won't think to check to see if her name is on there if she hasn't done anything already. I wouldn't go to the teacher because there are definitely some teachers that would say that she is just overreacting, but it depends on the teacher. With the name thing though, the teacher would look over the project and know that your daughter was the one who put the most work in. She also couldn't get in trouble with the other girl. If the teacher asked why her name was left off, she can just say that the other girl must not have written it or that she forgot. Either way, your daughter doesn't get in trouble.



Hey there, "agnes!" again.

And your DD could always kind of tell the truth if the teacher asks, that Miss Doesn'tDoTheWork wasn't able to get together with your DD. And if Miss DDTW is smart and she truly couldn't get together with your DD (for whatever reason), like your DD she is free to turn in her own project independently for credit.

Also next year your 8th-grade DD will be in high-school. Teachers *really* want students to be their own advocates in grades 9-12, they have a lot more respect for the kids who fight their own battles.

This is just the first of MANY group-projects coming down the pike. On many of them your DD will have to figure out how to adjust to a group-member who will not pull their own weight. Sometimes other students do get credit for a project they didn't do squat on.

Happens all the time in the adult/working world too.

With my own DD, I don't think I would even start down the path of dropping a note to the teacher about this (or contacting the administration about other possible matters) unless the teacher is grossly incompetent or abusive in some way or if maybe my DD was failing the class.

agnes!

 

[HM]

This has happened to my kids before. They just do the project by themselves and turn it in with just their names on it. I'm not sure whether they have bothered to tell the teacher about the other partner(s) lack of work or not.

My DD14 was recently part of a group project (3 girls total.....the rest of the class was mostly 2 kids to a team). Although the other two girls were friends, they could not agree on their subject matter and the other two kept belittling DDs ideas. She opted to do her own project and let the other two do one together instead. It turned out just fine. The teacher loved her project and never mentioned that she didn't have a partner to help.

 

[golfgal]

Stitchnut. I really think you are right and that is what i am leaning towards. Exactly as you said my daughter DOES NOT want me to email the teacher but sometimes I think it is necessary. My daughter is very responsible and I do not want that to go unnoticed.

I will decide by the end of the day.

Thank you

Do not email the teacher, let your DD handle this. Honestly it sounds like you want to tattle on the other girl. I agree with the others, don't put her name on the paper and if the teacher questions it you DD can tell her what happened.

 

[scottishduffy]

I have had this situation before and it is never easy.

I second leaving the name off of the paper. That is a subtle way. If the teacher ask she can say that she forgot to write the other girls name on it while she was doing the work. Or make some remark how she must have forgot to put the other girls name on there since they were unable to get together. That way she hans't out right said the other girl did *squat* right in front of her, but it gets the point across that one person did the project.

One tactic I found useful at that age was to ask the teacher for advice. Go up to the teacher before the project is due and say that your partner has been really busy, and you haven't been able to get in touch with her. Let the teacher know you are worried about your grade and ask for advice on what to do with the situation if you still can't get in contact.That way the teacher knows what is up, that one person isn't trying. You don't have to say "she is doing nothing", just phrase it as you have been trying very hard to get in contact and the person seems busy. When only one name pops up on the paper she may get the clue.

Sadly even at the Grad school level this is *still* an issue. I got paired up with a group of 3 other girls for a project. Two of them decided to do *nothing*. I spoke to the girls directly at the time their portion was past due. E-mailed and called several times and they ignored me. Told the teacher two members (not naming names) were not putting forth any effort and teacher told me the other 2 of us would have to pick up the slack or fail. It was a group grade no matter if some group members did far more tha others and the teacher would not give the some members a lesser grade because we apparently weren't forceful enough. The other 2 of us had great grades while the lazy 2 did not... it may not have been the best choice but we chose to take a dive on the grade so the other two would flunk the class. We still had high enough grades to pass. Not recommending this course of action but just relating that this is a problem that never goes away.

 

[SpecialK]

I taught jr. high and this is why I stopped giving group projects. Hopefully, the teacher will ask what each girl did. If not, respect your daughter's wishes and don't contact the teacher.

I went through this last year when my son was in 7th grade. He did all of the work on a music project. We presented it to him as a life lesson. We didn't know the boy who was supposed to be working with him or what his life was like. It didn't hurt my son to share the grade, so we let it go. Lesson learned? Life's not always fair and you can only control your own actions.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I have no children but, ugh, did I hate group projects!! It got even worse when I went into college. I hated that my grade had to rely on the amibitions and motivation of someone else to do their part or I had to sacrifice all of my time and energy (along usually with only one, or at the very most, two other people of the group) to get the entire group a decent grade most of them didn't deserve. I remember in high school I brought it up to the teacher that a few of the other people had no interest in helping after being asked several times. She replied that that's how real life is sometimes and they still got the same grade we all got.

Good luck to you and your daughter OP!

 

[flafan]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I have dedcided NOT to contact the teacher and respect my daughter's wishes. This is what has happened since the last post.

My daughter has been texting back and forth. She finally contact Dd at 4pm. her parents are not home, she does not have a computer. when we offered to pick her up (if ok with parents) she said actually ahe is still with her friends.

The plan is she is going to call my daughter WHEN she gets home and they will try to do the project over the phone.

I will just stay out of it. I do not want to get this girl in trouble (tattle) and my daughter is old enough now to handle it. I just know my daughter and she will try to avoid confrontation at any cost even if she risks getting a lousy grade. I have faith in her and I am glad you all responded I was so close to emailing the teacher and I am still hoping they will work it out.

Thanks you all my DIS friends. I can always count on you guys.

 

[Rora]

I am a 3rd grade teacher, but absolutely email the teacher.

 

[krcit]

I'm glad that you decided not to email the teacher. I just asked my dd14 if she would want me to email the teacher in that situation and she said 'NO WAY!" I know it stinks but life isn't always fair and kids need to figure out how to deal with thse situations in life. I hope it all works out.

 

[clh2]

As a mom - I CAN'T STAND GROUP projects. It penalizes the parent (I already have a full time job) to help accomodate getting my DD some place else so the project can be done.

I particularly HATE when they assign a 2 or 3-person group and 1 or 2 of the kids then goes on a family vacation or gets sick.

I do, however, applaud the 1 teacher who in her rubric was very specific about the project grade - it was ~50% group-related, and 50% individual effort. The kid with no effort essentially got 50%, because he had no individual effort. The rest of the group all got >95%.

Haven't had too many of those in high school yet...(that statement is probably the kiss of death...probably means one will be coming up to hit me right on the backside)

 

[golfgal]

When our twins were in 7th grade they had a group project. The teacher sent home a "permission slip" to make sure parents understood it was a group project and that the kids would need to get together outside of school to complete. If they did not want to do that then their child had to do the project alone. We had sworn off group projects by this time but thought, ok, at least it will only be parents that are willing to cooperate. Well, DS got a kid who's parents didn't allow him to go anywhere after school for any reason and he was not allowed to have friends over --so WHY IN THE HECK DID YOU SIGN THE FORM?? DS ended up doing the project himself. Now anytime the twins have a group project they only have the choice of each other for partners .

 

[Bella the Ball 360]

Hi Everyone,

No better place to seek advice then here with my DIS Friends. My daughter (13) 8th grade has been trying to get together with another girl for a group project in French due on Wends. She has called so many times and the girl keeps putting it off. My daughter is now in panic mode and is doing the project solo.

She does not want to say anything to the teacher about the lack of help from this girl but she is really upset.

Should I email the teacher and explain the situation or just let it play out.

Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks everyone.

I HATE team projects for just this reason. I am a teacher and I do not assign them unless they are done in school. As for myself as a student I hated that my grade was dependent sometimes on some idiot who could not write the word "cat". I had an experience in grad school where one of the memebers of my group said she would write up all the info to pass in. NO WAY! I looked at what she wrote up and it looked like a first grader had done it. Myself and the rest of the group rewrote the whole thing ....got a 4.0. She was upset but my grade was too important to me to allow someone who did not know how to write a complete sentence take over.

If it were me I would talk to the teacher and not make your DD do it. That way she can "blame" you and save face with the kids.

I did not read the posts in this thread so if this has been said I apologize in advance.

 

[flafan]

Hi Everyone

It is now Tuesday morning and she has not heard from the girl and still the project is not done. DD is doing it all on her own. I keep going back and forth about emailing the teacher. Part of me thinks the teacher would want to know and i would like to voice how I feel about group projects. Part of me thinks yes this a good life lesson for her these things happen all the time in the real world.

She got honors for the first time last year and is determined to get it again this year and really does not want her chances to be affected by someone that just does not care.

I know she will finish today and hopefully get a good grade.

All your comments are appreciated thanks again. I will post on the final outcome.

 

[dawson5]

what about contacting the girl's parents and seeing if their daughter is free to work on this project. Maybe say something like they couldn't agree on a time to get together and maybe the adults could decide and take it out of their hands? I would think this would make sure the other girl contributed and your daughter isn't a tattler.

My kids are pretty good about letting me know about these projects and luckily we haven't been burned yet <knock on wood!>

Good luck.

 

[3boymthr]

We too are currently in group project H***. DS is on his third group project of the semester. They are given ONE week to get together and complete the project. Which sounds simple I guess if you are a teacher, but try coordinating the schedules of several kids especially over a holiday weekend. We were the evil people who went away this time. It's not easy. Luckily they have today off from school so have all day today to get together.

That said, you have to let your DD do the tattling or not do the tattling as the case may be. Sounds to me as though the other girl has the time to work on the project but is just making excuses not to work on it; if she can get together with friends she can get together with your dd KWIM. I agree with PPs have your DD put her name on the parts where she did the work and leave off the other girls name. If the other girl doesn't have her name on any of the parts well the teacher will know who did the work. If the teacher questions why the other girls name isn't on the papers have DD say "She wasn't there when I did the work so I guess I just forgot she was part of the group."