Teacher vent--If your child is sick, keep them HOME!

[ckay87]

I am the Parent Rep for my dds school districts School Attendance Review Board (SARB) -- those are unexcused abences. Being home sick and coming back in with a note is an excused absence. The families we deal with for the most part are not the ones keeping thier child home b/c they are sick with a fever or cold.

Not for me. My son had 10 excused absences and then we had to get doctors notes. Which was HIGHLY offensive to me. As if they didn't trust MY judgement. And then I actually took him to the doctor to get a note for some stupid little virus with fever and the doctor himself said "oh he'll live, you should just send him." Sooooo ok. Today I have a sick kid at school and log in here to read this "teacher vent."

This is why people homeschool, I kid you not.

 

[pilesoflaundry]

I am the Parent Rep for my dds school districts School Attendance Review Board (SARB) -- those are unexcused abences. Being home sick and coming back in with a note is an excused absence. The families we deal with for the most part are not the ones keeping thier child home b/c they are sick with a fever or cold.

True but we still get the notice after the 5 days. Here it's acceptable to send in a note from mom but for some reason they don't always make it it to the office.

In some districts you must have a doctor note. Well for an older child with just a cold and maybe a low temp, taking them to the doctor is expensive and silly. They pick up something much worse, the doctor looks at you like why are you here and there is the copay for most families. We don't have to pay to bring the kid in with our insurance but I've dealt with the doctor giving me the eye and trying to find something besides the sniffles in my kid when I was just there for a note.

It also takes up an appointment time for someone more than likely more sick than my child.

 

[Pigeon]

Nearly half the working population in the US gets no paid sick leave at all. None. There are many people who are scared to death that they will lose their jobs in this economy if they call in sick. Until this changes, it doesn't surprise me that people are going to send sick kids to school and go into work while ill.

It isn't always easy to know in the morning whether or not to send a child to school. I've got one who often complains of various things after waking up. If it's something like a fever, it's easy to know to keep them home. But if I kept this child home every time she said she had a stomach ache or a head ache or various other things, we'd never leave the house. She's not malingering--her goal is never to stay home from school. I've kept her home some days only to have her bouncing off the walls by 10 am. Other days she probably should have stayed home, but I didn't think she was really sick. I've also had the school nurse call me to come get her when there was nothing at all wrong.

Kids don't come with instruction manuals.

 

[ekball]

Yup, sometimes it is hard to know what to do as a parent! In my life as a parent, I have been overly cautious with my kids - to not send them to daycare or school when they are sick. However, sometimes you have to do what you *think* is best, and sometimes hope for the best!
Last week, DD (1st grade) went to school on Monday after complaining of a tummy ache in the morning. She had had a few cold symptoms as well, but no fever or anything else. We talked about it, she ate a normal breakfast, she played with her brother, no diarrhea/fever/other symptoms. She seemed fine come bus time, so I sent her in (w/ no complaints or asking to stay home). Call comes from the nurse at 11:30 that she is in and having stomach cramps. I go pick her up, bring her home and send her to bed. Now, when she gets home she is FINE - wanting to play outside with brother, wanting to eat chips and salsa, mad that I'm making her stay in bed, etc. She pretty much admits she was OK and could have stayed at school, so i have a talk with her about being completely honest about how she feels and only going to the nurse when she is truly not well.
So Tuesday comes....same thing. Again, I send her in, after a good breakfast, a little more complaining than Monday, but no diarrhea, fever, etc. Call comes around 12 again - this time a fever of 99.2 and she is "really not herself". Pick her up, get her to the doctors, and yes she is definitely sick. Don't I feel like the jerk. And truly, I am usually overly cautious about these things, but I don't have a magic mirror or crystal ball....I do my best to figure out if she needs to stay home or go in. That's all I can do - my best.

Now I know that OP is talking about the more obvious cases - welts, fevers, etc. But sometimes a little consideration is due to both sides...the teachers and classmates who shouldn't be knowingly exposed to illness, and to parents who are truly doing their best to figure out what is best for the kids.

 

[JessicaR]

Parents that medicate a sick kid and send them off to school are the WORST! The poor kid still feels awful, they are contagious, and eventually the meds wear off during the day.

Make arrangements people and STOP sending your sick kids to school.

Not a teacher, just a parent that sees it all the time. I feel so sorry for teachers that have to deal with this nonsense. I feel worse for the kids that are exposed to all this illness due to selfish parents. Don't they care how their poor kid feels?

 

[KAMLEM]

Oh yea sure, I agree with you in theory OP. The teachers SAY that but here's what happens when I actually put it into practice (with respect to my middle schooler). I got snide remarks from the teachers, such as "oh your son is absent a lot" during conferences (my LAST conferences by the way). And by the middle of the school year we had forced doctors excuses for any further absences. Do you have any idea how ridiculous that is? At that point he had missed 10 days because...guess what....I kept him home when he was sick. I consciously said to myself "I don't want to expose the teachers and students to anything he might have." We were not out at baseball games or shopping or daytripping. We were doing exactly what you are suggesting here.

Maybe it's me, but I think that 10 days seems excessive for half the year. That means he's out over 10% of the time. I can understand the teacher being concerned about it.

 

[dislal]

But I also think that while it's easy to make the assumption parents are knowingly sending their kids to school sick, it's not always correct. A stomach ache in the morning could be anything from breakfast not kicking in yet, to nerves, to a virus. You just don't always know. And a kid who goes to the nurse at 10:00 with a fever might have been fine at 8:30 before Mom put him/her on the bus.

I also think NCLB and attendance rules have a part in encouraging the practice of sending sick kids to school. On the one hand, parents are told to keep sick kids home but God forbid a child goes over their allotted days missed and then we're bad parents who don't care about education. In addition, there are many districts that throw in personal incentives for perfect attendance and worse, classroom attendance contests, which can subject a child with poor attendance to ridicule from fellow students.

Parents need to be as vigilant as possible and districts have a part too in not sending the mixed message regarding attendance that they often do. JMHO.

A real double-standard exists by high school. No one wants to send their kids to school sick, but it is so hard to make up the work sometimes. A missed gym class (for any reason) needs to be made up or the marking period grade is lowered. They don't make it easy to make up gym either. Every other day is double-period science which is generally a lab day. Try making up a 90 minute lab or two. Plus when the students generally have 4+ hours of homework a night, making up several missed days is torture, especially since they are still tired from being sick. Fortunately, my kids are seldom sick.

I have seen it from the other side, though. I teach a 1/2 day preschool that runs only twice a week. Those kids will come in a tell you that they threw up that morning or that they had a fever but they took medicine. There is nothing that they are going to miss in a couple of days, and they have either one SAHP or a regular caregiver. Illness spreads very quickly among three year olds as much as we try to teach them how to avoid spreading germs.

I agree with these

I made my DD11 miss a day of school last week and she was so upset, because her school has personal and class incentives for attendance.

Why do schools do this??

 

[ckay87]

Maybe it's me, but I think that 10 days seems excessive for half the year. That means he's out over 10% of the time. I can understand the teacher being concerned about it.

Oh yea, it was not a fun start to the year, and none of us were particularly enjoying it, trust me. I would have appreciated if they would have asked in a personal, genuinely concerned way rather than receiving a form letter and insinuated accusations. But it was probably more fun for them to make assumptions. But public school is an institution, I guess, and it was too much for me to expect them to actually care about my family, you know?

10 days does seem like a lot. But here's where I am now, this year again . Within the FIRST week of school, same kid acquires a cold with a 101 degree fever. He was pretty knocked out and missed 3 days of school. Like I said, he wasn't feeling good this morning, but I sent him anyway. Just found out now that the kid who he spent Friday night and all day Saturday with has H1N1. So now we could be looking at an additional 3-4 days (or more?), depending on if he gets that and when. So there we are at 6 or 7 days in the first half of the first quarter. So you see how these things can happen quite easily if you do not send a sick kid to school?

 

[MarkBarbieri]

We're going through something like this today. My son has been out all week with the flu. He felt fine yesterday and was running a 99.5 temp. His throat was a bit sore, but other than that he was good - high energy, healthy appetite, no aches. This morning his temp was down to 99, so we sent him in. He started coughing uncontrollably in class not long after getting there and was at 99.2. The school called and we had to take him home.

To me, we're in the gray zone. We'll just keep him home today and tomorrow to err on the side of caution, but I hate for him to miss still more school. Fortunately, he's well enough that he's been able to do a lot of homework at home and his friends and teachers are keeping us up with what's going on at school.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Just to play devils advocate here.
How about the 2 teachers that see every kid at school, librarian and computer teacher, who both had mono (diagnosed by a dr) and still came to work every day. One teacher was so sick she would literally fall asleep at her desk with students in the room. Now 2 students are down with it, the mom keeps them home and she gets yelled at by admin because they've missed 10+ days of school so far. That happened here, in our school.

Or how about the schools that scream keep your kid home if they are sick, but refuse even a doctors note. Many schools are going this route, claiming that it's easy peasy for a parent to get a DR to sign off on anything, especially when you live in a town where I do and a major hospital is the employer of 50% of our parents.

It's not as easy as stay home, go to work, keep the kid home, send him/her to school. There is no clear cut answer.

 

[Pigeon]

Or how about the schools that scream keep your kid home if they are sick, but refuse even a doctors note. Many schools are going this route, claiming that it's easy peasy for a parent to get a DR to sign off on anything, especially when you live in a town where I do and a major hospital is the employer of 50% of our parents.

So what exactly are you supposed to do? Get the Surgeon General to call the principal or get a note from god?

Better yet, take the child in and let him vomit on the principal's shoes.

 

[KAMKIM]

I think extremes on either end are bad. A little common sense goes a long way.

I try to base it on how they did the night before, some kids sleep when they are sick, my kids DO NOT. ..so if we're up half the night I know they came down with something and require at a minimum a day off (I always pray they will get sick on a Friday )

 

[ahutton]

I'm home with DD9 today - this is her 4th day of school missed. Her fever was 102 without meds from Sunday until sometime last night. She woke up this morning with no fever but I'm keeping her the extra day just to be sure.

DD7 told me yesterday morning her tummy hurt and she wants to stay home. She has reflux. I gave her meds to her and sent her to school. This morning she told me again she wants to stay home, and I sent her. She went to the nurse who said no fever, looks fine but says her tummy hurts. I talked to DD7 and said school is important, I'll pick you up when the day is over.

Is DD7 sick? Maybe. Maybe I'm the meanest Mom in the world. I'm betting that she is jealous of her sister being home for 4 days and getting to watch TV and relax on the couch.

You totally can't win though, as who knows how she'll be in a few hours!

 

[MushyMushy]

Maybe it's me, but I think that 10 days seems excessive for half the year. That means he's out over 10% of the time. I can understand the teacher being concerned about it.

It's excessive, but not uncommon.

Early in the year with the change of seasons, a kid gets sick and can stay sick for 3 days. Then everything starts going around and before you know it, the child has stacked up 3 - 3 day absences.

Schools are breeding grounds for illness. Especially schools that don't have the 24 hour fever-free rule.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Well. If you have no vacation days or sick days because you just started a job after being laid off for a while and your child gets sick. . .right or wrong, the temptation would be awfully strong to send the child to school. Missing a day of work means no $$$ for that day. No $$$ for that day means you have to decide which bill doesn't get paid or what food doesn't get bought.

It is what it is. That's just reality for a lot of people. I don't see that as selfish, not when the electricity is on for the kids, or the food on the table goes to the kids.

And that's a best-case-scenario. In some places, a sick kid is an unexcused absence, and 2 or 3 of those and you lose your job.

Then what do you do? Go on assistance?

Sometimes some families have to make difficult decisions where there isn't a right answer.

There's also the fact that kids in some places get X absences, excused or unexcused. Go over that and the child fails, even if the child has an A in a class.

We've pretty much taken the option of being sick away from a lot of people in this country today. I don't have an answer to how it could be remedied.

But pretty much if you're at a certain working class level, without a supportive family, it can be fairly difficult. I suppose, really, it's the fault of the parents for having kids when they knew they weren't middle class and didn't have good enough support systems.

ETA: I know, I know, some parents send their kids to school when sick b/c they're pretty much just lazy SOBs. But that's not ALL kids. There are some where blaming the parents for being poor. Well. It doesn't help anything.

While I understand what you are saying what about the kids that your (a general your) kid gets sick? A kid last year at my son's school was so sick and the director knew it as is was obvious to everyone. They did not send the kid home. My child (along with many others) came down with the same illness. Then they joy of having that passed around to 4 children and 2 adults in my home was just plain magical. My child missed a month of school. All of our children missed a substantial amount of school and activities. I don't even want to think about how much money in co-payments I payed that month. Thankfully I am a sahm. If I wasn't we would have had a huge problem all because someone couldn't keep their child home when they were sick. So while I get that people need to work to pay the bills, they are not the only people who need to work to pay their bills. Their actions effect others. That is inconsiderate and selfish imo.

BTW- the kid who was sick was watched by grandma so it wouldn't have even meant a day off of work for his parents.

 

[TheDisneyGirl02]

Oh yea, it was not a fun start to the year, and none of us were particularly enjoying it, trust me. I would have appreciated if they would have asked in a personal, genuinely concerned way rather than receiving a form letter and insinuated accusations. But it was probably more fun for them to make assumptions. But public school is an institution, I guess, and it was too much for me to expect them to actually care about my family, you know?

My sister is a teacher and trust me, if there is a student who is sick, she is concerned for them. Last week she had one student who was perfectly fine in the morning and by afternoon was running a fever of 103.6! My sister was very concerned about the child and was very glad to hear that the mom took the child to the doctor immediately.

However, my sister does worry about getting sick from students at school, especially H1N1. She washes her hands frequently and does as much as she can to prevent illnesses, but it happens. Last year she had the flu 3 times. The biggest concern in our house is my mom. She has a very low immune system and gets sick very quickly. Our family doctor told my sister that if my mom gets H1N1 would it would be very detrimental to her health. That worry is always in the back of my mind.

Do I think it was right for your child's teacher to be smart to you? No. But don't think that all teacher's don't care because that is far from the truth.

Just to play devils advocate here.
How about the 2 teachers that see every kid at school, librarian and computer teacher, who both had mono (diagnosed by a dr) and still came to work every day. One teacher was so sick she would literally fall asleep at her desk with students in the room. Now 2 students are down with it, the mom keeps them home and she gets yelled at by admin because they've missed 10+ days of school so far. That happened here, in our school.

When I was in high school, I had a horrible case of mono that kept me out of school for almost two months. As soon as we knew it was mono, we contacted the school and I eventually received homebound care. The teachers would come to my house once a week and that was how I was schooled until the end of the year (after I was allowed back to school, I was only allowed to attend two periods a day). That may be an option for those two students who are ill. I was counted as absent, but I completed the 10th grade on time due to homebound.

 

[torinsmom]

Sometimes it is hard to know if you should send them or not. I won't keep my kids home with just a cold unless they are miserable. DD14 was not feeling the best yesterday but she didn't have a fever and wanted to go to school so she went. She is staying home today because now she has a fever and a bad cough-thinking she might now have bronchitis or pneumonia. She wants to go to school, she doesn't want to miss out on classwork, have all the extra homework and marching band practice. I don't blame her.

Also keep in mind that your child was contagious before symptoms showed up so they already exposed everyone to whatever they have, not that I am agreeing that you should send them to school sick but you have already been exposed to whatever they have.

I understand but at the same point sometimes these kids are contagious before it's obvious they are sick and germs can be picked up anywhere. It's not just 1 child coming to school sick that's making everyone else sick.

I do keep my kids home when they are sick, they need the rest to get better. But it's not easy! We have a 5 days and you get a truancy letter policy.

They may be contagious, but they are not as likely to spread an illness, as when they are actually hacking and throwing up, sending their germs flying though my classroom. I also believe that most people are more contagious when in the throes of an illness.

BTW, this is pre-K/Kindergarten and there is no fear of children falling behind. As long as a note comes in, absences are excused, so neither of these things is an excuse. I also don't think fear of losing a job is a good excuse either. What about the other parents who could lose their job because your child came in sick?

I am not talking a cold here, I am talking high fever and aching, when the flu is in full swing.

Marsha

 

[Schmeck]

Not for me. My son had 10 excused absences and then we had to get doctors notes. Which was HIGHLY offensive to me. As if they didn't trust MY judgement. And then I actually took him to the doctor to get a note for some stupid little virus with fever and the doctor himself said "oh he'll live, you should just send him." Sooooo ok. Today I have a sick kid at school and log in here to read this "teacher vent."

This is why people homeschool, I kid you not.

Did the doctor give you any advice on how to keep your kid from getting so sick so often in the first place?

 

[hentob]

Not for me. My son had 10 excused absences and then we had to get doctors notes.

This is how it is in our district too.

We have parents bring in sick children because they can't afford to take their child to the doctor for a stomach flu that requires rest and fluids

Once you hit 10 days (excused or not) you need a note for EVERY day after that.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I am the Parent Rep for my dds school districts School Attendance Review Board (SARB) -- those are unexcused abences. Being home sick and coming back in with a note is an excused absence. The families we deal with for the most part are not the ones keeping thier child home b/c they are sick with a fever or cold.

But in our district, you get six total parent excused (no doctor note) and unexcused (no parent note) absence, period. Then you get a letter saying how important it is that your child attends school and the consequences that may befall you if he misses more school.