Teachable moment or freak show? UPDATE Post #28

[va32h]

Being a drug addict/alcoholic/smoker/whatever doesn't mean you surrender all rights to privacy and dignity.

I think it is an awful idea.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

A teachable moment by definition is something that arises surrounding the child. It is something that the CHILD has a strong connection with.
That is how they "get it".

You say that this child has no connection with the person? Then they won't "learn" anything.

 

[Michie]

I don't know. If you "typically had no contact" with the person, I think that would be quite a tacky thing to do (for lack of a better word). You don't have much to do with a person yet you would use them as an example of what-not-to-do for your child? That seems wrong to me.

Agree. I think it is beyond tacky. If I was in the hospital, I would not want somebodythat I was not close to, visiting me, evenmoreso bringing a child.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ummmmm, NO.

Wouldn't even think about it.
And, it has nothing to do with concern about druggie relative.
I would not do it because I do not think it would be in the best interest of the child.

If a kid is old enough to make their own decisions, then that should be up to the kid. Otherwise, no way, ever. A younger child could only be traumatized by making such a big deal out of something like this. And, really what is an older kid going to gain????

Either the kid is smart and knows that these kinds of things are choices that have consequences, or not. Many teens have a sense of immortality and invincibility, no matter what they have seen.

My DS recently lost his Grandpa (FIL) due to lung cancer (former smoker). DS is young, but he does understand, from my DH's comments, that cigarettes are not good for you and can make you sick. But, to drag a child into a hospital like some kind of field trip??? Could be a very misguided idea.

 

[Hannathy]

NO ! People and he is still a person not a learning tool are hospitalized because they are very sick, you don't stay in anymore if there is a slight chance you could survive at home, and do not need some relative they never have contact with trapsing in to humilate them. What are you going to say "oh hi Joe this is my kid who you never met cause I don't have anything to do with you but I thought since your at your worst I 'd introduce you?" Hospitals are also not social halls visitors are ok but the number should be limited. Really mean idea.

 

[AMcaptured]

Gosh NO!! Kids don't even want to see people they know in the hospital. Hospitals scare kids, why expose your child to something that is avoidable? It doesn't sound like this hospitalized person is someone your child knows well. Keep your kid at home, if you want to go, go alone.


JMO

 

[clh2]

This is a FREAKSHOW.

No child wants to be forced to go to a hospital to see someone they don't know. The patient deserves dignity and privacy.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

First off, I am not an evil shrew. I NEVER, not for one second, considered taking my DS to the hospital. I would never subject my child to that, even if I DID think it was a teachable moment.

The person in the hospital is my father. He is there because for the last 25 years he has downed at least a case of beer every single day. I stopped talking to him a LONG time ago and he has absolutely no contact with my DS. When DS was younger my father's priorities were drinking, being verbally abusive to my mother, and looking for women on the internet to have affairs with. There was no way he was getting near my child. He has no place in my life, and whatever happens now has nothing to do with me. I grew up and moved out so he couldn't control me anymore. That infuriates him so he says horrible things about me to my sisters. He can still control them, and my mother even though he divorced her. When he says "jump" my mother can't say "How high?" fast enough.

It is my MOTHER who thinks I should go see him AND she thinks it is important for my DS to see him as well! She said it would be "good" for us! We could see the ravages of alcohol and that way we won't be tempted to drink. I am 35 years old. I have already figured out the whole drinking vs. not drinking thing. It took me a LONG time to sort out my feelings about him and recognize the negative impact he has had on me. I am perfectly happy with the way things are. Estrangement suits me just fine. The last time I spoke to him he was calling to "apologize" because some counselor told him he should. It went like this "I am sorry you think I owe you an apology. I never did anything wrong." That was the last straw. I have better things to do with my time than cater to the delusions of a self-centered jerk.

So I will NOT be dragging my DS to the hospital, but it has nothing to do with having respect for the person who is ill. It has more to do with having respect for myself and my child.

 

[Stacey2grls]

No offense, but that seems like an extremely cruel thing to do for the person who is ill, and the child. I would never subject my children to something as horrible as that. There are many opportunites for life lessons with your children, this should not be one of them.

 

[nealymouse]

BRAVO !!!! Standing up clapping my hands for that speech. You are doing the right thing in my eyes.

I also lived with an alcoholic. It was different and I will always love this person.

I do think you are doing the right thing and your Mom has to respect what you are doing for your son.

Stay strong and I wish you all well.

 

[ilovepcot]

Your last paragraph is right on!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It is my MOTHER who thinks I should go see him AND she thinks it is important for my DS to see him as well! She said it would be "good" for us! We could see the ravages of alcohol and that way we won't be tempted to drink.

Your mother wants you & your ds to see him so she won't feel guilty. I hope you see that. It has nothing to do with you. If you want to visit your dad, that is OK, you are an adult...but don't expose your son to this man.

Sorry about the situation and I am glad you are at peace.