Tantrums

[baseballnut]

You've gotten a lot of great tips! If you can go at his pace and then monitor him, you'll see the WHY behind the tantrum and be ready for the best response, lol.

Just wanted to reassure you that no one will be looking at you funny if your toddler has a tantrum!!! It will be with sympathy and empathy. And relief, lol. Unless it's someone who doesn't have kids yet...but they'll get theirs in time, lol.

We've all been there, so please don't add worrying about what everyone is thinking to your list of worries.

 

[slzer0]

Thanks. <3

I live in a town with a ton of crotchety retirees whose kids are grown, my sister has no kids, we have lots of friends without kids, coworkers without kids or grown kids, etc. So I can be very hypersensitive to "standing out".

I get so tired of hearing people comment (not about me) how they simply wouldn't "allow" their kids to have a tantrum. I'd love to leave my son with my sister (someone who is always quick to judge and comment) for one afternoon so she could see how that's just simply not a thing. But she wouldn't last an hour, lol. She's seriously held him maybe three times in his life, because I made her. It's always the people who have no idea that judge the harshest. And no, bring a middle school electives teacher doesn't qualify you to judge how to handle toddlers. Lmao

Seriously though, talking about it has eased my worries a lot.

 

[baseballnut]

Thanks. <3 I live in a town with a ton of crotchety retirees whose kids are grown, my sister has no kids, we have lots of friends without kids, coworkers without kids or grown kids, etc. So I can be very hypersensitive to "standing out". I get so tired of hearing people comment (not about me) how they simply wouldn't "allow" their kids to have a tantrum. I'd love to leave my son with my sister (someone who is always quick to judge and comment) for one afternoon so she could see how that's just simply not a thing. But she wouldn't last an hour, lol. She's seriously held him maybe three times in his life, because I made her. It's always the people who have no idea that judge the harshest. And no, bring a middle school electives teacher doesn't qualify you to judge how to handle toddlers. Lmao Seriously though, talking about it has eased my worries a lot.

I try my hardest to avoid tantrums by monitoring the situation and having a fix ready, but I've encountered plenty of tantrums. Like giving her the pink bowl instead of the blue bowl!!! Pshaw, you will in no way be standing out, lol!

 

[clambert1273]

Thanks. <3

I live in a town with a ton of crotchety retirees whose kids are grown, my sister has no kids, we have lots of friends without kids, coworkers without kids or grown kids, etc. So I can be very hypersensitive to "standing out".

I get so tired of hearing people comment (not about me) how they simply wouldn't "allow" their kids to have a tantrum. I'd love to leave my son with my sister (someone who is always quick to judge and comment) for one afternoon so she could see how that's just simply not a thing. But she wouldn't last an hour, lol. She's seriously held him maybe three times in his life, because I made her. It's always the people who have no idea that judge the harshest. And no, bring a middle school electives teacher doesn't qualify you to judge how to handle toddlers. Lmao

Seriously though, talking about it has eased my worries a lot.

You can volunteer to leave my son with anyone that thinks its a walk in the park... I would challenge anyone to deal with him even at 14 lol

Our running joke is that we didn't have to worry about him being kidnapped - they would just return him

 

[clambert1273]

I try my hardest to avoid tantrums by monitoring the situation and having a fix ready, but I've encountered plenty of tantrums. Like giving her the pink bowl instead of the blue bowl!!! Pshaw, you will in no way be standing out, lol!

sorry but this made me laugh.. literally.. we had that when my son was younger... "BUT I WANT THE BLUE CUP!! IT'S BETTER!!" total. melt. down...

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I work in a preschool room and we use a lot of "first/then" statements with our kids. "First you need to put away the books, then we will go outside." It helps them predict what will come next, and then what comes after that. If they're facing a non-preferred activity (like cleaning up, or standing in line at WDW), they know that a preferred activity (like going outside or riding Dumbo) will come afterward.

 

[Lupeix]

I agree with a lot of posts that prevention is key, always have water and snacks on hand and respect naptime so that you never have to deal with a hungry or tired toddler.
Little ones can get overstimulated at WDW, so taking them to a more quiet place to calm down when the tantrum erupts helps a lot. Last year we used the babycare centers for that, we called them "cool down time". They have a little area with small tables, they have AC (in july it was a blessing) and a tv showing a Disney movie. DS will go in, sit down, have snack and watch some tv and after 15 minutes he had forgotten all about the meltdown (it worked for DH too..)
And no one will be rolling their eyes at you, you will not be the only one dealing with this

 

[slzer0]

Our running joke is that we didn't have to worry about him being kidnapped - they would just return him

We say this all the time! Lol!

 

[slzer0]

I work in a preschool room and we use a lot of "first/then" statements with our kids. "First you need to put away the books, then we will go outside." It helps them predict what will come next, and then what comes after that. If they're facing a non-preferred activity (like cleaning up, or standing in line at WDW), they know that a preferred activity (like going outside or riding Dumbo) will come afterward.

Love this. I will be trying this at home ASAP.

 

[NinaBella]

Wow. My kids are 22, 20, 12, and 11. Call me old fashioned but a swift pop on the butt works the best. I don't recall my kids every having a full out tantrum in public or private like I see other kids having.

 

[North of Mouse]

Thanks. <3

I live in a town with a ton of crotchety retirees whose kids are grown, my sister has no kids, we have lots of friends without kids, coworkers without kids or grown kids, etc. So I can be very hypersensitive to "standing out".

I get so tired of hearing people comment (not about me) how they simply wouldn't "allow" their kids to have a tantrum. I'd love to leave my son with my sister (someone who is always quick to judge and comment) for one afternoon so she could see how that's just simply not a thing. But she wouldn't last an hour, lol. She's seriously held him maybe three times in his life, because I made her. It's always the people who have no idea that judge the harshest. And no, bring a middle school electives teacher doesn't qualify you to judge how to handle toddlers. Lmao

Seriously though, talking about it has eased my worries a lot.

You know, I had no intention of commenting on this thread until 'this' post!

I had three children and I 'did not' tolerate tantrums, period! Did I wait until they were 1 1/2, 2, 2 1/2, to try to control them? No way, we nipped them in the bud when they first started - like when they'd try to 'buck' in your arms when they were tired, cranky, fighting sleep, didn't get their way, whatever. We gave them firm 'no's' each time and made them sit, whatever the case was. By being 'very' consistent, trust me it taught them that throwing a fit did not 'get it'.

Would I want to try to handle 'your' child after he's been allowed to tantrum all this time - no way - some things need to be started and 'consistent' at a much earlier age. Were we mean, no way, just loving and firm.

By the way, I know others that have used this tactic and it works 100%. Children (babies) know at a very young age what is expected of them and if you really mean what you say - not just words, but words, and actions.

 

[delyrium]

Wow. My kids are 22, 20, 12, and 11. Call me old fashioned but a swift pop on the butt works the best. I don't recall my kids every having a full out tantrum in public or private like I see other kids having.

I highly doubt striking my child would stop them from crying.

 

[jacknsally19]

I will cross my fingers for you that the tantrums stop soon..... I will tell you that we had a really rough period with my DD for about a month where her tantrums where just out of control and it was at 2 and 7 months and then it resolved on its own. Personally, I count to three and then she goes in time out but during that weird period it did not work. It's a normal developmental stage and they are learning how to control their emotions - so do not feel bad!!! I would say the vast majority of looks you will be getting are sympathetic looks because we have all been there. At least those of us that have strong willed children! I read a lot about techniques when I went through that rough period and my general sense is that pick an approach / response that YOU feel comfortable implementing and stick to it. Consistency is the most important.

Also, the baby centers are a great 'time out' for overstimulated little ones

Good luck and virtual hugs - tantrums are so challenging.

 

[slzer0]

Thanks. This period has been particularly rough. He turned 2.5, eight days ago. It's been difficult especially the past two weeks.

At the same time, he's asserting control over his environment - holding my hand and directing me (or daddy, or big sister), or telling me where to sit, etc... And also learning how to control himself and his feelings.

It feels like he's struggling with how much control he has over his environment and also managing these feelings.

It will pass, I know.

 

[Dragonfly_34]

I highly doubt striking my child would stop them from crying.

This. Exactly. In fact, the few times I've done it with my 2 year old twins, one of them - usually my son who is very strong-willed - will look at me and say "You no hit me mommy". Makes sense considering I'm often telling him and/or his twin sister not to hit.

To the OP, I don't have any good advice because I have the same fears - we leave in 2 weeks and I'm already bracing myself for a daily meltdown from one of my three kids. I'm not too concerned about getting my 5 yr old son or 2 yr old daughter under control, but my 2 yr old son is a different story. I'm going to do my best to stay on top of things so he's not over tired, hungry, hyped up on sugar....and I'm going to attempt to let him walk some, since I know he'll get tired of being in the stroller. I'm hoping for the best but am preparing for the worst.

 

[kevdad]

With our three we found that preventing tantrums was nearly impossible, but overreacting to them would just make it worse. At the onset we often would begin whispering in their ears just about anything we could think of for as long as possible. Doesn't really matter what we said, but to be able to hear what we were saying they needed to quiet down.

I would perhaps try to avoid giving them a treat/something special/positive reinforcement if at all possible.

Good luck! And don't worry about those who frown upon the situation, those people either never had kids or have very, very selective memories!

 

[Betty Rohrer]

one thing that I found that helped in our family was to have husband take other child and meet up after meltdown was over. I would stay with meltdowning child in a safe area, husband would take other child to do something. we would meet them there usually too late to join them. did not take too many times for younger child to realize that she was missing out and older child was getting to go with her day.

 

[kamik86]

To all those that say ignore it...

At the sidewalk of a park fine, in line at a ride, as long as people can still get by you fine.

However in a show or a resteraunt? Would you really subject everyone else to your screaming kid because you didn't want to make them leave? These are the ones I end up staring at. The ones that don't realize there are some situations that you need to have a different tactic.

At 17 I worked at a camp with 5 year olds. I had one that did tend to throw tantrums. When she did it at the tent we ignored her and just let everyone else go on doing whatever fun thing until she stopped, same in most other places.

When she had one in the middle of a row boat (she didn't like where she was supposed to move to after her turn to row) with another child also crying because she was scared we were going to crash and we were legitimately being carried toward rocks because you couldn't row it with her in the way... yeah that was the one time she got her way.

 

[rachael95]

My DS is 2.5 and we just went. Luckily, he doesn't have tantrums often - but he's still a 2 year old and they happen.

What we did was:
1. Try to prevent.
I kept snacks on me, I brought a couple of his favorite cars, I had glow sticks from Target, we kept hydrated (literally, after every ride, every bathroom break, every few steps, I was pushing COLD water down him. I had a good thermos that I filled from water bottles we froze and that helped a lot).
We made sure he got his nap. He napped in the stroller. DH and I used that time to sit in the shade or if I wanted to go shop, I would shop while he slept. We very rarely went into a shop when he was awake.

2. Nip them in the bud.
If I saw he was starting to blow, we'd change tack, try to distract, give him the option to make some decisions. We'd take a break. We also had a rule, no ride was worth more than 20 minute wait time. We were AMAZING with our FP+. By the way, trick we used, we only went on rides he liked since we've been before and this trip was about him. So DH would take him on a ride while I sat out. After the ride, I'd take him using my FP+. This works for a 2 year old since they aren't part of the FP+ system. Once he's 3, we're stuck.

3. When it happened - the worst was the very first night. We had driven for hours, we were supposed to meet my sister and her husband at Raglan Road at 5:30 for dinner. We were hungry. It was hot and we had left my DS' stroller in the car because we hadn't realized HOW FAR we had to walk from where we parked at Cirque to Raglan Road. UGH. (Ended up carrying him back - not fun) None of us were happy. My sister and her husband were more than an hour late because they got caught at work. DS was REALLY not happy. When we got seated, they gave us a GREAT table right next to the dancers. Great, except, the sound started getting to DS. He got upset and was "performing" for his aunt and uncle and everyone else and actually smacked me and started yelling/tantrum.

What I did - I calmly picked him up and carried him out. I didn't say anything to him. He was upset because he was no longer in the excitement and wanted to walk and cried more, but he needed to be carried and removed from the restaurant as quickly as possible at that time. I took him outside, and talked to him about how we don't hit. Set him down on the ground for a minute in timeout until he calmed down a bit and was just crying a little. Then after it was done, hugged him and talked about why he got timeout again (now that he was calm enough to understand). Had him repeat back to me why he got timeout. One more hug, then started distracting him with talking about the menu, the statue, anything. He calmed down completely within a few minutes and was quite happy the rest of the time after we got back in and got to eat. This is usually how our pattern for tantrums works. We always make sure we end a timeout with hugs and kisses though and doing something happy - even if it's just talking about how pretty the sky is.

We also have talked (trained?) to our DS and make him understand that he'll often get what he wants if he can ask for it nicely. Drives me and DH nuts when he whines. So we've gotten pretty good at saying something like "Can you ask for that nicely?" If he'll say "Can I have X, please, Momma?" (usually in this sweet voice he does when he is being "nice" I'll respond "You asked for that so nicely!" and then give it to him. Usually it's something like getting to play with his iPad when we're sitting around (something I'd be fine with him doing anyway). If it's something he asks for nicely but he can't have, I'll tell him no, but that I'm so proud of how nicely he asked - then will try to find something else as a mini-reward for the being nice part , even if it's just hugs/kisses.

 

[DisneyRegulars]

OP I think you have gotten a lot of good advice already. We have survived our fare share of tantrums in the parks. One that I remember the most is when we arrived really early at Animal Kingdom and were riding Triceratops Spin (like Dumbo but with dinosaurs). Well we were the only people there, so the cast members let us stay on over and over again. Well finally a line formed enough so we had to get off the ride. BIGGEST TANTRUM EVER!!!!! Even though we were going to get right back in line my 2.5 year old just didn't understand and flipped out. Complete wet noodle pounding on the ground thrashing tantrum. I carried him off the ride and placed him on the ground and let him scream his heart out. He recovered, we recovered and moved on with our day. From then on though, whenever it was offered for us to stay on a ride we declined, got off the ride and ran right back on if we wanted to.

Sometimes you just never know what might set them off. One thing that I did find helpful sometimes though (about 50% of the time) was using the tactics explained in Happiest Toddler on the Block. I highly recommend renting the DVD from your local library for a quick 30 minute life saving view. Basically, when your toddler is tantrumming, instead of trying to calm them, echo their sentiments back at them in equal intensity so that they know they are being understood. A lot of times once they understand that you understand why they are angry they will calm down. When it works, it's seriously like magic. Example situation:
Child: Flips out because he can't have expensive glowing toy.
Mom: "YOU WANT THE TOY! YOU WANT THE TOY!" (yes you will feel like a complete idiot)
Child: Stops screaming, kind of looks at you, like "oh my goodness you get it!"
Mom:"YOU'RE MAD YOU WANT THE TOY!"
Child: calms down.
Mom: I get it, that was a pretty cool toy. I kind of want one too. Maybe some day we can get one.

Check it out. It doesn't work all the time, but when it does, it's amazing. Totally worth having as a tantrum curbing tool in your arsenal.