Talking DH into including DGrandpa, HELP

[Disney Spaz]

Okay here is the situation my DDad has gone on several trips with us, 4 out of 10 since DH and I have been going. DH likes the trips w/o my dad because my dad tends to go crazy with buying stuff for both my DS and myself. Being an only child dad has always spoiled me and DS. Now after 15 years I finally had a little girl 4 weeks ago. My dad is totally in love with his granddaughter. In fact he just got back from the world and everyone else in the family got a box of candy and my daughter got two sets of gold Mickey ears with her name on them and a little born to be a princess hat. Now my DH planned my DD's first trip to the world for this Nov but doesn't want my dad to even know about the trip becuase he feels like he can't compete with what my dad can buy my DD. My dad has already been hinting that he thinks we should take DD to the world soon so how do I talk DH into including my dad? Or how do I keep this trip from my dad when we are so close? Thanks for any suggestions.

 

[Kristina]

It's probably really risky keeping a secret like that from your Dad. I'm guessing if he found out he may be really hurt so you could just say to your DH that your not keeping any secrets, for a start. It is so sweet that your Dad is such a loving Grandfather that perhaps you could say that to your DH, I mean that he is so involved and in love with your Daughter is a good thing, no? He could watch the little one when you two went out for some grown up fun, for example. Otherwise I don't think it would be out of line to just tell your Dad that this first trip is just for your DH, since he's just mad about her too. Do you think your Dad would understand? Then perhaps he can be included on the next trip.

Good luck and some pixiedust for you, hope it all works out! In any event, your babygirl is going to the World so good for her ! .

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

I agree that it is very risky keeping a secret like that from your dad. It is tough that your husband feels that way and I know you want to respect his feelings. I wish your husband would just put his jealously aside and enjoy the fact that you have a father and grandfather that wants to be involved with your children's lives. I know people may say otherwise, but your daughter is still a baby and probably won't remember the trip. What can it hurt your husband to share this with your dad. After all, if the circle of life goes the way it is suppose to, your husband will there for many more trips with your daughter while who knows how many more your dad will have.

We had to postpone my father's first trip to Disney many years ago and he passed away before we were ever able to reschedule it. He was only 60 when I lost him and was in fairly good health. But on the other hand, you have to live with your husband so his feelings need to be considered.

to you for being put in such a sucky situtation and I hope it works out with the least possible hurt feelings.

 

[Disney Spaz]

Thanks for the suggestions. I have had the same, "how many times will grandpa have the chance too go," thoughts and concerns. I told DH I was posting about this on the boards and I guess he took me more seriously about how I feel because he did tell me to make all our ADR's with an extra person added. So here's hoping that he rethinks things and invites my dad.

 

[auaci]

I may have a better perspective from your DH's side. I am married to an only child, and have an only child. Both sets of Grandparents live with a 10 minute drive. I am thankful that my DS gets to spend so much time with his grandparents and realize how lucky we are and would not change a thing.

As far as spoiling from the grandparents. I try to make sure DS does not get obnoxious about it. I also try not to let my pride get in the way and keep in mind - is it really fair to ask the DGP not to splurge on him while they are here to enjoy it, if I know he or we will probably end up with it in the future, when DGP can't see us enjoy it.

BUT, I do understand your DH point about the trip and especially the first one. Because the DGP are so close (again, I am thankful and would not change), I sometimes feel, that I have to compete with them for attention amd time from my son at family gatherings. (I realize this is a great problem to have and how fortunate, I am. So please do not take this as a complaint.) When we go on vacation just as DD (me), DM and DS, I don't have to compete for attention or time from my son or wife, and it adds so much enjoyment to our vacation for me.

So maybe your DH does understand, but I can understand him wanting all the attention for a little while.

Just my input.

 

[goofy4tink]

From the perspective of the 'spoiled one'....I was the only dd of a mom who was the only dgd in her family. Her dgf spoiled her rotten...called her 'Queenie'. Well, then I came along..poor 'Queenie'. the little Princess, me, got all the attention. My mom's nose was way out of joint from what I have heard. Then, my brothers started coming along. They would get underwear and some candy for birthdays, Christmas etc. Me? I got beautiful party dresses, coats with muffs. My poor brothers.
So....what's the answer to your dilemna?? I would have a talk with your dad...gently let him know that you realize how much he adores his gd...but that he has to be a bit more sensitive to the other kids. That they feel that grampa might not love them as much as the 'little princess'...Not true, I'm sure, but maybe it will make him stop and think. Then, if it doesn't stop, it's time to make a 'family joke' out of it. Your dh is just going to have to stand back and take it. Dad isn't going to be here forever. My mom used to be just the same way...spent a ton of money on her 'princess' (my now 12 y/o). We obsessed over it for years..I mean, no one could keep up with her in the gift department and the other side of the family always made snide comments. But, now she's gone. I wish I could have one more 'overgifting' discussion with her.
Have fun, take dad, and just laugh at him. You and your dh can make it up to
your ds.

 

[Disney Spaz]

goofy4tink I totally get where you are coming from. My mom was just saying the other day the my dad worshiped me when I was little and now she can already see him doing that with my DD. We make jokes that I was the princess and now I have been forgotten. As for my DS's they are both teenagers and had years of being spoiled be DGPa before DD came along so they look at it as a joke already and even argue that they will spoil DD more then DGPa. Plus they still get spoiled in other ways. I think because when I was little WDW was a me and my daddy thing, I think my dad wants that with his DGD too.
auaci I see what you mean. We live with DGPa during the week to cut down on our commute and DH has been wonderful about the whole situation so I understand his desire to have that alone time. I have left the decision up to him and said I would understand either way but if he want to include my dad I will let him ask my dad. I also understand not wanting to compete with him because several years ago DH and DDad got into a battle over who was going to buy me more stuff in WDW, those were the days. DOn't get me wrong it wasn't arguing it was just a whole lot of "i'll get this for her," "no I got it," "no, I don't mind" kind of stuff.

Thanks for all your help and input.