Talked Ourselves Out of Going To Maui

[dairyou]

Paranoia just stopped DH and I from going to Maui without the kids.

It is our 19th year anniversary. We found a trip to Maui for 1200 total for 6 nights. It would be the first time going on vacation without DS 16 and 17. We've gone on vacation before without the boys and swore we wouldn't do again because we were worried about orphaning our kids. Well we thought it would be better this time because DS will be 18 in December and we wouldn't have to worry about it. He could take care of DS 16 if somethiing happened. Well then I had a stupid revelation. If something was to happen to us DS would have to put off going to university next year if something would happen to us. Now I know you all thing this is stupid and we are passing up a good deal. I'm bummed that I just can't get over it. And, yes I know something can happen when we drive down the street. I admit it is stupid.

We agonized for weeks if we would go and just when we were ready to book we got cold feet. DH was worried about spending the money with the economy getting so bad. We were worried about leaving the boys alone.

I guess it wasn't meant to be. Now we have to wait 3 more years to go on vacation without them.

 

[tigercat]

Sorry but the only thing I can think of is "helicopter"
tigercat

 

[JessicaR]

Anything can happen anywhere at any time. I know, easy for me to say because traveling doesn't worry me. Who fuels the paranoia you or he? Can't the other rationalize?

Maybe take a nice family anniversary trip instead. Sorry you decided not to go.

 

[KristaTX]

Sounds like it was a tough decision for you .

 

[LadyZolt]

We've gone on vacation before without the boys and swore we wouldn't do again because we were worried about orphaning our kids.

I totally understand about waiting for the kids to be grown before doing a long trip (distance wise or time wise) without the kids, but honestly, make a legal will and put your mind at ease about this issue. First, your 18 year old would likely *never* be granted custody of your younger children if you were to die. 18 is far too young for the courts (which is who would be deciding this in the absence of your legal direction via a will). You don't want your relatives fighting over who would get custody, either -- make that decision yourselves and put it in writing.

Also, you'd likely not want your 18 year old to come into a full inheritance at 18 anyway, whether you have property or life insurance or any other type of assets. He's far more likely to make money mistakes than he would be if he were 25 or 30, so in your will, create a trust for the kids that they won't be able to get until they're in their mid 20's or early 30's. Again, this will buy you peace of mind, and whoever you have in charge of this will be there to look out for your kids.

You will feel better knowing this is settled in a legal way and that your wishes will be done should anything happen.

-Dorothy (LadyZolt) (I'm not a lawyer, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last week)

 

[FINFAN]

Dairyou, and Happy Anniversary! Our 23 rd is this weekend and we are spending it taking our kids to the Air Show in Chicago..sharing your anniversary celebration with the kids can be an ok thing to do....don't stress over the decision you and your DH have made , in todays world, being across the ocean from your kids can be quite unsettling. I know many will say "you're a 4 hour flight away" , but the reality is that doesn't calm fears. There is NOTHING stupid in how you are feeling. Besides, you tried a trip w/out them and it did not go as you thought..nothing wrong with that, you know your comfort level. Your DH has a very valid concern over finances in todays economy, you mention college, so we all know the hidden expenses that can pop up. I don't think I would call it "paranoia", more like listening to your gut. Besides, if it doesn't feel right, you would not enjoy the trip anyway, no matter how nice the bargain!. I think "helicopter" is a bit harsh. I think you will enojy having the extra week with your older son before he heads to school, and to be honest , the 16 year old may actually need you guys around. It hit our DS ( 14 at the time) pretty hard when his sister went away to school last year. Maybe you are like us and end enjoy family vacations, with shorter little get a ways here and there. With your 16 as the only kid at home, you will find that when he is out and about, YOU guys get to be out and about. Don't focus on the 3 year mark...our DD went on a week vaca w/her BF's family this summer, if DS had camp or a place to head, then we culd've taken a few days to ourselves, maybe something similar is in the near future for you guys as well.
Enjoy your time with your boys, do what makes you all comfortable and stress-free. Hawaii will be there when you are ready.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Sorry but the only thing I can think of is "helicopter"
tigercat

Not very helpful, but I agree...

 

[brp]

Anything can happen anywhere at any time. I know, easy for me to say because traveling doesn't worry me.

Given how much more dangerous driving is that flying...you're better off on the plane.

Also easy for me to say because we don't have kids

Cheers.

 

[terri01p]

Heck after leaving my 19 year old home for a weekend by herself, I would never do it again...the goings on at my house are still talked about 6 years later. You did the right thing in my eyes, there's a lot that could happen in that house in 6 days. Maui will still be there in three years.

 

[minniecarousel]

Yeah, I don't think we left our teenage sons home alone for an extended period of time. It wasn't them (although, as they get older, it comes to light that we should have been concerned about THEM!) it is the fact that word would get out that we weren't home & we'd have been Party Central.

Now, the reason you say you aren't going has me thinking: don't you have a Will and Guardians set up? You really should. When our first child was born, we talked to my sister and asked her if she'd take our son in case something ever happened to both of us.

 

[LuvOrlando]

True story.

When I was 20 & engaged and my brother was 19 our parents went to Hawaii for a week. During that week we had a get together that grew into a party. My brother invited most of the people there while I had been under the impression it would be more of a friends hanging out thing so I was low key. Anyway my brother was a big flirt and knew lots of girls who would come and go. One girl, 17 or so, he "Knew" brought along her new BF, another girl and that girls BF. They didn't know me and I didn't know them but they were ticking me off because they kept changing the music to death metal, which irks me, I like it a little more melodic. Any way after a while of us going back & forth I tell them, don't you know who I am, this is MY house. While I go to find my brother to tell him to kick his friends out they were goofing around in the bathroom. When my brother chased them out of the bathroom I realized the little psychos had unrolled toilet paper into the basket and had lit it on fire. No joke, there were actually flames running up the wall and these people ran while the rest of us were dealing with the fire. My brother thought fast and put it out but OMG, they could have killed us all and over what... being asked to lower the radio. Some of my brothers friends found the guy and, well the night didn't end well for them.

Anyhoo, that my parents in Hawaii story. What happened to us doesn't mean it would happen to you but to me, it is a life lesson. My kids will not be left alone.

 

[RUDisney]

Now, the reason you say you aren't going has me thinking: don't you have a Will and Guardians set up? You really should. When our first child was born, we talked to my sister and asked her if she'd take our son in case something ever happened to both of us.

This is the question I was thinking, too.

Friends of ours have always flown separately so one of them would survive if the other's plane went down. They even split up the kids if they were going as a family. Weird thing is that they drive in the same car all the time. That's far more dangerous than flying.

 

[N&B'smom]

My hubby and I have gone on several trips while the kids stayed with my parents. Each time I worry about something happening to us BUT I always remind myself that no one knows what the future holds and life is meant to be lived. Carpe Diem.

But for the record, I would definitely not be leaving my teenage children home alone with no supervision because nothing good could come from that!

 

[jsmith]

If its your time-its your time-and its not going to matter whether you are on a plane to Maui or crossing the street-there was a young couple in Brazil who missed the Air France flight-and were killed in a car accident the next day-you just never know.
As for leaving teenagers alone-i gues it depends on the kids-we left ours 4 two weeks when they were 20 and 16-close friends dropped by everyday-and if their were parties-well my house was clean when i got home and no one had called the police-so its all good.

 

[terri01p]

True story.

When I was 20 & engaged and my brother was 19 our parents went to Hawaii for a week. During that week we had a get together that grew into a party. My brother invited most of the people there while I had been under the impression it would be more of a friends hanging out thing so I was low key. Anyway my brother was a big flirt and knew lots of girls who would come and go. One girl, 17 or so, he "Knew" brought along her new BF, another girl and that girls BF. They didn't know me and I didn't know them but they were ticking me off because they kept changing the music to death metal, which irks me, I like it a little more melodic. Any way after a while of us going back & forth I tell them, don't you know who I am, this is MY house. While I go to find my brother to tell him to kick his friends out they were goofing around in the bathroom. When my brother chased them out of the bathroom I realized the little psychos had unrolled toilet paper into the basket and had lit it on fire. No joke, there were actually flames running up the wall and these people ran while the rest of us were dealing with the fire. My brother thought fast and put it out but OMG, they could have killed us all and over what... being asked to lower the radio. Some of my brothers friends found the guy and, well the night didn't end well for them.

Anyhoo, that my parents in Hawaii story. What happened to us doesn't mean it would happen to you but to me, it is a life lesson. My kids will not be left alone.

My dd had never been into anything and alway someone we could trust. And granted she didn't do these things but did invite the people over that did so.....
Let's just say my china hut glass was broken out, my lazy boy chair arm torn off, the specially soaps in my back bathroom broke into and used. Water stains all over my living room and kitchen from a appearance water balloon fight.
There was many years of pay back for her after that and she wasn't entrusted again until her marriage.

 

[bumbershoot]

I love vacationing with DS and even though he's only 5 I just can't imagine it ever getting old. People said we'd get tired of it from the first trip we took with him (our 1st anniversary, getting our wedding album, when he was 3 months old) but it's just gotten more and more fun.

So I see nothing helicoptery in not going on vacay without them. It's not like you're going to sit in their rooms and stare at them...you just don't want to die and leave them without you.


Instead of waiting to go without them, why not SAVE the money you had put aside, and save up some more, and taken them with you on an epic trip to Hawaii?! Maybe rent a condo with a few bedrooms? Or save up even more money, invite a relative with you, they could stay in a room with the relative, you could be alone.... They get the fun of being teenagers on a beach, you get some private time (it's not like they're 5!), everyone wins.

 

[shortbun]

My dd had never been into anything and alway someone we could trust. And granted she didn't do these things but did invite the people over that did so.....
Let's just say my china hut glass was broken out, my lazy boy chair arm torn off, the specially soaps in my back bathroom broke into and used. Water stains all over my living room and kitchen from a appearance water balloon fight.
There was many years of pay back for her after that and she wasn't entrusted again until her marriage.[/QUOTE

Sounds like one of the parties I threw when my parents left me in charge of my younger sibs. Think circle of cig and wine stains in a lilac living room carpet, back door completely taken off hinges and splintered, dishes used as frisbees on the lawn and so forth. Yep, I wouldn't be worrying about orphaning my son, I'd be wondering what he was going to get into. lol! You made the right choice OP; if you're that paranoid about it you'd never be able to enjoy yourselves. BTW, $1200 is awfully cheap for Maui or anywhere in Hawaii. Buy travel insurance that includes a big death payoff and your kids won't have to worry about defering anything.

 

[Deb in IA]

I would be more worried about 2 adolescents alone at home than the infinitely remote chance of dying in a plane crash.

But the main thing is that you have to feel comfortable with your decision.

Can't the boys go with you?

 

[dairyou]

Sorry but the only thing I can think of is "helicopter"
tigercat

Yikes, I didn't even think of that. DH would have wanted to do that too!

 

[dairyou]

I totally understand about waiting for the kids to be grown before doing a long trip (distance wise or time wise) without the kids, but honestly, make a legal will and put your mind at ease about this issue. First, your 18 year old would likely *never* be granted custody of your younger children if you were to die. 18 is far too young for the courts (which is who would be deciding this in the absence of your legal direction via a will). You don't want your relatives fighting over who would get custody, either -- make that decision yourselves and put it in writing.

Also, you'd likely not want your 18 year old to come into a full inheritance at 18 anyway, whether you have property or life insurance or any other type of assets. He's far more likely to make money mistakes than he would be if he were 25 or 30, so in your will, create a trust for the kids that they won't be able to get until they're in their mid 20's or early 30's. Again, this will buy you peace of mind, and whoever you have in charge of this will be there to look out for your kids.

You will feel better knowing this is settled in a legal way and that your wishes will be done should anything happen.

-Dorothy (LadyZolt) (I'm not a lawyer, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last week)

We've had our living trust set up since the boys were toddlers. That's how paranoid I am. Even having that set up I won't leave them. It was hard at the time to think about the different ages they would inherit their money. More so was trying to figure out who would love your kids as much as you do yourselves. I don't know if that is even possible to find. They would be pretty rich if something was to happen to us. We did just revise the trust 4 years ago and probably need to do it again.

Deb