Tacky or Not? Vow Renewal Questions

[Disney Doll]

I love vow renewals. I love what they stand for...that 2 people love, have loved and will continue to love each other, and have built a life together that they wish to continue. I think some folks are being a bit "semantically" focused on the word "renewal"....

Wear what you want. serve what you want, of course your children should stand with you.

And congratulations on accomplishing something that seems to be getting harder and harder to do...staying married.

 

[binny]

I love vow renewals. I love what they stand for...that 2 people love, have loved and will continue to love each other, and have built a life together that they wish to continue. I think some folks are being a bit "semantically" focused on the word "renewal"....

Wear what you want. serve what you want, of course your children should stand with you.

And congratulations on accomplishing something that seems to be getting harder and harder to do...staying married.

 

[mumom95]

I'm with the "I don't get it crowd". I don't think there is anything wrong with reaffirming to each other how strong your love is, but I don't know why a JP or other people have to be involved. That seems to me to take away some of the intimacy of it.

I think a big party would be a great idea and a lot of fun. We will celebrate our 15 year anniversary next year and we are taking a trip to Hawaii to celebrate (with the kids). We went to Alaska for our 10th (without the kids). But that's partly because I'm just selfish and if I'm going to spend thousands of dollars then it's going to be spent taking me somerwhere I've never been and always wanted to go rather than on a dj and food for a bunch of other people

But, this is me, and you should do what you want OP. As long as you don't ask for gifts, I don't think any of it is tacky.

 

[Took]

I think the honeymoon is a great idea! I'm not much of a vow renewal person (I don't hate them, but I haven't enjoyed the two I've been to), but a honeymoon can happen any time.

Perhaps, when your kids are older, they will throw a party celebrating a milestone anniversary for you (we did a big one for our parents' 50th and tons of folks came).

 

[walden]

I think it all sounds wonderful, good for the 2 of you...as a side note when I married DH it was my second marriage and I had a 7 & 9 y/o DD, they were in the wedding party and then stood with us during the vows..Congrats

You asked if this plan is tacky? Well, I don't know.

I'm not big on vow renewals. I said it once and that was forever, but YMMV.

Why not just throw a huge *family celebration* and just happen to have a vow renewal without mentioning it in the invitations? No alcohol required (and boy, do i understand this one), no gifts required, no big expectations . . . from anyone. Even mentioning a vow renewal or anniversary in the invitation will provoke gifts that you say you do not want.

Wear the lovely white dress you want. It is just a party for your nearest and dearest, with a special surprise moment for the immediate family and the guests that you value.

Just a thought.

 

[dallastxcpa]

I think the responses you would have got would have been completely different if you had asked on the Wedding and Honeymoon board.

There are lots of ladies over there who have vow renewals from the very simple to the all out party.

 

[MouseEarsJenny]

Why not just throw a huge *family celebration* and just happen to have a vow renewal without mentioning it in the invitations? No alcohol required (and boy, do i understand this one), no gifts required, no big expectations . . . from anyone. Even mentioning a vow renewal or anniversary in the invitation will provoke gifts that you say you do not want.

Wear the lovely white dress you want. It is just a party for your nearest and dearest, with a special surprise moment for the immediate family and the guests that you value.

Just a thought.

Oh, wow. Now that is intriguing. As I posted above, I was veering away from the idea of the vow renewal after many posters helped me realize that it might be construed as an attention grab. But if we just threw a party... and reaffirmed our vows... that's certainly interesting.

I guess what this thread has really helped me realize, though, is that while the romantics of my acquaintance would enjoy our vow renewal, others might see it as offensive. On the other hand, if we don't renew our vows, the romantics won't know what they are missing and we won't offend anyone. We wouldn't enjoy celebrating our marriage at the expense of annoying our friends and family, I am sure. I'll have to think about whether the "surprise" plan would avoid the issue.

 

[MouseEarsJenny]

I prefer booze for all parties , but that's obviously up to you.

This gave me a chuckle - I'm sure DH would agree with you. He isn't so concerned with what our church friends or recovering alcoholic family would say about the drinking. Although the cost does give him pause - I think he'd rather spend the money on our California trip on his own personal drinks of choice.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

It sounds really nice. GO for it!!

 

[themilesfamily]

Why not just throw a huge *family celebration* and just happen to have a vow renewal without mentioning it in the invitations? No alcohol required (and boy, do i understand this one), no gifts required, no big expectations . . . from anyone. Even mentioning a vow renewal or anniversary in the invitation will provoke gifts that you say you do not want.

I've been following the thread and I think this is a REALLY sweet idea.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I'm also in the camp that I don't get the whole vow renewal thing. You did it once, why the need to renew?

DH and I have been married for 20 years this year. We are going to Jamaica for a week. We both joke about the vow renewal thing and say, marrying each other once was more than enough.

 

[lovepurple]

When people renew their vows I often wonder if one of them did something to break the original vows and thus the need for renewal.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I think vow renewals are wonderfully sweet as long as it is privately done with your spouse and your children. That is what a vow renewal is, isn't it; reaffirming with your beloved how much you love him/her and recommitting to the vows. This should be a very private moment between husband, wife and children.

In my opinion, when vow renewals are done in public with a big party, it is almost seems desperate and very self-centered. As somebody else said - 'hey, look at me, be jealous of me that we made it 15 years'. Almost a nanny nanny boo boo - in your face type of thing. But that is just my feelings about vow renewals.

Throw a big party. You don't even need to call it an anniversary party. Throw a party to say thank you to all the special people in your lives that supported you in your difficult years, the ones that helped you so you could focus on your marriage and make it to 15 years. Make your guests the focus of your party, not yourselves.

Congrats by the way!

 

[Christine]

When people renew their vows I often wonder if one of them did something to break the original vows and thus the need for renewal.

The reason you think this way is because it actually is what happens.

Many people go through some awful times in their marriage--to the brink of divorce. Somehow they manage to come back from that and they want to reaffirm a commitment that, for a time, may have been lost. I understand that. In that case, I still think it's a private issue.

 

[walden]

Oh, wow. Now that is intriguing. As I posted above, I was veering away from the idea of the vow renewal after many posters helped me realize that it might be construed as an attention grab. But if we just threw a party... and reaffirmed our vows... that's certainly interesting.

I guess what this thread has really helped me realize, though, is that while the romantics of my acquaintance would enjoy our vow renewal, others might see it as offensive. On the other hand, if we don't renew our vows, the romantics won't know what they are missing and we won't offend anyone. We wouldn't enjoy celebrating our marriage at the expense of annoying our friends and family, I am sure. I'll have to think about whether the "surprise" plan would avoid the issue.

Glad you liked my idea of the family celebration with a special surprise! In your circumstances, especially because you had such a small wedding and most of your family and friends did not attend, I don't think it would be at all tacky to have a vow renewal. Perhaps have the officiant do a short introduction along the lines of "Betty, John and the Smith family would like to thank everyone for coming. What you may not realise is that 15 years ago Betty and John had a very tiny wedding (reasons as you put them here). They wanted you, their family and friends, to rejoice and celebrate with them as they reaffirm the vows they made then in your presence here today."

I'd find that very sweet, not offensive at all, and I'm not a big fan of vow renewals.

 

[Desnik]

Well, obviously I think a vow renewal is a great idea, follow the link in my signature!

If you want to do it, do it. If family or friends don't want to be a part of it then they are adults and can decline the invitation. I really don't see how a couple doing something so romantic, special, and loving can be viewed so negatively.

*NEWS FLASH*
Just because I renewed my vows with DH doesn't mean one of us cheated, we want to be the center of attention, or we want gifts!!!! We didn't expect anyone but our children to be there!!!
OK, sorry off my soap box now!

For us, we never had a wedding. Just married in the courthouse. We had a really rough couple of years with a sick baby, then 2 miscarriages, a tragic car accident and financial problems because of the accident. Then a grueling 3 year lawsuit that ended in our favor! So, it was time to celebrate, renew the commitment to each other. To celebrate our life and love. Our family was so happy and wanted to be apart of it. We had a total of 47 people at our vow renewal at WDW. It was magical!!! I couldn't care less what people think of a vow renewal. It was special and important to DH and I and that's all that matters.

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

[snip] For us, we never had a wedding. Just married in the courthouse. We had a really rough couple of years with a sick baby, then 2 miscarriages, a tragic car accident and financial problems because of the accident. Then a grueling 3 year lawsuit that ended in our favor! So, it was time to celebrate, renew the commitment to each other. To celebrate our life and love. Our family was so happy and wanted to be apart of it. We had a total of 47 people at our vow renewal at WDW. It was magical!!! I couldn't care less what people think of a vow renewal. It was special and important to DH and I and that's all that matters.

I'm glad you got through your difficult times. No offense intended, but just honesty, I think its specifically the bolded statement that people find hinky. That is, we're all that matters sentiment. Your guests don't matter, etiquette doesn't matter. You're not the first or the last to have a big VR. The OP asked for honest opinion though, and people here are giving it to her.

OP- I like you- you're listening to others which is great, and thinking of your guests feelings, which is even better!

I've been to one vow renewal, btw, and it was a surprise. It was at church appended to the end of our regular worship service. The couple had married before becoming people of faith in a courthouse. They always regretted not having a blessing on their union and on their 25th - after all the illness and challenges they'd been through raising an autistic child- they renewed thier vows in a very simple ceremony, wearing a regular dress and suit, and there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

There's definately a "look at me" way to do this, and a sentimental and wonderful way.

I think having a big party is a great idea, maybe with a simpler ceremony with just your kids and immediate family?

 

[Desnik]

I'm glad you got through your difficult times. No offense intended, but just honesty, I think its specifically the bolded statement that people find hinky. That is, we're all that matters sentiment. Your guests don't matter, etiquette doesn't matter. You're not the first or the last to have a big VR. The OP asked for honest opinion though, and people here are giving it to her.

You are misunderstanding what I said. I should have clarified. It doesn't matter to us what a bunch of strangers on a message board thinks of us having a vow renewal. We did it for us, expecting it to only be us and our kids. We never expected anyone(friends or extended family) to come. We actually didn't even invite them! They invited themselves! My family heard we were planning a vow renewal at WDW and 45 of them said can we come? It was crazy and in no way did we ever think all of them would want to be involved. My mom and sister yes, but the others, no. So we in no way wanted to show off or be the center of attention. Actually it was really hard for me when they all were coming because I don't like being the center of attention like that. I did worry about looking ridiculous in some aspects. I didn't wear a big ball gown of a wedding dress, no veil or tiara, no grand entrance with Cinderella's coach, I even wore my hair down!

 

[ShuisFan584]

I would definitely do a vow renewal!! Especially since you didn't get to have a big wedding 15 years ago, it would be nice to have something bigger to celebrate with everyone now.

My grandparents did a vow renewal for their 60th anniversary 3 years ago. We went to the church and then after we had a party at a hall. My dad created a montage for them set to music that showed pictures of them when they started dating, their kids, grandkids, pets, etc. Everyone loved it!

As for the wedding dress, I don't see a problem with wearing one...maybe not a full on ball gown, but something simple.

I'm from NJ and it would be weird to go to any event without alcohol. What about just wine and beer at the least?

And I definitely don't think it's tack to involve kids!

If anyone that you plan on inviting thinks a vow renewal is dumb or whatever, then that's just their problem and they don't have to come! Those that are important to you will love to be there for you.

 

[disykat]

Those that are important to you will love to be there for you.

Actually I don't agree with this statement. There may well be people who come out of love that aren't crazy about the idea. I'd go for a loved one if I felt they really wanted me there, but I'd still think it was silly.

As I said before, ultimately you do what feels right to you - but you have to realize not everyone has the same opinions.