Table Manners....

[Janepod]

Sure they are. hose who don't know how to eat their bread properly were called infants and creepy. IMO, that's equivalent to a lecture.

Nope. That was me. I made it very clear it was my pet peeve. I never lectured anyone.

Let me connect the dots for you:

• Buttering your entire piece of bread at once/cutting your entire steak at once is how little kids eat.
  
• Grownups doing little kid things is creepy and weird.
  
• Therefore, adults eating bread in that manner is creepy and weird.

I'm sure you have your own pet peeves. That's mine. My issue. But I didn't lecture any of you. In fact, I even said eat however you want, no skin off my back.

 

[Sorsha]

A poster upthread said that in her house, people know napkins aren't to be placed on laps because the puppy will think it's a game to grab them. That makes sense. I'd think her kids know that in a restaurant, napkins go on laps, either placed there by the waiter or by them.

That was me, and my currently ill-behaved doggie.

And yes, my kids know that restaurants have a whole different set of rules than meals at home. From the time they were tiny we used a phrase... "restaurant manners" whispered quietly in their ear when they weren't behaving. It was a subtle reminder as to how they were supposed to be acting, and they all got trained to behave fairly easily. Same goes for formal holiday meals with relatives.

Last time we were at The World in 2010 we ate at Yachtsman Steakhouse and had a wonderful server named Samuel. He was in his late 50's, I would guess, and had a deep voice like James Earl Jones and a to-die-for Jamaican accent. When he spoke it gave you delightful shivers. He went up to each of my DDs and spread their napkins on their laps for them and said "Good evening, my lady" in that voice; and my then-10 year old nearly melted off her chair into a puddle. He got a HUGE tip. LOL

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Question. Let's say you go to dinner and they serve corn bread and biscuits. How would you say you should eat these? Break them off or use a fork? We normally pick them up and take a bite. I have also used a fork before. I would like to know what to do in this case.

 

[Kathi OD]

Lots of things are regional I agree - like the street food stuff vs. fair food and, as in another thread, cotillion etiquette. I know there exists cotillion etiquette; it doesn't exist in my vicinity, however.

The bread thing is basic, universal western dining etiquette though. As noted by many people in the thread, from all areas. I believe someone even quoted EP or Miss Manners as well. I don't know why you haven't seen it - or perhaps haven't noticed it (as I said way back, it's the kind of thing I might notice in passing but I wouldn't find particularly notable [someone buttering their whole roll] so maybe the same in reverse).

It's just automatic, if it's something that you learned as a small child. Same as chewing with your mouth closed. So it's not as if someone who does it would make some show of mincing up the bread sos you'd notice. They'd just tear a piece of bread, dab butter on it or dip it in oil, eat it, keep talking or whatever. When they wanted more bread, they'd do that again. Hence I don't know that you'd necessarily think anything of it.

Just for the heck of it though - you don't even generally take a whole slice of bread (you would take a whole small roll, but the big slices, no), nevermind butter the whole slice, in a restaurant. You tear it in half or tear off a piece. Later, should you want more, you can take the other half from the basket.

I dunno how y'all don't order pizza in nice restaurants ever, but that's your perogative. Generally good restaurants make good pizza, I'm just saying. Try it sometime. Heh.

You might have to rethink this, because as you can see from the number of us who have never heard of this, it isn't just basic western etiquette that everyone learns as a child.

Nope. That was me. I made it very clear it was my pet peeve. I never lectured anyone.

Let me connect the dots for you:

• Buttering your entire piece of bread at once/cutting your entire steak at once is how little kids eat.
  
• Grownups doing little kid things is creepy and weird.
  
• Therefore, adults eating bread in that manner is creepy and weird.

I'm sure you have your own pet peeves. That's mine. My issue. But I didn't lecture any of you. In fact, I even said eat however you want, no skin off my back.

No need to connect the dots. I was quite able to connect them on my own.

As this thread has demonstrated, buttering your entire piece of bread is perfectly acceptable table manners for many adults, even if it isn't what you and Ms. Manners consider "proper." Manners are like many other societal customs, constantly evolving and changing to fit the needs of society.

If you had just said that this practice bothered you, I, along with others, may have asked why, but not taken offense. Maybe what you failed to realize is that bread buttering is no longer the "basic etiquette" you seem to think it is for what is probably the majority of the population. Characterizing those who don't butter their bread the "proper" way as infantile, weird, and creepy is quite a bit more than stating a pet peeve.

 

[cornflake]

You might have to rethink this, because as you can see from the number of us who have never heard of this, it isn't just basic western etiquette that everyone learns as a child.


No need to connect the dots. I was quite able to connect them on my own.

As this thread has demonstrated, buttering your entire piece of bread is perfectly acceptable table manners for many adults, even if it isn't what you and Ms. Manners consider "proper." Manners are like many other societal customs, constantly evolving and changing to fit the needs of society.

If you had just said that this practice bothered you, I, along with others, may have asked why, but not taken offense. Maybe what you failed to realize is that bread buttering is no longer the "basic etiquette" you seem to think it is for what is probably the majority of the population. Characterizing those who don't butter their bread the "proper" way as infantile, weird, and creepy is quite a bit more than stating a pet peeve.

I didn't say everyone learned it as a child, I said if one learned it as a child, it's probably fairly ingrained. It is basic table manners, even if some people didn't learn it or if people feel it's acceptable to them to do otherwise. It may be acceptable to them but that doesn't make it correct etiquette.

 

[kaytieeldr]

If you had just said that this practice bothered you, I, along with others, may have asked why, but not taken offense. Maybe what you failed to realize is that bread buttering is no longer the "basic etiquette" you seem to think it is for what is probably the majority of the population. Characterizing those who don't butter their bread the "proper" way as infantile, weird, and creepy is quite a bit more than stating a pet peeve.

Maybe infantile is the wrong word; surely, though, especially after the poster's clarification above - childish or childlike is fitting.

But it's disingenuous to claim that simply because one isn't aware of a basic rule of etiquette that it's outdated or unnecessary. Ditto for a lot of 'ones'/individuals.

 

[Diznygrl]

I was having lunch with my good friend and she had a drip of cole slaw sauce on her chin. I waited a few seconds, thinking she would feel it was there and wipe her chin with her napkin. She didn't, so I quietly told her she had a bit of food on her chin. I got chastized for telling her!

I will never tell her again if she has food on her face. I will let her walk around all day with it. Love her dearly, she's my best friend for over 40 years but gosh, if I had food on my face I would want my lunch companion to let me know right away.

Oh, I hate it when people don't tell me if I have stuff on my face, or more commonly, stuff stuck in my teeth! Usually I won't know until I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror, but by then I have already been talking to everyone at the table for a good amount of time, looking like a fool with this big piece of parsley or whatever stuck to my tooth. Please, just TELL me right away so I can go and take care of it!

If ever there was a tag worthy sentenced uttered in this thread, this is it. PLEASE Tag Fairy, I beg of you!!

I was thinking the exact same thing, but I didn't want to be the one to say it. Unfortunately, I think the chances of it being tagged are slim to none. It is so, so wrong!

Wow, this thread covers a lot of ground! Now the question is which restaurants serve bread on a cutting board with the serrated knife?

I know The Old Spaghetti Factory does.

 

[usnuzuloose]

What is the proper way to eat a piece of toast? If you dont butter the whole piece the butter doesnt melt. Do you tear off piece of the toast? And then if you add jelly then what?

 

[Magic Mom]

You might have to rethink this, because as you can see from the number of us who have never heard of this, it isn't just basic western etiquette that everyone learns as a child.




No need to connect the dots. I was quite able to connect them on my own.

As this thread has demonstrated, buttering your entire piece of bread is perfectly acceptable table manners for many adults, even if it isn't what you and Ms. Manners consider "proper." Manners are like many other societal customs, constantly evolving and changing to fit the needs of society.

If you had just said that this practice bothered you, I, along with others, may have asked why, but not taken offense. Maybe what you failed to realize is that bread buttering is no longer the "basic etiquette" you seem to think it is for what is probably the majority of the population. Characterizing those who don't butter their bread the "proper" way as infantile, weird, and creepy is quite a bit more than stating a pet peeve.

I think this is the real issue. Some posters have gone so far as to claim that is you don't tear apart your bread, you must be shoving whole loaves in your mouth, flinging crumbs everywhere, and gnawing on the loaf like a dog on a bone. Another poster claimed that if I don't tear apart my bread, I must surely not understand how thank you notes work. The condescension over a bread "rule" is a bigger manner infraction, to me, than whether I tear or bite my bread.

 

[MIGrandma]

DH and I went out to dinner last night to one of our local restaurants. I ordered the broiled whitefish with lemon pepper which came with a baked potato, fresh garden peas, a tossed salad and dinner roll.

I picked up the dinner roll, broke in in half with my hands and buttered both sides and put them back down on my bread plate. The first time I picked one half of it up and took a bite and set it back down on my bread plate, I couldn't help but think of this thread and realize how "infantile" I was being by not tearing it piece by piece and buttering it piece by piece.

Gosh, I sure hope I didn't offend any of my neigboring diners by being so "crass."

 

[Bob NC]

Ok, as everyone gave the same example - I'm going with that this is a thing particular to Outback Steakhouse, where I have never been. I accept you were not messing with me. And that Outback Steakhouse is odd.

And Longhorn, and Firebirds.......

 

[joviroxx]

You might have to rethink this, because as you can see from the number of us who have never heard of this, it isn't just basic western etiquette that everyone learns as a child.

.

Ok, I haven't called anyone names or accused people of being infantile. Its no sweat off my back if people don't break their bread but that said,and in all fairness, breaking the bread in pieces IS kinda universal. I realize a lot of people might not have learned that , and that fine. But you will find this stated as the proper way to eat rolls in every major etiquette printing and lesson. I promise you, and no judgements here, but if you go to a fine dining establishment or a very formal dinner, that really is how it supposed be done

As far as the a pp asked about toast, I was taught to cut it in half, or triangles and then bit from the half.

 

[joviroxx]

And Longhorn, and Firebirds.......

Even in these places, I tend to slice off the piece, put it on my plate (which I always ask for if I don't get one) and then break it into pieces Hey, DH had never heard of this either until he started dating me. At least he does it now at nicer places LOL!

 

[Mickeypooh99]

I just started reading all this this morning. I only got to page 8 so far, but with all this talk about how to butter bread it got me wondering..

Do you eat your bread butter side up or butter side down? We wouldn't want to start a butter battle.

The Butter Battle Book was my DS's favorite book for years. I think it could be applied to this thread.

For the record, I have heard of tearing off pieces of bread and buttering them as you eat, but I have always just buttered my entire roll at once.

 

[Jennasis]

I find the idea of "tearing" off bits of food to be quite strange.

Frankly, if that's what was considered proper etiquette, I'm glad it's gone out of fashion or forgotten completely.

 

[joviroxx]

I find the idea of "tearing" off bits of food to be quite strange.

Frankly, if that's what was considered proper etiquette, I'm glad it's gone out of fashion or forgotten completely.

It really hasn't gone out of fashion. Its still very much alive and well, abeit, I think, a bit adjusted for more casual dining.

Its kind of like the "not cutting up the whole steak at once". You cut what you will eat. Since a roll is not eaten with knife and fork, you just tear off what you are going to eat.

 

[SaraJayne]

I find the idea of "tearing" off bits of food to be quite strange.

Frankly, if that's what was considered proper etiquette, I'm glad it's gone out of fashion or forgotten completely.

Completely agree. Around here, you'd be told to stop playing with your food.

 

[kimmar067]

the. thread. that. just. won't. DIE.

 

[jrmasm]

I was taught to tear off and butter a roll a bite at a time. But the idea that someone who doesn't is eating like a baby makes me and and and and at an incredibly stupid overeaction.

I'm still .

Btw, my parents taught me that rule. They're the same people that have straw paper wars with my 8 year old in restaraunts. Guess maybe they're not the best people to teach manners after all.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Here we go!

http://table-setting-etiquette.blogspot.com/2006/01/tricky-foods-eating-bread-correct-way.html


OK, I agree with all of these rules. http://table-setting-etiquette.blogspot.com/2005/08/fundamental-table-manners.html

There is one that is questionable to me though:

Do not spit anything out - If there is something in your mouth that you cannot swallow, quietly - and subtly - put it in your napkin, then transfer it onto the edge of your plate and then continue on eating.

What do you all think about that?