Swimming Pool time & some venting

[mousetravel]

We live in a "shared" community pool situation. This happens every year, and I'm really not looking forward to it this year. This weekend was our first time in the pool this season and it's already started. Maybe someone can give me some insight.

When me & DD go to the pool, she has a little basket with her pool supplies (dive rings & goggles, etc.) and she takes along her noodle or floaty thing.
Of course, we take towels, drinks, etc.

Many parents bring their kids out with no toys or floats, see our "stuff" and automatically want to use it. It's not that we are trying to be stingy, but we can't hardly take our own stuff out without getting bugged by other people.

I don't understand why parents do this. They come out to the pool with NOTHING and expect others to provide them with supplies. Just Saturday, a lady came out with 3 kids, NO towels, toys, nothing!

 

[Mom2Nick]

Unfortunately that is part of being in a community. They are just kid s- they have no idea that you don't want to share. Has there been a problem with fighting over the toys or with people taking your toys etc?

We live in a private lake community and th eparents just dump whatever toys they have onto teh sand by the water and it's afree for all for whatever kids are there. When we leave we just gather our toys from whoever has them, return the ones to the beach that don't belong to us and go on our merry way. It works well because all the kids have fun.

 

[PatsMom]

That is pretty amazing. I don't have any experience with a shared pool but if I had one, I would definitely bring my kid's pool toys with me. At least towels even if I didn't have toys!

 

[Angelhalo]

Unfortunately that is part of being in a community. They are just kid s- they have no idea that you don't want to share. Has there been a problem with fighting over the toys or with people taking your toys etc?

We live in a private lake community and th eparents just dump whatever toys they have onto teh sand by the water and it's afree for all for whatever kids are there. When we leave we just gather our toys from whoever has them, return the ones to the beach that don't belong to us and go on our merry way. It works well because all the kids have fun.

The problem isn't the the kids not knowing that you don't want to share. The problem is these parents who bring nothing for their kids and then expect for their kids to just be able to use everyone else's stuff.

I don't even have kids OP and I feel ya. It's irritating.

 

[luvsJack]

OP, I know EXACTLY how you feel and the pool we use is at my Mom's house!

My mother literally lives at the end of my driveway and has a large pool. Almost our whole family lives right here so we all use the pool, buy chemicals and buy pool toys. The toys are stored in pool side boxes, a storage shed etc.

One section of the family doesn't live right here but not far away. They show up to swim and bring half their neighborhood and don't bring the first toy, towel, or anything! Even bring small children that cannot swim without a ring, life vest or arm floaties. So they then proceed to take everyone else's stuff and tear it up! My mom won't let anyone say anything because she doesn't want to hurt their feelings or make them feel unwelcome. (this is the wife of my brother who died several years ago and mom feels like they feel left out of everything). Oh, and they don't contribute to the "pool fund" for chemicals either.

So, now dd's toys come home with us instead of being stored by the pool but that doesn't help when we are there playing and they show up.

We can't seem to find a good solution and this is our family so I really feel your aggravation over it with strangers!

 

[newtodis]

We have this problem as well. Now my DS4 will speak up (quite loudly) that those are *his* toys and if you want to use them you must ask using your nice words first! We were at the pool for the first time this weekend as well and we're still trying to learn the "rules". We moved from our old house in MI with a pool in our backyard to SC with a pool for our subdivision to "share". I don't mind sharing the toys, but bring things to entertain/care for your own kids. Granted, I always tend to bring "extras" because I'm expecting things like this to happen (juice boxes, snacks, ect) so it's not a huge problem but it's still frustrating when I'm the one out spending my time and money buying the stuff and all. Maybe you can take your stuff to the pool in something you can throw your towel over so it's not sitting out in the open for everyone else to walk by and "shop" through?

For the other poster who needs the help with the family, maybe send out an email to everyone about a family "clean up" day to go through the pool toys, chemicals, whatever so you'll all know what's there and determine what's needed. That would give her a good chance to contribute either by actually helping or giving money (if she's able). If that doesn't work, I would speak to her about her actions - maybe take her to lunch or something like that. Even bring your mom if you think that would help. Let her know how much you appreciate them still being part of the family and want to make sure they're aware of the work and such and ask how she can contribute. If that doesn't work, then you can have the "this is how it is" talk - being a little more direct about how everyone contributes things to share and money for the chemicals in exchange for the use of the pool. Maybe the family could also have a "rule" about guests - either you can only have two guests or if you're going to bring more to call and check first or something like that. At least then the rest of the group would know in advance and either pack up what they didn't want out for everyone or pack up and go home. Just some suggestions.

 

[OceanAnnie]

We live in a "shared" community pool situation. This happens every year, and I'm really not looking forward to it this year. This weekend was our first time in the pool this season and it's already started. Maybe someone can give me some insight.

When me & DD go to the pool, she has a little basket with her pool supplies (dive rings & goggles, etc.) and she takes along her noodle or floaty thing.
Of course, we take towels, drinks, etc.

Many parents bring their kids out with no toys or floats, see our "stuff" and automatically want to use it. It's not that we are trying to be stingy, but we can't hardly take our own stuff out without getting bugged by other people.

I don't understand why parents do this. They come out to the pool with NOTHING and expect others to provide them with supplies. Just Saturday, a lady came out with 3 kids, NO towels, toys, nothing!

I know how you feel! We have had the same thing happen. Kids snatching toys out of my kids hands and I'd have to intervene. Sometimes, I'd encourage my kids to share but not when the kid was obnoxious. I've even had kids try to take my raft from me, while I was using it! I mean try to grab it from me! Uh. That would be a big, "No.". I've had kids try to take a noodle from us, one step into the pool. One foot not even wet. Hello. Manners!?! Just nuts! Most times the parents aren't around, but the kids were old enough to know better. I would let a child use my noodle after I used it a bit. I told them I'd let them know when they could borrow it. But the rule was to stay nearby. Don't run away with it.

Hopefully, it will be better this year. We didn't bring a lot. This year will be less.

 

[mjkacmom]

I wouldn't have a problem, as long as they give the stuff back if she wants to use it. It's a free-for-all at our pool club - everyone shares. Same at the beach - if my child isn't using the shovel and pail, another child is welcome to use them. Of course, with 5, my kids have always been amazing sharers!

 

[robinb]

We live in a "shared" community pool situation. This happens every year, and I'm really not looking forward to it this year. This weekend was our first time in the pool this season and it's already started. Maybe someone can give me some insight.

When me & DD go to the pool, she has a little basket with her pool supplies (dive rings & goggles, etc.) and she takes along her noodle or floaty thing.
Of course, we take towels, drinks, etc.

Many parents bring their kids out with no toys or floats, see our "stuff" and automatically want to use it. It's not that we are trying to be stingy, but we can't hardly take our own stuff out without getting bugged by other people.

I don't understand why parents do this. They come out to the pool with NOTHING and expect others to provide them with supplies. Just Saturday, a lady came out with 3 kids, NO towels, toys, nothing!

We live 2 blocks from a beach and I understand your situation. Unfortunately, I can only see two alternatives. Either you can say "no" to kids who want to borrow your toys or you can grit your teeth and collect the toys when you leave. I guess maybe you can cut down on the number of toys you bring so you don't look like Pool Toys R Us . I know that I couldn't say "no" to kids who want to play with a toy (unless it was extra special) even though their parents didn't think about bringing anything. I personally don't mind other kids borrowing my DD's pool/sand toys and I usually say "That's Celia's toy (pointing to her) and you can borrow it while she is not playing with it." and then I collect them when we are ready to leave. We have her name on all her toys and I know what they look like. I guess I would work on trying not to let it annoy you so much. Of course, when something already annoys you it's hard to stop that reaction.

 

[MsLeFever]

Maybe it would help to label everything with a nice big fat Sharpie? That way it is clear that the item belongs to someone and not to "the pool". Easier to collect when you are done as well!

 

[mousetravel]

Maybe you can take your stuff to the pool in something you can throw your towel over so it's not sitting out in the open for everyone else to walk by and "shop" through?

Yeah, that's a good idea, to throw a towel over the stuff when she's not using them. She has a little basket for the dive rings & things, and one problem that we had over the weekend, was that I threw the rings in for her to dive for & then she would put them in the basket, then this little kid would get them OUT of the basket & throw them back in. My DD was really tired of it. The parent, of course, was right there not saying anything.

 

[HM]

Label everything with really big letters with your last name. That will show that there is indeed ownership of those items. Then, you can either choose to share or not, but be consistant. If you say no each time, they'll eventually stop asking (I think) if it's the same families. Also, you might offer to tell them where you bought your items so that they can pick up some for themselves as well.

 

[robinb]

Yeah, that's a good idea, to throw a towel over the stuff when she's not using them. She has a little basket for the dive rings & things, and one problem that we had over the weekend, was that I threw the rings in for her to dive for & then she would put them in the basket, then this little kid would get them OUT of the basket & throw them back in. My DD was really tired of it. The parent, of course, was right there not saying anything.

Was the little kid throwing the dive rings in for your DD to fetch? Perhaps the mom thought your DD was playing along. Is you DD old enough to say "I'm done!" to the little kid? At 9 my DD loves to play with little kids but can pull the plug on any game that bugs her.

BTW, the towel idea sounds like a good one!

 

[mousetravel]

Was the little kid throwing the dive rings in for your DD to fetch? Perhaps the mom thought your DD was playing along. Is you DD old enough to say "I'm done!" to the little kid? At 9 my DD loves to play with little kids but can pull the plug on any game that bugs her.

BTW, the towel idea sounds like a good one!

Yes, the kid was doing it for my DD to fetch. My DD is 13 & I guess she doesn't want to seem "mean" to the little ones.

 

[ajk912]

Our pool is the same way. And it's not a community pool, but a pool that is part of a fitness club that we pay a lot of money to be a member of (it could be the same set up you have, I don't know).

What EVERYONE does now is write your name ALL over your stuff with a Sharpie. Then it's obvious whose is whose. AND, I let others play with my stuff..RIGHT in front of me. You can't be wandering around the pool with my stuff.

 

[KSchwagg86]

This ALWAYS happens to me-beach, pool--ANYWHERE! It is SO annoying!

 

[robinb]

Yes, the kid was doing it for my DD to fetch. My DD is 13 & I guess she doesn't want to seem "mean" to the little ones.

Poor kid! Perhaps you can announce next time: "Suzie's done with that game! Time to put the toys away!" and then hide them under the towel. If the little one goes after them then say, "Oh no! We're done!" and hope that the mom will get the idea. If she doesn't then get blunt with the mom: "I'm sorry but Suzie doesn't want to fetch her toys anymore. Can you ask your child to stop throwing them?"

 

[JoiseyMom]

Wow...I have to say I haven't had this happen to me at a shared/public pool/beach. We have our own pool, and DD13 friend was calling her this weekend, and DD said hi..can't really talk right now I am busy. Friend said I am bored what are you doing..DD said I am swimming with my brother. Friend was like well why didn't you invite me .

Hmmm...DD told her that she was spending time with her brother and would talk to her later. I told DD to tell her friend that it is very rude to ask someone why they weren't invited over to play. DD also said that her friend continued to send her very long texts the rest of the afternoon.

I guess I am bad from not wanting to share my pool !!

 

[DizBelle]

Wow...I have to say I haven't had this happen to me at a shared/public pool/beach. We have our own pool, and DD13 friend was calling her this weekend, and DD said hi..can't really talk right now I am busy. Friend said I am bored what are you doing..DD said I am swimming with my brother. Friend was like well why didn't you invite me .

Hmmm...DD told her that she was spending time with her brother and would talk to her later. I told DD to tell her friend that it is very rude to ask someone why they weren't invited over to play. DD also said that her friend continued to send her very long texts the rest of the afternoon.

I guess I am bad from not wanting to share my pool !!

Or take on the liability. I don't blame you.

 

[tazdev3225]

I have this issue at the swim club I belong to. I label all my grandkids toys with our bond number and redo it several times over the summer. I don't care if they share but I had a problem with a new family last year. I have belonged to the club for 20 years so I know how it worked with the toys. The family didn't bring toys and their son hit my grandkids several times when they tried to get their toys. When I asked the mother to stop her child from hitting my DGD she threatened to beat me up. I was a little upset but she was in her 20's and I am certainly older than that age. I had to get the manager over to deal with her. I don't mind sharing and my grandkids do share but I have a problem with a bully hitting a 3 year old girl and a 2 year old toddler because they want to play with their own toys.