Sweet Mother of Fudge! 2/15 A Goodbye Summary~Pimples and Farts

[Baloo]

I glance at my phone’s display. Showing, like nothing could ever be more normal, is my mother’s home phone number.
I am not sure what to do. So I answer it.
Me~ ”Hello?!”
~ “Hello!” She is all happy.
Me ~ “Mom?”
~” It’s me!”
Me~ ”Holy Matrimony. How are you doing this?”
~”I am not sure.

Maybe she finally got her coffee pot plugged into the right place!!

You and your Mom are a hoot!



Love the story of the blimp...so sweet.

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Vampire In! I'm catching up! Just read about Chef Mickey's. We had a great time there too. Loved the characters!!! Glad you had fun too. Cute Pluto story with the chair!

I love the outfits. All very cute. You are one talented chica I'd say!

Oh I took a picture for you as soon as I get that batch on photobucket I'll post it for ya!

Heading to bed early but hoping to catch up tomorrow. I missed reading your hysterical but touching report.

Vampire OUT

 

[MommyPoppins]

We used to see a "Blump" at the small airport on our way into town all the time. It's been a long time now though. I bet my boys probably wouldn't even call it a "blump" anymore.

One time not too long ago there was a police helicopter flying danherously low down the street from my parents house. Like close enough to ground to jump out, low. It was very cool, although scary because it was obvious they were looking for something/one. We never did find out what/who.

 

[DisneyJo]

OMG

We love mini golf at WDW, we just don't have it in the UK, well not good ones anyway!

The blimp story was so cute

 

[whogirl'smom]

Sorry I have been MIA, but we were at the World last week!!! and just now getting settled back into things beside laundry.

Just wanted you to know that I sat here and prayed for your friend Erin today when I read your wonderful tribute to her courage. You are a true friend in every sense of the word.

That Jiggler is very sneaky and funny, what a bad girl she is! I thought about you when we were in the Confectionary on Sat. (as I bought everything but fudge); I finished off a fudge dipped cashew patty today, though, and it was very good!

 

[Mrs. The King]

I put my makeup on backwards today. Which is easier then it sounds. Basically, you slap your Bare Minerals foundation on last instead first.

Either way, it was a weird start to the day. Like accidently using your bra for a purse.

The other day I introduced my dishwasher to a new type of cleaning solution. They don’t like that, in case you are wondering. I was whirlwind kitchen cleaning, trying to do 8 things at once. I added Jet Dry to the Jet Dry hole in the door, used my foot to close it and, pushed the “Heavy Wash” button with my toe while doing something with my hands. Honestly, knowing me, it was probably “jazz hands”. Oh well.

96 minutes later, I popped that sucker open. Hmm. Weird. There was a light layer of a few bubbles. I chalked it up to the influx of new Jet Dry. It has never happened before, but that would never sound an alarm for me. I closed that door again, with my foot. This time the hands were busy twirling my hair into a clip. I coerced PS to press the “Light Wash” button. Which, surprisingly, is 84 minutes. That hardly seems light at all.

I was off to do some damage to the laundry. About half way through the washer’s faithful cycle (42 minutes for those of you playing at home), I get a wild hair and check on the machine.

As I look at the thick blanket of snowy white bubbles which has almost completely covered the bottom rack, I get an inkling that something might be wrong. I contemplate closing the door and pretending that I never saw the gurgling mess.

In my head I zoom back to 1987. Mother the King, Grandpa (who was just Dad), my sister and I were enjoying dinner. In between our lively dinner discussion, we heard an otherworldly burp, followed by a sucking chug. We all (except Mother The King) began scanning the area with our eyes, trying to find the nauseous dragon that must be living in one of the cabinets.

A definite puking sound emanated from the dishwasher. Mother The King was focused on her dinner and did not seem at all interested in what was going on almost directly behind her in our lovely eat in kitchen.
With amazement, the dishwasher had something to offer. Like it was attending it’s own personal rave, it began producing a blanket of bubbles out of the crack between the kick plate and the actual door.
My father, calmly turns to his wife noticing her lack of interest.


Father~ “Any idea why the dishwasher is trying to kill itself?”

The only noise to be heard was the chugging puke of a distressed washer.
Mother finally puts down her fork and knife. “I ran out of dishwasher detergent, so I filled it with dish soap. That might not be going so well."
My father jumps up and puts the washer out of it’s misery. I remember the clean up included a lot of towels.


Zooming back in my head to 2008, I decide against closing the door. I calmly call Mr. The King over. I reach into my cabinet and grab my bottle of Jet Dry. Instead of Jet Dry, I have in my hand “Dawn Direct Foam refill”. I picture myself patiently filling the little hole in the door to the tippy top. I want to kick myself in the Jiggler. After closer inspection of my cabinet, I realize I don’t even have any Jet Dry. Why I thought I had a monster bottle of something that normally comes in a really small package, I don’t know.
Now, there is my patient husband. He is waiting for the bad news.

I have actually outdone my mother in the destruction of an appliance. The Foam has to be the worst freaking thing you could put in a teeny tiny hole that releases small amounts over the period of a month of washing. I see the prospect of super doper bubbles popping out of the washer after every dinner. I picture running the washer 30 times in a row. I can’t stand to waste all that water.

I tell Mr. The King all the horrible details of my evil. I hand him the phone.

Me~ “Call my Dad, he has dealt with something similar.”
Mr. The King shakes his head with a beaten down kind of dejection.
I can hear my Father laughing loudly into the phone.

Ps and PC start to play in the foam. They think it is a fantastic addition to the kitchen.
I sit in my computer chair.

I get an idea. I can’t be the only woman to commit this kind of crime. I google. Sure enough, plenty of hits. I don’t know who the plumber was that patiently responded to the last blonde that pulled this trick, but his advice was priceless.

Mr. The King and Father were discussing the option of taking the door off.

I explained that he needed to siphon out the existing soap with clear tubing, and then flush it with water until it was clean.

He got started. I felt kind of bad when he would suck up the soap by accident. After about 10 rinses, he proclaimed the Jet Dry hole empty.
On the Plus side, I made him take pictures, and he is learning how to fix a lot of things through out his marriage.

So back to Disney.
We had early reservations to ‘Ohana.
We meet my Dad there. We give our name. there is quite a group of waiting people behind us. We wander over to the very small waiting area with the puffy chairs. All six of us tried to fit all 12 cheeks in one chair. We got bored quickly. We started attacking the funny looking Polynesian statues. One was showing off his jiggler. So I taught my daughter to pinch it.

Finally, We were buzzed. Our Cousin lead us to the table. We passed the flaming cousin who was cooking his meat. We got seated by the flame pit. I had my back to the bon fire. Within seconds I knew that was not going to work for me. I think I have a center made of molten lava. Menopause is going to be a ball. I might just combust.

I looked at my Floridian Mother . She was wearing a sweater, a blanket, mittens and a hat. If it is not 132 degrees she has a chill. We switch seats and she takes off her hat.

Our Cousin comes back with drinks and bread. He sees I have moved. I tell him I will be moving constantly to keep him on his toes. At times. I might be at a completely different table. Giving him a hard time guaranteed me a might full of jibs and jabs.

Now, we had billed this restaurant to PC as “Meat on a Stick”. He was promised he could have as much as he wanted. This of course, was great news before he got the stomach transplant as we checked into POP century.
I looked at him hopefully. He was green. We had been in Disney too long with him for him to be actually sick. Maybe he has an aversion to piles of endless food? He went into picking mode.

PS got her usual. French Fries delivered from somewhere else. How they got it there in time with our dinner is amazing. I pictured my dedicated cousin racing through the tunnels, Mission Impossible riding on the top of the monorail, blowing himself back to Oh’ana on a large firework.

The bread was wonderful. We really like the family style offering.
I was not expecting, the singing chick to come out. She was in charge of entertaining the kids. PS and PC were happy to play her games. She has a lovely singing voice and lots of props. There was coconuts getting slapped with a broom, Limbo, singing and dancing. They handed out lovely leis. PS and Mr. The King had a dance. And in between there was MEAT!! Giant blobs of Meat. We ate it. Then, like magic, there was more Meat. There was even sauces to dip the meat in. There were noodles of oodles. There were greens. PC wanted none of it.

But the best was defiantly last. There was an evil Banana dessert that was cooked by the devil herself. I wish I had more mouths to eat it with. I wanted to stuff extra in my bra. It was good. Real good.

It was time to leave. We will come back to Ohana’s every time we have the pleasure of going to Disney. It knocked our socks off.

We said goodnight to Grandma and Grandpa.

In all our time as Disney fanatics, we have never toured the resorts. The ritzy titsy resorts. While we were in Ohan’a’s , The rain started pouring down. Grandma recommended taking a ride on the monorail to explore. It seemed like a good idea. So we were off to the Grand Floridian. To breathe some rich air. And to blow some air of our own. From various places.

We got off at the resort stop. We entered. Wow. Of all the ritzy places I have been, (and , surprisingly, there has been a lot) this was one of the titsyiest.

There was a piano player. There was sprawling. There was opulence. Even in the pouring rain the place was shining. PS spotted the glass elevator and wanted to hit it hard. I almost felt out of place in Disney war clothes and my bagalinli. Luckily, I always have a big attitude.

We spyied where the tea party is held for the little girls. I really want to look into that for PS for next time. Our boys went to the bathroom and PS and I went to be “Things in the Elevator”. Up and Down. Up and Down. Sometimes we were alone. Most times we were not.

There is such a weird moment when people realize you are not getting off. It is almost always followed by a smile. Everyone loves simple pleasures.

While reaching down to hug PS after we got off the elevator, I realized there was about a 3 inch spike coming out of my chest. Right through the metal rectangle on my bag strap. I stared at it. I did not feel any pain, so I did not think I had been impaled by anything.

I stared at it a little longer.

Oh Holy Matramony.

The underwire for one side of my bra had ripped through the bra and the front of my shirt. And now it is sticking out and I am in the middle of the Grand Floridian.

Luckily, It did not poke out PS’s eye.

I try and shove it back in. But I know from experience, once the underwire pops out, there is no getting it back in. The kids had settled into the little couch watching the classic cartoons.

Mr. the King’s eyes grow wide as he watches his wife grab a spike sticking out of her chest and yanks it out.

It occurs to me after I pull it out, It resembles a weapon. In this day and age we are all paying close attention…..

Next time… We are busy for an entire night, into the next morning. I hope Disney Jail is comfy.

Chapter 23 Drooling Jiggler

 

[Mrs. The King]

Maybe she finally got her coffee pot plugged into the right place!!

You and your Mom are a hoot!



Love the story of the blimp...so sweet.

Now you made me She did plug it in correctly!!

Vampire In! I'm catching up! Just read about Chef Mickey's. We had a great time there too. Loved the characters!!! Glad you had fun too. Cute Pluto story with the chair!

I love the outfits. All very cute. You are one talented chica I'd say!

Oh I took a picture for you as soon as I get that batch on photobucket I'll post it for ya!

Heading to bed early but hoping to catch up tomorrow. I missed reading your hysterical but touching report.

Vampire OUT

Hey Vampire Girl! Thanks for catching up. You have the best excuse ever!!

We used to see a "Blump" at the small airport on our way into town all the time. It's been a long time now though. I bet my boys probably wouldn't even call it a "blump" anymore.

One time not too long ago there was a police helicopter flying danherously low down the street from my parents house. Like close enough to ground to jump out, low. It was very cool, although scary because it was obvious they were looking for something/one. We never did find out what/who.

Love you Blump story! It is scary when they do that. In our old house I was doing the dishes when I glanced up and saw a blob of Police men and K-9s tromping through my yard. I thought the helicopter was going to land on my deck. They did find that dude, thankfully.

OMG

We love mini golf at WDW, we just don't have it in the UK, well not good ones anyway!

The blimp story was so cute

I am sorry the UK does not have mini golf. Maybe we should start a business venture!

Sorry I have been MIA, but we were at the World last week!!! and just now getting settled back into things beside laundry.

Just wanted you to know that I sat here and prayed for your friend Erin today when I read your wonderful tribute to her courage. You are a true friend in every sense of the word.

That Jiggler is very sneaky and funny, what a bad girl she is! I thought about you when we were in the Confectionary on Sat. (as I bought everything but fudge); I finished off a fudge dipped cashew patty today, though, and it was very good!

Thank you for praying for her.

As for the rest of it, you are just a show off. The World!! No Fudge eating!! The Jiggler is so upset it is crying. Now I will have to change my pants.



I hope you guys had an amazing time.

 

[ProudMommyof2]

OMG you just kill me! I was a trauma nurse and I am quite certain I never dealt with trauma due to an underwire!!!!

Why not give those haughty taughty people something to tsk tsk about!

 

[Backstage_Gal]

Mrs TK, you kill me, LOL! Thanks for another great and funny update!

What I want to know is this: what exactly did you type into google for the solution to the problem?

 

[Mrs. The King]

OMG you just kill me! I was a trauma nurse and I am quite certain I never dealt with trauma due to an underwire!!!!

Why not give those haughty taughty people something to tsk tsk about!

I am surprised underwire hasn't done anyone in yet! Thanks you for reading!

Mrs TK, you kill me, LOL! Thanks for another great and funny update!

What I want to know is this: what exactly did you type into google for the solution to the problem?

Googling is tricky business. I typed "Dish soap in the the rinse aid dispenser". I am so glad you enjoyed reading

 

[Backstage_Gal]

I
Googling is tricky business. I typed "Dish soap in the the rinse aid dispenser". I am so glad you enjoyed reading

Well, DUH!!!!!

 

[AInWonderland]

I love when I get home from work at 2 am and can read another installment by Mrs. the King and laugh by myself while the cat and dog look on. Love the trip report.

 

[Goofyluver]

Menopause...it's a freakin' ball.

Sorry to any of you's man readers...but I shall now share a story.

For reasons I will not disclose on your thread, I was placed on medically-induced menopause. Yup...that's right. The docs chose to send me into a state of hormones, rage, and hot flashes ON PURPOSE. Really...I think it was for their enjoyment.

So, menopause was not that fun for goofyluver. Not fun AT ALL in fact.

I got hot flashes that could rival the sun in the middle of the day in the Sahara.

Picture this...

Jen and her son driving down the interstate going 80 miles an hour. Mid-December.

Jen gets one o' them "hot flashy" thingies while driving. There is no relief. Jen is boiling...like a crustacean in that fancy restaurant we call "Red Lobstah!"

Jen does the only thing she can think of. She rips off her shirt while driving (hehehe) and blasts the air conditioner. Jen contines driving...in only her bra. (which was one of them ritsy titsy ones that may or may not pass for a bikini top...but would definitely look outta place in December)

In 30 degree temps.

The boy child is sitting in the back seat shaking from the cold...teeth a chatterin'.

Jen forgets that other people can actually SEE her in her car.

After driving down the road...and being confused by honks from many a trucker...it finally dawns on Jen that she is nearly nude and on display for many to see.

Jen has never gotten honked at so much in her entire life.

The moral to this story is...Drive faster if you want to lose the truckers.

 

[askelton]

On the Plus side, I made him take pictures,

Smart! That way you can pass the information to your children's spouses.

I looked at my Floridian Mother . She was wearing a sweater, a blanket, mittens and a hat. If it is not 132 degrees she has a chill. We switch seats and she takes off her hat.

And again I think our mothers must be related. Even though she's coming to visit me in Florida, it's winter and therefore, she must dress accordingly.

]The underwire for one side of my bra had ripped through the bra and the front on my shirt. And now it is sticking out and I am in the middle of the Grand Floridian.

Menopause...it's a freakin' ball.

This sounds just like Jen!

 

[whogirl'smom]

As for the rest of it, you are just a show off. The World!! No Fudge eating!! The Jiggler is so upset it is crying. Now I will have to change my pants.

"Hush little Jiggler, don't you cry. You'll have to wear Depends to keep you dry."

Tell dear Jiggler that I had fudge dipped marshmallows and fudge dipped pretzels, too, if that counts. I bought my BFF some creamsicle fudge (but I thought it tasted nasty!)

That last installment really brought the funny! We sat in the GF lobby in all our sweaty, Tinkerbell t-shirted glory to listen to the orchestra and thankfully the girls remained corralled and no small children were injured.

 

[Mrs. The King]

I love when I get home from work at 2 am and can read another installment by Mrs. the King and laugh by myself while the cat and dog look on. Love the trip report.

I love that it was here for you!!

Menopause...it's a freakin' ball.

Sorry to any of you's man readers...but I shall now share a story.

For reasons I will not disclose on your thread, I was placed on medically-induced menopause. Yup...that's right. The docs chose to send me into a state of hormones, rage, and hot flashes ON PURPOSE. Really...I think it was for their enjoyment.

So, menopause was not that fun for goofyluver. Not fun AT ALL in fact.

I got hot flashes that could rival the sun in the middle of the day in the Sahara.

Picture this...

Jen and her son driving down the interstate going 80 miles an hour. Mid-December.

Jen gets one o' them "hot flashy" thingies while driving. There is no relief. Jen is boiling...like a crustacean in that fancy restaurant we call "Red Lobstah!"

Jen does the only thing she can think of. She rips off her shirt while driving (hehehe) and blasts the air conditioner. Jen contines driving...in only her bra. (which was one of them ritsy titsy ones that may or may not pass for a bikini top...but would definitely look outta place in December)

In 30 degree temps.

The boy child is sitting in the back seat shaking from the cold...teeth a chatterin'.

Jen forgets that other people can actually SEE her in her car.

After driving down the road...and being confused by honks from many a trucker...it finally dawns on Jen that she is nearly nude and on display for many to see.

Jen has never gotten honked at so much in her entire life.

The moral to this story is...Drive faster if you want to lose the truckers.

I love this story so much. The best was the motto

Smart! That way you can pass the information to your children's spouses.

And again I think our mothers must be related. Even though she's coming to visit me in Florida, it's winter and therefore, she must dress accordingly

Freezing cold balls the two of them are

"Hush little Jiggler, don't you cry. You'll have to wear Depends to keep you dry."

Sweet Mother of Fudge. That is the funniest damn thing.

 

[TarzansKat]

I know I've said this before, but oh my gosh! So, so, so funny!

I love the Grand Floridian. It's my favorite resort. Can't afford it anymore, but one of my favorite stays was my honeymoon. I used to work for the Disney Store, and back then, the benefits were amazing, so we stayed concierge for half price.

Now don't let that fool you. I'm not ritzy titzy by any means. I just LOVE that hotel.

And somehow my image of it has been forever changed.

With a mental picture of someone I've never met ripping out her broken underwire and brandishing it like a weapon in the middle of the lobby.



Thanks for keeping me laughing.

 

[ZZUB]

definite puking sound emanated from the dishwasher. Mother The King was focused on her dinner and did not seem at all interested in what was going on almost directly behind her in our lovely eat in kitchen.
With amazement, the dishwasher had something to offer. Like it was attending it’s own personal rave, it began producing a blanket of bubbles out of the crack between the kick plate and the actual door.
My father, calmly turns to his wife noticing her lack of interest.


Father~ “Any idea why the dishwasher is trying to kill itself?”

The only noise to be heard was the chugging puke of a distressed washer.
Mother finally puts down her fork and knife. “I ran out of dishwasher detergent, so I filled it with dish soap. That might not be going so well."
My father jumps up and puts the washer out of it’s misery. I remember the clean up included a lot of towels.

Your mother's nonchalence is breathtaking. And funny as crap. FYI: the rule in our house is look before you pour.


I got to read two chapters in a row this morning. Good stuff as always. As you'll read in a forthcoming chapter in my non-TR, TR, we loved us some Ohan'a' as well.

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Vampire In:

I'm writing this in another window as I'm reading your report so I dont miss anything.

This is what I look like in the daylight. Picture taken just for you!

I'm so sorry about your friend Erin. I will pray for her for sure. I just read your article with tears in my eyes. Definitely submit that if you havent already.

I like the new fitness program "Be the Prey" Billy Blanks popping out of my closet would scare the poop out of me. good way to lose weight on its own.


I can picture you as a gorilla holding a place for Mr. The King as he searches for Chip. Glad he was found!!!

Grandmas weather skills amaze me. NOAA would love to have her on staff for sure!

Oh, I just spit out ice water reading that Mother The King was reporting you to the mods unknowingly. That sounds like something I would do.

I feel like I've gotten to know every body part of you better during this post for some reason.....

Mini golf sounds great. We wanted to do that but it kept raining each evening we had off. Next time for sure after your review

How on earth did Grandma call you from the computer and from the phone????

The recycling game was fun for us too. The kids loved it. We had to wait 45 minutes though. You guys got lucky! Score!

I'm sorry but I'm laughing my own butt off at the underwire story in the Grand Floridian. I've never had it poke through my shirt like that but I'm sure we've all had one come out of the bra in public before and its very awkward!

Great updates. I'm all caught up now!

Vampire OUT!

 

[askelton]

Last edited by ZZUB : Yesterday at 02:24 PM. Reason: I think O'bama deserves an ' of his own. And maybe a G, too. As in: Go'bama.