sure wish parents would watch their kids

[CdnCarrie]

Despite what some appear to believe, there would be many exceptions to the rule. I don't personally know anyone my age that wasn't spanked a few times, when they were growing up. None of them feared their parents. As a mattered of fact, they all adored them, as I did mine. I wouldn't have traded my parents for anyone else in the world. I'm sure they all felt the same way. The ones with living parents are still very close to them.

As far as the idea that you wouldn't hit a pet, so you definitely wouldn't spank a child, I've never had a pet that could upset me as much as my DS could as a teenager. There was never a reason to hit a pet, but we never spanked DS either.

Im the opposite. I’m in my mid 50s and don’t know anyone my age that was spanked.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Sort of related... I just started a movie on Amazon Prime. A mom, dad, and teenage son get transported in time from 1992 to 2022. The son says something the dad doesn't like and the dad slaps him on the back of the head. That happens a couple of times and two police officers come up and ask the son if he wants to file charges. The dad says "I'm just slapping my son." Police: "That's illegal in 2022." I thought of this thread.

Child abuser!!!

 

[dreamer17555]

Despite what some appear to believe, there would be many exceptions to the rule. I don't personally know anyone my age that wasn't spanked a few times, when they were growing up. None of them feared their parents. As a mattered of fact, they all adored them, as I did mine. I wouldn't have traded my parents for anyone else in the world. I'm sure they all felt the same way. The ones with living parents are still very close to them.

As far as the idea that you wouldn't hit a pet, so you definitely wouldn't spank a child, I've never had a pet that could upset me as much as my DS could as a teenager. There was never a reason to hit a pet, but we never spanked DS either.

I was hit as a child (and yes spanking is a type of hitting). I grew up in fear of my parents. I haven’t gone no contact with them because I have a trauma bond (which is all to common in abusive households) that I struggle to break. I love my parents but their choices hurt me.

I am a hyper-vigilant adult due to my childhood. It took me until I started therapy a few years ago to really realize all that had happened. For years I thought “I turned out fine.” I didn’t. It had last effects that I am still learning to manage as an adult.

 

[DCLMP]

Yes she can....because "she"....babysat for my niece and nephew for countless hours....and never would lay a hand on them as a form of punishment. My Husband and I moved to the same town where my sister and brother in law lived....because we wanted to be a part of their lives and a support system for their growing family. We arrived when my niece was 2 and my sister was carrying my nephew. I can't count the number of hours DH and I have been alone and in charge of these two amazing children who are now teenagers. The sleepovers...etc. Do you think I'm not familiar with a toddler meltdown because I didn't give birth to them? LOL! I mean...seriously?

Again, we use other strategies in our family...."time out" being the final line when they were little. Now...my sisters and spouses restrict them in other ways....take away the car, the iPhone, iPad,...etc. There are zillions of parenting classes and books out there for those who are interested in non-violent ways to parent or sit/care for their children or family members who are children or teens.

Do you honestly think the parents on this forum participate in violence against their children? LOL.

 

[dreamer17555]

Do you honestly think the parents on this forum participate in violence against their children? LOL.

Yes I do. Some have openly complained about not being able to whoop their kids, many more have justified spanking. Spanking and “whooping” are acts of physical violence against a child even when it is done with the best of intentions (keeping them safe).

There are other ways to keep a child safe. There are other ways to discipline.

And the LOL mocking is a little disheartening to those like me who are choosing to speak up about how being hit as a child has left some emotional scars.

ETA- And the mocking laughing emoji that @Cannot_Wait_4Disney felt the need to leave when I am being open and honest about my experience is hurtful.

 

[dvcgirl67]

Do you honestly think the parents on this forum participate in violence against their children? LOL.

Yes. And it's not funny.

 

[DCLMP]

Yes I do. Some have openly complained about not being able to whoop their kids, many more have justified spanking. Spanking and “Whooping” are acts of physical violence against a child even when it is done with the best of intentions (keeping them safe).

Oh good grief. I'm sorry you were an abused child. No need to project. I was spanked a couple times as a kid I have no emotional hang ups over it. I can't recall ever smacking my kids. I'm more of a yeller which isn't much better, but kids can drive you to the brink.

 

[LSUmiss]

This thread never disappoints!

 

[DCLMP]

Yes. And it's not funny.

Maybe you should call CPS.

 

[DCLMP]

This thread never disappoints!

It keeps getting better.

 

[dvcgirl67]

Maybe you should call CPS.

If I heard of a parent doling out "corporal punishment" in my regular life.....I would alert someone with authority to speak to the parent to hopefully get the parent the help that they need....to be a better parent. If I saw an adult smack/swat/punch/pinch...choose your word.... a kid in public....I'd intervene to stop the adult from doing so.

Some of you likely live in states where corporal punishment is still actually legal....which says a lot about our country....but that's another matter.

But no...in answer to your silly question, I won't be contacting the authorities....I'm just shaking my head at this entire thread at this point. One of the worst/most depressing I've read in some time....and that's saying something.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

People are taking the studies and research out there (and I don't know if people have even looked into that or are just going on their own personal opinions) to be like "hey wait a minute so and so doesn't fit into that" and trying to argue with other people about that. That would be a fruitless argument.

With nearly 8 billion people in the world I'm sure we can find a study that so and so doesn't fit perfectly aligned with it or believe in their opinion they don't align with it but I would challenge people to think is that the point? Or is that what you want to argue with people on the DIS that you and/or your child and/or someone you knew you personally believe fits outside of the studies regarding the particular topic regarding physical punishment?

As far as "you don't personally know anyone your age" that is a point I've made multiple times. Someone 30,40,50,60 70, etc years old all that does is place things into a social context as a reference in time. It doesn't alter the research, longitudinal studies and meta-analysis of studies as a matter of public guidance provided regarding the topics.

I think one big issue with this thread is that most of us believe our own personal experiences over any study. I know what my life was like & that of my family & friends. I'm willing to bet none of them were used as subjects in these studies. All research is limited by the subjects questioned/studied. FWIW, I'm not arguing with anyone. I was simply replying that there were many exceptions to the rule not just Sam.

I agree that you can basically find a study to prove anything you want, but I would never go looking for one. There will never be a study that makes me doubt my personal experience. I do believe that some people who were spanked don't feel the same way about their parents as I & others I know do. I would never question their personal feelings on the subject. I do wonder, if we're talking about different levels of punishment, but that's not something I feel anyone needs to share.

Again, we didn't spank our child. I also never harbored any negative feelings toward my parents for the few spankings I did receive. Both can be true.

Im the opposite. I’m in my mid 50s and don’t know anyone my age that was spanked.

So, we had different experiences growing up. That's not surprising.

I was hit as a child (and yes spanking is a type of hitting). I grew up in fear of my parents. I haven’t gone no contact with them because I have a trauma bond (which is all to common in abusive households) that I struggle to break. I love my parents but their choices hurt me.

I am a hyper-vigilant adult due to my childhood. It took me until I started therapy a few years ago to really realize all that had happened. For years I thought “I turned out fine.” I didn’t. It had last effects that I am still learning to manage as an adult.

I'm very sorry you had that experience. I don't doubt there are many who grew up being hit that feel that way. I'm simply saying that others who were spanked don't feel that way. My guess is that it was all in the way the punishment was delivered, but I can't say that for sure.

 

[dvcgirl67]

Oh good grief. I'm sorry you were an abused child. No need to project. I was spanked a couple times as a kid I have no emotional hang ups over it. I can't recall ever smacking my kids. I'm more of a yeller which isn't much better, but kids can drive you to the brink.

Good for you...the poster was sharing *her* experience. We all process experiences differently...and none of us have any idea what the rest of us have been through as children...or otherwise.

As I said...witnessing my mother wince at times when family stories are told around the table.....even in a "funny" way....like..."remember the time back in the 70s when you did (fill in the blank) and got the spoon".....and everyone kind of laughing (but deep down thinking.....holy ****.....we really got hit by a spoon/belt), but seeing my mother's reaction because her grandchildren can't imagine *their* grandmother doing that....shows me that my mother has evolved.

Given the chance...going back in a Time Machine, knowing what she knows now....she would have acted differently. I know she would because she sees that her own daughters did not need to use physical discipline to achieve positive results with her grandchildren. It's not as easy as swatting/spanking...etc. It requires discipline and patience...but there are millions and millions of people who do not strike their children. And they're not raising snowflakes either...because there's an undertone of that nonsense in this thread too.

I'm so thankful that my sisters and their spouses didn't use their hands....or run for the spoons/belts because..."well, we done got hit by spoons/belts and we're doin' just fine....it'll do em' some good, toughen' em up". It's ridiculous. But...you all raise your kin as you see fit. Best of luck to you...and especially to them. It's almost time for The Last of Us....a scary dystopian show on HBO, which will be uplifting after reading some of the responses here.

 

[sam_gordon]

Own that some people have managed to raise kind, helpful children without yelling or hitting them.

I think there has been ONE poster that claimed "every child deserved a whooping" or something along those lines.

I will readily admit many people have managed to raise kind, helpful children without yelling or hitting them. Will YOU admit many people have managed to raise kind, helpful children AND yelled or spanked/hit them? Or do you believe EVERY child who was spanked/hit or yelled out lived in fear of their parents? Were mean? Couldn't form good relationships? Something else?

 

[dreamer17555]

I think there has been ONE poster that claimed "every child deserved a whooping" or something along those lines.

I will readily admit many people have managed to raise kind, helpful children without yelling or hitting them. Will YOU admit many people have managed to raise kind, helpful children AND yelled or spanked/hit them? Or do you believe EVERY child who was spanked/hit or yelled out lived in fear of their parents? Were mean? Couldn't form good relationships? Something else?

I think if you know there is a kinder way why wouldn’t you choose that path? Absolutely some kids overcome being hit or yelled at without major implication but some do not. Why gamble on the potential latter when there is an alternative?

ETA- Also sometimes we don’t know the long term outcome till years down the road. If you had asked me at 25 or even 30 I would have told you I was fine. It’s only now at almost 40 with some therapy that I realize the ways my parents treated me has left lasting effects.

Not saying this is true for everyone. I am sharing my story. But it is something to consider that you might not see any damage until long after the fact.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

All research is limited by the subjects questioned/studied.

I agree that you can basically find a study to prove anything you want,

I respect your viewpoint and I don't think you personally were trying to argue.

It's not about selectively choosing participants, it's not about selectively choosing a study to fit a confirmation bias. This isn't about saying "you can find any study" and to me that reads like you with all due respect may not have done some looking into. It's a rabbit hole if you do but I promise there's a plethora of information available. My comment was to say that trying to tell people on the DIS that you're the exception well that's not the argument anyone (to my knowledge) was trying to make. There's a grand scheme regarding corporal punishment that had been discussed.

Meta-analysis of studies also allows for the collection of various studies. You're right all studies are limited which is why asking over various decades (which also captures changes in attitudes and intergenerational trauma), asking in different ways, asking different people, etc all become important. But recognizing limitations in studies shouldn't be attempts to discredit them or downplay them by the nature of it and that's how your comment would read to me in this context. Some of the meta-analysis I've seen it's 27 studies reviewed together or 45 studies reviewed together and so on.

There are world wide studies and decades of pondering over the effects. This isn't like the U.S. vs the world and only the U.S. is like "hey yeah no we don't think it's okay". We're honestly behind the times with many other countries with respects to the topic. Canada for instance, according to information I found passed in 1989 enforced in 1990 the Convention on the Rights of the Child using the U.N.'s stance in a major way along with research and changing attitudes. That rule was about "elimination of all forms of violence against children, including physical punishment."

In this respects I will go to the "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink it" there are simply too many resources out there. I'm not asking you personally or anyone else here to alter their own personal stance on it. I was that person who said "I was spanked and I turned out fine" I said that for years before realizing there was a difference there. I know how/why people feel that way and I'm not saying their feelings aren't true for them. I'm just laying out the information. The reason I responded to Sam is it sounded like his was proud of it, not really a topic I would say that's appropriate but it was my opinion there of course.

 

[sam_gordon]

I think if you know there is a kinder way why wouldn’t you choose that path? Absolutely some kids overcome being hit or yelled at without major implication but some do not. Why gamble on the potential latter when there is an alternative?

ETA- Also sometimes we don’t know the long term outcome till years down the road. If you had asked me at 25 or even 30 I would have told you I was fine. It’s only now at almost 40 with some therapy that I realize the ways my parents treated me has left lasting effects.

Not saying this is true for everyone. I am sharing my story. But it is something to consider that you might not see any damage until long after the fact.

You think EVERY person who got spanked as a child is some how messed up? Those who have good lives, families, give to charity, must be repressing their memories? Haha. Ok.

ETA: I'm sorry you went through what you did. I didnt and neither did my kids.

 

[dreamer17555]

You think EVERY person who got spanked as a child is some how messed up? Those who have good lives, families, give to charity, must be repressing their memories? Haha. Ok.

ETA: I'm sorry you went through what you did. I didnt and neither did my kids.

Where did I say every person? In the post you quoted I literally said “Absolutely some kids overcome being hit or yelled at without major implication but some do not. Why gamble on the potential latter when there is an alternative?”

So yes- some absolutely do not have any major implications (ie are not “messed up”- even though that comment is a bit insensitive as I am not “messed up” for having issues steaming from parents that choose to hit).

I am a good person by most metrics- I give to charity (which has nothing to do with anything) and I didn’t repress my memories. I have wonderful children and great friends… That doesn’t change the fact that how I was raised was not ok.

I didn’t realize until therapy how much of who I am was shaped by some more negative impacts of my childhood. How many things I still do because I am often fearful. This is my reality. It might not be yours.

I will say again- no not every person who is hit or screamed at as a child will have emotional scars. But some will. So why risk it when there are better options?

 

[mjkacmom]

That’s not at all what she said. She basically said she wouldn’t even hit a dog therefore knows she would never hit her child. It’s the exact opposite of what you think.

And that shows how those without kids can’t really say what they would do, I can’t even imagine being upset enough with my dog to want to hit her, kids can make you so furious. When mine were babies there were times I’d put them in their cribs and walk away to compose myself, knowing I was just tired, there is a reason for shaken babies, and glad I was a SAHM, I don’t know if I would trust a full time caregiver with my kids (they had sitters for a few hours). You can’t compare the emotions your kids can cause (good or bad) with those you get from pets (and I LOVE my dog).

 

[LSUmiss]

And that shows how those without kids can’t really say what they would do, I can’t even imagine being upset enough with my dog to want to hit her, kids can make you so furious. When mine were babies there were times I’d put them in their cribs and walk away to compose myself, knowing I was just tired, there is a reason for shaken babies, and glad I was a SAHM, I don’t know if I would trust a full time caregiver with my kids (they had sitters for a few hours). You can’t compare the emotions your kids can cause (good or bad) with those you get from pets (and I LOVE my dog).

Lol! I was thinking the same thing! My dogs comply when I tell them to do something!