sure wish parents would watch their kids

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I can appreciate the seriousness of what you are saying. But what is the likelihood that someone is going to bust a window and draw attention to themselves like that when trying to steal a car in a well lit area where they are bound to be seen. That is much more obvious than someone just opening an unlocked door and getting in. And again, if the key is in my pocket, they can't get the car out of park.

Did the person who stole their car have a gun pointed at them or something? Because I'm sorry, if I am standing right next to my car and my baby is inside you're going to have to kill me to take that car. And that is going to cause a scene and that is the last thing most theives want. Could it happen? Sure. If I was in an area where I thought it might happen, I wouldn't take the chance. But I don't live somewhere where its likely to happen.

I don't think we really want to talk about likelihoods here. I think that couple is just happy their baby was found rather than thinking over the chances of it actually happening to them (because really who thinks it will happen to them?).

No there was no gun. The car was stolen and found across state lines (like usual). As far as no way you're not going to stand there we're talking seconds here, we're not talking time to react. They didn't steal the car knowing there was a kid inside. They stole it because that's common to do take from our side of the state line and go to the other.

I didn't bring it up for you to find all sorts of reasons why this wouldn't happen to you. I responded because of the scenario you described the last thing I would be worried about is kids climbing around (although fair point from Sam about cars being dislodged from the gear). I would be far more concerned about what could happen to my kids. These people were right next to their car, you being inside a building you can't possibly keep an eye out 24/7 on what's going on. It's also why we have so much awareness now on pets and children in cars unattended from issues with the weather (yes car running helps) to length of time to carjacking. I def. grew up with my parents going in to get pizza or pay inside but I would be rethinking that in today's age.

Unless you shift your behavior when you visit places outside of your direct area it's not quite as important your rural atmosphere.

ETA: I should note the law that was able to be used was due to a murder where the 18 yr old was abducted in 16 seconds (she was taken in her car that was parked right by the entrance of the store she had just gone in and out of).

 

[Magical2017]

I know I am about to get bashed for this but here it goes. The whole problem is we, as parents, are no longer allowed to administer corporal punishment without fear of prosecution. Kids need their butt whooped sometimes. As a kid, I feared the belt but loved my parents. I was no saint as a kid. I got more than my fair share of spankings plus paddling at school. I may have still acted up but it was never the same thing twice. It took a little time to figure out my bad behavior was the cause of the sore bottom. My kids are not perfect but they know their boundaries. But now days, to avoid any criminal charges, the worse they get is no phone, no TV, no video games and time out in their bedroom. The plus side is they are both have straight A's and in advanced classes.

I definitely think there are more people stating their opinions about how others parent today. I did not administer corporal punishment, but either way, people love to tell you that whatever you are doing is wrong. If the kids are playing at a park unsupervised (I am talking right next to my house, grade 5) then I am "negligent." If I go with them to the park, then I am a "helicopter parent." I have done both at various times for various reasons. I do my best and am glad now that my kids are teens I don't have to deal with comments like that anymore.

 

[mrodgers]

I totally respect that position. When I spanked my kids (think I only had to spank the older one once and the middle twice), it was before they learned respect and what the right thing to do is. You make it sound like parents spank kids for every rule infraction. I can't speak for any one else, but that's not the case with us. It was the "nuclear" option... when other punishments either weren't working or would take too long to sink in.

I think when people, the getting older GenX now, talk about spanking, they think about it back in the 70-80's where it wasn't just a swat on the rear end as a toddler. My brother and I were beaten. My mother broke a 1 inch thick bread board over my brother's rear end. And when he laughed, "Ha, now you need to buy a new bread board..." he really got it.

A swat on the back end with a toddler who isn't paying attention to what you are telling them, it's to get their attention. Beating your 8 year old kid's back side with a weapon, it's quite a bit different.

 

[mrodgers]

Speaking of parenting fails, I was in line for Spaceship Earth once and this baby being held by his mother kept sucking on the rail! The mom just never seemed to catch it, but she would move and pull the baby away with her, but then he'd get right back at it. Gross, but also funny. The kid will probably be immune to everything!

Pfffff.... sucking on the rail is nothing.

McDonald's had teacher's night where the elementary teachers went there and worked the evening. Place was packed as parents didn't just have their school age kids there, but the younger not in school kids too. This McDonald's just happens to be elevated about 30 feet off the road out front. So there was the playground fence and beyond that about 12 inches and dropped down to the highway with a retaining wall. I was sitting there while my youngest played in the playground, with me watching her of course. Two mom's were chit chatting and I look over and one of the mom's toddler slipped under the fence and was on the ledge on the outside. I got her attention and she looked over and went right back to chit chatting and playing on her phone.

 

[mrodgers]

Depending on the age and model of the SUV, this might be less risky than you think. I've got a new car (22) with the RFID key, and if I leave it running while I go in somewhere with the key in my pocket, it basically goes in to the same operational mode as when I use the remote start. The engine is running, but if the key isn't detected inside, you can't put it in gear. It is kind of a neat feature on cold mornings, and one that I never would have discovered if DH hadn't left the car running to heat up while he ran in to the gas station for coffee.

And not every car is like that. Such as my wife's Toyota Rav4 where I was a good husband and started her car and cleaned it off while she was in the shower. Left the key/FOB next to her purse on the table. She comes running out, "I'm late!" grabs her purse and shoots out the door. I glance over and saw her key laying there. By the time I got out there, she was heading down the road with me hollering and waving my arms. Lucky she saw me and came back because she would have made it to work, locked the door, and at midnight, would have called me when she discovered she couldn't get into her car because she didn't have her key in her purse.

I don't know what my old 2016 or current 2018 would do. Both start screaming bloody murder with bells and whistles when I just jump out at the mailbox, not sure if one would be able to drive off with it or not.

 

[mrodgers]

And I have a hilarious left-their-kid-in-the-car event I witnessed. Negative temperature I pull into Dollar General parking lot. I see Dad head into the store and a kid sitting in the car. Then I see kid hanging out the window pouring water on the windshield and watching it freeze in the -10° or so. I laughed, poor dad is in for a surprise when he comes out.

 

[MillauFr]

Kids acting up at Disneyworld??? Reminds me of this scene....



Next thing you know is we will reading posts that someone didn't like their meal at Chef Mickeys because it was a complete madhouse.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Depending on the age and model of the SUV, this might be less risky than you think. I've got a new car (22) with the RFID key, and if I leave it running while I go in somewhere with the key in my pocket, it basically goes in to the same operational mode as when I use the remote start. The engine is running, but if the key isn't detected inside, you can't put it in gear. It is kind of a neat feature on cold mornings, and one that I never would have discovered if DH hadn't left the car running to heat up while he ran in to the gas station for coffee.

I still don't think I'd have left my kid in the car, running or otherwise, at that age - at 5 or 6, my middle child probably would have been okay as long as I left her with a book or something, but the oldest and youngest would both have been out of that car in a flash if something caught their attention or they'd have completely reprogramed my radio stations or hit the SOS button on the OnStar - but it is nice to know that no one can just hop in and drive off if I do leave it running for the heater.

I'll tell my story from 2021. We were looking to buy a new car in the worst of all timing. I can't remember what car we were test driving but it was a 2021 or 2022 model of an SUV with a remote start. Somehow neither my husband nor I realized the key fob had been left with the dealer attendant, we just drove off for a quick 5 min RT drive. The attendant called us (thankfully) to alert us. But yes indeed with the car you could shift out of park and into drive all without the key fob being in the car. We honestly can't believe we let that happen to us like how in the world could we forget the key fob let alone the dealer attendant let us drive off the lot without it but we do know it was an honest mistake on all of our parts.

Now had we stopped the car and turned it off we would not have been able to restart it without that key fob around but since it was started with the key fob at least in the vicinity it would allow it to be driven without it in the vehicle.

The other thing that has recently made the news is Hyundai and Kia's the specific years and model that are having a harder time being insured because they failed to have anti-theft measures other models did have. That I think has only just recently came out.

 

[sam_gordon]

A swat on the back end with a toddler who isn't paying attention to what you are telling them, it's to get their attention. Beating your 8 year old kid's back side with a weapon, it's quite a bit different.

But, both are considered "spanking". I agree beating an 8yo's backside with a weapon is crossing the line (to me). "Getting their attention" for a toddler isn't. But when many people hear "spanking", they picture the worst.

 

[sam_gordon]

I think you’re being generous based on your limited spanking if your kids (so you want to hope that’s how others are also using it). In my experience, most people who advocate for “all kids need a butt-whooping” are spanking their kids a lot more than once or twice in their lifetime. Just because you chose to use corporal punishment very sparingly does not make it the norm. I have seen relatives, friends, and strangers smack their kids all the time, typically over very minor infractions like being annoying, not sitting up straight, not paying attention, talking back, etc.

Many parents who recommend spanking think it’s a normal go-to response for anything their kid does wrong. Heck, there are even multiple parenting books and methods that advocate regularly smacking babies and toddlers starting at 6-12 months to teach and correct, so there are certainly people who think frequent spanking is fine.

Im sure you can find plenty of statistics, but here’s an excerpt from a small study I just saw about how often kids are spanked based on study participants who used audio to monitor frequency:
“The rate of corporal punishment, such as spanking and slapping, exceeded estimates found in other studies that relied on parents reporting their behavior. While other studies discovered that American parents of 2-year-olds typically reported they spanked or slapped their child 18 times a year, Holden's research based on the audiotapes discovered such behavior occurred 18 times a week.”
Even if the self-reported figures were accurate, that’s still once or twice per month, not once or twice in a lifetime like you mentioned.
https://consumer.healthday.com/kids...be-more-common-than-parents-admit-687077.html

ETA: I’m definitely not doubting anyone in this thread about how often they spanked their kids. Just that I think frequent spanking is much more common than once or twice as a last resort for something serious.

And many parents who recommend spanking look at it as the "lessor" version.

I have no doubt there are parents who hit for "minor" rule infractions. I'm not one of them. BUT, you get the people who lump both together.

 

[tzolkin]

I have no doubt there are parents who hit for "minor" rule infractions. I'm not one of them. BUT, you get the people who lump both together.

Yes, I was trying to not lump the two together because I can see the distinction. But, I think the issue is that because people have very different definitions of spanking, when someone advocates that others should also spank their children that may mean two completely different things to two different people who hear it.

If you (general you) were to say that spanking is okay, you might be referring only to parents who try it once or twice as a last resort because they are searching for something that will be effective with that particular child for that particular issue. But in saying "spanking is okay", someone else who smacks their kid multiple times a day just because they are in a bad mood and have no one else to take it out on may think that you are also okay with their definition of spanking.

 

[disneyseniors]

You can take what I wrote in many different ways. No I don't want to "Hit" my kids. We have a very strong relationship. It's a generalized comment, not specific to just me. Some people just like to twist things around and that's okay. The comment about them being in advanced classes was directly behind where I clearly wrote I punish them with no phone, tv etc. Don't try to make what I said bigger than it actually is. And I still stand by "sometimes kids need an old fashioned whoppin" and that's that.

I think some people are confusing real child abuse with hitting verses a soft tap on the bottom.
There is a big difference.
When my kids were little, I would have them get the pancake turner (never used it) and they would cry with it. I'd then NOT tap them but tell them what they did was wrong and why. They turned out great. I did not Hit them, which I am against! But the fear of getting a whop on the bottom was more than doing it to them.
I think people might be confusing this somehow. They are 2 very different things.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think some people are confusing real child abuse with hitting verses a soft tap on the bottom.
There is a big difference.
When my kids were little, I would have them get the pancake turner (never used it) and they would cry with it. I'd then NOT tap them but tell them what they did was wrong and why. They turned out great. I did not Hit them, which I am against! But the fear of getting a whop on the bottom was more than doing it to them.
I think people might be confusing this somehow. They are 2 very different things.

I don't think you can confuse "sometimes kids need an old fashioned whoppin" pretty sure we all know that means a lot more than a pat on the bum.

 

[disneyseniors]

I don't think you can confuse "sometimes kids need an old fashioned whoppin" pretty sure we all know that means a lot more than a pat on the bum.

The fear of it was always enough for my kids. My parents never spanked me (maybe I was perfect, lol) but the threat was enough for me

 

[NotUrsula]

I can appreciate the seriousness of what you are saying. But what is the likelihood that someone is going to bust a window and draw attention to themselves like that when trying to steal a car in a well lit area where they are bound to be seen. That is much more obvious than someone just opening an unlocked door and getting in. And again, if the key is in my pocket, they can't get the car out of park.

Did the person who stole their car have a gun pointed at them or something? Because I'm sorry, if I am standing right next to my car and my baby is inside you're going to have to kill me to take that car. And that is going to cause a scene and that is the last thing most theives want. Could it happen? Sure. If I was in an area where I thought it might happen, I wouldn't take the chance. But I don't live somewhere where its likely to happen.

In my city we are experiencing a rash of armed carjackings perpetrated by juveniles, who are a lot less afraid to fire that gun than adults are. There have been a few where they wounded the parent and drove off with a small child in the car. Most of the time the thieves ended up either abandoning the car with the child still in it, or stopping and putting the child, still in the carseat, out on the curb somewhere. (Not because they are humanitarians, you understand, they just want to get rid of the kid.) A case that happened in Nebraska a few days ago involved 3 children, who were put out in cold weather and ended up having frostbite when they were found.

I used to let my DD sit in the locked car while I popped into a store, but now I would not do it here if she did not know how to drive. The only viable defense against that kind of attack (if you are lucky enough to be in the driver's seat) is to hit the gas and not care who you might run over, so any time she stays in the car alone, she is in the driver's seat with the keys in the ignition and the engine running with the doors locked. (She has her learner's permit, but is not yet licensed to drive alone.) She knows that if a stranger approaches the car, she should not worry about me, but immediately drive off, in reverse if necessary. I also now always park in such a way that I cannot be boxed in, even if it means I have to hike a bit to the store entrance.

 

[wenrob]

I think when people, the getting older GenX now, talk about spanking, they think about it back in the 70-80's where it wasn't just a swat on the rear end as a toddler. My brother and I were beaten. My mother broke a 1 inch thick bread board over my brother's rear end. And when he laughed, "Ha, now you need to buy a new bread board..." he really got it.

A swat on the back end with a toddler who isn't paying attention to what you are telling them, it's to get their attention. Beating your 8 year old kid's back side with a weapon, it's quite a bit different.

Right? And for minor things. Anything they could reach could be used. Have a conversation with a group of GenXers and you’ll discover it’s far less common to have parents that *didn’t* hit them versus those that did. And like you said, not a tap or swat, full beat downs.

 

[nancipants]

Speaking of parenting fails, I was in line for Spaceship Earth once and this baby being held by his mother kept sucking on the rail! The mom just never seemed to catch it, but she would move and pull the baby away with her, but then he'd get right back at it. Gross, but also funny. The kid will probably be immune to everything!

My 3 yo does this. He tries to touch and lick everything when we're at Disney. It's soooo gross. I imagine everyone around us in line has a good laugh at me going "STOP IT! STOP PUTTING EVERYTHING IN YOUR MOUTH!!!" Hilariously, he rarely gets sick.

 

[BrianL]

My 3 yo does this. He tries to touch and lick everything when we're at Disney. It's soooo gross. I imagine everyone around us in line has a good laugh at me going "STOP IT! STOP PUTTING EVERYTHING IN YOUR MOUTH!!!" Hilariously, he rarely gets sick.

Well, honestly, it's probably not that harmful - gross though. The thing about the handrail is that I also had to remember not to touch it lets I get a hand soaked in baby drool!

 

[MillauFr]

My 3 yo does this. He tries to touch and lick everything when we're at Disney. It's soooo gross. I imagine everyone around us in line has a good laugh at me going "STOP IT! STOP PUTTING EVERYTHING IN YOUR MOUTH!!!" Hilariously, he rarely gets sick.

A great humorous song about that.....

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The fear of it was always enough for my kids. My parents never spanked me (maybe I was perfect, lol) but the threat was enough for me

Fear isn't a good tactic either nor threats regarding physical punishment. Both are along the same lines. These are just things we know as time has gone on.