sure wish parents would watch their kids

[Jimmy Mouse]

Decades and decades of research indicate physical aspects such as you describe are harmful and do nothing in respects to alter the behavior (at least truly) one is trying to alter most often worsening them. It hasn't been recommended and in fact advised to not do it since at least the 90s (IIRC) by the APA. Interesting that you're more concerned about the criminal system because that's an odd fixation IMO. I myself can't believe I used to believe that crap that I was hit and had liquid soap and "turned out okay", it's disgusting how that was fed to people and horrible that I thought being hit with a belt ended up with me turning out okay.

Having straight As and being in advanced classes isn't an indication of your methodology working. IDK why peeps feel the need to brag about their kids like that. My sister got into Ivy league with plenty of grants due to academic success sure didn't stop a diagnosis of clinical depression. If anything I would have thought describing your children in some other way than academic success would have showed better what you view was the correct way to raise your children. You know like how their character was, how kind they are to others and your relationship with you but nope it's academic success.

You can take what I wrote in many different ways. No I don't want to "Hit" my kids. We have a very strong relationship. It's a generalized comment, not specific to just me. Some people just like to twist things around and that's okay. The comment about them being in advanced classes was directly behind where I clearly wrote I punish them with no phone, tv etc. Don't try to make what I said bigger than it actually is. And I still stand by "sometimes kids need an old fashioned whoppin" and that's that.

 

[Jimmy Mouse]

So strange to be like, “My kids are straight-A students in advanced classes who respect boundaries but man, I still wish I could hit them.”

maybe you had a little too much to drink. I never said "I wish I could hit my kids". Stop trolling for unicorns.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

You can take what I wrote in many different ways. No I don't want to "Hit" my kids. We have a very strong relationship. It's a generalized comment, not specific to just me. Some people just like to twist things around and that's okay. The comment about them being in advanced classes was directly behind where I clearly wrote I punish them with no phone, tv etc. Don't try to make what I said bigger than it actually is. And I still stand by "sometimes kids need an old fashioned whoppin" and that's that.

There's really no way to twist your comments especially when every poster came to the same conclusion. There's not a generalized comment either. You brought your kids into it. I'm glad you have a strong relationship (or at least how you describe it) but that's just your response to my observation. Your first inclination is to talk about grades. It doesn't even make sense with the rest of your comment to talk about no phones, tv, etc when the premise of your viewpoint was your desire to physically mete out punishment wistfully and understanding boundaries and respect. But even if you were forms of punishment like that also aren't indications connected to academic success. If your point is about boundaries and respect you would want to speak towards those attributes. It's not just you, it's this one thing that somehow academic success is the blanket of all blanket "my kid turned out well". There's more to a person than their high school grades.

You can stand by your convictions, research says otherwise.

 

[Colleen27]

I'm usually pretty permissive with my kids and I opened this thread expecting to see a really petty complaint, but I'll admit... I'm kind of with the OP on this one. Buses are safe enough without seatbelts but to me, that doesn't mean all the rules of behaving in a motor vehicle go out the window. Even if the bus isn't crowded enough for rowdy behaviour to bother anyone, butts in seats is just a good rule of thumb any time a vehicle is in motion. I get the running for the back row - for some reason, getting those seats is inordinately exciting to small humans - but then it is time to sit down and torment your siblings quietly for the duration of the ride.

 

[Colleen27]

When my kids were little, if they decided to pitch a fit when out because they wanted to leave somewhere, I was not going to give in. Heck, after the effort of getting out of the house with 5 kids, I was not going to just toss in the towel, especially if we needed groceries.

Yeah, it always cracks me up when older people get all huffy about parents not taking an upset kid out of a store/mall at the first sign of bad behaviour. Two of my three kids would have considered that a reward, and I certainly wasn't interested in teaching them if they just act up enough, they can get out of things they didn't like doing!

 

[Jimmy Mouse]

There's really no way to twist your comments especially when every poster came to the same conclusion. There's not a generalized comment either. You brought your kids into it. I'm glad you have a strong relationship (or at least how you describe it) but that's just your response to my observation. Your first inclination is to talk about grades. It doesn't even make sense with the rest of your comment to talk about no phones, tv, etc when the premise of your viewpoint was your desire to physically mete out punishment wistfully and understanding boundaries and respect. But even if you were forms of punishment like that also aren't indications connected to academic success. If your point is about boundaries and respect you would want to speak towards those attributes. It's not just you, it's this one thing that somehow academic success is the blanket of all blanket "my kid turned out well". There's more to a person than their high school grades.

You can stand by your convictions, research says otherwise.

well, My research says I'm doing a great job with my kids. We have a strong family bond and do everything as a family. How are you doing with yours? Are they kicking and screaming in the floor of a mall? Climbing over the booths in a restaurant?

 

[DCLMP]

OMG! This thead....LOL

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

well, My research says I'm doing a great job with my kids. We have a strong family bond and do everything as a family. How are you doing with yours? Are they kicking and screaming in the floor of a mall? Climbing over the booths in a restaurant?

You mean the APA's research? I think they are doing just fine with a sustained findings that corporal punishment is not advised and in fact can have harmful consequences. You're more than welcome to look up things regarding this.

This isn't a contest here, you don't "win" at parenting here. You have your opinion and that's fine but speaking towards what you think society should go back to there's a reason we got away from that due to our changing understanding of the ramifications. Various longitudinal studies have been done as well.

 

[Colleen27]

So strange to be like, “My kids are straight-A students in advanced classes who respect boundaries but man, I still wish I could hit them.”

And really, are good grades and boundaries a measure of success if they're only obtained for fear of the consequences of falling short?

One of the highest-achieving, best-behaved kids I know is from a family that believes in an "old fashioned whooping". He is also one of the most anxious, fearful kids I know; his feelings about an A- or not getting a recommendation for an honors section (as a freshman) are beyond any apprehension I've seen from my kids even when they really screwed up. But his dad brags all the time about his good grades and his polite manners and all the quality things they do as a family... all the while, the kid is counting the days until he can go away to college and get out of that house.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I don't believe in hitting my kids. That said, I've swatted their butts a couple times. It's not the most effective method for my kids--in fact, they'd probably prefer a swat to losing their phone for a week, which is pur etorture.

What kids really need to is to know that you'll follow through on what you threaten, whether it's walking out of a restaurant, taking their phone, or doling out corporal punishment.

I remember a company picnic where my (older) son was misbehaving. I didn't want to leave--they'd gone through a lot of effort to have great activities that his sister was thoroughly enjoying. I took him to sit in the car for 5 minutes. I waited with him--I happened to have a book handy, so I read that and ignored him for the entire time. When the five minutes was up, I asked if he could go back to the picnic and behave himself. He said he could, and he did. Good thing, because our next step would have been to leave, regardless of how much fun his sister was having.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

What kids really need to is to know that you'll follow through on what you threaten, whether it's walking out of a restaurant, taking their phone, or doling out corporal punishment.

Many adults raised under authoritarian parenting had parents that followed through with what they said, it didn't mean it was effective, positive or otherwise or without potential lasting consequences. Same with permissive parenting.

Consistent consequences is only a portion of it and far from a complete way of viewing the topic.

 

[mumto3girls]

You can take what I wrote in many different ways. No I don't want to "Hit" my kids. We have a very strong relationship. It's a generalized comment, not specific to just me. Some people just like to twist things around and that's okay. The comment about them being in advanced classes was directly behind where I clearly wrote I punish them with no phone, tv etc. Don't try to make what I said bigger than it actually is. And I still stand by "sometimes kids need an old fashioned whoppin" and that's that.

I think it’s difficult to ever trust someone who has hit you. Other people may feel differently, but I doubt that I am the only person who felt that corporal punishment was a betrayal (and as I said upthread i don’t believe it even met the threshold for abuse). It definitely impacted the relationship I had with my parents and caused me to always keep a bit of distance from them emotionally.

 

[Kimkimba]

Well, thanks for the interesting read. That’s all I’m gonna say.

 

[ronandannette]

OMG! This thead....LOL

Hush!! Don't jinx it - there's nothing good on TV tonight.

 

[jrmasm]

you read it how you want. I'm not worried about criminal charges as in I want to hit my kids, jeez. It's a generalized comment. Spankings and hitting are two totally different things. 3 firm slaps on the bottom isn't violence, at least to me it isn't. It's discipline and I turned out just fine and had great parents.

Hitting is violence. Always

 

[sam_gordon]

I don't believe in hitting my kids. That said, I've swatted their butts a couple times.

This is a prime example of the disconnect. Some people believe a "spank" or a "swat" is ok, but "hitting" is not. Others feel anytime you strike a child (regardless of strength and location) is wrong. I'm personally in the former group.

BUT, just because one parent used corporal punishment on one child and they turned out "fine" doesn't mean it's needed on every child. On the flip side, just because a different parent DIDN'T use corporal punishment on a different child and they turned out "fine" doesn't mean that's the only solution either. When will people realize that all kids (even in a single family) are different and react to "punishment" in different ways?

 

[tzolkin]

BUT, just because one parent used corporal punishment on one child and they turned out "fine" doesn't mean it's needed on every child. On the flip side, just because a different parent DIDN'T use corporal punishment on a different child and they turned out "fine" doesn't mean that's the only solution either. When will people realize that all kids (even in a single family) are different and react to "punishment" in different ways?

We stopped spanking when we had our second child. It was rare anyway, but there was something about her that we just knew that there was no way we could spank and have her turn out "fine". Certainly, no way we would ever have a good relationship with her.

It bothers me so much to hear people say "every kid needs to be spanked/whooped/corporal punished in order to be good". It's absolutely untrue and can be doing so much damage to so many kids.

Personally, I now think that it's always wrong. Do some kids turn out "fine"? Yes. But I don't think turning out fine is the measure of whether something is right or wrong. The entire purpose of why it works with some kids is that it makes them fear physical pain if they do something wrong. (I would much rather my kids do what I ask because they respect me and because they understand that's the right thing to do instead of just following the rules so they don't get hit.) I also have never in my life seen an adult spank a child who wasn't angry or annoyed. So, it's also teaching that if you're upset that someone has not done what you want them to that you can (and should) hit them.

I am a very logical person, so this was my conclusion once I looked at spanking objectively. There is absolutely no situation in which it would be appropriate for my husband or my parents to hit me in order to teach me a lesson or get me to obey a rule. So, to me, if it's wrong for an adult to ever hit another adult for those reasons, it simply doesn't make any sense why it would be appropriate to hit a child.

 

[Southernmiss]

When my kids were very young, I was part of a MOMS group in which we studied how to be better parents using the Systematic Training for Effective Parenting books.

It was so helpful to me and the other moms who studied the books. Taught us other methods of discipline than corporal punishment and helped us to be better in communication with our kids, spouses and others.

It was definitely a mind shift in how many of us and our spouses were raised.

 

[fly girl]

yes but but running on a bus and wrestling on the seats is not a way for anyone to act just common sense like someone else had mentioned--but just in daily life there is no more common sense and parents doing nothing

I dont understand why someone is "eating " popcorn like I said this is not acceptable--southern miss do you let your kids that is if you have any--just run wild when there other people around

Yep, that was me eating the popcorn. I will tell you exactly why too.

1. Another poster felt the need to dig at an entire generation for having no manners and morals.
2. Parenting is not an exact science. What works for some doesn't work for others.
3. This is the Dis. I knew as soon as I read the title, here we go!


FWIW, I would not have had my kids do that, but that is just me. No doubt, I have been judged for my parenting skills at some point. Guess what? None of us get it perfectly right. As long as they didn't have the potential to hurt innocent people around them then here comes the adage, "not my circus, not my monkeys."

 

[Boopuff]

I think the thing is set expectations and follow through with any consequences. I get that some kids may never have ridden a bus. Tell the kids "you sit down on the bus and be quiet" If kids ride the bus to school, they aren't allowed to wrestle!

And some parents really do ruin things for everyone: A local brewery has a great outdoor space. They filled in under the tables with pea-gravel. So families would come to the brewery and let kids run amok. And pea-gravel is fun to throw! The brewery had enough, posted a sign that reads "children must sit at tables with their parents". That didn't work so now they have "no children after 7pm".