sure wish parents would watch their kids

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Well, honestly, it's probably not that harmful - gross though. The thing about the handrail is that I also had to remember not to touch it lets I get a hand soaked in baby drool!

I mean truth is too sterile of an environment is actually bad especially for young children (and we've seen the effects throughout the pandemic in case someone wants a very recent example). I know we all joke about it but like there is the poke fun phrase of "kid just needs to eat more dirt"..because well yeah it's gross but...

In any case handrail especially in a high traffic area is disgusting but probably one of those things like "well okay but maybe don't put your baby/toddler/child hand in my mouth after you've done all that"...we adults need some germs just not all of it in the world

 

[nancipants]

Fear isn't a good tactic either nor threats regarding physical punishment. Both are along the same lines. These are just things we know as time has gone on.

Do you follow Big Little Feelings, too?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Do you follow Big Little Feelings, too?

In the context of discussing using a physical punishment as a fear tactic way to put kids in line (which I know the PP is from a way different generation than presently) you ask that question? Because that's not an in the moment thing, that's a determination that you will use that as part of your tricks. Are you genuinely asking or ...?

 

[leahgoogle]

Right? And for minor things. Anything they could reach could be used. Have a conversation with a group of GenXers and you’ll discover it’s far less common to have parents that *didn’t* hit them versus those that did. And like you said, not a tap or swat, full beat downs.

Gen X'er here. We were spanked, but very rarely and never full beat downs. When it did happen, it was swats on the butt with a hand. My mom would occasionally walk around a corner with a wooden spoon and threaten, but never hit us with it. It is a running joke with her and my siblings to this day that "Mom is going to go get the wooden spoon". My kids are older now, but I very occasionally would spank when they were younger to get a point across when other methods failed. A swat on the butt, not a beating which obviously isn't acceptable.

 

[nancipants]

In the context of discussing using a physical punishment as a fear tactic way to put kids in line (which I know the PP is from a way different generation than presently) you ask that question? Because that's not an in the moment thing, that's a determination that you will use that as part of your tricks. Are you genuinely asking or ...?

Ha, I guess not. Big Little Feelings is an instagram account that focuses on "gentle" parenting. They promote research-based strategies and often discuss how fear-based or physical punishment doesn't actually teach kids anything. I bought their course, it's been very useful for parenting techniques.

 

[fly girl]

I only spanked my child once. She was 2 and a half. She kept playing with a large piece of artwork over my bed. I told her no several times and yet she had to keep grabbing it. You can't reason with a toddler, but a little pat on the tushy with diaper on gave her the shock and jolt enough to know I meant business.

I will say it again, you cannot reason with a toddler. It is the last option and if done like I did (very little oomph and a diaper for cushion) it wasn't painful, just more shocking. Was it a proud parental moment? Not at all. But it was the best option to keep her from truly getting hurt.

 

[kymom99]

Yeah, it always cracks me up when older people get all huffy about parents not taking an upset kid out of a store/mall at the first sign of bad behaviour. Two of my three kids would have considered that a reward, and I certainly wasn't interested in teaching them if they just act up enough, they can get out of things they didn't like doing!

One time I was at the library with my son who was probably about 3? Something like that. I knew exactly what book I needed and went to the shelf to get it. My son started whining and I was trying to hurry and find the book so we could leave. Of course it felt like it took me 30 minutes but it didn’t. Some man approached me and said excuse me but I think you should take the baby out. He wasn’t an employee, but a patron. I was so upset I picked up my son and left without the book. 20 years later and I still remember. It made me feel so awful. Way to support a young mom. You might think the man, if anything might have offered to help me find what I was looking for. Such selfishness.

 

[Timandalicia]

It just leads to bad grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

Do I have to explain my sarcasm? I don’t really think it leads to this. I’m making a joke about the grammar of the original post.

 

[kyton]

Personally I prefer not to get advice from the internet regarding parenting - a lot of people who like to spout studies, research etc aren’t even parents and have never had to deal with a child.

My parents who I adore used a leather belt plus a wooden spoon at different times on my 2 sisters and I - none of us are mass murderers, all of us have a fantastic relationship with both them plus our own kids. When I say used the item I can specifically remember once with each - plus I remember exactly what I had done to upset my parents at that stage.

My kids have all had a smack on their butts once as they were doing something dangerous plus I have pinched one of them to stop behaviour that was dangerous out in public.

No one here in their right mind would sanction actual beating of a child. But as previous posts have said in some instances sometimes the shock of a tap on a butt is enough to stop the action - for every action there is a reaction.

Back to the OP no my kids wouldn’t have acted like that on a bus but at times yes they could have been noisy, maybe even wrestled on the seat next to each other but that’s what being a kid and having 3 within 4yrs of each other does. They annoy each other, play with each other but at the end of the day they also know our expectations whilst out in public.

 

[dreamer17555]

If you haven’t called or thought your kid was acting like a brat then you haven’t been an active parent.

Especially teenagers. Good gravy, the biggest brats out there!

I really hate how everyone tends to state all teens are brats or dramatic or tend to lump them in this negative category. I adore my teens (though my oldest just turned 21, luckily my youngest is 15). I have had the most fun with my children at that age. They have such an interesting perspective on the world. Sure they might have talked back a time or two but that’s okay. I’m their safe space, their place where they don’t always have to be on. Heck I know I can get upset as an adult sometimes over things that seem trivial later- so it’s okay for them as well.

Parenting isn’t a contest but what I keep in mind when dealing with mine is if they mess up I want their first thought to be “I need to call my mom” and not “My mom is going to kill me”. I want them to know I am on their team and have their backs always.

 

[easyas123]

Personally I prefer not to get advice from the internet regarding parenting - a lot of people who like to spout studies, research etc aren’t even parents and have never had to deal with a child.

My parents who I adore used a leather belt plus a wooden spoon at different times on my 2 sisters and I - none of us are mass murderers, all of us have a fantastic relationship with both them plus our own kids. When I say used the item I can specifically remember once with each - plus I remember exactly what I had done to upset my parents at that stage.

My kids have all had a smack on their butts once as they were doing something dangerous plus I have pinched one of them to stop behaviour that was dangerous out in public.

No one here in their right mind would sanction actual beating of a child. But as previous posts have said in some instances sometimes the shock of a tap on a butt is enough to stop the action - for every action there is a reaction.

I share your experience as both a child, and parent of (now ) adult kids, and I also share your thoughts regarding this discussion fully!

 

[fly girl]

I really hate how everyone tends to state all teens are brats or dramatic or tend to lump them in this negative category. I adore my teens (though my oldest just turned 21, luckily my youngest is 15). I have had the most fun with my children at that age. They have such an interesting perspective on the world. Sure they might have talked back a time or two but that’s okay. I’m their safe space, their place where they don’t always have to be on. Heck I know I can get upset as an adult sometimes over things that seem trivial later- so it’s okay for them as well.

Parenting isn’t a contest but what I keep in mind when dealing with mine is if they mess up I want their first thought to be “I need to call my mom” and not “My mom is going to kill me”. I want them to know I am on their team and have their backs always.

Of course! I agree wholeheartedly. I love my daughter to pieces. She is predominantly wonderful, but she does have moments like we all do. I remember being a teen myself, it sucks at times! You’re figuring yourself out, it’s not easy. However, I never said they are always brats. But I will say they are much harder than toddlers. YMMV

I am in the thick of it and these past few weeks have been a rollercoaster so there’s that too. If you have read anything on these boards by me you will know overall I have a positive and loving relationship with my child. But we have our moments. And yes, she has been a brat this week so I said it in a moment trying to make light of it. Hence the wink and laugh emoji.

So please don’t lump me into some box as you assumed I did.

 

[EilonwyWanderer]

I just really don't understand people who think they need to cause pain to get kids to listen or respect them or understand something is "serious." I have never and would never hit my children. I absolutely do not want to instill in them that fear has any place in a loving relationship.

"Didn't hurt me, I'm fine" is a bad look. I survived without seatbelts and car seats, but there's a reason we have laws about them now.

 

[Southernmiss]

I just really don't understand people who think they need to cause pain to get kids to listen or respect them or understand something is "serious." I have never and would never hit my children. I absolutely do not want to instill in them that fear has any place in a loving relationship.

"Didn't hurt me, I'm fine" is a bad look. I survived without seatbelts and car seats, but there's a reason we have laws about them now.

I've known dh and his family for over 35 years now.

I thought I knew the family well.

But in recent years, I've learned more about my father in law's dad than was ever revealed before through newspaper clippings doing genealogy research. And my mother in law has begun to tell me stories. I've learned he truly was a bad person.

Dh and his brothers talked about discipline their own dad did. By the time I knew him, he had mellowed so much and has been a likeable grandfather to my kids.

But learning this past family history about father in laws dad has explained so much.

I told my adult kids recently what I learned and they too said that explained so much.

They are now aware of things to be aware of in their own lives.

The way we have raised our kids is like night and day to how dh's brother raised his and the family dynamics are very different in our respective families.

So it does have effects on future generations.

 

[wenrob]

Gen X'er here. We were spanked, but very rarely and never full beat downs. When it did happen, it was swats on the butt with a hand. My mom would occasionally walk around a corner with a wooden spoon and threaten, but never hit us with it. It is a running joke with her and my siblings to this day that "Mom is going to go get the wooden spoon". My kids are older now, but I very occasionally would spank when they were younger to get a point across when other methods failed. A swat on the butt, not a beating which obviously isn't acceptable.

I’m not against a tap on the butt like that. I was just agreeing with him that is where a lot of us are coming from. More of us than there should be. I personally don’t know a GenXer who didn’t grow up that way along with a good dose of neglect. Our childhood gets romanticized but really a good portion of our parents (along with teachers and other authorities) would have gone to jail in present times. Obviously this is a generalization but the more and more I’ve talked about it with others I find my experience was not at all unique.

 

[sam_gordon]

I just really don't understand people who think they need to cause pain to get kids to listen or respect them or understand something is "serious." I have never and would never hit my children. I absolutely do not want to instill in them that fear has any place in a loving relationship.

"Didn't hurt me, I'm fine" is a bad look. I survived without seatbelts and car seats, but there's a reason we have laws about them now.

Good for. I'm glad you didn't have to take the step. As multiple people here have explained, it DID work for them, didn't "scare" their kids away or make them "afraid". It's not always about "instilling fear". Many (most?) of the time, it's something to get their attention, and is immediate (not "wait until you get home (in 2 hours) and you have to sit in your room for an hour").

 

[Colleen27]

I definitely think there are more people stating their opinions about how others parent today. I did not administer corporal punishment, but either way, people love to tell you that whatever you are doing is wrong. If the kids are playing at a park unsupervised (I am talking right next to my house, grade 5) then I am "negligent." If I go with them to the park, then I am a "helicopter parent." I have done both at various times for various reasons. I do my best and am glad now that my kids are teens I don't have to deal with comments like that anymore.

Yeah, it really has gotten ridiculous. I inadvertently set off quite the little controversy on our city's FB page when my youngest was in maybe 1st grade by letting her walk to school. Two blocks, 25mph speed limits, only one residential street to cross at a stop sign, and I kept an eye on her until she was across that street. Someone posted in our city group that they thought about calling the police because they saw a young child walking alone. At 8am. In May. In a town with no actual crime to speak of. And it turned into a big debate between the "kids should never be unsupervised" and "in my day, we walked uphill both ways in sub-zero temps" camp that was absolutely hilarious to watch. Better than even the Karen-est of DIS threads.

NextDoor is even worse. There are frequent threads there complaining about unsupervised tweens in city parks. Not about them doing anything wrong, just about the fact that "parents these days can't be bothered to watch their kids", as though our generation wasn't out running wild until the streetlights came on. But then people, sometimes even the same people, turn around and complain that kids these days don't know how to navigate the world on their own.

I don't know what my old 2016 or current 2018 would do. Both start screaming bloody murder with bells and whistles when I just jump out at the mailbox, not sure if one would be able to drive off with it or not.

Mine honks when I leave with the key too, but then just goes about its business. It is a little crazy to think some models will let you drive off without the key - that was one of my initial hesitancies about RFID keys in the first place, and I was glad to see mine won't let you because I totally am scatterbrained enough to get stranded that way if it were possible.

I really hate how everyone tends to state all teens are brats or dramatic or tend to lump them in this negative category. I adore my teens (though my oldest just turned 21, luckily my youngest is 15). I have had the most fun with my children at that age. They have such an interesting perspective on the world. Sure they might have talked back a time or two but that’s okay. I’m their safe space, their place where they don’t always have to be on. Heck I know I can get upset as an adult sometimes over things that seem trivial later- so it’s okay for them as well.

I've said it a million times - I'll take teens over toddlers any day! I really like the teen stage, when they stop being kids and start being people.

 

[EilonwyWanderer]

But it's also well documented that physical punishment does negatively impact children. Put another way: if you think it's okay for you to hit your kids to get them to listen, can teachers? Other people on buses that think your children are misbehaving? What if they too think your children just need a "shock?" If not, why is it okay for you?

It used to be okay for men to beat their wives too because otherwise they just couldn't learn. Thinking you have to physically hit a child to get their attention is ridiculous.

Is your child allowed to hit you to get your attention?

 

[dvcgirl67]

Kids are going to be kids. When they're your kids or in my case....kids in my family (niece and nephew), then it's a whole different ball game when they misbehave or melt down. My niece, who is in her last semester of high school...."melted down" frequently before bedtime when she was around 2-5, including when my sister would be entertaining. We always knew it was coming, and she grew out of it. It never lasted long in front of anyone because my sister would scoop her up and take her up to bed to lay with her...sooth her until she feel asleep. This was always at home though...never in public. But still...I'm sure some adults were like..."omg...this kid!"

I almost always feel for parents when a kid is misbehaving in public, but there are occasions when the parents are clueless to everyone else around them. One flight comes to mind ....it was a vacation to Mexico several years back and we were sitting in business class in a 2-2 configuration. We were in row 2, and there was a family of four behind us....the parents (in their late 30s/early 40s I'd guess) sat together and seated their kids, a boy and a girl behind us....guessing again, but probably not far off....girl 7, boy 5. It seemed like a fun thing for them...we could hear that they were excited to be sitting without the parents. Any other time I've seen this type of family....one parent sits with one of the kids.

The kids started "playing" and one of them....the boy, had a metal box filled with little cars, action figures....etc, that he proceed to shake, pound them on the metal box...etc. His sister started to yell at him to stop (I was on her side), and they were just acting up in general, and then the little boy started kicking the seat...my seat. The parents were *oblivious* to this...and I'm not exaggerating. The husband was working on his laptop and the wife was watching a movie with headphones in. My husband leaned over and tried to catch one of the parent's eyes to be kind of like..."can you guys referee a bit?" kind to deal....but they did not respond. There were sighs and moans in the entire cabin. DH finally got up and spoke with the flight attendant (mostly for the seat kicking)...and she spoke to the parents just saying that the kids were making a lot of noise and kicking the seats....the woman was very blasé about it, said one thing to them....and then the kids pretty much continued acting like unsupervised brats (again...mostly the boy). The parents just came off as very entitled to us. At the end of the flight when we all got up to get our suitcases....there were lots of eye rolls and shaking heads between other passengers. A couple of dirty looks towards the parents for sure.

It was one of those...."what were they thinking?" kind of moments....and definitely rare, but those experiences stick with you. DH and I almost always smile and coo at babies and small kids....even though we didn't have any of our own...we like them. But we also frequently think of those kids any time we're boarding a flight...lol.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Ha, I guess not. Big Little Feelings is an instagram account that focuses on "gentle" parenting. They promote research-based strategies and often discuss how fear-based or physical punishment doesn't actually teach kids anything. I bought their course, it's been very useful for parenting techniques.

Ahhhh thank you very much for that clarification! I do not follow them but that sounds up my alley. I appreciate the shout out to them

Sorry for the delay in response, was out shopping..Khol's is having a killer extra percent off clearance deal right now if anyone wants to know