maxaroni
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2005
My dad passed away 1/1/23, he had been sick for the last month or so. He was extremely independent, still driving & enjoying life. After my mom passed away in 2014, he moved to FL by himself, not knowing anyone. He had a single family semi custom home built and was doing well. He went on 2 35 day cruises after my mom passed away, as well as an Alaskan cruise. He was the primary caregiver to my mom, even doing her peritoneal dialysis. He was the first one to help anyone in his community, both in NJ and Fl.
However, when it came to himself, he did not want to be a burden to his family. I am the only child and he did not want me to go down and be with him when things occurred. Nothing was serious so didn’t force the issue. However, the last month he started falling a lot, had several UTIs over the last 6 months or so, but the last month took himself to the ER as he couldn’t pee. Nothing was ever diagnosed, other than UTIs. I spoke to the doctors, nurses, etc. His neighbors were checking on him several times per day and bringing him food. He couldn’t eat. He told me he hated having the neighbors care for him. He was told by the doctors he should have 24/7 nursing care. He refused to go to assisted living and didn’t want nursing care at home. I knew this and told him that I would honor his wishes, the best I could. Since he was doing so well, only really having issues the last month, I never thought he would go so soon. We were going to tackle this after the holidays and see what we could do. I had convinced him to have the medic alert system for falling, etc. His neighbors thought he was doing better, although, he had lost a lot of weight. They thought his spirits were better, he was laughing and joking around, even ate a little bit more.
After not being able to reach him, I contacted his neighbor and she said she took him coffee that morning and didn’t see him. Thought he was in the bathroom. Didn’t hear back so called the sheriffs department for a well check. Cops showed up at my door at home, New Year’s Day, that he had passed. We weren’t told anything else. We packed, got in the car and started driving to Florida as did my son and daughter in law. We were told to not enter the house as it was a potential crime scene as it was not natural causes. We thought he fell and hit his head. Did not find out until 1/3 (due to 1/2 being a holiday) that he committed suicide. It was his way to go, he went on his terms and therefore, not a burden to anyone and not needing to be placed in a home.
Has anyone dealt with this? We spent the last 3 weeks in FL taking care of things. We are not only devastated by the loss, but the manner of death.
Many people have brought up death with dignity.
However, when it came to himself, he did not want to be a burden to his family. I am the only child and he did not want me to go down and be with him when things occurred. Nothing was serious so didn’t force the issue. However, the last month he started falling a lot, had several UTIs over the last 6 months or so, but the last month took himself to the ER as he couldn’t pee. Nothing was ever diagnosed, other than UTIs. I spoke to the doctors, nurses, etc. His neighbors were checking on him several times per day and bringing him food. He couldn’t eat. He told me he hated having the neighbors care for him. He was told by the doctors he should have 24/7 nursing care. He refused to go to assisted living and didn’t want nursing care at home. I knew this and told him that I would honor his wishes, the best I could. Since he was doing so well, only really having issues the last month, I never thought he would go so soon. We were going to tackle this after the holidays and see what we could do. I had convinced him to have the medic alert system for falling, etc. His neighbors thought he was doing better, although, he had lost a lot of weight. They thought his spirits were better, he was laughing and joking around, even ate a little bit more.
After not being able to reach him, I contacted his neighbor and she said she took him coffee that morning and didn’t see him. Thought he was in the bathroom. Didn’t hear back so called the sheriffs department for a well check. Cops showed up at my door at home, New Year’s Day, that he had passed. We weren’t told anything else. We packed, got in the car and started driving to Florida as did my son and daughter in law. We were told to not enter the house as it was a potential crime scene as it was not natural causes. We thought he fell and hit his head. Did not find out until 1/3 (due to 1/2 being a holiday) that he committed suicide. It was his way to go, he went on his terms and therefore, not a burden to anyone and not needing to be placed in a home.
Has anyone dealt with this? We spent the last 3 weeks in FL taking care of things. We are not only devastated by the loss, but the manner of death.
Many people have brought up death with dignity.