Suicide in the elderly

[Kitty 34]

So sorry for your loss, Maxaroni. Many many hugs I send to you and your family.

 

[disykat]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. This is a really hard topic in general, so many nuances. Losing a parent is hard in any circumstance and this magnifies it. I relate to your post indirectly and hurt for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[maxaroni]

Thank you, everyone. It has been incredibly hard for us. We do plan on seeing both grief counselors and going to s suicide support group.

I know in my heart that I did all that I could and he chose this, as he thought it was the best way for him. I know he loved me, as well the rest of our family. I may not agree with what happened, but I can see that this was all on his terms. He had gotten an infection that lead to MRSA after my mom passed away. Due to circumstances, one of us was with him 24/7 in the hospital. He was not happy about that but had been on morphine during the stay. Once home and he knew all that happened, he was quite upset that we were there.

I do know that UTIs can present differently in the elderly as several times my mom had them. She was sick for 9 years and she’d get a UTI and I thought this was it, Horrible.

We believe my dad had this all thought out for awhile and when the time came, he would proceed. His neighbors said that they thought he was getting tired, tired of not feeling well and losing his independence. He missed my mom terribly, they had been together since they were 15. When I was a child, my dad was a hunter and had guns that he sold when I was an adult. In his 80s he bought a gun, he said for protection. What we now know, he bought the gun as part of this plan. The box was amongst the aftermath.

My dad gave me no impression that he had any form of dementia, or that he wasn’t thinking clearly. I spoke to him 2 or 3 times per day during the last month. His neighbors all saw him regularly, he had a nurse coming several times per week after the last hospitalization, as well. He drove this past summer from Florida to Massachusetts with stops in CT, PA, NJ & DE, then back to FL. He was cooking and eating fairly well for someone 87 years old.

My dad rode a bicycle 500 miles per week for many years and rode in many charity rides. He was fiercely independent and stubborn. He helped many people but did not want that for himself.

I don’t post much here, lurking most often, but felt the need to post this. This is something I never expected.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of the thoughts and prayers.

 

[kdonnel]

I have told my kids to take me to a state or country that has legalized euthanasia if my health deteriorates. I do not in anyway want to be a burden as I age.

Sounds to me like your dad went on his own terms.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I’m very sorry for your loss.

I take care of people when they are very, very ill. Often elderly. Been doing it a very long time. I talk with them a lot to listen to how they’re feeling. Some people get very, very depressed. They don’t see a future, and, as has been discussed, they don’t want to burden anyone. Many are fiercely independent; some have lost their life partners, etc. They’re tired beyond exhausted, and they feel awful, round the clock. There’s nothing left in life that’s pleasurable for them. It’s not something they can get away from, either. It is their life. Sometimes supports can help, and sometimes they can’t. Every situation is unique. I agree that getting some counseling for yourself might help you come to terms with what has happened. I hope you can find some peace about it. I suspect your Dad probably didn’t want a long, drawn out thing for himself or any of you.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

The only person that I know that even thought about that was me. I could be her dad. I hate, hate, hate being dependant on anybody. Just last week at nearly 75 I bought out my car lease, now it won't be paid for until just before my 80th birthday, but lately I really don't think I will live that long nor am I sure that I want too. I totally understand the man's mind set, but I don't think I would ever kill myself because I care to much about my children and how they might feel, but I do understand the feeling of helplessness and desperation so I also know that you never know how you are going to act about situations until they show up.

Thanks for sharing. I think this happens more than most people realize.

 

[Moliphino]

I have told my kids to take me to a state or country that has legalized euthanasia if my health deteriorates. I do not in anyway want to be a burden as I age.

Sounds to me like your dad went on his own terms.

Sorry for your loss.

My mom tells us she's going to wander off into the woods to die, like how dogs go off by themselves. She's been taking care of her mother with increasingly bad dementia for years and doesn't want to do that to her own kids.

 

[lisaviolet]

Maxaroni, love sent to you & your family. I am so very sorry for your loss and the extra burden that the shock has brought to your grief.

(I've edited the rest, since you have read, simply because I forget how my name here is unfortunately traceable & I don't want to chance affecting loved ones adversely with information never fully shared at the time.)

 

[dvcgirl67]

Thank you, everyone. It has been incredibly hard for us. We do plan on seeing both grief counselors and going to s suicide support group.

I know in my heart that I did all that I could and he chose this, as he thought it was the best way for him. I know he loved me, as well the rest of our family. I may not agree with what happened, but I can see that this was all on his terms. He had gotten an infection that lead to MRSA after my mom passed away. Due to circumstances, one of us was with him 24/7 in the hospital. He was not happy about that but had been on morphine during the stay. Once home and he knew all that happened, he was quite upset that we were there.

I do know that UTIs can present differently in the elderly as several times my mom had them. She was sick for 9 years and she’d get a UTI and I thought this was it, Horrible.

We believe my dad had this all thought out for awhile and when the time came, he would proceed. His neighbors said that they thought he was getting tired, tired of not feeling well and losing his independence. He missed my mom terribly, they had been together since they were 15. When I was a child, my dad was a hunter and had guns that he sold when I was an adult. In his 80s he bought a gun, he said for protection. What we now know, he bought the gun as part of this plan. The box was amongst the aftermath.

My dad gave me no impression that he had any form of dementia, or that he wasn’t thinking clearly. I spoke to him 2 or 3 times per day during the last month. His neighbors all saw him regularly, he had a nurse coming several times per week after the last hospitalization, as well. He drove this past summer from Florida to Massachusetts with stops in CT, PA, NJ & DE, then back to FL. He was cooking and eating fairly well for someone 87 years old.

My dad rode a bicycle 500 miles per week for many years and rode in many charity rides. He was fiercely independent and stubborn. He helped many people but did not want that for himself.

I don’t post much here, lurking most often, but felt the need to post this. This is something I never expected.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of the thoughts and prayers.

Your Dad sounded like a cool guy who went out on his own terms. Wishing you and our family peace....it'll take some time. Hang in there.

 

[DisneyDebbie]

The end of life is difficult for every family member. I’m sorry for your loss.

 

[butterscotchcollins]

My heart is absolutely broken for you and your family. Saying a prayer for you to find moments of peace in your time of intense grief.

 

[AuntieMe3]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[cvjw]

My grandfather and my husband’s grandmother just quit eating. I know my grandfather was ready to go - my grandmother had passed a few years earlier and he was very lonely. He lived on his own for a few years, but when he could no longer drive, he quit eating. He passed not long after - on his own terms. In the spot where my grandmother had died.

 

[luvthatduke]

No words, just love.
Praying the Lord would give you His peace,
for you and your family.

 

[kymom99]

Not elderly, but my brother’s sister in law had terminal brain cancer. She was diagnosed when she started having seizures. At first, treatments helped but eventually the seizures returned. Not long after, she took her life. She knew what she was facing and she didn’t want to live that way.

 

[Silver saucer]

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

 

[Dan Murphy]

My condolences for you, maxaroni, your family, along with your dad's friends. Very tough indeed. I don't think I can add to what has been said here already. Thank you for sharing, that in itself is very therapeutic. God speed for your dad, may he rest in peace. 's

 

[NotUrsula]

My grandmother and my husband’s grandmother just quit eating. I know my grandfather was ready to go - my grandmother had passed a few years earlier and he was very lonely. He lived on his own for a few years, but when he could no longer drive, he quit eating. He passed not long after - on his own terms. In the spot where my grandmother had died.

My MIL also chose this strategy. Her hospice workers told us that it is very common, especially among nursing home residents, who often are terrified at how quickly all of their savings are being used up by being there.

 

[AnnaS]

So sorry for your loss

 

[AnnaS]

The only person that I know that even thought about that was me. I could be her dad. I hate, hate, hate being dependant on anybody. Just last week at nearly 75 I bought out my car lease, now it won't be paid for until just before my 80th birthday, but lately I really don't think I will live that long nor am I sure that I want too. I totally understand the man's mind set, but I don't think I would ever kill myself because I care to much about my children and how they might feel, but I do understand the feeling of helplessness and desperation so I also know that you never know how you are going to act about situations until they show up.