sucide vent (long)

[sharbear]

My DD is in a creative problem solving contest (Destination Imagination for anyone familar with it) and last night I got a call from her coach. Since their regional competition they have had one crisis after another. First his FIL was in town visiting them and had emergency surgery and they found cancer. Colon cancer that had spread to his liver, doesn't sound good. In the middle of having family come to visit and this terrible news, his niece committed sucide. I guess that she was despondent over her Grandfather. Now her mother not only has to deal with the news of her father, she is greiving the loss of her daughter. You can imagine the turmoil the family is in. The mother is in the hospital with issues of her own (heavily sedated I hope!).

I am so sad for this family but for anyone thinking of ending your life. Think about how this affects others. You will be missed, please don't kill yourself. Talk to someone, put yourself into the hospital, anything!

Anyways this family has too many other issues to deal with so I will be coaching the team for the near and I expect until they compete again, future. I've coached before and I know what to do but this is going to be challenging because I really don't know anything about the team. I didn't even get to see them perform at the regional tournament because I was judging another problem.

Wish me luck and I will keep my friends in my prayers.

Shar

 

[Dan Murphy]

That is so sad, Shar, but sadly, happens so often. A youngster feels up against a wall and no where to turn, at least in their mind. My prayers for this young lady, her family and circle of friends. My best to you, and so good for caring people like you. {{Hugs}} to you and your daughter both.

 

[Keli]

So much pain is involved in cases like this. I just can't imagine being the mother of a child that takes their own life. I don't think my ability to cope with life covers that, it would only be the grace of God that would carry me past that point. I could not handle that on my own without absolutely losing my mind.

 

[kdibattista]

Just wanted to share some insight:

I was 4 years old when my father committed suicide. My sister was 2. I did not find out the "cause" of his death until I was 14 (I am currently 26). Please understand that his niece did not commit suicide because she was distraught... there had to be many other psychological problems going on. After many years of research and reflecting I truly believe that my father had some form of schizophrenia. I can't speak from a parent's point of view but I know this devastated my grandparents. They get through it. It devastated me but I get through it. I truly, honestly believe that suicide is not a selfish act. Think about the love you have for your children.... what kind of force would it take for you to leave them... willingly? He was battling deamons inside that were able to put themselves above the love of his family... he did not do that.... they did. I am so sorry this poor family is going through this and it will be a rough road ahead... but they will get through it.

 

[CathyCanada]

Hugs, Kim.

Shar, I can't imagine what this family is going through but have said a prayer for them and wish you all the best in your new challenge.

CC

 

[browneyes]

That's so sad.

My aunt killed herself almost 14 years ago. Her ds recently made her a grandma and her precious little grandson never will have the chance to get to meet her. To know how contagious her laugh was, to know how sweet and giving she was, to know she made the most wonderful Mississippi mud pie, or to just know her. She would've been a wonderful grandmother.

 

[cinlee3]

My cousin was successful with her final suicide attempt 14 years ago. To see the impact this had on her children was devastating. She had three beautiful children with two different fathers. The oldest daughter basically raised the youngest (4 at the time of her death). The children were separated leaving two in Michigan and one in Arizona. The kids are doing well know, but in the first few years it was very hard on the family.

I have been to funerals of suicide victims and it is just so sad. So much guilt, anger, etc. It is so hard on the people left behind.

 

[delswife]

I wasn't going to respond to this post, because it hits me too close to home. My brother when I was 10, my sister-in-law 6years ago and my step sister last month. I can tell you from experience, it will take more than years for this mother to recover from her daughters suicide, it will be a lifetime. My brother has been gone for 25 years now and my mother is still stuggling threw each day. I dont know what makes someone do that, or how I feel about someone that does it, each day my opinion changes. I did react to my step sister last month with nothing but pure anger.
Its a long hard road, and there are some excelent support groups avaliable.
And just because I have to, I will tell you that someone who comes to the point of ending thier life, is not in thier right mind. They are ill, and REGARDLESS of what anyone says, they are not burning in hell for ending thier life. I have explored the bible over and over and see nothing in it that says that. God will take care of the sick. They are at peace. My prayers are with this family, they are going to need it.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

I was just going to post the exact same thing about burning in hell, Delswife. My father commited suicide before I was born. (he didn't know my mom was pregnant, she found out 2 weeks later.) I learned a long time ago not to offer how my father died to people. Almost everyones first reaction is " That is the one unforgivable sin! You will certainly go to hell for it!" I found this so insensitive. I also agree that it isn't a selfish act. A person that commits suicide is in alot of pain and usually sick. This was most certainly true about my father. Another thing that has always worried me is when someone always says they are going to kill themself. This person is crying out for help and have no intention of really doing it. There is something deeper going on with them than not wanting to live. Listen to this person and give them help now! If you think about it, whenever a person actually does commit suicide everyone around almost always says "I had no idea they were depressed, upset, hurting, etc." When a person is that low, they don't broadcast their feelings. Ok, I'm sorry for rambling, but this is a passionate subject for me also. My heart goes out to anyone that has had to deal with this tragic loss, and remember, do NOT blame yourself. Most likely, you had no idea what was going on and couldn't have changed it. God Bless you all.

 

[Luckymommyx2]

I have not been through the pain that many of you have experienced and I hope I never do. I just want to offer my prayers and {{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}} to all of you.

 

[delswife]

Almost everyones first reaction is " That is the one unforgivable sin! You will certainly go to hell for it!" I found this so insensitive.
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YES! I have heard that so many times! Insensitive? yes, but I think its crule! Like a family doesnt have enough to try to deal with, now some one comes along and throws THAT one at them.
They say there are signs, a depressed person who suddenly is in high spirts, giving things away, because they have figured out a plan. My brother did do that. The other two were a shock!
Then there is the "shame" side of it. Kids at school all knew me because of my brother. A suicide leaves some kind of "black mark" on the family left behind, like they could of, should of.....
Its harder because when a family member dies in a car accident or of an illness, usually theres noone to blame. With a suicide, there is alot of finger pointing, and sooooo much guilt.
It does help to know that we arent alone. I've reached a point in my life where I am "ok" with it, (I stopped screaming) but it was a long hard road.
Tommorrow is another day, and didnt some once say "This too shall pass?"

 

[Saffron]

Suicide is so painful. For me it's so hard to understand. Everyone is different. Not everyone is sick when they commit suicide, just as people who have cancer are not all sick. Everyone is different. Sometimes people are very sick, sometimes people are impulsive. Although some people may share their thoughts or their feelings with others before hand, some may not; some may not even have those feelings for any length of time. Although there are some similiarites (just as someone dying from lung cancer may have similarities as another), no one person's suicide is like another's. The only thing that can be said for all suicides is that the outcome is the same.

One thing for sure, they will NOT burn in hell. I can imagine that there are people in this world that will think that , but to actually speak those words is just dispicable, heart breaking and yes, plain cruel! "Judge not least you be judged" comes to mind.

I had a neighbor who committed suicide. I heard it. He shot himself to death. Apparently he was unsuccessful with the first shot because I heard two, both the one to his stomach and the one to his head. I didn't realize what was happening until I heard the most heartwrenching, traumatizing, half moan/half scream from his wfe. I can still hear her. It will haunt me forever.

delswife what you said is so true!

Its harder because when a family member dies in a car accident or of an illness, usually theres noone to blame. With a suicide, there is alot of finger pointing, and sooooo much guilt.

And yes, as you also said, all of the "what if's: if only I knew... if only I could have ... I should have ... "

{{{{Hugs}}}} for everyone.


Good luck with everything Sharbear. I will pray for your friend's (DD's coach's) family.

 

[sharbear]

Thanks everybody!