Stuck between ex and dd....

[bookgirl]

It sounds like neither you or your dd really appreciate what your ex is handing her. I think it is your job to make sure she understands what she is getting.
Keeping the stipend is not fraud and not something dd is entitled to. Personally I think you need to change your tune of appreciation and help you dd see the big picture.

Her ex isn't handing anyone anything. He is COURT ORDERED to pay for half the college expenses. He didn't save any money to meet his parental obligation. Her taking the GI Bill gets him off he hook for failing to meet his responsibilty. He should be grateful he is not having to cough up the cash.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Her ex isn't handing anyone anything. He is COURT ORDERED to pay for half the college expenses. He didn't save any money to meet his parental obligation. Her taking the GI Bill gets him off he hook for failing to meet his responsibilty. He should be grateful he is not having to cough up the cash.

He STILL spent 4 additional years in the MILITARY in order to do this.

Maybe he, like many, didn't have it together enough to save earlier on. But he's put this plan in place in order to do it.

GI Bill gets him off he hook

He put his life on the line in order to earn that GI Bill.

 

[Motherofboys]

multiple post

 

[Motherofboys]

multiple post

 

[Motherofboys]

Her ex isn't handing anyone anything. He is COURT ORDERED to pay for half the college expenses. He didn't save any money to meet his parental obligation. Her taking the GI Bill gets him off he hook for failing to meet his responsibilty. He should be grateful he is not having to cough up the cash.

Did OP say that her divorce decree contains a provision for him to have to pay 1/2 of the kid's college?

I know for a fact that many states, including Michigan, do not require non-custodial (or any parent for that matter) to pay for anything to do with college unless it is specifically part of your divorce decree. Child support ends when the child graduates high school or turns 18 (in the event the child has dropped out, barring issues with being special needs).

I still see it is as a pretty nice gift, not something to scoff at.

 

[kellyg403]

He STILL spent 4 additional years in the MILITARY in order to do this.

Maybe he, like many, didn't have it together enough to save earlier on. But he's put this plan in place in order to do it.


He put his life on the line in order to earn that GI Bill.

He only will need to go for one for year, not 4. I asked.

No one asked him to give it to her, he could have kept what he earned. Its not a big deal for me to pay my 1/2 and then he pay his 1/2 or whatever. He chose to do it this way. No glory involved for him. Sorry.

He has been divorced for 11 years and her father for 18, he understood the requirements that HIS lawyer put in the papers. He has had plenty of time to prepare for this day. That he has not is not my fault. He is not a pvt. He is high ranking, and in the aviation field. He has had plenty of opportunity. He does have a new wife but no other children. He lives in and is trying to sell a house worth of $300,000. He had the means and he had the ways. He choses the hardest way EVERY single time.

DD is on notice that we will NOT be participating in using the GI bill after this semester. Everyone will do as as we planned before, pay our share and move on. Period.

Kelly

 

[disykat]

He STILL spent 4 additional years in the MILITARY in order to do this.

:

And you know this how? Just because he reinlisted and signed up for this benefit at that time doesn't mean he did so with his daughter in mind. I believe signing up for any benefits you may be entited to is pretty standard.

There's no indication that he reinlisted because of this benefit.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

He only will need to go for one for year, not 4. I asked.

I believe more of what I read. It's pretty clear in the literature. I worked for the VA myself and am used to reading this stuff.

But whatever.

Good luck.

 

[kellyg403]

Did OP say that her divorce decree contains a provision for him to have to pay 1/2 of the kid's college?

I know for a fact that many states, including Michigan, do not require non-custodial (or any parent for that matter) to pay for anything to do with college unless it is specifically part of your divorce decree. Child support ends when the child graduates high school or turns 18 (in the event the child has dropped out, barring issues with being special needs).

I still see it is as a pretty nice gift, not something to scoff at.

Yes, his lawyer, put in that he would pay 2 years of college. He did that because I wanted help with daycare expenses as the children will little and he did not want to help pay for that. He decided he would rather decline daycare and pay 2 years college. I agreed and did what I needed to do to get through those daycare years.

Kelly

 

[kellyg403]

I believe more of what I read. It's pretty clear in the literature. I worked for the VA myself and am used to reading this stuff.

But whatever.

Good luck.

Not doubting you, just saying what HE said. So, he may be lying. Who knows.

Kelly

 

[Pea-n-Me]

And you know this how?

I read it. In black and white. On official VA websites.

Just because he reinlisted and signed up for this benefit at that time doesn't mean he did so with his daughter in mind. I believe signing up for any benefits you may be entited to is pretty standard.

There's no indication that he reinlisted because of this benefit.

And there's no indication he didn't. But it seems pretty clear, whether he's a snake or not, that he had this benefit in mind when he did. Seeing as even his ex wife, whose relationship with him is contentious at best, knew he had a retirement date of July, it sure seems to me like something he's been looking forward to.

 

[Motherofboys]

Yes, his lawyer, put in that he would pay 2 years of college. He did that because I wanted help with daycare expenses as the children will little and he did not want to help pay for that. He decided he would rather decline daycare and pay 2 years college. I agreed and did what I needed to do to get through those daycare years.

Kelly

Then I take back everything I previously posted about thanking him and sucking up

He owes her two years, court ordered - so he can suck it up and do what he agreed to do, what he HAS to do. Good for him that he can use his GI Bill to do it, that's a nice perk for him. But I would remind him that he is doing the first two years for all of the kids that he agreed to do so for in the divorce decree, or you will be taking his sorry butt into court to have a judge order it done!

Freaking day care costs are like college tuition payments! Sorry that you had to do that on your own, I'm sure it was tough

 

[kellyg403]

I read it. In black and white. On official VA websites.


And there's no indication he didn't. But it seems pretty clear, whether he's a snake or not, that he had this benefit in mind when he did. Seeing as even his ex wife, whose relationship with him is contentious at best, knew he had a retirement date of July, it sure seems to me like something he's been looking forward to.

Actually, according to him, he reenlisted because of a bonus situation back in Dec.? He gave that information freely when I asked if he had to reenlist to get the benefit because I did not think he should do that. So, don't know exactly what he did/didn't do since I haven't seen the paperwork. That he even told me that he got a bonus for reenlisting is unlike him, so I would wager to guess *that* part is true.

Kelly

 

[bookgirl]

He put his life on the line in order to earn that GI Bill.

Having a dangerous job does not give you a free pass to be a crappy parent.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Having a dangerous job does not give you a free pass to be a crappy parent.

And children who have crappy parents, or other difficult situations to deal with, at some point need to get past it. Life goes on.

(And lest anyone thinks I say this lightly, I don't. I've BTDT as well.)

 

[CowboyCO]

Didn't read the whole thread, but my .02 is that DD should be on her knees thanking her Dad and stop acting like a spoiled brat over not getting the whole stipend.

You can kick in to cover expenses since you'd saved up for the first year.

 

[disykat]

Didn't read the whole thread, but my .02 is that DD should be on her knees thanking her Dad and stop acting like a spoiled brat over not getting the whole stipend.

You can kick in to cover expenses since you'd saved up for the first year.

No one is saying she shouldn't be grateful for having ANY college expenses paid. No one is saying the OP shouldn't have to pay anything. The concern is that he is applying for a benefit for college and not using all of it for that purpose.

That's just like getting food stamps and finding a way to not use them, but get the cash instead. It's wrong. I wouldn't want to be a part of it. If someone was offering me a deal where I got 'free food' obtained that way and they got cash out of the deal, I wouldn't be grateful, I would be worried that I was doing something illegal.

He earned the gi bill and the right to use it. He didn't earn the right to misuse it.

 

[GJM]

But he is giving the whole GI bill to his DD - he is just not giving her all the living expense money up front each month. How do we know he isn't saving it for her in an account. Do you know that he is going to keep it?

When my DS uses the GI bill for college there is no way I am going to hand him $1000 living expense each month. I will probably give him a portion and hold the rest in an account for him.

Why do some of you think he is miss using any of it.

DD is on notice that we will NOT be participating in using the GI bill after this semester. Everyone will do as as we planned before, pay our share and move on. Period.

Why won't you let her use it after this semester - if it helps pay for college why just throw that away?

 

[bookgirl]

But he is giving the whole GI bill to his DD - he is just not giving her all the living expense money up front each month. How do we know he isn't saving it for her in an account. Do you know that he is going to keep it?
When my DS uses the GI bill for college there is no way I am going to hand him $1000 living expense each month. I will probably give him a portion and hold the rest in an account for him.

Why do some of you think he is miss using any of it.



Why won't you let her use it after this semester - if it helps pay for college why just throw that away?

Dad has a history of keeping money. EX- mom overpaid medical, the refund was sent to the father as the primary insurance holder and he kept the money.

When mom took son for surgery and health care out of state the father who did not go or pay for anything turned in for medical reinbursment for travel and living expenses. He got caught and had to repay and was mad at the mother.

Seems like the kind of lowlife who would keep money meant for a college student's expenses

 

[kellyg403]

But he is giving the whole GI bill to his DD - he is just not giving her all the living expense money up front each month. How do we know he isn't saving it for her in an account. Do you know that he is going to keep it?

When my DS uses the GI bill for college there is no way I am going to hand him $1000 living expense each month. I will probably give him a portion and hold the rest in an account for him.

Why do some of you think he is miss using any of it.



Why won't you let her use it after this semester - if it helps pay for college why just throw that away?

Honestly, the stipend is not the problem for me, I agree with dad she should not have the whole amount every month. What he does with anything left over and dd's cupability presents a problem for me personally. I don't want the government sending dd a letter in 8 years and saying she owes them thousands of dollars of misusing the funds. Thats the part that bothers me.

As for not using it after this semester, I guess I should clarify. I will pay my 50% instead of letting her take the full amount each semester so there are no challenges later. Her dad loves her and she loves him but this is really the first TIME ever she has stood up to her dad and not done EXACTLY what he has asked her to do. In the end, I am not sure that the GI Bill has anything to do with the fighting and arguing, but more of her resistance to continually be 'o.k.' with whatever he says to do and his total disbelief that she is questioning him.

Her dad text me a couple times last night and I was working so I didn't really get back with him. The whole purpose of the post was really to vent about the fact the two of them always, somehow, find a way to get me stuck in the middle when I didn't want to be involved in the first place. Then I hear little things from her/him that make me think something is fishy about our transaction. Is his heart in the right place? Yes possibly. But, I have known the man for over 20 years..I pretty much am sure he doesn't do anything that doesn't benefit him in some way. Regardless of what that is, I am sure that he is BENEFITING. And that is where she gets mad at him, he wants her to think he is doing this all for her, he has sacrificed this whole benefit for her and she should be happy he is willing to do it. While I agree it was a nice thing, don't get me wrong, it is laden with trouble. She is old enough to know that this isn't about her except on the surface. So he thinks she should grovel and she thinks since he is benefitting too a thank you, keeping her grades up and doing her best should be enough. I get BOTH their sides believe me and that also lands me in trouble because I see both of their points.

Thanks!
Kelly