Strongest evidence yet against spanking

[Disney1fan2002]

I was not just spanked as a child, I was beaten. I mean, clean the kitchen floor with me, beaten. If I fell down, I was picked back up by my hair.

I do not spank my kids. When they were toddlers, a would spank their hands if they were touching something that was a danger to them and they did not listen to my word "no".

Now my kids are 13,11, and 10. I yell a lot, and they get sent to their room and have privledges taken away, but I don't hit them.

Where does someone like me fall in this research?

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I was not just spanked as a child, I was beaten. I mean, clean the kitchen floor with me, beaten. If I fell down, I was picked back up by my hair.

I do not spank my kids. When they were toddlers, a would spank their hands if they were touching something that was a danger to them and they did not listen to my word "no".

Now my kids are 13,11, and 10. I yell a lot, and they get sent to their room and have privledges taken away, but I don't hit them.

Where does someone like me fall in this research?

I'm sorry that you were beaten. That is so sad.

You are a survivor. You are changing a dangerous pattern. That would be true whether you decided to spank with control, or not spank.

 

[iwrbnd]

I rarely had to spank my kids but the few times I did I never felt like it was abusive in any way shape or form. Physical pain is a natural deterrent. I don't touch fire because it causes pain. My children never did what they were spanked for again because it caused pain.

 

[Robinrs]

According to dictionary.com -

Hit - to deal a blow or strike to
Spank - to strike with an open hand esp. on the buttocks

According to the definitions provided, all spanking is hitting, though all hitting is not necessarily spanking. So perhaps the connotative meaning of the word "hit" evokes stronger emotions than "spank," but you can't deny that they are mutually inclusive. It is what it is.

The definition is skewed by INTENTION. Heck in that case manslaughter and murder, sex and rape are the same thing too!

 

[rgf207]

I was spanked. I never had discipline problems. I never even received a school detention. I've never had more than a speeding ticket and never been in trouble with the law.

I will spank my child when I have one. Being married to a statistics teacher, I know that you can skew any study to get the reults you are after.

 

[rgf207]

nm

 

[freckles and boo]

The definition is skewed by INTENTION. Heck in that case manslaughter and murder, sex and rape are the same thing too!

The only thing about your analogy that works is that rape and spanking neither one ask for the consent of the victim. Ultimately, you have to put your hand on a child. Call it what you want. If it works for you, fine. But pretending you can spank a child without striking or hitting the child is just bunk.

 

[gisgt]

The only thing about your analogy that works is that rape and spanking neither one ask for the consent of the victim. Ultimately, you have to put your hand on a child. Call it what you want. If it works for you, fine. But pretending you can spank a child without striking or hitting the child is just bunk.

That's why I agree it's an apt analogy - you can't spank w/o hitting, you can't rape w/o sex & you can't commit manslaughter w/o murdering someone. It's the intent behind the act that makes them different, the physical act is the same.

 

[FireDancer]

Sure, the denotation of hitting and spanking may be the same, but the connotation is quite different. The better relationship wouldn't be hitting and spanking but beating and spanking. Both involve physically hitting a child but the degree to which it is done is very different. A smack on the butt for misbehaving or a slap to the face for talking back (both of which I got many times and deserved every single one of them) is different then a close fist punch to the face or a kick to the ribs and being thrown down a flight of stairs.

There are degrees to most things in life and this is a perfect example of one of them. If were are going to get all Larry Literal with words then scolding your child is the same as verbal abuse. Going by the hitting/spanking analogy they both use words to attempt to effect behavior. What is the difference, intent and degree, the same as with spanking and beating or hitting.

The whole argument is nonsensical drivel. Discipline your kids the way you see fit and stop trying to tell other people what they choose to do is not correct. We have managed to survive as a species a pretty long time now without all the psychodrama that psychologists trying to justify their existence spew into the atmosphere.

 

[freckles and boo]

That's why I agree it's an apt analogy - you can't spank w/o hitting, you can't rape w/o sex & you can't commit manslaughter w/o murdering someone. It's the intent behind the act that makes them different, the physical act is the same.

Children, young children in particular, are generally ill-equipped to understand intent. And thank you for at least acknowledging that the physical act is the same.

 

[kellyw8863]

The definition is skewed by INTENTION. Heck in that case manslaughter and murder, sex and rape are the same thing too!

Ummm...no. If you spank, you hit - end of story. All spanking is hitting, but not all hitting is spanking. Just like all manslaughter is murder, but not all murder is manslaughter. All rape involves sex, but not all sex involves rape. To spank is to hit as manslaughter is to kill as sex is to rape. Again, it is what it is. Feel free to put whatever spin on it that makes you feel better about the discipline choices you make. And while you may not beat your kids, you cannot deny that if you spank them, you are, by definition, hitting them.

 

[Scurvy]

There are degrees to most things in life and this is a perfect example of one of them. If were are going to get all Larry Literal with words then scolding your child is the same as verbal abuse. Going by the hitting/spanking analogy they both use words to attempt to effect behavior. What is the difference, intent and degree, the same as with spanking and beating or hitting.

The whole argument is nonsensical drivel. Discipline your kids the way you see fit and stop trying to tell other people what they choose to do is not correct. We have managed to survive as a species a pretty long time now without all the psychodrama that psychologists trying to justify their existence spew into the atmosphere.

Excellent comparison, and very well said.

 

[starstruck93]

I don't understand how no spanking somehow means no discipline. My kids aren't spanked, they hear no several times a day. And my youngest howls like he's about to get spanked when he's getting hauled off to time out, I can't think of a single reason to EVER hit that boy. For most kids the pain isn't the deterent, it's knowing they're in trouble. I was spanked too, and I'm fine too, doesn't mean we can't do better than our parents for our kids.

LOL! This is us too; we don't spank either but goodness... you start escorting him over to the "naughty step" and he freaks out! LOL! He's more upset that "mommy is mad at me". DH and I thoughly explain to him what he did wrong and make sure he understands it before he's allowed to get up. It works for us and he's never been spanked and I've nver had a teacher tell me he has any behavior issues at school. I want DS to make the correct choices in life not because he's scared of me but because it's the "right" thing to do. Thanks, April

 

[DC7800]

Discipline your kids the way you see fit and stop trying to tell other people what they choose to do is not correct.

Forgive me for not reading the whole thread, as I'm sure this has been previously addressed, but the critical point is to have and consistently use some effective means of discipline ("behavior management"). Spanking may not be the most recommended method, but it would be far, far worse not to discipline your children at all, or do so ineffectively or inconsistently.

What I'm sort of afraid is that people "hear" in the media that you're not supposed to spank your children anymore - so they don't - but they fail to substitute any other means of discipline. We've all seen children running around out of control in restaurants or wherever; Sometimes the parents tell them three or four times that if they do 'that' one more time they'll be spanked. They threaten but do not carry it out "since you're not supposed to spank" - the worst possible course of action.

If you don't spank that's fine and even recommended - but you have to replace it with something else.

 

[gisgt]

Sure, the denotation of hitting and spanking may be the same, but the connotation is quite different. The better relationship wouldn't be hitting and spanking but beating and spanking. Both involve physically hitting a child but the degree to which it is done is very different. A smack on the butt for misbehaving or a slap to the face for talking back (both of which I got many times and deserved every single one of them) is different then a close fist punch to the face or a kick to the ribs and being thrown down a flight of stair.

There are degrees to most things in life and this is a perfect example of one of them. If were are going to get all Larry Literal with words then scolding your child is the same as verbal abuse. Going by the hitting/spanking analogy they both use words to attempt to effect behavior. What is the difference, intent and degree, the same as with spanking and beating or hitting.

The whole argument is nonsensical drivel. Discipline your kids the way you see fit and stop trying to tell other people what they choose to do is not correct. We have managed to survive as a species a pretty long time now without all the psychodrama that psychologists trying to justify their existence spew into the atmosphere.

btw: Just had to say you are the most eloquent poster I have ever encountered on a message board

 

[monkeybug]

I apologize that I haven't read all 12 pages of this thread, so this may have been (and probably was) already brought up. I don't have a comment on the pro/anti spanking argument. I think there are 1,000's of "right" way's to parent, and as long as your kids are recieving love and discipline, than chances are they will do just fine.
We don't spank because it's just not something that works for my family, but to each his own.
I just wanted to comment on the whole "I was spanked and I'm fine" argument.
I'm sure if we all looked at the pool of people surrounding us, we could find all sorts of people who are "fine" or even better than fine, who went through horrendous things in their lives. (not that I'm saying spanking is a horrendous thing)
My Aunt adopted a little boy who had the worst child hood imaginable, the things that he lived through during his childhood are horrible beyond words, and you know what? He's fine! I mean he's an over achiever and a perfectionist, (just got accepted to a military academy that is very difficult to get into) but by most peoples standards he isn't walking around damaged and full of issues. (all though he has every right to be)
My husband was raised by an alcoholic and he too, is fine!
My parents made me listen to peter, paul and mary and the moody blues, and aside from a lingering love of folk music, I'm fine
So anyways I'm just saying maybe don't use this as your defense against spanking. There are lot's of "fine" and successful people walking around with childhoods full of things we don't need statistics or psychologists to tell us are wrong.

 

[Robinrs]

Ummm...no. If you spank, you hit - end of story. All spanking is hitting, but not all hitting is spanking. Just like all manslaughter is murder, but not all murder is manslaughter. All rape involves sex, but not all sex involves rape. To spank is to hit as manslaughter is to kill as sex is to rape. Again, it is what it is. Feel free to put whatever spin on it that makes you feel better about the discipline choices you make. And while you may not beat your kids, you cannot deny that if you spank them, you are, by definition, hitting them.

Okay so I was HIT and so was my child. I turned out great and so is my kid. PROSECUTE ME.


end of story

 

[Robinrs]

btw: Just had to say you are the most eloquent poster I have ever encountered on a message board

This guy gets kissed up to more than anyone I've ever seen...

Note to FD, this only happens to MALE posters.

 

[MrsKreamer]

LOL! This is us too; we don't spank either but goodness... you start escorting him over to the "naughty step" and he freaks out! LOL! He's more upset that "mommy is mad at me". DH and I thoughly explain to him what he did wrong and make sure he understands it before he's allowed to get up. It works for us and he's never been spanked and I've nver had a teacher tell me he has any behavior issues at school. I want DS to make the correct choices in life not because he's scared of me but because it's the "right" thing to do. Thanks, April

But he is scared of you. You just said he freaks out when he thinks his mommy is mad at him. That is emotional manipulation.

I have two sons. Guess what? They are two totally different human beings despite sharing the same parents. My eldest was swatted as a toddler when he was in danger, and responds really well to time-out and knowing when I am disappointed in his choices. My youngest...well, we haven't found one discipline technique that works for him all the time. He may have some sensory issues though, so I don't think he can help some of his tantrums.

I get a lot of "He just needs a good spanking". He doesn't understand why he is being spanked...but he doesn't understand time-outs either.

That said, I am not anti-spanking nor pro-spanking. To each their own.

 

[FireDancer]

btw: Just had to say you are the most eloquent poster I have ever encountered on a message board

Why thanks.

This guy gets kissed up to more than anyone I've ever seen...

Note to FD, this only happens to MALE posters.

There aren't many of us so I'll take the upside when I can.