Strongest evidence yet against spanking

[MIGrandma]

Because there are lots of kids out there who were spanked and aren't just fine. It was humiliating and they suffer lifetime scars from it.

Then those children were most likely beaten. There is a huge difference between a beating and a spanking.

 

[Robinrs]

no spanking....no verbal abuse....those are things you never forget.....NEVER, plus in the long run ,makes you an insecure person

Idiotic. I'm LIGHT YEARS from insecure and I got spanked. Belittling, physically and verbably abusing a child can definitely destroy their lives,but not an occasional spanking.

Man, I think this thread is bringing out the demons in some people...

 

[AshleyW]

I feel like that smiley should get used a lot more on the DIS.

ETA: Just wanted to apologize in advance for the violent smiley.. you see, I was spanked, so I don't know any better.

 

[mhsjax]

Well, you got me on the typo. Congrats.

Let me restate:

Too bad parents haven't bothered to educate themselves on better parenting techniques than were used after Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden.

Better? Happy now?

Anyway, as noted in my earlier post, I do understand the occasional swat when kids are young and can't be reasoned with. I don't really consider those parents "spankers." I'm not an absolutist.

My experience with spanking growing up was like an earlier poster's: Constant, daily threats of physical violence against children. It was very, very common in my 1960s neighborhood. "I'll whip your butt! "Go get me that belt!" "You come here right this instant. I'll smack you so hard you'll see stars." I witnessed my friends' go through this constantly, and it sickened me, and like I said, it was common. My parents were among the only ones who weren't spankers.

In our household, we don't spank. We have other things that work much, much better. I find it hard to believe that hitting elementary school kids really gets you anywhere positive, but as PPs have said, different kids respond to different things.

Most of the PPs who consider themselves spankers would have been non-spankers in my growing up days.

Well, now I see why you are so against spanking, if this is what you grew seeing. That isn't spanking, that is abuse. I do spank, as I said earlier, but I don't threaten my kids, I have never used anything but my hand and it was never anything more than a couple of swats on the rear end. In fact most of the time they didn't cry, but my hand really hurt. However, they knew that I meant business if I popped their behind. I also was sure to give them a hig shortly after and explain why I did it. I never had to spank after the age of 3. Well, not true, my now very mouthly pre teen girl mouthed off at me the other day and I smked her on the butt as she walked by, but she hardly felt it, it was just to get my point across. After all she is a tween and she knows everything.

 

[Robinrs]

I feel like that smiley should get used a lot more on the DIS.

ETA: Just wanted to apologize in advance for the violent smiley.. you see, I was spanked, so I don't know any better.

 

[threecrazykids]

I guess according to some I'm not really a "spanker" then. When I swat my kids butt because they ran into the street, grabbed a hot boiling pan of water, or decided to run around a store screaming and throwing a tantrum like a maniac then I still consider that a "spanking".

No, I have never literally "put my child over my knee" or grabbed a belt etc. but I still consider a swat to the hand or on the butt a spanking...am I not following this correctly?

And it IS to get their attention right NOW. Getting down in the face of a screaming 4 year old who's out of control and trying to "talk it out" just doesn't work sometimes. When I've tried to talk nice, and they decide to scream louder or throw something or themselves on the ground I'm DONE acting in the "rational" manner that some people will continue to try for 20-30 mins. I'm gonna swat you on the butt tell you to "knock it off NOW" and give you the look...and you better damn well straighten it up! I'm NOT going to leave the store, leave my cart, etc. and take them home. If they want the PRIVELAGE of going to the store or out in public with me to a restaurant it is not their RIGHT to act like that. Most of the time they are throwing the fit because they don't want to be there in the first place or aren't getting what they want. I'm not going to give into their unacceptable behavior and make ANOTHER trip to the store later. You're gonna learn to behave regardless of where we are. My children will NOT be annoyance or burden to other shoppers or an embarrassment to me and if I have to swat their bottom to get them in line I have no problem doing so.

 

[jodifla]

Well, now I see why you are so against spanking, if this is what you grew seeing. That isn't spanking, that is abuse. I do spank, as I said earlier, but I don't threaten my kids, I have never used anything but my hand and it was never anything more than a couple of swats on the rear end. In fact most of the time they didn't cry, but my hand really hurt. However, they knew that I meant business if I popped their behind. I also was sure to give them a hig shortly after and explain why I did it. I never had to spank after the age of 3. Well, not true, my now very mouthly pre teen girl mouthed off at me the other day and I smked her on the butt as she walked by, but she hardly felt it, it was just to get my point across. After all she is a tween and she knows everything.

In reading the study, I would be surprised if spanking were used in this limited amount. From reading it, I got the impression it was more along the lines of what I grew up with.

In re-reading the posts, I wonder if that is how it breaks down...those of us who saw spankings as a constant threat, vs. those who had it used just a few times in their lives.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I was spanked and I turned out just fine.

Me too.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I feel like that smiley should get used a lot more on the DIS.

ETA: Just wanted to apologize in advance for the violent smiley.. you see, I was spanked, so I don't know any better.

 

[FireDancer]

LOL - now there is the best sentence of the thread.

On a lighter note, this is why I am in F.D.'s fan club, that is too funny!!

Aww shucks, thanks. As long as my fan club doesn't end like Selina's I'm all for it. Not being shot is one of my main aspirations in life.

 

[ilovejack02]

Aww shucks, thanks. As long as my fan club doesn't end like Selina's I'm all for it. Not being shot is one of my main aspirations in life.

I am too busy disciplining my kids to hunt you down.

Maybe If I spanked them more, I would have time .

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Spanking is taking the low road in parenting, almost every time. A few exceptions, sure. But one should be able to discipline a child effectively without resorting to brute force, which teaches all the wrong lessons.

exactly!!

Have you ever seen a child getting spanked? It is the parent who gets angry and takes it out on a child. It is a parent at the end of their rope who cannot discipline effectively.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

exactly!!

Have you ever seen a child getting spanked? It is the parent who gets angry and takes it out on a child. It is a parent at the end of their rope who cannot discipline effectively.

Not my parents. Sorry, you cannot paint with such a broad brush. On the handful of times I was spanked, it was a simple swat on the behind. You're making it sound like every parent loses control and turns into the Incredible Hulk. That was not the case in my household.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Not my parents. Sorry, you cannot paint with such a broad brush. On the handful of times I was spanked, it was a simple swat on the behind. You're making it sound like every parent loses control and turns into the Incredible Hulk. That was not the case in my household.

I agree. I had the same experience.

 

[Robinrs]

Not my parents. Sorry, you cannot paint with such a broad brush. On the handful of times I was spanked, it was a simple swat on the behind. You're making it sound like every parent loses control and turns into the Incredible Hulk. That was not the case in my household.

It seems to me that those who were traumatized by BEATINGS are confusing it with spanking. No one would be a fan of beatings, this is insane. It's the difference between rape and consensual sex. It make have the same movements but what is the intent? What is the purpose of the discipline? My parents never hit me in anger or to hurt me, it was to correct me. The problem with too many children nowadays is they have no respect or control because they were never corrected. And NOT with abuse, with love.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

It seems to me that those who were traumatized by BEATINGS are confusing it with spanking. No one would be a fan of beatings, this is insane. It's the difference between rape and consensual sex. It make have the same movements but what is the intent? What is the purpose of the discipline? My parents never hit me in anger or to hurt me, it was to correct me. The problem with too many children nowadays is they have no respect or control because they were never corrected. And NOT with abuse, with love.

Well said.

 

[dis-happy]

I didn't read 10 pages so maybe someone has already pointed out the possibility that kids who didn't get spanked were already better behaved and compliant to begin with.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

I feel like that smiley should get used a lot more on the DIS.

ETA: Just wanted to apologize in advance for the violent smiley.. you see, I was spanked, so I don't know any better.

Thats okay...I was too.

and sometimes.....

when I am a very very bad pirate....

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I worked in daycare for quite awhile while going to college and I never saw a direct correlation between parents who spanked and parents who didn't as far as kids behaviors. There were kids whose parents swore off spanking and did the "time out" thing or the "get down to their level and tell them what they did wrong" and those kids were no better behaved than those who's parents swatted them on the hand or behind.

Just my opinion but I have YET to find a kid who hasn't proven their parents wrong that one way of discipline should be the same for every child. Each child is different and sometimes the discipline forms may be as well...

Well, I'm close to finishing my 8th year working with small kids and I firmly contend that I have seen a direct correlation between kids who are spanked and those who aren't. I'm not saying that every child who is spanked becomes violent. But the two we currently have and several we've had in the past are very quick to hit when they don't get their way. Those are the kids whose parents told us they spank them. Granted, these kids do have behavioral problems but being spanked may well be causing them to turn around and hit us. They're being taught that if they don't like something that someone does or say, they should hit them.

 

[MrsPete]

"Compared with children who were not hit,

This researcher lost my respect in the very first sentence, when he used the emotionally charged word "hit" rather than the realistic word "spanked". When the researcher begins with this bias, it's no surprise that the results will fall in the direction he expected.