Strict, over-protective parent here...

[SLK1]

My first question is , they're 13 doesn't a parent need to at least drop off and pick up? I would see no issue in allowing them to go as long as they stayed in groups or pairs at least. And knowing that they have to be at the front gate at 6 etc. they are 13 not 8, soon to be high schoolers, they should be old enough and responsible enough to be able to go to a water park in a group. My middle school did this every year and we only had approx 6 chaperones for about 150 kids. we would go all day and not see a single teacher with no issues or problems.

If you were to go (hypothetically) would you be with them every single minute? follow them up every slide? I think a water park would be a great learning opportunity. and would give them just enough freedom to make them feel "grown up" while still in a secure and somewhat supervised situation. speaking from experience allowing young teens to do things like this alone instills a lot of respect in parents

also In today's world of cell phones when they could call at designated times and check in with home.

It's not the girls I don't trust!!! They're great girls, all very responsible. It's the loony-toon, crazy people out there! In Orlando, we have had several reports recently of men molesting girls at water parks. It just makes it very scary. Would I be with her every minute? Absolutely not, but there is at least an adult there to keep an eye on things. And, what good is a cell phone if the inappropriateness already happened? The damage is done; a call at that point is too late.

I let her do quite a bit actually - she is allowed to go to Disney and Universal by herself, as well as the movies. It's the water parks that just don't feel right. Gotta go with your gut, right?

 

[robinb]

It's not the girls I don't trust!!! They're great girls, all very responsible. It's the loony-toon, crazy people out there! In Orlando, we have had several reports recently of men molesting girls at water parks. It just makes it very scary. Would I be with her every minute? Absolutely not, but there is at least an adult there to keep an eye on things. And, what good is a cell phone if the inappropriateness already happened? The damage is done; a call at that point is too late.

First of all, I have not heard of any RAPES at water parks, but maybe that's just because I don't live there to hear the local news. I know that Orlando is not the safest place in the world. I have heard of girls being fondled in the wave pools, etc but that happened to the girl at Disney and her parents were right there. Her parents were supervising her appropriately and the creep still grabbed at her . IMO, you can do two things. You can let the creeps scare you enough where you raise your kids in a bubble, paralyzed in fear worrying about "WHAT IF?!?!". Or ... you can let them do relatively safe things like going to a water park with their responsible friends. You made your choice and your DD's friend's parents made theirs.

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

To the OP, I don't think you are being over protective at all.

However, I have some experience with having over protective parents.

My Dad reluctantly gave in and let me go on my school sponsored senior trip in High School to Washington, D.C., and New York City after I reminded him that my older sister had gone to D.C on a band trip at age 13.

As the youngest child, i.e., "the baby" I was constantly reminded that I was not mature enough to do this or that, but was never given the opportunity to prove that I could handle being away from home by myself. I regret that I never learned to ride a bicycle. My mother finally agreed to let me learn at age 12. She thought I would be delighted. I gave her a blank look and said, "well, I'd really prefer the keys to the car." Anyway, our neighbors were around, and it was embarrassing.

I met my husband when I was 21 years old, and then moved home for a short time after college. My husband remarked the other day, that my parents had treated me like a 12 year old while we were dating and I was living at home. It was a difficult situation as I had worked and made my own way for a few years.

I have another friend who did not have her driver's license until completing college. Her parents were much more over protective than mine. My friend never married because by the time she came out of her shell, no never married guys were available her age, and she still isn't prepared to date/marry someone more experienced.

I'm glad that my parents were very responsible, and taught us to be responsible, and were actually a little tight on us. However, I hope to be able to find the right balance between good parenting and over protectiveness. Kids can't learn to handle themselves without the parents actually trusting them to go places and do things without them.

Again, I have/had a very good relationship with my parents. My Mom died when I was 22. I'm so glad we didn't have any real issues, BUT trust me, the apron strings can be a little tight.

and no, I wouldn't let the child go to the water park either, and yes, she'll get over it.

 

[CLR4321]

No, you don't confront him. He has every right to believe you are being over protective, and every right to make that comment to his daughter. Who has every right to tell your daughter.

And then you have every right to say "and I don't think her father is adequately supervising his children - we are even and you still aren't going."

I agree. If it were me, and if she is mature enough to follow rules that you set, I'd just let her go. She could take a cell phone to check in with you as needed. Just setting rules, that she needs to stay with her friends at all times and check in should be enough for an average 13 year old, as well as educating her on what to do if God forbid something did happen. The fact that she keeps asking is an indication that she is ready. The concerns you have are relevant, however the truth is, the things you are worried about could happen even with you or another parent there. Not only could they happen at a water park, they could happen anywhere. You admit that you are overprotective, why not just be protective instead and let her be a normal teenager? The least you could do is go with her if you won't budge on your opinion. If you say she can't do things, and won't give her any other options, and just for something as simple as going to a water park, she is likely to resent you and become disobedient, which is more likely to spiral into an issue, especially once she gets into high school. Give your daughter some respect and trust (unless she isn't mature enough) and show her that you do trust and respect her. Make some simple rules and give her a time allowance to go to the park with her friends, even if it is just for 2-3 hours. She will appreciate your trust and respect for her.

 

[CLR4321]

I let her do quite a bit actually - she is allowed to go to Disney and Universal by herself, as well as the movies.

Things happen like this everywhere, you just hear about it in the media more when it is at a place like a water park. BTW, boys are molested too, including the case at the water park today. It makes no difference whether it is a boy or girl. The people who commit these crimes are mentally ill, and they will do these things anywhere. I will add, I would never let my 13 year old wear a bikini, as they can attract some negative attention. Get her a 1 piece to wear at the water parks.

 

[bellebud]

I don't think you're being overprotective. you said she goes other places w/ the girls, but this place has issues and you're asserting some boundries. Good parenting mom!

and just because they're 13yo, they shouldn't be allowed to go anywhere/everywhere. Go with your gut. I don't see this as any kind of 'bubble' you're putting around her.

 

[disneyjunkie]

My DD13 has lots of friends whose parents are perfectly fine with their girls going to Wet N Wild water park (we live in Orlando - it's a water park that's not quite the caliber of Blizzard Beach/Typhoon Lagoon and attracts a bit more seedy crowd). I have said NO repeatedly to her, unless a parent goes along. Well, today she asked AGAIN if she could go with her friends. Response: No (especially with the recent child molestations/rapes happening at water parks lately). She wasn't mad, per se, but did confirm that one of her friends said that the friend, AND HER DAD, commented that I'm "too over-protective". I know this Dad...do I confront him on that? He didn't say it directly to my daughter; he said it to his own daughter who repeated it to mine. I refuse to give in the request to go to the park, and I'm not in a position to buy my own ticket and sit there, or I would (we are having lots of construction done on our house, not to mention I have a DD2 who would not do well at a water park). It's so frustrating to have other parents who are just plain too busy and too tired to parent their kids anymore, and then put it off as YOU are the bad guy. Any thoughts? Or maybe I'm in the wrong here???

I was with until the end. You're doing the same thing you say the father did. Complaining about the way one parents.

My son is 17, when he was 13, I let him run around water parks with his friends. (Heck he could travel around NYC alone at that age). He had a close friend who could not do anything without a parent present.

I never judged/complained about the way they decided to parent their son.

I think your daughter's friend needs to learn a lesson about keeping her mouth shut about what is discussed in her home. A 13 year old should know not to repeat what their parents say.

 

[redrosesix]

It's not the girls I don't trust!!! They're great girls, all very responsible. It's the loony-toon, crazy people out there! In Orlando, we have had several reports recently of men molesting girls at water parks. It just makes it very scary. Would I be with her every minute? Absolutely not, but there is at least an adult there to keep an eye on things. And, what good is a cell phone if the inappropriateness already happened? The damage is done; a call at that point is too late.

I let her do quite a bit actually - she is allowed to go to Disney and Universal by herself, as well as the movies. It's the water parks that just don't feel right. Gotta go with your gut, right?

Ohhhhh. Well that's completely different from being overprotective. Now you have a phobia about waterparks. As a pp stated, the one incident at WDW happened when the girl's parents were right there, so I don't even think you'd feel better if you were at Wet and Wild with her.

So, now my advice is totally different. Help your daughter to arrange a trip to one of those parks with her friends instead. Or find a way to get past your fears, even if it means rearranging your schedule to accompany her. Really, bad things can happen anywhere, and may be less likely to occur while your kid is shooting down a waterslide. :rotfl2

And then explain to your DD why you don't want her to go to the water park. She's old enough to know about these predators, old enough to watch out for them, and old enough to learn how to defend herself.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, I'm not overprotective, and I'd let dd12 (13 next week) go (last year I let her go off with ds11 while in the same park), and I have been guilty of making comments about other parents to my children, but would not, in your case. My comments are saved (and probably should be kept to myself) regarding parents who don't require kids to wear seatbelt in the car, or helmets while riding bikes. My kids do have a lot of independence (dd12 is about to board a plane alone in NYC, ds11 rode his bike with his friends to a pond to fish yesterday, but to each their own.

However, I don't think it's wise to confront a parent who allegedly make a comment to his own child. Other parents might also have reasons why they can't spend the day at a waterpark.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

My DS is 13 and there is NO WAY I would allow him to be dropped off at Hurricane Harbor (the Six Flags water park). NO WAY.

We took DS and 5 of his friends to Great Wolf Lodge in January and DH and I were at a table inside the water park the ENTIRE time. Not because I didn't trust the boys, but because I felt it was important for them to have an adult available.

Parents around here seem to feel that the price of a season pass to the water park is a great bargain for 3 months of babysitting. So, they drop the kids off at the water park EVERY DAY and the kids are unsupervised while the parents are at work. If the unsupervised kids decide to make trouble I don't want my DS caught up in it.

There is also the issue of a medical emergency. What if your child is injured and there is no adult present? Probably not a big deal if the injury is minor, but what if the injury is serious? The park staff will call 911, and off your child goes in an ambulance - alone - while the friends stand there with their mouths hanging open. Of course the parents will be notified so they can go to the hospital, but that is NOT a situation I would want my child to face!

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

 

[mjkacmom]

We have 3 dd's, oldest is 12, and she will not be going places alone for awhile. We are very overprotective but the world is CRAZY today. I know too many parents who let their children go along, because everyone else is. She's your daughter and you have the right to do what you feel is best.

Why are things crazier today than when we were kids? Hormones in the milk causing more perverts at waterparks? With cellphones, kids are able to contact their parents at any time, within seconds. I don't let my children go along, because everyone else is. I want to give them some freedom, in bits and pieces, so that when they go off to college, they are not emerging from the bubble wrap I've kept them in. I give my children no more freedom than what I was given - less, actually. But they need to learn the skills to be independent adults, and they can't learn them if I'm always there holding their hands.

 

[luvsJack]

I don't think you are being overprotective at all. I would not allow my 13 year old to go to a water park without an adult there, but then I don't know if I would let her go to one of the Disney parks by herself either (maybe let them walk around without me, but just me being there in the park in case they need me). But, that's just probably because I am not from there and not as used to it as you are.

Dd and her friends are allowed to go to the movies (they are 11) alone. But someone drops them off at the door just before showtime, and picks them up at the same door when the movie is over. They may get 10-15 minutes in the game room and must be together at all times. I know several of the theater employees and they don't allow the girls to go out the door without an adult being there.

She does have one friend that is not allowed to go with them like that; her mom and dad (mom will not go without dad) have to be there and the girls cannot go to the bathroom or the concession stand without the girl's mother being with them. Now THAT is what I call overprotective!

 

[boettj]

First of all, I have not heard of any RAPES at water parks, but maybe that's just because I don't live there to hear the local news. I know that Orlando is not the safest place in the world. I have heard of girls being fondled in the wave pools, etc but that happened to the girl at Disney and her parents were right there. Her parents were supervising her appropriately and the creep still grabbed at her . IMO, you can do two things. You can let the creeps scare you enough where you raise your kids in a bubble, paralyzed in fear worrying about "WHAT IF?!?!". Or ... you can let them do relatively safe things like going to a water park with their responsible friends. You made your choice and your DD's friend's parents made theirs.

Read this thread: http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2232363

I read through this thread and agreed with the OP. A few people have questioned the OP as to why she would not allow her to send her. I am sure that these people base their comments on the fact that they let their child go, and have been lucky to not have something happen to them. Please don't think because your child is responsible that they cannot be a target.


To me it comes down to knowing your surroundings. If you know that an area is not safe for your child, then you are not going to allow them to go. That is not be overprotective, that is being a parent. For anyone that would allow their child to go, frankly you are not parenting. Far too many people that call themselves parents are not.


For the dad that either commented to his daughter, or his wife. He is undermining the OP's authority. I'd let it go, but if it comes up again, then I'd address it. It could lead to your daughter rebelling against you.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Why are things crazier today than when we were kids? Hormones in the milk causing more perverts at waterparks? With cellphones, kids are able to contact their parents at any time, within seconds. I don't let my children go along, because everyone else is. I want to give them some freedom, in bits and pieces, so that when they go off to college, they are not emerging from the bubble wrap I've kept them in. I give my children no more freedom than what I was given - less, actually. But they need to learn the skills to be independent adults, and they can't learn them if I'm always there holding their hands.

The things that are happening today happened when we were kids. We just didn't hear about them.

The chance of a kid getting molested by a stranger is very low. The vast majority of kids are molested by people the parents know and trust. (Family members, friends, coaches, teachers . . . )

 

[stemikger]

First let me say to SLK1 I feel your pain. My wife and I sound just like you. We are constantly saying how we feel like the only parents that care. Some of her friends take the bus home at 10:00 at night. I would never feel comfortable with that. Now having said that, I recently posted this on another thread about the water parks and maybe you can find a balance with your daughter because my daughter is now suffering from a lot of fears because I was too overprotective.

Here is what I posted on that thread.

Unfortunately I made the mistake of being too over-protective and now I see it wasn't the right thing to do. My daughter is 14 years old but looks much older but has many fears because of all the things I was afraid of happening to her.

I still have a hard time letting her do things on her own and worry all the time, but I also see the damage I have done, so please don't make the same mistake I did, it is very hard to erase their fears after you drilled it into them too much. I thought I was doing the right thing to keep her safe, but yoiu really have to do it the right way and have a balance.

I know I may have given you TMI, but I thought I would tell my story so other parents don't go over the top the way I did.

Unfortunately there are many sick people that would hurt kids, but we still have to let them live. Easier said then done. For me anyway.

 

[mjkacmom]

First let me say to SLK1 I feel your pain. My wife and I sound just like you. We are constantly saying how we feel like the only parents that care. Some of her friends take the bus home at 10:00 at night. I would never feel comfortable with that. Now having said that, I recently posted this on another thread about the water parks and maybe you can find a balance with your daughter because my daughter is now suffering from a lot of fears because I was too overprotective.

Here is what I posted on that thread.

Unfortunately I made the mistake of being too over-protective and now I see it wasn't the right thing to do. My daughter is 14 years old but looks much older but has many fears because of all the things I was afraid of happening to her.

I still have a hard time letting her do things on her own and worry all the time, but I also see the damage I have done, so please don't make the same mistake I did, it is very hard to erase their fears after you drilled it into them too much. I thought I was doing the right thing to keep her safe, but yoiu really have to do it the right way and have a balance.

I know I may have given you TMI, but I thought I would tell my story so other parents don't go over the top the way I did.

Unfortunately there are many sick people that would hurt kids, but we still have to let them live. Easier said then done. For me anyway.

I think you are making a point that I want to make. Yes, I give my children freedom, but it's not because I don't care. When ds11 is biking to the park with friends, my heart is in my throat - I can't wait until he gets home, and know he's okay, and not being hit by a car, with his helmet being his only protection. My dd12 is now at the airport, going to my SIL's for 2 weeks, and it's going to be very hard on me (I know -she did this last year). However, these experiences make them stronger, able to be independent. Yes, there are some parents who are just lazy, and let their kids do whatever they want. But many of us give our children some freedom in order to help them become confident teens and adults.

 

[natnelliesmom]

How does this water park feel about groups of unsupervised children running around? I am sure they have a policy about adults needing to be in attendance. Call and find out their policy- then you will be forearmed the next time your DD asks. You could even give a copy to this rude and tactless father of your DD's friend.

How about picking a date and allowing your DD to choose a few friends to bring to the water park with you going along? She'd surely appreciate that you care about her wishes, but will do it in a way that makes you both happy.

-Sarah

 

[luvsJack]

I think you are making a point that I want to make. Yes, I give my children freedom, but it's not because I don't care. When ds11 is biking to the park with friends, my heart is in my throat - I can't wait until he gets home, and know he's okay, and not being hit by a car, with his helmet being his only protection. My dd12 is now at the airport, going to my SIL's for 2 weeks, and it's going to be very hard on me (I know -she did this last year). However, these experiences make them stronger, able to be independent. Yes, there are some parents who are just lazy, and let their kids do whatever they want. But many of us give our children some freedom in order to help them become confident teens and adults.

I agree with you, but I think we all have to find our "happy medium" in parenting. We have to find those situations that we feel safe in giving our child freedom and that just doesn't always include every situation or the same situations as other parents feel safe with.

I don't believe we should suffocate our children but I don't think they need to be allowed to go anywhere at anytime without parents either. We are the parents and we need to be the one to decide if the place they want to go is safe or not. I feel safe with the girls being at the theater or skating rink (places where they are not allowed out of the building) alone, other parents may not and that is ok. Some parents feel safe enough with their kids being at the mall, I don't.

I give dd warnings, but remind her not to be afraid; just to be careful.

 

[SnowandMittens]

I was allowed to go to the Wet N Wild water park in California with a group of friends at about 11 years old. It was a very large group, and I had already been in Disneyland without adult supervision, etc...

It really depends on how well you know your daughter. In the next few years, she'll need to go to waterparks/ malls/ etc. without an adult, but if you feel that she isn't ready, then it's your call.

I have a question to the OP, have you ever gone with the girls to Wet N Wild? You don't have to go in every line with her, but maybe wait at the end of the slide/ pick a general location/ etc... to give her a little of the freedom she wants without her realizing that, yes, she's being watched by an adult.

I'm not saying this to tell you how to parent, but it might be a little bit more of a comprimise and she'll realize that an adult there isn't too bad, and you might learn that she's a pretty mature 13 year old.

 

[Disneydreamer5]

Mother of 5 here. Ages 19,17,16,14 & 11.
I have been told their entire lives that I am too overly protective and just plan paranoid! Both by my children, their friends and the friends parents!
They all have been going to Six Flags, water parks, movies, boardwalks, crossing major highways, co ed sleep over and riding their kids everywhere and anywhere since they were in the 2nd grade. Not my kids! No way no how. I was told over and over again, I need to let them go, spread their wings, trust them more.
I trust my children more then anything. I know I can count on them always to do the right thing. DH & I even went to NC for the weekend resently and not only didn't my children have friends over or any teenage parites but my house was spotless, they made sure they attended mass on Sunday, and mowed the lawn so DH wouldn't have too when we returned.
My oldest even spent her own money to get some things that they ran out of while we were away.
I can't tell you the amount of parents that told me for years that my kids were missing out and that they would be fine and boys will be boys and girls need to experience this or that. Well let me tell you years later and now that many of them are in college and HS these same parents are always telling me, they wish they were more like me that being the cool parent hasn't worked out the way they hoped it would. Their children have no respect for them or other adults, teachers, coaches, other parents, ect, and they have no motivation or drive to do anything with their lives other then drinking every weekend.
I am not saying that will be the case with anyone else or in allowing your DD to go to this waterpark but my point is that, if you feel uncomfortable allowing her to go somewhere, regardless of your reasons, you stick to your guns and don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't be allowing her to do.
They grow up fast enough without us pushing them to do what "Normal" other kids are doing. No one knows your DD better then you and you and only you should decide where she can and can't go.
Confront the dad? Don't even waste your breath. He too will one day look at your daughter and wish maybe he was a little more protective of his own children one day. Trust me on that one.