Stay at Home Mom vs. Daycare?

[Planogirl]

My job doesn't involve travel. If DS needs to be somewhere, there's a way. We have a few kids transport services here that can pick up a kid on almost a moment's notice if it comes to that.

 

[noodleknitter]

That would just be a matter of when they were exposed. It isn't as though daycare is the magic pill toward healthy kids.

That said, taking the kids to McDonald's playland probably exposes them to more germs than any daycare facility! Let alone Sunday school, play groups or well-baby appts.!

 

[Christine]

That said, taking the kids to McDonald's playland probably exposes them to more germs than any daycare facility!

You can say THAT again!! My son was in daycare and certainly got his share of illness but, it never failed, usually 2 days after a trip to McDonald's Playland or Chuck E. Cheese, he would be so sick.

 

[bananiem]

That would just be a matter of when they were exposed. It isn't as though daycare is the magic pill toward healthy kids.

That said, taking the kids to McDonald's playland probably exposes them to more germs than any daycare facility! Let alone Sunday school, play groups or well-baby appts.!

I was just trying to help out the working parents.

 

[stephbillalec]

Hi! I'm a fellow teacher. I have 3 kids, all of whom have been/are in a home daycare starting at around 4 months old. Staying home was not an option for me due to finances/insurance. I must say that in my experience, being a teacher is one of the best jobs to have as a working mom. You can't beat the holidays, vacations, and summers off!
I'm a hs teacher so I leave the house at 7. The kids get up at 6:30 so I'm able to get them dressed and to the breakfast table by the time I leave. DH leaves with the younger two and drives them to daycare by 8. Grandma gets older ds on the school bus. I get out of work at 2:15 so I pick up the younger two at daycare by 2:30 and then am also able to pick up older ds at school at 3. My daycare provider (there's two of them) is also willing to drive my dd back and forth to preschool 3x per week and will do the same when younger ds is old enough. After 3 kids in this daycare, the two ladies who run it have become like our extended family.
Good luck in your decision!
Clap, clap, clap to all who have done such a nice job in keeping this thread so positive!

 

[noodleknitter]

I was just trying to help out the working parents.

Okey-dokey! I think it is funny that people think that some places are festering germ pits...but not any of the places they go!

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

If you just don't like the idea of daycare for infants, that's cool, but please don't use incorrect information about immature immune systems to try to sway others. A healthy infant's immune system is more than capable of handling "other kids' germs".

That is definitely not what we were told by our ped.! He said that their immune systems don't mature until 2-3 years of age. From what I have seen, this is more than true. Our friends with infants in daycare have babies who always seem to be sick with something. I said that I PERSONALLY could not handle that. If other people can, then that's fine for them. I couldn't do it, so I waited a long time to have kids so I could afford to stay at home when they were babies.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I probably shouldn't have brought it up, so I'll try to change the subject.

Moms and dads that work outside the home and aren't teachers, how do you run your kids around to their activities? So many of my kids' practices and such are right after school. If I worked, I don't think I would be able to make it home before six. And what do you do about travelling for work? DH travels, we have no relatives close by, and my work in my field always involved travel. I don't see any way to make it work without a nanny, and I don't really want to relinquish that much control and influence over my kids.

We do have a nanny, but only during regular weekday hours - not live-in or on weekends, though she's usually happy to earn extra money by babysitting for us at night if we go out or occasionally if we have a weekend event that isn't really suitable for the kids. I have also negotiated my job such that I work until 2.30 or 3.30 (depending on the day) so that I can pick the kids up from school and be home with them the rest of the afternoon. We have limited the after school activities this term b/c they were wearing us all out - the traffic has been bad b/c of roadworks (highway widening & other things) and I just don't feel like dealing with it later in the p.m. I know I am not a typical working mom. When DH travels nothing changes. When I travel for work he has to kick in with the school runs, and we get our nanny to work late hours or my parents step in and keep the kids in the evening until DH gets home.

When I had babies/toddlers at home, I did work slightly longer, and much of their weekday care was undertaken by the nanny. But she and I are similar in nature, and she taught me a fair bit at first as she was farmore experienced than I was! I always left detailed instructions for her on anything I wanted done a particular way, though I was open to suggestions. It's not exactly the same as having me care for them, but then again DH isn't the same as me either, and the kids adapt perfectly well to the style/rules of whoever is in charge. Our nanny enforced our rules and values as instructed (and my mom, who lives next door and sees more of their interaction than I do, always has her eyes open for any deviations). Our nanny has been with us since my first was 2 months old, and I have had the benefit of being at home with her during the rest of that maternity leave and 2 others, so she and I have had plenty of time to interact together and discuss things. We talk a lot about the kids - food issues, discipline etc. 2 of my kids have gone home with our nanny after work to hang out at her home with her kids for a couple of hours - we are pretty close to her and trust her completely. A nanny like this is wonderful! The socialization isn't quite as much as at daycare, but our nanny did find other kids in the neighborhood for mine to interact with, and sometimes if her DDs didn't have school she'd bring them to work - my kids loved that (her DDs are responsible, easy to have around etc - good advertisement for our nanny's parenting ability!).

So while a lot of care was given over to the nanny, I honestly don't feel like our kids were disadvantaged in any way b/c it wasn't me or DH that was with them. They still want me when I come home, even though she is still there finishing up. They love her as well as us, and I see nothing wrong with that at all. Who says their parents are the only ones they are allowed to love and trust and respect? They adore their grandparents too, whom they see every day, and I'd totally trust them to care for the kids as well, even though their philosophies are not 100% ours either. Some people feel that parents are the only or absolute best people capable of caring for their own kids - I don't necessarily agree. I do agree that kids need to be with their parents a significant amount, and I think that in certain circumstances a parent is the best one to deal with a certain thing (e.g. long-term decisions, medical crises etc.). But on a day to day normal basis there are others who can possibly be just as good, sometimes better at certain things (like games - I hate playing animal dominoes for hours on end, but our nanny seems to love it!). I've dropped work before to rush and deal with a kid who needed me more than anyone else, and that will always be so. But there are many lesser issues that another trusted adult (that the kids care for deeply) can deal with perfectly well.

Just my humble opinion of course.

 

[Christine]

That is definitely not what we were told by our ped.! He said that their immune systems don't mature until 2-3 years of age. From what I have seen, this is more than true. Our friends with infants in daycare have babies who always seem to be sick with something. I said that I PERSONALLY could not handle that. If other people can, then that's fine for them. I couldn't do it, so I waited a long time to have kids so I could afford to stay at home when they were babies.

I can tell you that when my son was in daycare he WAS sick all the time (as an infant). I do believe that your Ped was correct in saying what he said--the babies will catch just about anything that goes around--but your post sort of indicated that it was detrimental to them to do so. It's not. It just ends up building their immunity up much sooner than if they had stayed home.

What you usually find is that by the time a "daycare" kid enters Kindergarten, that child rarely every misses school or gets sick. Kids who did not go to daycare plus didn't get out much can often spend a lot of time picking stuff up when they enter school. Again, I want to stress the terms "most" and "usually" as there are always exceptions.

 

[freckles and boo]

So sorry wrong forum

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I can tell you that when my son was in daycare he WAS sick all the time (as an infant). I do believe that your Ped was correct in saying what he said--the babies will catch just about anything that goes around--but your post sort of indicated that it was detrimental to them to do so. It's not. It just ends up building their immunity up much sooner than if they had stayed home.

What you usually find is that by the time a "daycare" kid enters Kindergarten, that child rarely every misses school or gets sick. Kids who did not go to daycare plus didn't get out much can often spend a lot of time picking stuff up when they enter school. Again, I want to stress the terms "most" and "usually" as there are always exceptions.

This is what our pediatrician told us. The first year a child is exposed to a lot of other kids (and their viruses), they will be sick a lot. It's going to happen sometime, and it doesn't matter when that is, from a medical standpoint (parental preference is a different story).

My dd9 was in daycare as an infant, while she didn't get sick much the first year (breastfeeding), she caught a lot of colds and such the second year. But since about age 3, she is almost never sick.

 

[BuckNaked]

That is definitely not what we were told by our ped.! He said that their immune systems don't mature until 2-3 years of age. From what I have seen, this is more than true. Our friends with infants in daycare have babies who always seem to be sick with something.

Then by all means, go by what your pediatrician said. Ours told us that a healthy infant's immune system was not nearly as weak as the old wives' tales like to say. DD was 4 days old when we took her to her dad's volleyball match, and she was fine. DS went to dad's softball game less than 6 hours after he came home from the hospital, and again, no problems at all. They both went into daycare at 10 weeks, and sure they got sick sometimes, but no more than my neighbor's kids that stayed home.

IMO, the argument that daycare is unhealthy for kids because of their immune systems is just another way to try to make moms feel guilty for the choices they make.

 

[damo]

This is what our pediatrician told us. The first year a child is exposed to a lot of other kids (and their viruses), they will be sick a lot. It's going to happen sometime, and it doesn't matter when that is, from a medical standpoint (parental preference is a different story).

My dd9 was in daycare as an infant, while she didn't get sick much the first year (breastfeeding), she caught a lot of colds and such the second year. But since about age 3, she is almost never sick.

Neither of my kids went to daycare but both went to nursery school three afternoons a week once they were about three. They are rarely sick either. Kids are going to get exposed to germs one way or another. I wouldn't worry about that as a decision making factor in the argument for or against daycare.

 

[BuckNaked]

Kids are going to get exposed to germs one way or another. I wouldn't worry about that as a decision making factor in the argument for or against daycare.

Well said, and ITA. The "germ factor" just isn't that big a deal, IMO.

 

[bananiem]

For the record, the center I worked at had several pediatric residents, pediatric nurses, and a pediatric nurse practitioner as parents. They apparently thought our center was germ free.

 

[noodleknitter]

I think someone that being exposed to germs in the normal day to day life builds a stronger immune system. i've always taken my kids out. We volunteer at a soup kitchen a couple of days a week. I think that my kids have GREAT immune systems.

Now, what choice people make re. child care should be based on what is the best for that family.

My niece just went back to work in the schools (3 hours a day) and has a friend care for their 5 month old. She loves that he is a block away from the school, and that her friend loves him like her own. She would have liked to stay home with him, but they have a little home that they can pay off if she works 2 more years. Then, they plan to homeschool. So there are many options available for new parents.

Again, bravo to those choosing to give opinions without guilt!

 

[BuckNaked]

I think someone that being exposed to germs in the normal day to day life builds a stronger immune system. i've always taken my kids out. We volunteer at a soup kitchen a couple of days a week. I think that my kids have GREAT immune systems.

Now, what choice people make re. child care should be based on what is the best for that family.

My niece just went back to work in the schools (3 hours a day) and has a friend care for their 5 month old. She loves that he is a block away from the school, and that her friend loves him like her own. She would have liked to stay home with him, but they have a little home that they can pay off if she works 2 more years. Then, they plan to homeschool. So there are many options available for new parents.

Well said.

Again, bravo to those choosing to give opinions without guilt!

 

[nuke]

IMO, the argument that daycare is unhealthy for kids because of their immune systems is just another way to try to make moms feel guilty for the choices they make.

I agree. My son was home with one of us until he was 18 months old. He was rarely sick. When we sent him to daycare/preschool he still didn't get sick. I think some kids just get sick more often than other kids. Placing the blame squarely on daycare isn't telling the whole truth.

 

[Simba's Mom]

I'm going to chime in here as a child who was in day care. My parent's were either in school or worked full-time. When we all got home both of them were tired. They tried their best, I guess, but their energy only went so far and sometimes I felt in the way. I know my mom loved me very much but she wasn't there for me during the day. When I fell down and needed a hug, or when I wanted to show her the picture I colored (kids need that immediate satisfaction), it wasn't mom who was there. The weekend time was great. It just didn't make up for all of the times I called for her and she wasn't there.

I'm not trying to make up anyone's mind. I'm just telling you how one child in day care felt - for a long, long time.

I had a similar memory that played a part in my ultimate choice also.

 

[Soccermom-Cheri]

I had a similar memory that played a part in my ultimate choice also.

Nobody stops to wonder where the kids would rather be. The world is moving so fast and kids are little for such a small time. We are all running from place to place. But, that is the world today. I was glad to have the days to take things slowly, read to them, go to the park, and such while my brain was sometimes mushy and I had bouts of boredom. Anyway,

I have this on my bathroom mirror. When I start to drift away my DD8 brings it to me. This is for all mommies, 'cuz they are small for only a blink of an eye.*

"Walk with Me, Mommy."
Listen closely, Mommy, I want you to understand.
And I may need help, Mommy, so could you please take my hand?
Slow down a little Mommy. 'Cause I want to walk with you.
And live a little slower, for I'm watching what you do.
Talk softly to me, Mommy, when you explain to me.
And step a little closer for I'm trying hard to see.
You know I mean it Mommy, when I say "I love you too."
So stand proud and talk now, Mommy, for I'm looking up to you."
-Lynne Wilson


* then they're teenagers! And, that seems to last forever