Staring at other people's children (ie tantrums, crying etc.)

[alisonbestford]

There is a wonderful website that sells t-shirts designed by a disabled person. No Pity Shirts
They have dozens of shirts that apply to a a large number of disabilities (both easy to see and "hidden".)

On a slightly different note I was about to say I'd seen a great t-shirt that I'd considered buying for DH (he's had major surgery to his head / face as a result of a brain tumour and gets plenty of stares )
I didn't know where to start looking until I saw the link in Boosmom96's post and there it is
It's the 'Keep staring, I might do a trick' one
Thanks for that

 

[TiggerDaisy]

I do not have a children of my own yet, but when I was sixteen, I went on a field trip with my then boyfriend's mom, who was a special education teacher, to Stone Mountain. She only taught autistic children. It was an eye-opening experience and one that I will never forget. There were children with different levels of autism. One child was like your son. There was one girl in particular who had this amazing talent. She would come up to you and ask you the date of your birthday and she would tell you the exact day on which you were born. She was right. I always remember her even after fourteen years. I just wanted to share my story with you.

Hi all. We just returned from our trip to WDW on Friday night. My 6 year old son is autistic, and though to most people he appears to be "normal" he most deifintely is not. Autism is a developmental delay. Many autistic chilren are non verbal-they do not or cannot talk. My son is also deaf which compounds the problem. When he gets frustrated he can't verbalize his frustration so he cries. He can get violent-scratching our faces, head butting or kicking. Most of the time he goes completley limp and lays on the ground, becoming "dead weight" for us to try to pick up. Other times he cries and goes rigid. On our trip we had many people not only stare at us (which does not really bother me so much) but also make comments like "wow that is some tantrum". "look at that spolied brat", "Learn to control your child" and my favorite "I would spank my child so hard if he behaved that way". Also many autistic children learn their own way to "self soothe" when they are upset. For our son it is laying on the ground with his favorite blankie over his head and rolling back and forth. He does not care if he is on grass, cement, or a bed of nails. This is how is calms himself down. Children with autism have a developmental delay. They are not normal kids, and when they do the things they do it is not because we are bad parents, or because they are spoiled. It is because they cannot communicate properly and they don't understand. They have every right to enjoy the magic of Disney just like every other child, and some autistic children make unbelievable leaps in development while at Disney, like getting potty trained, saying their first words, or finally getting a decent nights sleep. So please, if you see a child at Disney World acting in the way I described, please don't say anything, shake your head in dissaproval or make us feel like we are the worst parents in the world, because other parents have no idea what it is like to be in our shoes. Please be sensitive to the parents (and siblings!) because belive me, we are having a hard enough time of it already. I should not have to sit in the Fantasyland restaurant crying because of the comments and looks I get from other parents (not that I saw any lime green on any of them!). Thanks for reading.

 

[Carrieberry]

Marj70-I have also heard many of the "out of earshot" comments people make to each other. Funny though how when they think they are out of earshot and we can't hear them, we still can, and being that they are usually still staring at us we can also see their lips and know what they are saying. It would be different if they would actually look away as they spoke as well. I appreciate your post and letting us know about your expericences with your child. Thanks so much.

don8life-great post. Thanks for the Soecial Moms poem. That made my day.

Thanks to all of you and your understanding. I am so happy I posted this since you all have given such great feedback and kind words to me and other parents in our position. I did post over on the DISabilities board so other parents of developmentally delayed (or other disabled) children could share their children's behaviors so we all know what to look out for.

I also would like to mention that a parent approached me at Epcot last week and asked me outright what was wrong with Brendan, obviously she could tell it was not a normal tantrum. She apologized for asking right away and said her son acted the same way and she had often wondered if he was autistic. She asked if Brendan was autistic. When I said he was she told me "I thought so". She went on to describe to me her sons behaviors and I told her about Brendan's. She was going to go home and make an appointment with a developmental psychologist to try to get an actual diagnosis (sometimes very difficult to get). I so appreciated her asking. I am much less offended if some asks me what is wrong with him (kids are famous for this and I love it!) so I get the chance to spread awareness and just tell people why Brendan acts the way he does.

Again thanks to all of you for reading and posting!

 

[Mel6197]

My DD who is 8 and Autistic has had her share of meltdowns at Disney. Over the years I've gotten better at knowing how far to go with her before she starts to meltdown.
Our 2nd year though she I was in SUCH the Disney mood, No lines, No Crowds etc.. I ran her from ride to ride (she loves them) but after 10 or so rides right after each other, she lost it. And lost it BAD! So I put her in the stroller, faced he in a corner and let her go...Screaming, etc.. Nothing at that point I could have done. So many looks and comments, While I sat there and had a Soda and waited for her to calm down enough that I could help her finish to calm down.

We have also had VERY Embarrassing moments. At the pool, her stripping her bathingsuit bottom off, while running to the bathroom, Her spitting flem in some Ladies towel on a chair, while the lady was laying IN the chair, Or while waiting in line for a ride after she rode Figment, and was doing the Figment story line. Taste, Smell, Sound etc.. And the man In Front of us passed gas, and she decided to stick her nose VERY close to his butt, and announce to the entire line what the man just did.

And we have had our Scary moments also. Her in the dig site, and I lost site of her...

Why you all might ask do we keep going back to Disney? Well because all those moments Pale in comparison to my daughter laughing so hard on some rides, while sitting and watching the fireworks (with her earmuffs on) That she loves me, Some Cast members going that extra mile to give her a little extra magic, when she struggles so hard everyday to fit in, learn new things that other kids pick up with no problems, Play with her cousins and Not be Judged. All right I will shut up now.

We will be there Oct 22-29, with Lime Green Ribbon and Autism Ribbons on. So if you see us Say, HI!

 

[Carrieberry]

TiggerDaisy- What a neat story! Thanks for sharing!

 

[Laurajean1014]

This is a pet peeve of mine. People must think that they have no faults to watch and access others. This happens in church all the time.

Some times kids in church cry or get restless. People must forget thius, because a lot of people turn around and give the children's parents dirty looks! Don't they remember how hard it can be for a child to be quite and rested for an hour????? Isn't the reason we are in church, to gain respect, love, awareness and kindness to others - and to respect ourselves?

It's like miserable people are in the "happiest place" and are still quite miserable!
Very sad, indeed.

 

[Carrieberry]

Mel6197- That was great. Thank you. Sometimes I feel so alone in this battle and then stories like yours make me realize that there are so many other children with parents going through the same things we are.

Our emabrassing moments came when Brendan was running up to people and trying to pull their bags (from the gift shop) out of their hands t see what was inside. He would just take off fast and then try to grab the bags out of peoples hands. It was awful! Also he shrieked so loud on Soarin (his favorite ride) I thought people were going to attack us afterward-but luckily we didn't even get one wierd look. He must of seemed louder to us then to everyone else. We also had a few of the "face the stroller in the corner and have a soda" moments!

 

[Laurajean1014]

I'll admit that my DH and I very much dislike hearing kids shrieking and screaming.

However, I think the worst thing I've ever said is "You really want one of those?" to him, and his reply is "One, maybe, when I'm 40." But we say that quietly to each other and out of earshot.

Most of the time it warrants a grimace from us, but again, not while looking at the parent/kid. We always look away and walk as far away from the shrieking kid as possible.

And if it is a adult who is screaming/cursing/hitting, we've been known to notify security, especially if they are targetting a child. I'm sorry, but I'm one of those people who was raised to think that a child shouldn't have welts and bruises all over their body to teach them to behave.

And yes, we realize that there are many developmental illnesses that are both visible and invisible, but that we also have no right to judge anyone else and invade their privacy even though Disney is a public place. It would never occur to us to interfere with someone else, except of course if there was some sort of danger where we could be of assistance.

 

[traci]

We just got back today and I had to comment on your post...Our soon to be 2 year old had a melt-down right before the parade was to start. We were basically trapped. People were saying all kinds of hurtful things. Just loud enough for us to hear them. Anyway, we had actually planned this night carefully and still things went wrong. Why because he is a baby. We had stayed out of the parks during the day, relaxed and played at the pool for a little while and even took a good nap. Still he starts freaking out on Main Street!! Their rude glares and comments didn't ruin our trip. We know we are good parents babies have fits - sometimes when you don't want them to.

 

[jann1033]

i have a question, completely ot and having nothing to do with disney. some one i know a little ( distance aquaintance) has 2 children that a relative ( of mine who 9 x out of 10 is wrong about what she tells me) told me are autistic..i looked on the website link but didn't see this. these 2 kids are extremly hyperactive but also are extremely "touchy" as in they ( teenaged boys) go up to girls around their age and hug them, kiss them,always yellling /talking to people across a large room ect, ect. i have 2 other friends with autistic brothers, both of who basically do not relate to people at all so i wonder if this is another type of autism or my relative is wrong again. sorry to be so ot

 

[jann1033]

babies have fits - sometimes when you don't want them to.

nope always when you don't want them to and when they get older they always say things when you don't want them to

 

[Carrieberry]

Jann1033-All autistic children are different so I can't really say. Some of them do talk/yell loudly even if someone is right next to them. Most of them are NOT touchy feely or affectionate. They don't like to be hugged. My son does give kisses but hates it if you hug him. Many of them have sensory issues so they do not like loud noises, getting too close to people, some have aversions to bright light, cold or hot food or some textures of food. My sons likes extremely salty,sweet or spicy food, but does not like cold food like ice cream, though many do.

There are many different types of PDD (the spectrum which autism falls into) that could explain why she told you they are autistic. Maybe they fall on the PDD spectrum but are not specifically autistic. Many are PDD NOS which is a non specified delay that falls under the PDD umbrella of disorders. Many autistic children are verbal and high functioning- so it is possible that they are autistic. My best friend has a brother that I have known since he was 12 (he is 25 now) and he has Tourrets, autism, and a few other developmental problems. He talks loud and yells sometimes and he does give hugs so who is to say?? They are all so different yet many of them have the same issues.

 

[jann1033]

thanks for the info

 

[TDS373X]

My dd6 is on the autism spectrum and she is always running up to people and giving them hugs she needs, craves that extra sensory input a big bear hug gives her...this is why the autism ribbon is puzzle pieces because autism manifests itself in so many different ways that it is truly a puzzle to try and figure.

 

[jann1033]

thanks tds373x. i have to say it makes me a little nervous for these boys. now that they are getting older it might lead to some problems if the hug the wrong person.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I must admit, I probably wouldn't be able to tell if a child was autistic or just having a bad time in the early stages of a tantrum. When I hear a child in the middle of a melt down, I just say to myself "there but for the grace of God go I" and be thankful that this time it isn't one of my kids. I hope it doesn't seem cold of me to ignore something like this, but I could never give a mother a dirty look while trying to deal with a tantrum. It amazes me how rude some people can be to offer advice in a situation like this. One time while I had DS1 and DS3 (at the time) in a line at a store, in their stroller doing NOTHING wrong at all, a woman had the nerve to say to me out of the blue, "boy, I'm glad that's not me". I was dumbfounded, but thought to myself, "boy, we are ALL glad it's not you."

I hope that you don't cry at WDW again. That is just a shame to have people dump on top of you when you already have enough going on...

 

[figmentfan1]

My DS is PDD-NOS... although it is a VERY broad category. He is dx'ed this because he does not fit the autism or asperger's diagnosis, but he does have some symptoms of aspergers- some speech patterns and repetitive motions/phrases, some social problems, especially with peers. He is also speech/language delayed (although some is due to ear problems)... he is mainstreamed in pre-k and is making leaps and bounds in all areas.

So many people think they are so brillian and can diagnose anyone from reading a book or knowing someone with the disorder. Some of my ds's daycare providers just insisted he was autistic or aspergers, as did my DH's uncle's new wife and her daughter (after all she self-diagnosed her son recently and he is 10). My son has been to a child psychologist and psychiatrist and he is NOT aspergers or autistic, although her certainly shows signs of a developmental disorder. The only reason we are even disclosing this diagnosis is that we want him to get OT and AT through the school (it is felt he will benefit from it).

I wish all these self-diagnosers would shut up until they get their MDs or PhDs!! Geez.

je

 

[DISLOVE]

Wish- I had business cards to hand out explaining what autism is etc, but in the middle of his meltdowns it is diificult to walk away from him and hand out a card. Next time I think we will put a t-shirt on him saying something like "Hi I am autistic. Ask my parents for more info if you see me having a melt down." Or something to that effect.

Except that your son's medical history is NO ONE else's business!! I would rather wear a shirt that says, "Take a picture, It lasts longer".

Enjoy Disney with your family!

 

[figmentfan1]

One more thing for all of us parents and others to remember...

I remember being in Mass one day and a little boy about 2 or so started melting and the mother stood up to take him out. The priest stopped what he was doing and said, "don't leave, that's the sound of the angels!" I try to remind myself that in those situations!! I went through infertility for both my kids, and they are my angels and gifts, no matter what struggles we have... I'd much rather have them kicking and screaming, ADHD, PDD and everything than the alternative- not at all!!

All mothers (and fathers too) and especially those with children with challenges should pat ourselves on the back... we are the future and the earthly guides of these babies... and what wonderful memories they will have of Disney World!!!!!

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) to all!!

je

 

[Carrieberry]

Yes- all children on the spectrum are very different, and sometimes even trained professionals can't diagnose these children or are hesitant to give a specific diagnoses. It took us an extremely long time to get a diagnosis due to the fact that Brendan is also deaf. Many doctor's said his delay's were due to the hearing loss and he was just being stubborn about learing sign language. NOT THE CASE. Other doctors said his symptoms were due to the fact that he needed sensory imput because he had no hearing. NOT THE CASE. He is autistic and we finally got our diagnoses from a doctor over 200 miles from the city we lived in. We refused to take the answer that he was "stubborn" as a reason. There are so many diffrent symptoms and behaviors that affect these children it is sometimes even difficult for professionals to know for sure. Self diagnoses can be very dangerous. If anyone is worried their child might be on the spectrum they need to find a reputable doctor in their area to try to get an offical diagnosis.