Staring at other people's children (ie tantrums, crying etc.)

[DISLOVE]

Respectfully - if your not a parent of such a child, I doubt you do. If I hear one more time - I had a friend - distant family member. You dont have to live with this disability 24 hours a day, so please dont belittle what these parents go through.

Seems like you just discounted the nice words this person shared with you... How sad for you!

 

[Crazy Kanga]

I have an 11 yo son with Autism and it can be very hard. I agree with mikkiwikk, we have to educate those around us as best we can about what is going on with our kids to help stop the ignorance. It's all we can do. Ignoring is the easy way, and believe me I have done it many times. In the future, I am going to carry some business cards with info to hand out so I can hopefully enlighten someone that may never have known about Autism otherwise, and hopefully prevent someone else from getting a dirty look or rude comment in the future from that person.

 

[mikkiwikki]

Indeed that you dont see it.

Seems like you just discounted the nice words this person shared with you... How sad for you!

 

[unbroken chain]

Thanks for bringing about a discussion on this. As a result of this discussion, I am beginning to wonder if my youngest, now diagnosed with ADD might actually be mildly autistic based on her wild tantrums (kicking, throwing furniture - you name it). She is like a 9 year old that acts like a 5 year old, but now I wonder if that is more a lack of social skills than activity level. Anyway, thanks for bringing this to everyone's attention.

I will add that during one of her meltdowns at a zoo a few years ago she lay down on the ground, thrashing, screaming and, my favorite, shrieking "You're hurting me!" at top volume over and over. (I wasn't touching her, except for periodically trying to pick her up off the cement.) I sure got some bizarre looks from people. But I especially remember the mom on a nearby bench, who had her hand over her mouth trying to cover her laugh. I thought, THERE is a mom who has been in my shoes! So, those sympathetic looks are appreciated, whether your child is actually disabled or just prone to tantrums.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

So you take things personally too. (And actually, being in the Coast Guard, I'm rather dedicated to helping people both on the water and the road who are having troubles. I dedicate, and risk my life to help others, what do you do?).

But if you had read anything of what I said and weren't so reactionary, you would realize that I was saying that most people are understanding and can see when a parent is being exhausted and trying to actually do something about their childs behavior, and a parent who isn't doing their responsibility. I, like most (the over 50% I referred to) would actually understand that a child is developmentally challenged by the parent's actions. Most people who are disgusted by a child throwing a tantrum are actually reacting to a parent's apathy towards parenting.

Hmmm, don't have to guess which kids are yours in a crowd.

See your last comment makes you an unsympathetic clod. As for what do I do shall I make a list? First and foremost I am a mother to a child with special needs. I am also a wife to an awesome guy who thankfully doesn't share your views on what it means to be a human. Then I am a parent member for the comitee on special education to help parents navigate through the school system when making a child's educational plan (volunteer position). I am a photographer part time and prior to having my son I specialized in children's portraiture and for some reason had a following of special needs kids. Through being a photographer and photographing thousands of kids typically developing or not I learned first hand how hard it is to be a parent ESPECIALLY the one that is home raising the child. That is where most of my upbringing was put into use by having compassion for people or giving a helping hand to someone who needs it. It is something taught, not automatic, so keep that in mind while you spew all these snide comments or eyeroll behind a poor families back in front of your kids.

AND you know who my kid is by his amazing smile and he will be the one giving the mother whose child is melting down a hug instead of the eyeroll your kids will be doing!

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

I didn't read this whole thread, but I have a story to tell. Yesterday I took my kids, 5 and 7 to IHOP for dinner. We have been there many times and have had meltdowns there. I read them the riot act and told them I expected good behaviour before we even left the house. Well, last night it was someone else's turn for a meltdown and it was a doozy. My kids started staring and making comments. I said "We aren't going to stare or say a single word because we've been there ourselves, haven't we?" Silence at the table! The other mom was by herself with 2 kids, brave soul. She dragged them out of the restaurant and then quietly slipped them back in to finish the meal later. Good for her!

Good for you! You taught your kids and amazing lesson right there. To put themselves in others shoes! BRAVO!

 

[M. Eisner]

It's not so much that your children are just like you, it's that they act they way you let them. Bratty, spoiled children are raised that way. Before those of you with a special needs child raise your indignant voices, re-read what I said! There are so few special needs kids, most of the kids you see who are annoying, spoiled, and bratty are just that.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

I definitely can feel for you after this trip. Our DD3 is "normal" developmentally wise but seemed to freak out on any ride or show in WDW. It is an overwhelming experience for any child when they are thrown into a different environment and don't know what to expect. We got looks from several people for "forcing" our daughter onto rides or into shows - and I'm not talking about the HM or fast paced rides, I'm talking about her throwing a tantrum because we were making her go on Pooh, It's A Small World, etc. She took this time to make it clear to us that we could not make her do something and like it - funny thing was she would come out of the ride tell us it wasn't fun for her!!! and then walk over to my inlaws and happily proclaim she went on: ______ and wanted to do it again!!! Some people either don't remember when their children were that age, don't have children, or just plain don't get it!!! I try to keep in my mind that you don't see the whole picture of what is going on. As long as your not seeing a parent beat their child for acting out then people should learn to keep their opinions to themselves and be glad their parties are behaving well at that point because it could be them tomorrow.

 

[unbroken chain]

It's not so much that your children are just like you, it's that they act they way you let them. Bratty, spoiled children are raised that way. Before those of you with a special needs child raise your indignant voices, re-read what I said! There are so few special needs kids, most of the kids you see who are annoying, spoiled, and bratty are just that.

Look, everything's a spectrum. Some kids are 95% able to control themselves, some 75%, some 50%, some 25%. Your comment seems to suggest that at some arbitrary cutoff, let's say 20% able to control themselves, the child is special needs and it's completely excused, but at say 50%, then the child's tantrum becomes the parent's fault for failure to teach the child to control him/herself better, or the child is just "bratty"? I don't agree that everything is so black and white.

Sure, there are cases where the child is 95% able to control him/herself but has a tantrum because the child has learned they can get their way with a tantrum. But I think the point of this thread was to enlighten people that you may THINK that child is 95% able to control him/herself, but in reality you have no idea of what that child's actual situation is.

 

[mikkiwikki]

Well Put - Now if we could only get everyone to teach empathy
...imagine what kind of world we could all be living in.

Think John said it best .....
"You may say I'm a dreamer, but Im not the only one, maybe some day youll join us...then the world will live as one."

Good for you! You taught your kids and amazing lesson right there. To put themselves in others shoes! BRAVO!

 

[Carrieberry]

It sounds to me as if you take things too personally. The problem that I have with kids throwing tantrums isn't with the kid. They are often tired, hot, over-stimulated, and excited. Kids are going to be a bit hard to handle if you don't have children yourself.

The problem is with parents. Let me put that in caps. THE PROBLEM IS WITH PARENTS. When I see a kid acting like a complete pain in the a$$ and the parent isn't doing ANYTHING, or is trying to bribe their child to act like a human being, I'm going to roll my f'in eyes. You are damn right.

But I'm sure that you, being the parent of an autistic child understand that you can't just sit back and say "honey, what is your problem? would you like to talk about it?" or "just let him scream himself out".

If you don't want rolled eyes or comments, then say "hey, you try raising an autistic child". But to condemn everyone that looks at a screaming child with disdain is just as narrow minded. You are in the minority, don't expect everyone to walk on egg shells just in case they come across some kid acting like a brat because they are autistic. Be pro-active, and don't be give the impression that you are enabling your child.

First of all I don't take things too personally. Second of all, I got upset because this was at the end of a week filled with these comments and eye rolls and it was enough already. Third of all, this post is about special needs children in specific, not just "bratty kids" or "parents that raise them". I take offense to the saying THE PROBLEM IS WITH THE PARENTS. My child's behavior have nothing to do with us. We have another older child that is an angel. My son's problems are because of a DISBALITY. I also never "condemned" everyone that looks at a screaming child or a normal child just being a brat so don't put words in my mouth. Sounds like you are the one doing the condemning and being narrow minded, just chalking everything up to the "bad parenting". My child in specific is non verbal and DEAF in case you did not read so it is not like I can talk him down. Also, nice laguage to use in a DIS board post. You are exactly the people I am referring too.

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

First of all I don't take things too personally. Second of all, I got upset because this was at the end of a week filled with these comments and eye rolls and it was enough already. Third of all, this post is about special needs children in specific, not just "bratty kids" or "parents that raise them". I take offense to the saying THE PROBLEM IS WITH THE PARENTS. My child's behavior have nothing to do with us. We have another older child that is an angel. My son's problems are because of a DISBALITY. I also never "condemned" everyone that looks at a screaming child or a normal child just being a brat so don't put words in my mouth. Sounds like you are the one doing the condemning and being narrow minded, just chalking everything up to the "bad parenting". My child in specific is non verbal and DEAF in case you did not read so it is not like I can talk him down. Also, nice laguage to use in a DIS board post. You are exactly the people I am referring too.

Well said Carrie.
Even if it is the parents "fault" in his mind and they let THEIR children rule them what is it his business? He has a choice too and that is to leave the restaurant or the line and walk away if it is that disturbing to watch. Or he could just MIND HIS OWN BUSINESS.

 

[Lives4Disney]

Carrieberry, I have a son that is now 15 with a lot of issues - the most pronounced is ADHD. I just have to say that I so feel for you and agree with your original post.

There are a lot of ignorant people out there - that's all you need to know. Since my son is my oldest of 3 (I have a 9 yr old daughter that is losing her sight due to a retinal degeneration, and a 5 yr old daughter) I used to get a lot of grief and patronizing from the schools. They always looked at me crosseyed like they wonder WHAT I am doing wrong with my son, WHAT kind of dumb parent am I?? Then they met my 9 yr old when she was 5 and in kgarden. OH BOY! I slammed them!! She is WONDERFUL. A model student, sweet, super smart, wellbahaved and well mannered. PERFECT in their eyes. Now they have my youngest in Kindergarden. Another slam. She is another EASY kid. It is NOT THE PARENTS' FAULT!!! You get what you are given and make the best of it. God gives us these kids to love and protect. I really think he gave me a challenge with my son. Sometimes I am not up to it! But I am only human. My girls are constant sunshine and so easy to be with, but my son is just another issue!! I now have the challenge of raising a visually impaired daughter. We are learning as we go, doing the best we can & I believe that is what all parents do.

I have to say, that people that do not have kids seem to be the first to judge. I was at CP with my daughters and my adult sister.(NO KIDS) I was at the buffet, and when I returned my sister said - in a kind of loud, annoyed voice - "this boy broke Jo's headband". Jo wasn't super upset. My sister was more miffed. (she does not have kids) I just looked at it and the boy's mom apologized and I could tell she felt horrible and embarrassed. I told her don't worry about it (I have lost friends over small things my son has done when he was young & been stared at enough for a lifetime) It was only a $5 thing. I really didn't care & let her know it was no biggie. Well, she told me her son was autistic and believe me, I felt even worse for her. I KNOW how hard it is raising any disabled kid. People that have PERFECT kids or NO kids have NO clue. I still think about that mother and how she must have felt. This was 3 years ago!

Don't be upset by anybody's judgement of you. I really believe in karma. They will be hit with theirs soon enough.

Live4Disney

 

[SnackyStacky]

After 16 pages, I think has run its course.