Staring at other people's children (ie tantrums, crying etc.)

[Leota]

When people say things like, "If that were my child I'd spank her in a heartbeat..." my response is:

"That's why God gave her to me and not you."

Stops them dead in their tracks.



Shel

Love it!

Sorry you had such insensitive reactions, Carrieberry. I'm always astounded that people can be so self-righteous, judgemental & completely ignorant. I especially love it when people who don't have kids yet feel compelled to tell you how to parent.... Much less when people who don't know what challenges your child faces tell you what to do (My DS grew up with terminal illness which spawned it's own set of difficulties)

 

[3xthecharm]

My young children have stared at situations like you discribe. I explain to them that some children have different ways of expressing themselves due to situations we may not know about. Many times the children are simply very over tired or not feeling safe in a over stimulating environment. They usually walk away wishing they could help. Often they want to take time out to pray for the family.

 

[cruisin'Mike]

Carrie,

Thanks for pointing this out. Even though we are friends with parents of two autistic boys, I know I could use a reminder every now and then that things are not always what they seem, and that there are "invisible disabilities".
I have to say that I admire you and the way you handled yourself. Sinking to the level of those making snide comments would obviously not help the situation anyway. It sounds like you and your husband are doing a great job, and taking care of both of your boys.
Other than the insensitivity of some of the guests, I hope your family had a great trip. Did your boys have a "magical" time? Any new strides or "firsts" for Brendan while you were there?

Take care and continue to be a great Mom!

 

[HappyMommy2]

Thank you for that excellent post!

I believe that it is never appropriate--whether the child is autistic, a typical child having a typical meltdown, or really a brat--for people to roll their eyes, make unkind comments, etc. when witnessing a child's meltdown.
However, understanding that otherwise invisible developmental issues may be contributing to the meltdown may help some people bite their tongues and walk on by. Thanks for sharing that; it is a good reminder.

 

[Carrieberry]

This was a rough trip for us. We were not happy with the original resort we chose and we switched to WL after 2 nights. That switch was great, but with the hot humid weather and our nerves already on edge, it was difficult to stay positive. We did have a lot of good times, and my DH and 9 year old got to go parasailing and had fun in the water mouse/ sea ray boats. We had a good afternoon at the pool one day and had some great meals. Brendan's big breakthrough was using the potty a couple times all on his own, and he now loves fireworks which he used to hate. This trip was more difficult because Brendan is a human compass which means he knows where we are headed at all times and he had a major meltdown one day right in front of a police officer (a real one-not Disney security) in front of the Studios because he wanted to go to Epcot. Luckily we know him so well, we knew why he was upset and got right on a bus to Epcot!

 

[allaboutmm]

Carrieberry- great thread. I am a pre-school teacher so I have seen many tantrums in my day. When a child is having a fit/trantrum I always try to remember ...A) they don't always have the words to express themselves B) as an adult, don't you wish you could have a good crying fit and feel better C) give them a smile( the parents), we have all been there with our kids at one point! Just keep being a good mom to you son, love him, learn with him and keep sharing that Disney magic with him !!

Love your avatar!! So cute!!

 

[aceharly]

This was a rough trip for us. We were not happy with the original resort we chose and we switched to WL after 2 nights. That switch was great, but with the hot humid weather and our nerves already on edge, it was difficult to stay positive. We did have a lot of good times, and my DH and 9 year old got to go parasailing and had fun in the water mouse/ sea ray boats. We had a good afternoon at the pool one day and had some great meals. Brendan's big breakthrough was using the potty a couple times all on his own, and he now loves fireworks which he used to hate. This trip was more difficult because Brendan is a human compass which means he knows where we are headed at all times and he had a major meltdown one day right in front of a police officer (a real one-not Disney security) in front of the Studios because he wanted to go to Epcot. Luckily we know him so well, we knew why he was upset and got right on a bus to Epcot!

Man thats crazy, my 11 year old DS is high functioning Autistic and he is truly a human compass!
My DS is pretty decent and we have learned to work around and through meltdowns, but as he gets older it seems so much harder. You just have to be the best person in there life and work through rough situations. DS's tantrum's are reserved mostly to home and we haven't had a major issue at WDW, but he still gets out of line a bit.

 

[eeyore45]

You are correct. Even with normally developing children they still have their moments! Espescially 2 year olds! No one should make comments or give dirty looks to any parent over how their child is behaving, especially not at WDW where there are so many different types of children.

Thank you for your very well written, and heartfelt posts!! Continue to 'educate'!! (and advocate!!)

May we all learn from each other!!

 

[Carrieberry]

aceharly- They are amazing aren't they? Brendan started crying before we even got close enough to the Studios to see ToT. He knew we were not headed where he wanted to go and he got so upset. He knows where we are going here at home all the time. If it is a weekend and we even turn in the direction of his school he gets upset. They truly have some amazing abilites!

 

[GoofyGirlnPrincessV]

We have a son who is ADHD and people make stupid comments about him. Drives me bonkers! When I see other parents in the middle of their childs tantrum, I try to give them a friendly smile as a way of encourgement.

 

[cleo]

Even when children are 'normal' in every way they're bound to throw a tantrum at some time during a Disney vacation. As parents we just have to suck it up and know that other people who haven't walked in our shoes all day (or all week......!) don't have the first idea what lead to the melt-down.

I know it's easy to say 'ignore it', but....ignore it. You know what's right for your child and you know what's going on that may not be obvious to outsiders. Chances are, their kids have gone off the deep end and they've forgiven themselves completely for the same thing they're accusing you of being a bad parent for tolerating.

When you're ready to cry over some thoughtless, stupid comment, remember you're not alone. Anyone who has ever taken a child to Disney knows what it's like to have a screaming fit on their hands at some point. Some get it in public, some get it in private. Be confident you're a good mom/dad and don't let any stranger determine who you are.

 

[Rowena]

I recently wrote my own thread, on the CB as we've never been to WDW and the last time we were at DL was 2000.

My thread on it.

 

[Carrieberry]

Excellent post Rowena! Thanks for the link! My son has taken a few of those "little walks" himself. He has also locked my DH out of the house! Last week he woke up in the middle of the night and opened the front door. We have an alarm and it woke us up at 2:15am. Thank God for the alarm! We now have it set to beep whenever any door is opened-even during the day.

 

[heathriel]

I'll admit that my DH and I very much dislike hearing kids shrieking and screaming.

However, I think the worst thing I've ever said is "You really want one of those?" to him, and his reply is "One, maybe, when I'm 40." But we say that quietly to each other and out of earshot.

Most of the time it warrants a grimace from us, but again, not while looking at the parent/kid. We always look away and walk as far away from the shrieking kid as possible.

And if it is a adult who is screaming/cursing/hitting, we've been known to notify security, especially if they are targetting a child. I'm sorry, but I'm one of those people who was raised to think that a child shouldn't have welts and bruises all over their body to teach them to behave.

And yes, we realize that there are many developmental illnesses that are both visible and invisible, but that we also have no right to judge anyone else and invade their privacy even though Disney is a public place. It would never occur to us to interfere with someone else, except of course if there was some sort of danger where we could be of assistance.

 

[nliedel]

Yea I have had some really rude comments when Steven stims by violently rocking. He is only really doing it at night now (he has FAS. Before someone gets mad at me for drinking while pregnant he was adopted). He used to do it in publi and people would ask me "what is wrong with him?"

If someone makes a crack I would look them dead in the eye and say "He's autistic" and look away. That would probably be enough to quiet them. Don't explain any further.

 

[don8life]

Boy do i know what you mean! My daughter had a liver transplant when she was 10 months old. She is now 4, has a new liver disease, chronically damaged kidneys, epilepsy and much more. One main symptom of her new liver disease is malaise(crankiness, generally not feeling well) This does not mean she is tired and i should leave disney world and take her for a nap. It means she is a sick little girl and has every right to be there. T


Looking at her she looks perfect you wouldn't know how sick she is. Hidden disability. Every now and then when she becomes "malaised" she can be a real bear. It really brings me to the end of my patience just dealing with it. LOL, so people should watch out if they are going to comment becasue I would never take it out on my precious babe who fought so hard and fights so hard every day to live. But I will take it out on ignorant rude people who should just thank their lucky stars they have healthy children and don't have to worry about outliving them!

Did you ever see this:
SPECIAL MOMS
When a toddler gets into the plant pot dirt, a special mom
appreciates how well their fingers work.

When a child yells "NO!" A special mom enjoys the sound of their spoken word.

When a child must wear a helmet when riding a bike, a special mom is grateful that the helmet is not being worn to prevent injury from a seizure.

When a child plays the `chasing game' with mom in the grocery store, a special mom is thankful that her child can run at all.

When a child makes a mess while eating their lunch, a special mom is glad she does not have to put their lunch through a feeding tube.

When someone's child is having a `tantrum' in the shopping mall, a special mom never jumps to conclusions.

When a child gives themselves their first haircut, resulting in an embarrassing head shave, a special mom is blessed that they are not bald because they're going through chemotherapy.

When a child listens to annoying rap-music, a special mom enjoys that her child can hear any music.

When a child is at the hospital for an ear infection, a special mom feels blessed her child isn't in congestive heart failure...again.

When a child complains about taking an awful tasting cold medicine, a special mom is relieved that it is not heart medication, seizure medication, anti-rejection drugs or something worse.

When a child in a wheel chair is out for a stroll with mom, a special mom understands that it may not be a good day to ask questions.

When a child needs extra tutoring to get through math, a special mom is relieved that her child doesn't need a team of seven people and five pieces of specialized equipment, just to get him through the school day.

When a child needs the light on at bedtime, because they're scared of the dark, a special mom is thankful that her child does not live in constant darkness.

A special mom looks at her special child with pride, while strangers often look at the special mom with pity.

A special mom appreciates all the things typical children do, whether naughty or nice.

A special mom rarely complains about the 45-minute wait at the doctor's office for a check-up, when she's spent months at a children's hospital with her dying child.

A special mom would never feel disappointed that her healthy newborn was not the gender she had hoped for.

A special mom views the world through special eyes, ears and hands.

By Luanna Buburuz

Really, I just ignore them becasue what goes around comes around. Unless I need to vent.
Their are cranky poeple of all ages. You know just what I mean. Peopel would never comment like that to a cranky 30 or 40 yr old that should go home and take a nap. It is just more discrimination against kids. Some poepl just don't like them and that is fine.

www.caringbridge.org/nj/erin

 

[figmentfan1]

I am so sorry for the comments and looks you have been given. People can be so uncaring, insensitive and ignorant.

My DS is ADHD and was recently diagnosed PDD-NOS (not autistic or asperger's, but has some symptoms). He is prone to meltdowns especially when not getting his way about something specific.

I have read a post about someone handing out cards explaining their child's actions... seriously considering that, but pre-k and medication have REALLY helped our DS. I am curious to see how he'll do at WDW.

I was thinking of trying to find this shirt I saw in his size it said "They say I have ADHD but they just don't understand... hey, look, a chicken!".

I really believe God gives these special children to parents who will love and nurture them! You are doing a great job- don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!

(((((HUGS)))))

je

 

[marj70]

I'll admit that my DH and I very much dislike hearing kids shrieking and screaming.

However, I think the worst thing I've ever said is "You really want one of those?" to him, and his reply is "One, maybe, when I'm 40." But we say that quietly to each other and out of earshot.

Most of the time it warrants a grimace from us, but again, not while looking at the parent/kid. We always look away and walk as far away from the shrieking kid as possible.

And if it is a adult who is screaming/cursing/hitting, we've been known to notify security, especially if they are targetting a child. I'm sorry, but I'm one of those people who was raised to think that a child shouldn't have welts and bruises all over their body to teach them to behave.

And yes, we realize that there are many developmental illnesses that are both visible and invisible, but that we also have no right to judge anyone else and invade their privacy even though Disney is a public place. It would never occur to us to interfere with someone else, except of course if there was some sort of danger where we could be of assistance.

It's amazing how many of those "out of earshot" comments I've heard, and we see the looks.

I get a lot of stares also when I have to restrain my son. Sometimes he has to seat-belted to a restaurant chair, I'm sure there are people who see that and think I'm cruel. He will just run off, and often he does need to be in stroller when the other kids aren't (like in lines, at restaurants, etc. I do plan to get him nametags this time that say "My name is Alex and I have autism" for the benefit of cast members, characters, etc.

If we worried less about other people's behavior... but that is a bigger topic. I have to laugh when I hear people complain about children bothering them at Disney. The nerve of those families to bring children there! Or is it just those children who are not perfect? (This is the first time I ever felt I might need a flamesuit as well...) Oh, and my 4 year old son with autism is a self-abuser, so often does have bruises and bite marks all over his body. You never do know.

I'm not one to speak out, debate, make waves, etc. I only posted because the OP asked on the dis-abilities board for other special needs parents to post their thoughts on this thread.

 

[boosmom96]

There is a wonderful website that sells t-shirts designed by a disabled person. No Pity Shirts
They have dozens of shirts that apply to a a large number of disabilities (both easy to see and "hidden".)
My DD's disability is very noticable, she's in a wheelchair with a talker, and although we don't get the critizism (sp?) we do get the stares and whispers.
The best I can say is, hang in there!! I'm sure it is really hard hearing those kinds of things, but it sounds like you and your DH are doing a great job!!!

 

[spot28]

You show extreme courage and patience. My child has Asperger's and while not as difficult as you describe, he is developmentally delayed. People expect him to behave his age, and yes at 5 he still has potty accidents and simple deviations from 'his plan' can cause meltdowns that appear bratty. I feel those burning eyes all the time.

I am more emabarassed for the lady who proceeded to give her child a public spanking in the ticket line to Magic Kingdom, (what a welcome for her little girl to this magical place...)