Staring at other people's children (ie tantrums, crying etc.)

[Carrieberry]

Hi all. We just returned from our trip to WDW on Friday night. My 6 year old son is autistic, and though to most people he appears to be "normal" he most deifintely is not. Autism is a developmental delay. Many autistic chilren are non verbal-they do not or cannot talk. My son is also deaf which compounds the problem. When he gets frustrated he can't verbalize his frustration so he cries. He can get violent-scratching our faces, head butting or kicking. Most of the time he goes completley limp and lays on the ground, becoming "dead weight" for us to try to pick up. Other times he cries and goes rigid. On our trip we had many people not only stare at us (which does not really bother me so much) but also make comments like "wow that is some tantrum". "look at that spolied brat", "Learn to control your child" and my favorite "I would spank my child so hard if he behaved that way". Also many autistic children learn their own way to "self soothe" when they are upset. For our son it is laying on the ground with his favorite blankie over his head and rolling back and forth. He does not care if he is on grass, cement, or a bed of nails. This is how is calms himself down. Children with autism have a developmental delay. They are not normal kids, and when they do the things they do it is not because we are bad parents, or because they are spoiled. It is because they cannot communicate properly and they don't understand. They have every right to enjoy the magic of Disney just like every other child, and some autistic children make unbelievable leaps in development while at Disney, like getting potty trained, saying their first words, or finally getting a decent nights sleep. So please, if you see a child at Disney World acting in the way I described, please don't say anything, shake your head in dissaproval or make us feel like we are the worst parents in the world, because other parents have no idea what it is like to be in our shoes. Please be sensitive to the parents (and siblings!) because belive me, we are having a hard enough time of it already. I should not have to sit in the Fantasyland restaurant crying because of the comments and looks I get from other parents (not that I saw any lime green on any of them!). Thanks for reading.

 

[henrylovespooh]

We too often hear pretty horrible things come out of people's mouths at WDW. Autism is not understood by many people, including parents, but ignorance of autism still should not cause people to say such things. How good of you to keep your mouth shut and not say anything - I don't think I could have done the same.

 

[eblondie]

Hi all. We just returned from our trip to WDW on Friday night. My 6 year old son is autistic, and though to most people he appears to be "normal" he most deifintely is not. Autism is a developmental delay. Many autistic chilren are non verbal-they do not or cannot talk. My son is also deaf which compounds the problem. When he gets frustrated he can't verbalize his frustration so he cries. He can get violent-scratching our faces, head butting or kicking. Most of the time he goes completley limp and lays on the ground, becoming "dead weight" for us to try to pick up. Other times he cries and goes rigid. On our trip we had many people not only stare at us (which does not really bother me so much) but also make comments like "wow that is some tantrum". "look at that spolied brat", "Learn to control your child" and my favorite "I would spank my child so hard if he behaved that way". Also many autistic children learn their own way to "self soothe" when they are upset. For our son it is laying on the ground with his favorite blankie over his head and rolling back and forth. He does not care if he is on grass, cement, or a bed of nails. This is how is calms himself down. Children with autism have a developmental delay. They are not normal kids, and when they do the things they do it is not because we are bad parents, or because they are spoiled. It is because they cannot communicate properly and they don't understand. They have every right to enjoy the magic of Disney just like every other child, and some autistic children make unbelievable leaps in development while at Disney, like getting potty trained, saying their first words, or finally getting a decent nights sleep. So please, if you see a child at Disney World acting in the way I described, please don't say anything, shake your head in dissaproval or make us feel like we are the worst parents in the world, because other parents have no idea what it is like to be in our shoes. Please be sensitive to the parents (and siblings!) because belive me, we are having a hard enough time of it already. I should not have to sit in the Fantasyland restaurant crying because of the comments and looks I get from other parents (not that I saw any lime green on any of them!). Thanks for reading.

AMEN!

 

[Taratink]

I agree with you completely. When I see someone having a hard time I will flash them a smile or a wink. We all need to be supportive of one another. Being a parent is so hard. People who make comments are just miserable people with big mouths. If we wanted any suggestions from passing strangers we would ask for them.
Tara

 

[Carrieberry]

Thanks you guys!

 

[Ducky4Disney]

Since joining these boards and reading stories like yours, I try to keep this in the back of my head. When my DH tries to say something (not to the person, but to me), I remind him that everything isn't always as it seems.

I will keep you in mind when at WDW soon.

D4D

 

[Carrieberry]

I also want to mention that there were also a few very nice people that could tell right away that he was autistic. They were eaither in the medical or education fields, or had children at home that were autistic that they they did not bring on the trip with them because they were too difficult to manage. To these people I would like to say thank you. They had some very kind words for us at some of our most difficult moments.

 

[fireman17]

We just came back as well. We have a two year old and is all of two, he has to do everything himself. I made the mistake one day at MK and put him in his stroller instead of letting him climb in and boy did he have a fit. My wife made the same comment of other people looking at us crosseyed.
I will never, ever spank my child or yell in his face like I have seen other fathers do. I just let him have his time and we know he'll calm down after a few minutes. I do really at times want to tell the ones with no kids just give it a try for 24 hours and lets see how they would handle it..
Just my two cents..

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

Reading these boards has given me a greater awareness of difficulties people face. I promise not to ever comment on other kid's behavior in public.


Maybe you could carry a sheaf of informational pamphlets on Autism and hand them out? Let them feel bad for being ignorant rather than you!

 

[Carrieberry]

You are correct. Even with normally developing children they still have their moments! Espescially 2 year olds! No one should make comments or give dirty looks to any parent over how their child is behaving, especially not at WDW where there are so many different types of children.

 

[pamouselover]

I must say I was a bit tried of screaming kids every night on the bus...but I understood they were tired like the rest of us. It was so bad on night on the bus.....I started to think that kids under 3 should not be allowed in Disney world parks after 9pm! LOL
But there is nothing worst then waitng in the DUMBO ride line for 35 mins. with two screaming kids and whoever was with them crying along with them to just make matters worst!
I tried to give them everything out of my bag just to help. These poor kids were tired and needed to go take a nap. You could tell they did not want to get on the dumbo ride.
I used to work with special need children and understand, but sometimes people just dont know.

 

[Carrieberry]

Wish- I had business cards to hand out explaining what autism is etc, but in the middle of his meltdowns it is diificult to walk away from him and hand out a card. Next time I think we will put a t-shirt on him saying something like "Hi I am autistic. Ask my parents for more info if you see me having a melt down." Or something to that effect.

 

[Carrieberry]

pamouselover-
Our son does not cry while waiting in line for rides, and strangley enough he seems to never tire out (one of the autism symptoms is perpetual motion!) His meltdown are usually what we call "cantrums" meaning they are candy tantrums. Many autistic children are addicted to sugar, and we try to limit his. Therfore he has "cantrums" . Also he wants to go in every gift shop, which there is one every 5 feet in the MK which is why our worst moments were there. I do understand about the tried cranky kids, crying on the bus etc. It is WDW and kids of all kids, tempermants, and behaviors are bound to be around. We get Brendan back to the room by 4 or 5 and then he is done for the day and we take turns taking our 9 year old out in the evenings so he does not have to suffer due to his brother. It is very difficult for him to see other people stare at us and hear what they say. He is old enough now to know what is going on.

 

[jann1033]

thanks to the op for the insight. i have to say i have on occasion probably been guilty of wondering "what in the world" when i see something that is not obviously at first notice a medical conditon. i don't say anything and wouldn't stare at them but i'll try to file this away...

ot some but however i doubt every (or maybe even most) kids that appear to be "misbehaving" have these problems( ie the 2 kids last night at the restaurtant we were at whose parents and friends sat chatting totally unconcerned for about 40 mins after they were done eating while their kids ran crazy all over the place and disrupted everyone else's meal. i was surpised there wasn't unanimous applasue when they finally left." hello your kids are being awful please leave and carry on your conversation somewhere else"(???)) but i guess you don't always know. i do think that( lack of discipline) would make it harder when someone does has a real reason( ie medical condition) since people might be less inclined to see the difference( kind of like the ecv general condemnations ). "kids are kids" but some kids are just "undisciplined kids"

when our kids were little and they had meltdowns we just took them aside to a private place..sometimes just being removed from the scene stopped the episode and if it was an attack of "brattiness" they'd realize they weren't getting their way but didn't ruin everyone around us enjoyment either ( not for the op, just some thoughts)

 

[dreams4disney]

Wish- I had business cards to hand out explaining what autism is etc, but in the middle of his meltdowns it is diificult to walk away from him and hand out a card. Next time I think we will put a t-shirt on him saying something like "Hi I am autistic. Ask my parents for more info if you see me having a melt down." Or something to that effect.

I have seen children with T-shirts that have that on them.
I babysat a little boy who was autistic for over a year I know how people looked at his parents and blamed them. Some people just do not understand it. I am sorry for how rude some can be.

 

[Carrieberry]

I am by no means making excuses for all children or the way they behave. I only wanted to post this so that next time people see a child misbehaving they can look more closely for symptoms that there might be something else going on. The syptoms I mentioned (rolling on the ground with head covered, rigid body, falling to the ground suddenly and becoming dead weight and refusing to get up or parents carrying a crying child around that is clawing at their face or head butting them or biting them) are indicators of a meltdown by what is usally an autistic child or a child that falls somewhere on the PDD (a wide umbrella of developmental delays) spectrum and are not normal tantrums. Thanks again to all of you that are posting and reading.

 

[Figment1964]

I am by no means making excuses for all children or the way they behave. I only wanted to post this so that next time people see a child misbehaving they can look more closely for symptoms that there might be something else going on. The syptoms I mentioned (rolling on the ground with head covered, rigid body, falling to the ground suddenly and becoming dead weight and refusing to get up or parents carrying a crying child around that is clawing at their face or head butting them or biting them) are indicators of a meltdown by what is usally an autistic child or a child that falls somewhere on the PDD (a wide umbrella of developmental delays) spectrum and are not normal tantrums. Thanks again to all of you that are posting and reading.

Thanks for starting this thread. We have a 12 yo ds with autism, too. We were at our local amusement park yesterday and he went into meltdown mode, which for him was defiance to us and talking back with a very loud voice. He's hasn't done it in public for a long time and I was amazed at the open staring. I wanted to say, "He's not an attraction, please allow us, his parents who are obviously trying to deal with the situation, take care of it."

I'm sure he just looked like a spoiled pre-teen kid who wasn't getting his way.

 

[minkydog]

I was recently witness to a grand-scale autistic meltdown. We were on a hayride with several families we did not know. The family next to me had the cutest little 6yo boy, but about 1/4 the way into the hayride he decided he had had enough. At first he just misbehaved. Then he was outright obnoxious. It was all I could do not to roll my eyes. Then he began to get out of control, screaming, biting, kicking and trying to throw himself out of the hay wagon. Eventually they stopped the hayride and let the boy and his parents off so they could walk back to the barn.The boy was happy as a clam, last i saw of him.

I am ashamed that I had some pretty unkind thoughts about his parents, who were so patient all through this tantrum. I did realize that this tantrum was more than the average--this kid was fighting for his life. I have a child with severe mental handicaps, including autism, and you'd think I'd be quicker to recognize an autistic meltdown, but I didn't. Not at first. So it was really a lesson to me not to be judgemental when I see people parenting differently from me--I don't know what they're dealing with inside their family.

 

[WendyMichaelJohn]

When people say things like, "If that were my child I'd spank her in a heartbeat..." my response is:

"That's why God gave her to me and not you."

Stops them dead in their tracks.



Shel

 

[ceecee]

I would think that most people could tell the difference between a normal brat tantrem and one that isn't. Sorry you had to go through that. Your son can't help it, there are many kids that have meltdowns and tantrems because the parents insist on keeping them going longer than they should. Just enjoy it and don't worry about what the unmagical people in the world say.