Sports parent rant

[NJDad18]

Here's the one thing that people often overlook when it comes to coaching school sports. The first and really only requirement to coaching in school is to be a teacher. If you want to coach middle school basketball and there is nobody else that wants the job and your a teacher, the job is yours. It does not matter if you don't know the difference between a lay up and foul shot.

My experience has been the better coaches are coaching the varsity team, so you just have to stick it out until you get to varsity.

 

[marciemi]

I have to say I could have written your post! Although my son is a freshman playing basketball, the rest is about the same. Except his team has 20 kids on it, and the coach regularly plays about 7 kids. He's a fairly good player, and has gotten awards on other teams he's played on, in school and at basketball camp. But he didn't make the "cut", whatever it was, and plays, as you said, about 2 minutes a game. But in the last game he actually got to play 2 minutes and 37 SECONDS! Wow! It's frustrating because it seems to me that he plays well when he does play, but he just doesn't get to. He's already informed me that there's no way he'll be trying out next year (freshmen is no cut, but sophomores and juniors have to make the JV team) since obviously he couldn't make it.

As a result, I find it particularly annoying that he also has to practice EVERY day during the break. I actually would just like him to quit, but since he hasn't expressed a desire to, I guess that would be setting a really bad example! But now the middle of every day is tied up (noon-2) with basketball and we can't go anywhere or do anything. I asked if we could miss one day to go skiing, and he didn't think so. Yet, I swear the coach cancels practice randomly about every third day, so I just KNOW that at least one day it will be cancelled, but probably too late to make any plans to do anything else!

Katie - I know the exact feeling about the 2 week window in the summer - check my signature and it's the 2 weeks that we're going to WDW next summer! After travel soccer ends and before high school soccer two-a-days and marching band start. Exactly 2 weeks free there (and I'm hoping they don't change anything because my reservations/flights are set in stone now!). We moved out of state this summer, and I was hoping to bring the kids home for a week over the summer, but as far as I can tell, there isn't one!

It's funny though where the priorities are. My son is a soccer player, pure and simple. Everything else is just filler. He was complaining about the basketball practices during Christmas and said "I don't see how the coach can say that you HAVE to come. There's not even school." So I asked how the coach could require two-a-day practices for soccer for the couple weeks before school started over the summer. There was a silence, then finally he said, "But that was SOCCER!"

 

[MELSMICE]

Many interesting perspectives & comments here.

One of my DD's decided bball was "her thing". She started in a rec league & now plays AAU, along with JV ball.

I have been on both sides (playing all the time or hardly playing) & in the middle (sits when she's better than some on the court). Also, I am not a competitive person by nature & this made it hard for me to accept the fact that not every kid played equally in every game.

I have come to learn that sports are competitive & unless you're in a rec league they are there to win the game. My DD has been on teams where she is not the strongest & also on teams where she is one of the strongest players.

I have also learned that not every coach is great, (mainly for school) but if you want playing time you need to do what the coach wants, even if you think differently or have learned differently on your elite team.

It's tough being the parent of a kid that plays competitive sports. Unfortunately, in today's day & age, unless you're on an elite or travel team, you're probably going to sit the bench for the school team. (unless they guarantee playing time to everyone). Sad but true.

 

[koopa]

I think all those practices during winter break is too excessive for middle school basketball, but it will get worse in high school. There are so many holiday tournaments around here, that some schools practice more during break than when school was in session.

If basketball is her passion, I'd try her out for a club or select team to get experience and access to better coaching.

 

[MELSMICE]

If basketball is her passion, I'd try her out for a club or select team to get experience and access to better coaching.

koopa has a great suggestion.

This is what we did for our DD a few years ago. A friend of hers who did not make JV (but made freshman) just tried out for the AAU organization DD is in. She made the "B" team & will get some great coaching & learn some great things this year.

 

[Firedog]

My experience has been the better coaches are coaching the varsity team, so you just have to stick it out until you get to varsity.

I thinks that really sums it up. Up until this year when my DD entered Jr. High, I was under the impression that when you moved up to that level from rec ball, that the caliber of coaching would increase as well. Not so.

My DD's basketball coach would not cut any players (even the one who missed 4 of the first 8 practices), and believes in equal playing time. All of these girls had the same opportunity to play rec ball the last four years. I believe JR High is time to step up the level of competiveness. We have girls that cannot run down the court, let alone play ball. How is this fair to the players that have worked their butts off and want to be there because of a desire to win, not just a social gathering?

It was the same with this year's volleyball team. At the season-end banquet, the coach had made up individual awards for each player. Where was the team's high scorer during the league championship you ask; sitting on the bench. Doesn't make any sense. Then again, maybe I'm just too competitive (after all, it's only 7th grade).

 

[minkydog]

At my kids School, BAND practices more hours than all the sports combined, they are a very good band(Rose parade calibur) with about 300 members. During Summer when my son had two-a-days football camp, Band was there b4 him and they stayed till well after dark. During school Band has a ZERO period(1 hour b4 rest of school) and then daily practice after school, and this is ALL YEAR LONG. Each year more band members get music scholarships than any of the sports.

But even then, does the band director give the weaker musicians solos? I imagine the better members get all the solos.

And in theater I assume everyone must audition(try out) and those with less talent dont get the leads. I can see the same persons getting leads time after time. The parents of the less talented kids probably dont think that is fair either.

QUOTE]

None of my kids are sporty and that's all right with me. I have never liked the kill-or-be-killed atmosphere of sports. Both me & DH were music nerds and my kids all sing & play at least one musical instrument. The older two also do musical theater and, yes, they had to audition. Sometimes they get a prime part, sometimes they don't. Theater is very competetive. But I have to say, the theater & choral groups they perform with are very supportive. It's like one large family.They help each other train and practice. The better singers get solos, but everyone gets to sing and go on tour(once they pass teh audition).

 

[WIcruizer]

Help me understand sports parents...

Rant #1 - I have a DD13 who is on the school basketball team. The coach plays the same 5 girls consistently, so my DH & I have basically gone for 3 years watching other girls lose basketball games. The other team members may get to play a minute or two if they're lucky. So far this year their stats are 0 - 5. So what does the coach do as punishment?? Makes them run. Granted they have to be able to move up & down the court quickly, but it makes more sense to me to work on plays/shooting/layups, etc.

Rant #2 - Why do the schools, or the academic educators & leaders feel that it's important enough for students to have a winter break (used to be called a Christmas break, but that's for another thread!), away from the pressures of school, tests, homework...and have that time to get refreshed & spend time away for the holidays? And yet those involved in sports are expected to be at practices every day but the actual holidays? Why can't the coaches see that it's important to give these kids a break? It's middle school basketball for goodness sakes! Now my dd feels guilty because we're spending a week at my parent's house and she's going to miss 4 practices. I think it's ridiculous for the sports department to have that kind of policy. When school is closed, it should be closed - PERIOD.

Rants over. Input or comments welcome.

I agree with both rants. You say this has been going on for 3 years, which means our daughter hasn't played much since she was 10 or 11. That's ridiculous. As a coach, the most important part of coaching kids in any sport at that age is skill development and learning how to play in live game situations.

If a child never plays, they lose confidence quickly, and when they actually DO play it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy for that coach. She will make mistakes and the coach can say "se..that's why she doesn't play.) Of course parents don't help, becuase they want to win.

In whatever team I coach in any sport I make it a requirement that at least one parent attends my "kick-off" meeting. I explain I'm a very competitive person and I want to win. With that said, it is not my #1 goal. I have seen many, many kids who weren't considered strong players grow, improve, and ultimately be solid players at the HS varsity level. But they need real, live game time expereince at younger ages.

As far as requirements for practice during Christmas Break (and I can add Spring Break) I think it's ridiculous. Someone mentioned earlier it's a choice. Not if you want to be involved at all in athletics. And the point is, it shouldn't have to be a choice. It's not fair to the kinds and their families to choose between being on a team or having a vacation during BREAK.

 

[Katie]

As far as requirements for practice during Christmas Break (and I can add Spring Break) I think it's ridiculous. Someone mentioned earlier it's a choice. Not if you want to be involved at all in athletics. And the point is, it shouldn't have to be a choice. It's not fair to the kinds and their families to choose between being on a team or having a vacation during BREAK.

yes, but you should know that going in! Why should some have to attend practice where others are out "playing" whatever.

I think it is a sacrifce, the athlete must be willing to make!

 

[disneyfanatic3166]

At my kids School, BAND practices more hours than all the sports combined, they are a very good band(Rose parade calibur) with about 300 members. During Summer when my son had two-a-days football camp, Band was there b4 him and they stayed till well after dark. During school Band has a ZERO period(1 hour b4 rest of school) and then daily practice after school, and this is ALL YEAR LONG. Each year more band members get music scholarships than any of the sports.

But even then, does the band director give the weaker musicians solos? I imagine the better members get all the solos.

And in theater I assume everyone must audition(try out) and those with less talent dont get the leads. I can see the same persons getting leads time after time. The parents of the less talented kids probably dont think that is fair either.

QUOTE]

None of my kids are sporty and that's all right with me. I have never liked the kill-or-be-killed atmosphere of sports. Both me & DH were music nerds and my kids all sing & play at least one musical instrument. The older two also do musical theater and, yes, they had to audition. Sometimes they get a prime part, sometimes they don't. Theater is very competetive. But I have to say, the theater & choral groups they perform with are very supportive. It's like one large family.They help each other train and practice. The better singers get solos, but everyone gets to sing and go on tour(once they pass teh audition).

Same situation here. DD considers herself allergic to sports. In our school system, basketball teams practice everyday, yet so does the school musical. My DD, who is involved in the musical, on top of daily rehearsals is also section leader in the school chorus and is preparing for auditions for the District Chorus.

I'd say that there is an equal amount of rejection between sports and theater/music. DD might audition for 10 things a year and only get into 7. This could be similar for sports kids who tryout for teams and either don't make the team or don't make the best team. Im both situations, kids are often favorited. Sometimes the same kids get cast as leads in the school musical everytime, or play all the time in every game for the basketball team.

 

[Patch'sD]

Middle School Sports in our Area is labeled as Instructional. They can play a modified or regular format. Modified allows for games to be played with extra periods. Teams must play an A and B team. The Extra period is what we call the coaches period where the best players from the A and B team can be combined. For Basketball this allowed at least 10 different girls or boys play. With Subs they were getting in at least 15 different kids. Some coaches used subs and some of the more competitive did not. Middle Schools in this area don't track W-L, but a lot of the parents did, myself included.

As for giving up the break, we must to. Not as much in Middle School but High School Sports it is a given. Teams need time to prepare for the Season, Our League season starts on January 2 or play in Holiday Tourney's.

If playing time is an issue, please have your daughter talk to the coach and ask what she needs to work on to help out the team. However, she is going to miss four practices which is not going to help her cause.

My Kids went to camps for Basketball, Wrestling and Lacrosse. The desire to play helped them much more than the instruction they got from a High School or College Athlete that was helping at the camp.

 

[Luv'sTink]

The reason it happens is because Parents allow it to happen. So many Parents say it is their kids choice and really it is the Parent living through the kid, you can see examples of it here on the Dis. If enough Parents would say NO then they would have to give the kids a break.

This is how I feel about my son playing Little League Baseball, I personally do not believe in practicing 7 days a week and my son wont be. I wish they would adopt a rule that no practice or games on Sundays unless it is play offs.

Watch the people who coach and the parents you can tell the ones that just were not good enough in highschool so they are pushing the kids.

 

[runwad]

I'm somewhere in the middle of all this..I hate how sports for kids are so competitive. I have 3 kids my DD11 plays Soccer, Softball, Basketball and Volleyball and is just a natural athlete and one of the best players in each sport, although soccer is where she shines because she's been doing it the longest I think...but there is so much emphasis on being the best. She can't possibly be the best in every sport. I know she's going to have to pick one and concentrate on it but she likes them all and at 11 I don't think it's fair to have to say pick one. What happened to kids just getting out there and playing and having fun? But yet at the same time I get frustrated having kids out there that can't play the game and wish they would sit the bench more, because where we live it's equal time for all. I think if you put in the time are always at games and practices and are the better player you should get to play more. I know I contradict myself.

 

[Shel]

Thanks for all your comments & suggestions. Just to clarify some points - my DD has played organized basketball for 4 years. She was on a select team her 5th & 6th grade years, and school team her 7th grade, and now her 8th grade. And basically it's been with the same group of girls. The starting line up has some real talent in it - some real egos too unfortunately. I just find it a shame that rather than working on skills & fundamentals the coach chooses to run them till they get sick.

As for my 2nd rant - my point was when there's no school there should be no practices. The bottom line is, in the whole grand scheme of life, family is what's important. In 20 years from now these kids aren't going to give a flip that they played in some holiday tournament when they were 13 years old, but they will remember their family times, and family holidays if they were allowed to have them.

 

[golfgal]

At my kids School, BAND practices more hours than all the sports combined, they are a very good band(Rose parade calibur) with about 300 members. During Summer when my son had two-a-days football camp, Band was there b4 him and they stayed till well after dark. During school Band has a ZERO period(1 hour b4 rest of school) and then daily practice after school, and this is ALL YEAR LONG. Each year more band members get music scholarships than any of the sports.

But even then, does the band director give the weaker musicians solos? I imagine the better members get all the solos.

And in theater I assume everyone must audition(try out) and those with less talent dont get the leads. I can see the same persons getting leads time after time. The parents of the less talented kids probably dont think that is fair either.

Sports are competition, plain and simple.

In California CIF has a dead period in AUG where no SPORT can practice or conduct any kind of team activity, and each sport has a specific date where they can start practices. But I imagine that since weather here is different than other states, rules should also vary by state..

Our school too--top rated band in the uppermidwest, they start practice in early July, finish up the season mid-November, practice every day for 3 hours, more in the summer. The drum majors, percussion and color guard easily do twice as much practice as the windline. This doesn't include the time spent at home learning the music either. The band kids were in WAY better shape then most of the kids in sports--then you add the fact that most of the band kids participate in sports as well.... .

 

[MELSMICE]

The bottom line is, in the whole grand scheme of life, family is what's important. In 20 years from now these kids aren't going to give a flip that they played in some holiday tournament when they were 13 years old, but they will remember their family times, and family holidays if they were allowed to have them.

I agree, although my DD loves bball so much that she doesn't mind that they practice & have tournaments while school is off.

In fact, last night they lost their game & she is wondering why the coach trimmed pratice to one hour today. She said they should be practicing for 3 hours instead. This from a 14 year old girl - go figure.

But getting back to your comment - you're right, in the scope of life, family time is way more important than sports practices.

 

[koopa]

Thanks for all your comments & suggestions. Just to clarify some points - my DD has played organized basketball for 4 years. She was on a select team her 5th & 6th grade years, and school team her 7th grade, and now her 8th grade. And basically it's been with the same group of girls. The starting line up has some real talent in it - some real egos too unfortunately. I just find it a shame that rather than working on skills & fundamentals the coach chooses to run them till they get sick.

As for my 2nd rant - my point was when there's no school there should be no practices. The bottom line is, in the whole grand scheme of life, family is what's important. In 20 years from now these kids aren't going to give a flip that they played in some holiday tournament when they were 13 years old, but they will remember their family times, and family holidays if they were allowed to have them.

True, family is what's important. On the other hand, my daughter is on a U9 indoor soccer team. She has a game on the 23rd. DD can't wait to play, because some out of town relatives, staying here for the Christmas weekend, will be watching the game with us.

Boy, you can start another thread about egos, whether it's some of the players or the coach.

 

[Anewman]

As for my 2nd rant - my point was when there's no school there should be no practices. The bottom line is, in the whole grand scheme of life, family is what's important. In 20 years from now these kids aren't going to give a flip that they played in some holiday tournament when they were 13 years old, but they will remember their family times, and family holidays if they were allowed to have them.

You make it sound like they cant have both

If you are sure that in your case, it is one or the other... Well I advise that your children not play high school sports.

But in our case I make sure that my children have plenty of family memories to go along with those "forgetable" tournaments in places like VEGAS, DISNEY, Hawaii, COOPERSTOWN and others.

I am also interested to know WHICH sports you would cut out so practices and games would not overflow into SUMMER, WINTER, and SPRING vacations?

 

[Lil' Grumpy]

if sports isn't fun, i think you're wasting your time. what they are
supposed to be doing and the reality are in most cases 2 different things..

even if you become a legend, make an insane amt. of monies, or
won great victories...sorry, there are more important things in life...
like finding someone to share your life times with...pardon me,...but
"hooray!!! ..i was blessed with a winner!! [ but she ain't
very good at throwing a football however, she sure have produced
award winning dinners....not to over do it... but given me 3 beautiful
children...and stuck with me..thru thick and thin...talk about great victories!


there are good lessons to be learned in sports..if one takes the responsibility
to participate and the coaches/teachers "reidrect" the players/pupils to
them...notice one's responsibility..as the current structure most often
blames coaches, by the expectation to "produce" results...id, by winning
margins?

..so coaches are motivated by getting the most "points" from the players
instead of accomplishing the scondary sports goals..like sportmanship/
social skills? but they do get pay, huh? even in great relegion schools..
they boast of championships and only individuals' accomplishment if it
only recognized by the sport? you think $$$$ that's why?

winners are most often recognized by the accumulation of points? what
do those numbers really mean? can you eat them, wear them?

as an indivivdual,learning merits :its a good thing we don't pay to much
attention..exactly what the activites are?... like acquiring the skill/s to
throw a round ball ..thru a hoop..good for you, good for the team..but
is that something that you spent alot of time doing? to be sucessful at..
improved your human being traits?..well for a select few, it does effect
one's lifestyle..because of fans & $$$. actually, i think its all $$$ that
influences the way others react around the indivivdual most.but does
nothing to improved one's self worth...to do that , has a different set
of rules...like self realization & insights...one thing the game of life
have taught me..an act of kindness is one of the best way to
influence others....helping others has the reward of [not points] but
helping yourself...in the good feelings and many happy returens.
{experience talking}

life is a competition...but if points are your objective, how much one
misses..that's because there are real values in the ways one play the
game...including the impressions one leaves with others...& positive
feedback..i don't know about you, but i want my life ti have more
meanings than earning more points than those around me.

here's a few of my scores....that gave me the above insights:

we are marshall!!! i remember exactly where i was when the news came
over the plane crash..it's a school just down the road [40 miles]...and
our high school players went there...our high school was invited to that
first game..i remembered the parade downtown, the excitment and the
"star"...of that team was from our team the year before...i think it's
a great example how sports can help in the recovery by pulling a coomunity
togehter..sometimes doing something fun..can be important. we were
close to playing field,,and our team was rooting with their cheerleaders..
afterwards, in the locker room, we shared the team "return" as a great
victory..which it was but not determined by points.


on my last high school game & dublin...it was near "0".., i made a pretty
outstanding cach ...in front of their bench and fans.it must looked good,
cos they all got up and clapped..think about it..

also my varsity jacket had been stolen from the bus....however, all my
fellow teammates took up a collection that paid more than enough for
a new one..think, high school kids.

i don't think the games were as much fun as the bus rides, singing
songs and playing cards..talking with the cheerleaders..
after game parties...& pre-game dinner...sneaking during practice listening
to the reds during the world series...

got to say...getting to tour osu facilities and meeting woody hayes were
pretty neat things to do....


parent's nights..and coming home & how happy it made them hearing
your name on the radio...


waking up tink....we were there before crt, cos it was something we
stumble onto our previous trip..then others burst in...the lady asked if
we minded if the other kids could joined in...why not?...we meet some
really nice folks and the kids were just darling togehter, making a more
special picture....

i seen "doing" diseny like a competetion....isn't the way walt intended the
parks to be...i think he meant to be safe and a place where families take
a time out from the real world..to enjoy what their family means to each
person... so respecting others is important. for example, i don't want my
disney memories to be pushing down lil kids or cutting in front of others..


we're # 1 , i like my team to win the most points but not at the cost
some are willing to pay...if its not fun then its boring to me...& if your
team has the most points all the time..boring. if sports are nuthing but
hard work and pain..(emtional too)..then they have no values at all.
i hope you are able to discover the real values for sports even if
it means doing a little redirecting.

 

[MELSMICE]

if sports isn't fun, i think you're wasting your time. what they are
supposed to be doing and the reality are in most cases 2 different things..

even if you become a legend, make an insane amt. of monies, or
won great victories...sorry, there are more important things in life...
like finding someone to share your life times with...pardon me,...but
"hooray!!! ..i was blessed with a winner!! [ but she ain't
very good at throwing a football however, she sure have produced
award winning dinners....not to over do it... but given me 3 beautiful
children...and stuck with me..thru thick and thin...talk about great victories!


there are good lessons to be learned in sports..if one takes the responsibility
to participate and the coaches/teachers "reidrect" the players/pupils to
them...notice one's responsibility..as the current structure most often
blames coaches, by the expectation to "produce" results...id, by winning
margins?

..so coaches are motivated by getting the most "points" from the players
instead of accomplishing the scondary sports goals..like sportmanship/
social skills? but they do get pay, huh? even in great relegion schools..
they boast of championships and only individuals' accomplishment if it
only recognized by the sport? you think $$$$ that's why?

winners are most often recognized by the accumulation of points? what
do those numbers really mean? can you eat them, wear them?

as an indivivdual,learning merits :its a good thing we don't pay to much
attention..exactly what the activites are?... like acquiring the skill/s to
throw a round ball ..thru a hoop..good for you, good for the team..but
is that something that you spent alot of time doing? to be sucessful at..
improved your human being traits?..well for a select few, it does effect
one's lifestyle..because of fans & $$$. actually, i think its all $$$ that
influences the way others react around the indivivdual most.but does
nothing to improved one's self worth...to do that , has a different set
of rules...like self realization & insights...one thing the game of life
have taught me..an act of kindness is one of the best way to
influence others....helping others has the reward of [not points] but
helping yourself...in the good feelings and many happy returens.
{experience talking}

life is a competition...but if points are your objective, how much one
misses..that's because there are real values in the ways one play the
game...including the impressions one leaves with others...& positive
feedback..i don't know about you, but i want my life ti have more
meanings than earning more points than those around me.

here's a few of my scores....that gave me the above insights:

we are marshall!!! i remember exactly where i was when the news came
over the plane crash..it's a school just down the road [40 miles]...and
our high school players went there...our high school was invited to that
first game..i remembered the parade downtown, the excitment and the
"star"...of that team was from our team the year before...i think it's
a great example how sports can help in the recovery by pulling a coomunity
togehter..sometimes doing something fun..can be important. we were
close to playing field,,and our team was rooting with their cheerleaders..
afterwards, in the locker room, we shared the team "return" as a great
victory..which it was but not determined by points.


on my last high school game & dublin...it was near "0".., i made a pretty
outstanding cach ...in front of their bench and fans.it must looked good,
cos they all got up and clapped..think about it..

also my varsity jacket had been stolen from the bus....however, all my
fellow teammates took up a collection that paid more than enough for
a new one..think, high school kids.

i don't think the games were as much fun as the bus rides, singing
songs and playing cards..talking with the cheerleaders..
after game parties...& pre-game dinner...sneaking during practice listening
to the reds during the world series...

got to say...getting to tour osu facilities and meeting woody hayes were
pretty neat things to do....


parent's nights..and coming home & how happy it made them hearing
your name on the radio...


waking up tink....we were there before crt, cos it was something we
stumble onto our previous trip..then others burst in...the lady asked if
we minded if the other kids could joined in...why not?...we meet some
really nice folks and the kids were just darling togehter, making a more
special picture....

i seen "doing" diseny like a competetion....isn't the way walt intended the
parks to be...i think he meant to be safe and a place where families take
a time out from the real world..to enjoy what their family means to each
person... so respecting others is important. for example, i don't want my
disney memories to be pushing down lil kids or cutting in front of others..


we're # 1 , i like my team to win the most points but not at the cost
some are willing to pay...if its not fun then its boring to me...& if your
team has the most points all the time..boring. if sports are nuthing but
hard work and pain..(emtional too)..then they have no values at all.
i hope you are able to discover the real values for sports even if
it means doing a little redirecting.