Spoiled Rotten Ungrateful 16 year old Help!

[powellrj]

my kids aren't spoiled brats because we could never afford for them to be, but sometimes they get caught up in the whole "what everybody has" thing. Heck, I'm almost 50 years old and I get caught up in it too!

You go over to the HS parking lot and its filled with better cars than I drive and I usually have a new car because I have to have one for work! When I went to HS 30 years ago most kids had cars because we were a county school and if you were in after school activities you needed a car to get back and forth, but they were usually really old cars that had been handed down from several other family members. Thats not the case anymore. DS has lots of friends who got new cars when they turned 16.

Sometimes you just need to level with them and tell them this is all we can afford. If you want something different, you will have to pay for it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Let's see..my dd just turned 16 and is driving the used car we had picked out for her 3 yrs ago.

Now when she says she wants a _______, I say then go get a JOB!

 

[Green Tea]

I've got a 16 yo too, so I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just telling you what I'd do. We actually have the same situation since we just got a new car as well. If my 16 yo even hinted in a serious fashion that the new car was not for the parents, I'd take his license away and not let him drive at all for a while. Let her be ticked off. You are the parent.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Sorry...Just tell her my sad story!

At 16 I too EXPECTED my parents to buy me a car! If they LOVED me they would.

I am 47 am STILL WAITING!

My feet hurt!

So do mine!

I never drove when I was younger. We had the trains and buses everywhere.
You know the neighborhood only one person I knew ever got a car.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I guess I should have added we NEVER buy a NEW car, ever. So my dd would never expect "new" anyway.
Seriously, she would never say anything like that.

The only way my dd is getting herself a brand new car is the day she buys it herself.

 

[disneyjunkie]

So do mine!

I never drove when I was younger. We had the trains and buses everywhere.
You know the neighborhood only one person I knew ever got a car.

Same here.

My high school didn't even offer drivers’ ed, but my sister's did.

I only know one person who got a car as a teen and he was in college at the time.

With 24 hour transportation, it never occurred to us to ask for cars.

Thank goodness it's still the same for my son and his friends. The only time he talks about a car or getting his license is when he goes to NC to visit his father.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Same here.

My high school didn't even offer drivers’ ed, but my sister's did.

I only know one person who got a car as a teen and he was in college at the time.

With 24 hour transportation, it never occurred to us to ask for cars.

Thank goodness it's still the same for my son and his friends. The only time he talks about a car or getting his license is when he goes to NC to visit his father.

I should move back to Queens and give my kids a touch of reality.
I had the J train 2 blocks away or we'd walk a mile or take the bus to the F train and none of us complained.

Wouldn't have done any good. some of my friends parents didn't even have a car!

 

[powellrj]

Same here.

My high school didn't even offer drivers’ ed, but my sister's did.

I only know one person who got a car as a teen and he was in college at the time.

With 24 hour transportation, it never occurred to us to ask for cars.

Thank goodness it's still the same for my son and his friends. The only time he talks about a car or getting his license is when he goes to NC to visit his father.

a little ot here, but your post reminds me of the time I got flamed for saying my kids have never used public transportation! We live in the middle of no where Indiana with miles and miles of corn fields between towns!! THERE IS NO PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION!!!!!

I can see why kids would never think to ask for a car, if they could get a ride 24 hours a day!!!

 

[disneyjunkie]

I should move back to Queens and give my kids a touch of reality.
I had the J train 2 blocks away or we'd walk a mile or take the bus to the F train and none of us complained.

Wouldn't have done any good. some of my friends parents didn't even have a car!

The J,A,C, B26 and B25 are my son's best friends.

If we were still living in Raleigh, NC, I know I'd be dealing with the whole teen car thing. I'm glad we moved back home a few years ago.

 

[punkin]

The J,A,C, B26 and B25 are my son's best friends.

If we were still living in Raleigh, NC, I know I'd be dealing with the whole teen car thing. I'm glad we moved back home a few years ago.

Yup. My mother didn' get her licence until she was in her late 40s. The 7 train was our friend. My DD14 is already talking about her permit that she will get t 15 yrs 10 months.

I want to move back home where they don't allow babies to operate machines of death.

 

[Tantor]

I had to buy my own car myself. Best thing I ever did. Made me appreciate it.

 

[decaff38]

My story is that my father did buy me a car when I graduated from college with a degree. It was a very reliable used car. I purchased my own very old used car when I went off to school. It cost me 250.00. It lasted 4 years , thank goodness. My own children needed to get a job for 6 months before we even discussed the car thing. Then it was finding a car for about $1,000.00 . They all did it. The first one bought a car from my sister for $500.00. The next found a car for $2,200.00 . It was only 4 years old and only had 30,000 miles. We cosigned a loan for her and she paid us for the payment. This year she decided to buy a newer car.(The stubborn child) 6,000.00 but only a 3 year loan. Again very nice car. Pretty smart kid though. She negotiated a deal with her sister (17) who needed a car. She sold her car to her sister for 1,500.00. Her sister pays her $100.00 a month. The younger daughter will own her car outright in Sept. Both have good jobs( pay 8-12 hour) Younger will be taking her CNA training this June and wiil then have a 12.00 hour job too. I pay their insurance until they graduate from college, have an accident that is their fault or get a negligence ticket. They love it when some one says ," Suppose your Daddy bought you your car?" They love saying,"NO, I am paying for my own car."

Give your child a sense of accomplishment and pride and they will be less spoiled acting. It does not remove it all but it sure cuts it down. Good luck!
Set up some guidlines with your husband( so your both onthe same page) and move forward with you plan. Let her know the deal and stick to it. She will throw the HUGE fit but realize she will get over it or stay mad for a very long time. We had a disagreement with our daughter and she didn't talk to us for almost 3 weeks. We all survived and she is now speaking agian. They need us , even if they may not like us for awhile. All will be fine. Realize you are teaching her a life lesson that is best taught by you not a credit company.

 

[twinklebug]

Where is Gretel's input on all this? It would help if we knew why you've even entertained the thought that she may be right about deserving the new car (or any car for that matter) -- I can't figure out why else would you have posted unless to stir up responses? Hmm, guess I just answered my own question there.

All kids are different, perhaps just because her older sibling was mature enough to handle a vehicle at 17 doesn't by any means she is... infact it sounds to me like she needs to go to a college (if she's looking that way) that requires freshman to live on campus with no vehicle. I've seen way too many drivers out there with "me first" attitudez and I can only pray that their attitudez don't end up harming anyone in addition to themselves in the long run.

Agreeing with everyone else here: NO is still NO. If she can't accept that then it's time to pull back some of the other frivolities she's gotten and paid no thanks for starting as cell phone service.

 

[ZuZugal]

Well, before you think you can change your daughter's attitude you need to change YOUR attitude. If you have always given her everything she wants how the heck do you expect her to act? A child needs to be gently and responsibly groomed to adulthood....you cannot just "give" your child everything they want growing up and then expect them to reach the age of 18 and somehow turn into a responsible adult.

I'm not saying this to sound cruel, but it's just the facts. Talk to her about getting a job and taking on more responsibilities around your home. And by all means quit buying her things she thinks she *needs*. Come on, this is why you are the adult. To guide her. Sure it is going to be tough but nothing will change with her until you change. Period.

 

[lucyanna girl]

Just to throw this thought in, and shuddering as I do because my DD will soon turn 16, in the rural part of the country we live in there is no public transportation.

I drive DD to and from school, there is no other way for her to get there. No, there is not a school bus because she goes to a much better school than the one we live nearest and we would never consider moving her for many reasons. This is our choice and I have never minded driving her. We have many informative conversations on our drives and I enjoy her company.

It is 15 to 20 minutes each way. On days when there is no after-school activity, not so bad. If she has practice for something, add another round-trip. If there is a ballgame or any other event, make that three round-trips in a day. There have been several days this past year (freshman) when I have made four trips back and forth. Not her fault, not mine, just necessary.

DH and I own and operate a home based business. Spending so much time away is not always easy.

At DD's school there are many parents in more or less the same situation. Parents who work outside the home often buy cars for their teens because getting them back and forth to school, practice, etc. is difficult.

I am not sure at what point DD will get a way to go. The protective part of me says never. The practical part says you have to let them grow up.

Just something for those of you lucky enough to be able to rely on public transportation to consider.

Penny

 

[wdw4us2]

You just have to put your foot down and say no.

I am fortunate that my almost 16 year old DD has learned a lot in the past few years about being thankful for what you have.

A few years ago, she was part of the "What kind of car are you getting me when I turn 16" crowd. One of her friends was from a family of three kids. The two older kids each got a brand new car when they turned 16. The oldest wrecked hers once and then totalled it - and the parents replaced it. The next oldest did the same. Before her friend turned 16, the father lost his job and was not in a position to buy his third child any car at all.

So, when we told our DD that she could have DH's 14 year old truck (still in really good condition) when she turned 16, she was happy with that. She knows that she is responsible for buying her own gas and any damage she causes (not regular maintenance). She has been working Saturdays for the past year, full-time in the Summer, and has banked almost all of her checks so she'll have money for gas.

DD also knows that DH and I both had to work in high school to buy our own cars. Public transportation is not available here, so if you don't have a car you're out of luck. DD is involved in three high school varsity sports, SGA and two community activities, so she really does need a car - it's not an entitlement thing.

I think the original poster should have her daughter read this entire thread before she talks to her. Maybe then her daughter will see, on her own, just how selfish she is.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

There is an observation a Doctor gave to me many years ago that I have often used as my guiding force during Adventures in Parenting. I find that it works well on any age, from Toddlers to Ungrateful Spoiled Teenagers:


Nobody Ever Died From Throwing a Tantrum.

 

[autumnbaby9]

Please tell me this is a joke and you are not considering giving her a car better than yours . I have a better car than my parents but I signed the loan and make the payments not them.

This is simple.

Tell her "NO" everytime she brings up the subject. Explain it to her once why she is not getting the new car and after that just say NO. Don't waste your time or breath explaining it to her everytime.

If she continues to complain and whine about it start taking away her favorite "toys'. First take away the iPod, then the cell phone, etc. Don't give them back, make her give them to someone who doesn't get cool things all the time and will really appreciate them. Then tell her if she wants cool things from then on she needs to get a job (or do extra work around the house if a job will conflict with school).

 

[Cool-Beans]

Stop going around and around with her. Just stop.

Have to treat a temper tantrum the same way, no matter the age. Ignore it. Ignore the kid. The tantrum gets worse before it gets better, but it ends.

This is waaaay harder to do with a teen than a three year old, but in the end result is the same.

You can try disciplining and explaining and punishing and all that crap, but ignoring the tantrum not only works better, it has more lasting effects. And it has the added benefit of you not getting sucked into it or being driven mad by entering the eye of the storm. Rise above it. Ignore it.

That's my opinion, anyway.

 

[ivanova]

Tell her that you've decided she could have a new set of wheels.








Then show her that shiny new Schwinn in the garage.

DD (17) was saving for a car ... we required her to bank 6 months worth of payments before even getting a car, and then she'd be responsible for the monthly payments.

Well, in talking about the next school year and how she'll only be able to work 1-2 days a week at work, SHE decided that the stress of making enough for car payments wasn't worth it and she'll live without it for one more school year.