Spin the Bottle: Would you play? UPDATED WITH OUTCOME!!!

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Um, I have a question.

What kind of kissing are we talking about? Because behavior that involves the exchange of bodily fluids (yes, even saliva) is most definitely NOT a "game". I would be very, very concerned about this because it sort of opens the door to other behaviors he might think are acceptable under the umbrella of "fun". Ick.

I think it might be time for some serious discussions about what is and is not acceptable behavior, and about what behaviors he may have considered acceptable in the past. Just because he doesn't do it anymore doesn't mean you shouldn't discuss it.

 

[Lisa F]

I don't see any "red flags" here or anything like that. It sounds to me like this particular people are trying to recapture the "good old days" and you are not part of that group or part of those days and naturally it seems weird to you. I don't think it means that he is gay or interested in sexual experimentation. I think it sounds like it is important to you that he understand why you are not into this whole idea and not just that he thinks you are a prude or something but rather that he REALLY understand and can see it from your point of view. This is part of what makes marriage so tough, the communication. The sooner you learn how to express complex feelings and the sooner he learns to be able to understand, the better.

 

[MinnieM21]

Count me in as another one surprised that anyone beyond early teens would play that game.

Me too. I think the last time I played that game was when I was 12.

 

[Saphire]

Thank you for the advice.
Just for future reference.... because aparently everyone has their own ideas about red flags and such.... When I say that we are talking marriage, i'm serious. This has been one of the only red flag situations. Do you marry a man with red flags?

Well, I have been around long enough to hear the stories of dozens of couples who have gotten divorced, and I am amazed that so many of them said that there were warning signs before marriage. I am not saying to break off with him or anything like that, but just to be AWARE of future behaviour that follows a pattern similar to this recent issue...that's all. That is why we date and usually have many months of engagement, it is a testing period to see if you are a good match. We marry imperfect partners, of course, but you should know about most of (and be able to accept) those imperfections before you committ to marriage. Best wishes to you.

 

[Charade]

Your boyfriend just wants to see you kiss another girl. I wouldn't do it, that's gross! Blech!

homoantipathic!!! homoantipathic!!! homoantipathic!!!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I don't really think it's a big deal, but I've honestly never been at a party where people were playing that since I was in junior high school. Not much of a partier, me.

But I really wouldn't get upset if my SO played. He wouldn't care if I did. I just don't know any adults who play. I didn't think adults did. I really thought this was something people typically did in grades 6-9.

 

[Dopey Sharon]

I also thought this was a game played in your early teens. I've never heard of anyone over the age of 18 playing it.

I would have a problem if my boyfriend wanted to play and I'm not the jealous type. Why would your boyfriend want to kiss other girls and/or guys if he's so committed to you? It may seem like an innocent game, but I don't think it is. There are a lot of other games to play that doesn't involve kissing.

I'm sorry, but I think this is going to lead to trouble.

I have been married for almost 28 years and would have a problem if my DH suggested we play this with a group of friends.

Good luck!

 

[greenyskp]

Um, I have a question.

What kind of kissing are we talking about? Because behavior that involves the exchange of bodily fluids (yes, even saliva) is most definitely NOT a "game". I would be very, very concerned about this because it sort of opens the door to other behaviors he might think are acceptable under the umbrella of "fun". Ick.

I think it might be time for some serious discussions about what is and is not acceptable behavior, and about what behaviors he may have considered acceptable in the past. Just because he doesn't do it anymore doesn't mean you shouldn't discuss it.

I've never been scared of Saliva, and couldnt imagine living my life afraid of it. I share drinks with my friends. And after being with these people for four days. I'll know them, plus he's known them forever, therefore making them family to me.

Beleive me, weve had talks about the past. Weve both done some wild things. And some things weve done wild together. I just thought wed be on the same page. Most of my friends are male. And while I had a crush on most of them at one time, I dont have a need to kiss them. Even in a game format. I wasnt one of those kids who played Spin the Bottle. Ive played. But never understood the fun. Spin the bottle isnt something you talk about in the first couple years of dating. (though if we break up, i'll make sure to add it to my list of questions... lol ) He likes hanging out with his friends in large groups. I like hanging out with my friends one on one.

I really appreciate everyone giving me their feedback though. You guys are so great!

 

[Puffy2]

Look, swaping around NEVER works out. Never.

Take some advice from someone who is "older than the average bear" and has been there and heard it all:

He's a young guy and probably likes the idea of experimenting. Fine. Let him experiment, but if that's something YOU don't want - tell him so and be very firm about it. Don't get all emotional or whatever; just lay it on the line for him very clearly.

If he chooses to participate in such things without you, you may wish to reconsider this whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing...until he grows up. Because real men who are committed to their wives and love their families know better than this foolish crap. And even a good boyfriend would at least put your feelings over something that was "just a game" (if he doesn't, then it's NOT "just a game" because it's obviously more important to him than you are).

Also, it may be a game, but it's a dangerous one - people have all sorts of germs (herpes - for one - which could have lasting effects on you).

 

[Puffy2]

I've never been scared of Saliva, and couldnt imagine living my life afraid of it. I share drinks with my friends. And after being with these people for four days. I'll know them, plus he's known them forever, therefore making them family to me.

Oh, and hepatitis - transmitted via blood and body secretions - including saliva - can cause permanant liver damage. Don't share drinks with your friends.

 

[nativetxn]

I would not play a game like this. I participated when I was 12. Hated it. I think it's very silly for grown up people to play spin the bottle. Doesn't mean I'm right, it just means that I personally this is silly.

Also, don't share your drinks with your friends. Saliva is a body fluid and it can be very dangerous.

Katholyn

 

[chadfromdallas]

I think it's very silly for grown up people to play spin the bottle.

***Slowly removes profile from http://www.espinthebottle.com/ ***

 

[sunshine girl]

Am I the only one here who immediately thought of the movie, "Garden State" ??

A game of Spin the Bottle is featured prominently during a party scene in this movie. The movie's all about mid-twentysomethings, and it came out last year (for anyone who hasn't heard of it).

I realize this wasn't a constructive comment, but I thought I'd mention the movie since it is a very recent pop culture reference/illustration of the phenomenon in question, with the age group in question.


To the original poster: Hope you are able to sort through all your feelings on the matter, and most importantly communicate openly and comfortably with your boyfriend.

 

[caitycaity]

If he chooses to participate in such things without you, you may wish to reconsider this whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing...until he grows up. Because real men who are committed to their wives and love their families know better than this foolish crap. And even a good boyfriend would at least put your feelings over something that was "just a game" (if he doesn't, then it's NOT "just a game" because it's obviously more important to him than you are).

i agree. if you weren't in a committed relationship, that'd be one thing, but what you describe would make me upset too.

The one thing I've learned is that marriage is not all fun and games and is hard freakin' work.

AMEN! a committed relationship with someone is hard work. i know i am not perfect and dh isn't either. the important thing though is that we work through our problems TOGETHER and we care if the other person is upset, even if we don't understand it. that is what bothers me about your post. your bf doesn't sound very respectful of your feelings.

 

[Tiziminchac]

Spin the bottle is so immature! You should stick to the more adult stuff like truth or dare.

 

[goofyshell]

Lissawynn-Okay I just spit coke on my monitor! "I'm too tired to kiss my dh most days, let alone a stranger!!"

 

[stemikger]

What time is it?

Time to get a new boyfriend.

 

[Brandon79]

Believe me, at age 20 you're waaaaay too young to be worried about this type situation. YOU should be kissing LOTS more guys yourself before getting worried over the one you're currently separated from. You're far too young to cut yourself off from experiencing more of what's "out there". What's the point in denying yourself the best life has to offer? If this guy you're currently separated from is "the one" that's fine, but KNOW it when the time comes, don't ASSUME it or HOPE it to be so. Only way to really know is by dating LOTS of people. Yeah, 20 is waaay too young to give up & throw in the towel. Get busy kissing some really cute guys!

 

[Gaspode]

Believe me, at age 20 you're waaaaay too young to be worried about this type situation. YOU should be kissing LOTS more guys yourself before getting worried over the one you're currently separated from. You're far too young to cut yourself off from experiencing more of what's "out there". What's the point in denying yourself the best life has to offer? If this guy you're currently separated from is "the one" that's fine, but KNOW it when the time comes, don't ASSUME it or HOPE it to be so. Only way to really know is by dating LOTS of people. Yeah, 20 is waaay too young to give up & throw in the towel. Get busy kissing some really cute guys!

Hope you aren't serious! What's wrong with being totally committed to someone at 20? I was 17 when I started dating my (now) fiancé and he was 20. We are now 22 and 26 and like i say, engaged to be married next year. We have never been with any other people nor felt the need to kiss others nor felt like we are "denying ourselves the best life has to offer". Yeesh.

Anyways, to the OP I say STB isn't something I've ever come across but I think that's cos its not such a popular thing here in Britain. As someone who is not a big 'party' person I wouldn't have joined in (at any age) anyways. However, I do think that your bf probably sees it as 'just some fun' and if he has said you dont' have to play it and he won't then thats fair enough. That being said, just keep an eye out for similar things in future that perhaps he doesn't back down on before you get engaged/married but really from your posts I dont' get a sense that he wants to experiment with others or disrespect you.

Hope it all works out
Gaspodé

 

[poohandwendy]

Sounds like he is too immature to be considering a serious long term relationship...not so much because of the game, but the fact that he doesn't seem to get why you may not want to partake in it with all of his friends. And because he still is into this sort of experimentation. If he is committed and mature, he would be so over that sort of stuff. JMHO