Spending money...

[Maggie'sMom]

you wouldn't want your daughter to bring something back for your kids that didn't get to go diseny with their dad...

I only have one daughter, but if I did have other kids.... no. I have no expectations of getting gifts. If my DD wishes to bring me, and these hypothetical other children I might have, a gift from a trip, she is welcome to do so. But no, I don't ever expect gifts.

 

[STAYC18]

If my child was going to Disney with her father, step-mother, and her siblings from that relationship, I would most likely not give her any spending money. She would be going with her father. If I, her mother, took dd to Disney, I would expect to fund the vacation fully, including spending money. Another reason that I would not give her money is because it would not be fair to her siblings that are going. It would not be fair that she would have more money to spend than her siblings (I would assume all the kids would get an equal amount of money?). I would also tell my dd to use the money her father gives her on whatever she wants to buy. I would not expect her to buy me anything. Now, let's say that I wanted a particular coffee mug from Disney, then yes, I would give her (or her father) a $20, say "Don't forget my Mickey Mug" and send her on her way.

Now if I took my child to Disney, gave her a set amount of spending money, and she decided to spend her money on a gift for a family member at home, I would be one proud Momma.

Being said, my answer is hypothetical.

well said sibling is only 15 months...if all closer in age they could all have a set amount the girls could have an extra $20 or so to pick up gifts for their mother and siblings and step dad...that didn't have to come out set amount

 

[STAYC18]

You said "i would never send my child anywhere no matter who they were with without money". No qualifications. You stepdaughters are going on a trip with THEIR DAD. Unless you plan on opening your own wallet and giving money to your son every time he goes somewhere with his dad, even if you two are still married, then you cannot expect that your stepdaughters' mother should give them money everytime they go somewhere with their father.

omg...really...do you not understand...i'm asking if you would give money to your children going with their dad to pick up a souvenir for the other children the mother has at home (childern from a different father)....

 

[STAYC18]

I only have one daughter, but if I did have other kids.... no. I have no expectations of getting gifts. If my DD wishes to bring me, and these hypothetical other children I might have, a gift from a trip, she is welcome to do so. But no, I don't ever expect gifts.

thank you...

 

[STAYC18]

This is not the first time you have complained about your step-daughters. Once you put something on the internet, it's always there - even if deleted.

well alot has changed and now we get them every weekend because they wanted to be with us more...

and thats kinda being a stalker don't ya think...and i have not complained about them at all...so i don't know where your getting that from...

 

[Maggie'sMom]

omg...really...do you not understand...i'm asking if you would give money to your children going with their dad to pick up a souvenir for the other children the mother has at home (childern from a different father)....

No. You are the one who is failing to understand. Your stepdaughters will be with their dad. There is no need for their mom to send money with them. Period!

 

[Nancyg56]

you wouldn't want your daughter to bring something back for your kids that didn't get to go diseny with their dad...

You are making this way too complicated. The children's father is taking them to Disney. You may be paying for it but make no mistake, they are going with their father. You can make the dynamic of your family.............and these girls are your family........positive or you can make them struggle. The girls know their siblings are not going on this trip, they know that in two families they are different. If you really want to create strong bonds you will stop trying to showcase the differences between your own child and the children your husband created with another woman and make those kids your own. Offer to shop with them to buy their mom and siblings a gift. Don't make them try to choose. Stop trying to make their mother conform to whatever you have decided is proper. It is petty.

No. You are the one who is failing to understand. Your stepdaughters will be with their dad. There is no need for their mom to send money with them. Period!

Exactly. You have tried to make these children less than your child in their father'e eyes as well as their eyes. And I must say that I did not come to this conclusion from this thread alone. I remember your previous thread and while I did not look for it I remember the tone you took in regards to "having" to take these kids.

 

[mvazul]

well alot has changed and now we get them every weekend because they wanted to be with us more...

and thats kinda being a stalker don't ya think...and i have not complained about them at all...so i don't know where your getting that from...

Well, then, I apologize and am happy for the girls that they get to see their father more often. However, I do stand by my comments that I feel you are being petty. And will drive a huge wedge between all of you if you don't get over whatever issues you have with their mother.

Most definitely not stalking you. I remembered other posts you had written. I did a check to make sure it was you before I commented.

 

[mvazul]

You are making this way too complicated. The children's father is taking them to Disney. You may be paying for it but make no mistake, they are going with their father. You can make the dynamic of your family.............and these girls are your family........positive or you can make them struggle. The girls know their siblings are not going on this trip, they know that in two families they are different. If you really want to create strong bonds you will stop trying to showcase the differences between your own child and the children your husband created with another woman and make those kids your own. Offer to shop with them to buy their mom and siblings a gift. Don't make them try to choose. Stop trying to make their mother conform to whatever you have decided is proper. It is petty.



Exactly. You have tried to make these children less than your child in their father'e eyes as well as their eyes. And I must say that I did not come to this conclusion from this thread alone. I remember your previous thread and while I did not look for it I remember the tone you took in regards to "having" to take these kids.

Very, very well said!

 

[declansdad]

you wouldn't want your daughter to bring something back for your kids that didn't get to go diseny with their dad...

I thought your husband was the girls' father? Are you trying to say he and his exwife have kids that live with her that won't be going with you?


And how old are the kids that are going with you?

 

[duffy]

Wonder what the father has to say about all of this? He seems to be very disconnected from all of his children: isn't paying anything for this trip, but is willing to go along for free. Can't he give some of his money to the girls? He isn't spending any money for his own trip, why not use it for them?

(I find it very odd that you are careful to distinguish that you are paying the $4,000 that the trip costs, all yourself, by the way. Why isn't he putting money to the trip?)

Or is that not the point? Is the point that when the girls take out the $20 bill to pay for the magnet, that the money came from their biological mother, and not from him? Is every dime that he spends on his girls, one less dime spent on your son?

 

[STAYC18]

You are making this way too complicated. The children's father is taking them to Disney. You may be paying for it but make no mistake, they are going with their father. You can make the dynamic of your family.............and these girls are your family........positive or you can make them struggle. The girls know their siblings are not going on this trip, they know that in two families they are different. If you really want to create strong bonds you will stop trying to showcase the differences between your own child and the children your husband created with another woman and make those kids your own. Offer to shop with them to buy their mom and siblings a gift. Don't make them try to choose. Stop trying to make their mother conform to whatever you have decided is proper. It is petty.



Exactly. You have tried to make these children less than your child in their father'e eyes as well as their eyes. And I must say that I did not come to this conclusion from this thread alone. I remember your previous thread and while I did not look for it I remember the tone you took in regards to "having" to take these kids.

How come the children aren't allowed to call me MOM then...i find it bizare that i'm suppose to call the girls "my children" but their not suppose to call me mom...my son calls me mom...

 

[declansdad]

How come the children aren't allowed to call me MOM then...i find it bizare that i'm suppose to call the girls "my children" but their not suppose to call me mom...my son calls me mom...

What in the world are you talking about now?

You have some serious issues with you husband and his ex. UNfortunately it sounds as if you are taking it out on these kids.

 

[Allison]

Wow. Your last posts shows a lack of maturity. As a biological mother and a stepmother, you really need to get past that for the good of all the children involved and your marriage. With that kind of attitude, you may very well be the ex-wife some day too.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

How come the children aren't allowed to call me MOM then...i find it bizare that i'm suppose to call the girls "my children" but their not suppose to call me mom...my son calls me mom...

Who has said they can't? My DD calls her stepmom her mom. And I'm happy that she feels she comfortable doing so.

 

[STAYC18]

oh i can't use the words step-children, but I can only be labled as a step-mom...

yay that's fair....

 

[STAYC18]

Who has said they can't? My DD calls her stepmom her mom. And I'm happy that she feels she comfortable doing so.

their mother...my oldest DAUGHTER said that i was her second mom once and the mother flipped out on me saying you will never be their mother and they are never to call you their mom...

all i said was ok

 

[Mickey Fliers]

oh i can't use the words step-children, but I can only be labled as a step-mom...

yay that's fair....

Life isn't fair. They are the child. You are the adult. Start acting like it.

 

[Allison]

Who cares about "fair" when it comes to proper parenting? Believe me, it's not about fair when you are a parent.

 

[mjkacmom]

Honestly, I would have to have a pretty good and strong relationship with my xDH's new wife to not be hurt if my kids called her mom (hypothetically speaking, since I'm married to DH). DH calls his stepmother mom, but his real mom passed away when he was little. His older sisters call her by her first name - love and respect her a lot - but they felt disloyal calling another woman mom, and their stepmother is fine with it.

I don't call my IL's mom and dad, either. They are the best IL's anyone could possibly have, but I only have one mom and dad.