Spending money...

[marmalade]

well thank you all for not answering a simple question...

Almost everyone answered your question.

 

[blmcdowell]

Here's my take on it - and I've got all sorts of blending. I am "mom" to 5 girls total. 3 are mine from two previous relationships (14, 13 from a way too young marriage & 9 from a long term relationship), 1 is my DH's from a previous relationship (13) and we have a daughter who is almost 1. This is our first WDW trip but we've been a blended family for 4 years now (well, more if you count dating, etc).
All the girls are mine - in fact, I'm lucky that, while my DSD lives with her mom, she tells people all the time she has 2 moms. It is not uncommon for us to pick her up for a visit (about 10 weeks total out of the year due to distance) and find a gift for one of us or one of her sisters that she has bought while with her mom. It is not uncommon when she is with us for us to take her shopping to get gifts for her mom for the next event (birthday, Christmas, Mother's day). If she wanted to get her mom something while we're at WDW - more power to her, we'd be glad to do it (within reason). We do NOT expect anything when she goes on vacation with her mom. With my older girls, there is no relationship with their father so it is a non-issue. They've had zero contact in almost 2 years. With my 9 year old, we'd feel the same as we do with my DSD.

That said, everyone has to do what is right for them. I don't know your situation and I know that there are definitely "other parents" that are not easy to interact with.

 

[RitaE]

Cripes. It is a $4000 trip and this $20 is soooooooooo important to you that you're going to go on a fit trying to insure that "your" money isn't used by the "stepchildren" to buy "that Mother" a present. Let's face it, it isn't the $20 that has your panties in a wad, it's your resentment that those kids make you feel about taking what you think they have no right to claim --- being part of you husband's family.

Send me your paypal address and I'll donate $20 so your stepkids can buy their Mom a present on vacation.

There ya go. You don't have to spend a single dime on those souvenirs.

 

[Metsfan520]

Cripes. It is a $4000 trip and this $20 is soooooooooo important to you that you're going to go on a fit trying to insure that "your" money isn't used by the "stepchildren" to buy "that Mother" a present. Let's face it, it isn't the $20 that has your panties in a wad, it's your resentment that those kids make you feel about taking what you think they have no right to claim --- being part of you husband's family.

Send me your paypal address and I'll donate $20 so your stepkids can buy their Mom a present on vacation.

There ya go. You don't have to spend a single dime on those souvenirs.

 

[whiteout]

Cripes. It is a $4000 trip and this $20 is soooooooooo important to you that you're going to go on a fit trying to insure that "your" money isn't used by the "stepchildren" to buy "that Mother" a present. Let's face it, it isn't the $20 that has your panties in a wad, it's your resentment that those kids make you feel about taking what you think they have no right to claim --- being part of you husband's family.

Send me your paypal address and I'll donate $20 so your stepkids can buy their Mom a present on vacation.

There ya go. You don't have to spend a single dime on those souvenirs.

 

[surrealrain]

I would give the kid some spending money.

 

[Magic Mom]

Cripes. It is a $4000 trip and this $20 is soooooooooo important to you that you're going to go on a fit trying to insure that "your" money isn't used by the "stepchildren" to buy "that Mother" a present. Let's face it, it isn't the $20 that has your panties in a wad, it's your resentment that those kids make you feel about taking what you think they have no right to claim --- being part of you husband's family.

Send me your paypal address and I'll donate $20 so your stepkids can buy their Mom a present on vacation.

There ya go. You don't have to spend a single dime on those souvenirs.

OP, get over it. Have your husband....the girls' FATHER...give them some spending money. Let them spend it the way they want to spend it. I can't believe you would begrudge two little girls buying their mom a present if that's how they want to spend their money. You would think you would be happy to have such thoughtful stepkids.

 

[Desert Dwellers]

Quote:
Originally Posted by STAYC18
geeze....sorry...i just would never send my son somewhere with no money no matter who he was with...

Originally Posted by STAYC18
OK did no one see my second post....WE ARE GIVING THEM SPENDING MONEY AND I NEVER SAID THE MOTHER HAD TO SUPPLY ALL THEIR SPENDING MONEY....

Tone is hard to read sometimes on a forum. There are things we can do to help the reader's perception of our tone. OP, I might suggest relying a little less on ellipses. Honestly, the way you use them, it's like you're inserting eye-rolls. It makes you come across as petty, when that may not be your intent.

 

[declansdad]

so they should use their spending money which will be about $50 on souvies for mom and siblings... i just wanna make sure cuz I will not have extra money for it... $4000 trip you think she could them give 20 bucks or so...really...and before people bite my head off I am funding this trip not my husband...

If that is what they want to do with their spending money why not? You do say it is their spending money.

 

[declansdad]

Almost everyone answered your question.

Apparently not the right way.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I feel sorry for your stepchildren. I'm a stepmom of 2 adorable kids and I can't imagine treating them the way that you seem to treat yours. Their Mom and Dad (my DH) do not get along at all but we have sent back gifts and souvenirs that the boys wanted to buy while they were with us for their Mom and half-sister.

Heck, I was with the boys at the store a couple of visits ago and they mentioned that a certain type of candy was their Mom's all-time favorite kind and that they couldn't find it anywhere in the area they lived in. We bought some for her and the boys ended up eating it. I made a trip back to the store before they left to buy some more just for them to take home to her. I don't expect the boys to bring money with them to visit their Dad unless they are saving up for something special and want to go buy it while they are with us.

You are only driving a wedge between you and your husband by treating his children like they are second class citizens. These are his CHILDREN. They were his long before you were. Give them the respect that they deserve and one day they will return it. If you don't, you are just setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery.

 

[STAYC18]

If that is what they want to do with their spending moneym why not? You do say it is their spending money.

and that is fine...they can buy what ever they want...my question was would a mother give her children spending money to buy their half siblings and step father with whom they live with souvenirs....

Quote:
Originally Posted by STAYC18
geeze....sorry...i just would never send my son somewhere with no money no matter who he was with...

Originally Posted by STAYC18
OK did no one see my second post....WE ARE GIVING THEM SPENDING MONEY AND I NEVER SAID THE MOTHER HAD TO SUPPLY ALL THEIR SPENDING MONEY....

Tone is hard to read sometimes on a forum. There are things we can do to help the reader's perception of our tone. OP, I might suggest relying a little less on ellipses. Honestly, the way you use them, it's like you're inserting eye-rolls. It makes you come across as petty, when that may not be your intent.

yes, i understand that now in regards to my first post...i should have gone into more specifics...that being said on my second post my question was could/should/would a mother give some money to the children to pick up their half slibings and step father souvenirs...I did say we were giving them spending money.... but is seems everyone thought we (me and their father) were not giving them ANY spending money and wanted the mother to front all that...and i'm sure i even said that if they didn;t buy anything for them i would buy a few small items for them to take home to them...

but when people don:t try to understand the question and just jump to conclusions...yeah i might get a little offensive...i love my step kids and want them to be able to buy the things they want for themselves...i know them they are gonna want everything (who doesn't)...i don;t resent them or this trip that people may think...

OP, get over it. Have your husband....the girls' FATHER...give them some spending money. Let them spend it the way they want to spend it. I can't believe you would begrudge two little girls buying their mom a present if that's how they want to spend their money. You would think you would be happy to have such thoughtful stepkids.

I'm pretty sure i NEVER said they weren't allowed to buy their mother something... i think it would rather nice of her to provide them with some money in order for them to buy their mother, half siblings and step father souveniers...and not make them use their own spending money on it...but you know what, if she don't... i will buy them a magnet and some candy to bring back to them...

I would give the kid some spending money.

are you saying, if you had two kids and they were going to Disney with their dad, you would give them money to bring back their half siblings and step father something.... (which was a orignial question),,,,cuz why would it their dad's responsibilty to buy for his kids half siblings and step dad...

Cripes. It is a $4000 trip and this $20 is soooooooooo important to you that you're going to go on a fit trying to insure that "your" money isn't used by the "stepchildren" to buy "that Mother" a present. Let's face it, it isn't the $20 that has your panties in a wad, it's your resentment that those kids make you feel about taking what you think they have no right to claim --- being part of you husband's family.

Send me your paypal address and I'll donate $20 so your stepkids can buy their Mom a present on vacation.

There ya go. You don't have to spend a single dime on those souvenirs.

you might wanna donate an extra $20 you forgot they have to bring their half siblings and step dad back something too...

Here's my take on it - and I've got all sorts of blending. I am "mom" to 5 girls total. 3 are mine from two previous relationships (14, 13 from a way too young marriage & 9 from a long term relationship), 1 is my DH's from a previous relationship (13) and we have a daughter who is almost 1. This is our first WDW trip but we've been a blended family for 4 years now (well, more if you count dating, etc).
All the girls are mine - in fact, I'm lucky that, while my DSD lives with her mom, she tells people all the time she has 2 moms. It is not uncommon for us to pick her up for a visit (about 10 weeks total out of the year due to distance) and find a gift for one of us or one of her sisters that she has bought while with her mom. It is not uncommon when she is with us for us to take her shopping to get gifts for her mom for the next event (birthday, Christmas, Mother's day). If she wanted to get her mom something while we're at WDW - more power to her, we'd be glad to do it (within reason). We do NOT expect anything when she goes on vacation with her mom. With my older girls, there is no relationship with their father so it is a non-issue. They've had zero contact in almost 2 years. With my 9 year old, we'd feel the same as we do with my DSD.

That said, everyone has to do what is right for them. I don't know your situation and I know that there are definitely "other parents" that are not easy to interact with.

i understand....for fathers day, christmas, birthdays i take the girls to get presents from them for their dad and their step dad does the same for thier mom from them...

my question to you though is...if your 9 year old was going someplace so cool with his dad would you give him some money to pick up his half siblings and step dad for which he all lives with a trinket of the trip... or make him just use the money his dad was giving him for spending to bring them back something...knowing something for 6 people would pretty much take most of his spending...

i think my step children's half siblings would love to see their sisters come back from disney with gifts for them from their favorite characters or what ever...

 

[declansdad]

and that is fine...they can buy what ever they want...my question was would a mother give her children spending money to buy their half siblings and step father with whom they live with souvenirs....

No it wasn't, this was:

Question: if your children are going to Disney with their dad would you send them with spending money....

 

[STAYC18]

Apparently not the right way.

no its just everyone assumed i wanted the mother to front all their spending money and thats not what i said....

i asked if your children were going to Disney with their dad whould you give them money to bring back their half siblings and step dad a souvenir....its a simple yes and no questions...but everyone has to over analyze and insinuate false accusations about my feelings for my step children...cuz believe me if i did not like them, i would not be taking them on a lavish trip...cuz my husband would of rather had them for few days over the summer and go to a local water park...but not me this is an amazing trip that they are gonna absolutly love and i can't wait to do it with them...

 

[declansdad]

no its just everyone assumed i wanted the mother to front all their spending money and thats not what i said....

i asked if your children were going to Disney with their dad whould you give them money to bring back their half siblings and step dad a souvenir....its a simple yes and no questions...but everyone has to over analyze and insinuate false accusations about my feelings for my step children...cuz believe me if i did not like them, i would not be taking them on a lavish trip...cuz my husband would of rather had them for few days over the summer and go to a local water park...but not me this is an amazing trip that they are gonna absolutly love and i can't wait to do it with them...

I don't think anyone said that at all, well except for you. Many of your posts do come across as saying you would rather not take your step kids, heck one even made it sound like you didn't want to take your husband. From some of the comments posted this sounds like a common tone from your posts.

 

[STAYC18]

No it wasn't, this was:

yeah and one person replied which said wouldn"t the father take of that...

and thats when i posted the second post to say what i really meant noticing i should of been more detailed....

 

[Maggie'sMom]

and that is fine...they can buy what ever they want...my question was would a mother give her children spending money to buy their half siblings and step father with whom they live with souvenirs....



...

I'm pretty sure i NEVER said they weren't allowed to buy their mother something... i think it would rather nice of her to provide them with some money in order for them to buy their mother, half siblings and step father souveniers...and not make them use their own spending money on it...but you know what, if she don't... i will buy them a magnet and some candy to bring back to them...

Except you did say:

....but i would hate for them to use their spending money to buy their mother, step dad, and 2 siblings souvieres (sp)...thats all...

 

[mvazul]

and that is fine...they can buy what ever they want...my question was would a mother give her children spending money to buy their half siblings and step father with whom they live with souvenirs....



yes, i understand that now in regards to my first post...i should have gone into more specifics...that being said on my second post my question was could/should/would a mother give some money to the children to pick up their half slibings and step father souvenirs...I did say we were giving them spending money.... but is seems everyone thought we (me and their father) were not giving them ANY spending money and wanted the mother to front all that...and i'm sure i even said that if they didn;t buy anything for them i would buy a few small items for them to take home to them...

but when people don:t try to understand the question and just jump to conclusions...yeah i might get a little offensive...i love my step kids and want them to be able to buy the things they want for themselves...i know them they are gonna want everything (who doesn't)...i don;t resent them or this trip that people may think...



I'm pretty sure i NEVER said they weren't allowed to buy their mother something... i think it would rather nice of her to provide them with some money in order for them to buy their mother, half siblings and step father souveniers...and not make them use their own spending money on it...but you know what, if she don't... i will buy them a magnet and some candy to bring back to them...



are you saying, if you had two kids and they were going to Disney with their dad, you would give them money to bring back their half siblings and step father something.... (which was a orignial question),,,,cuz why would it their dad's responsibilty to buy for his kids half siblings and step dad...





you might wanna donate an extra $20 you forgot they have to bring their half siblings and step dad back something too...



i understand....for fathers day, christmas, birthdays i take the girls to get presents from them for their dad and their step dad does the same for thier mom from them...

my question to you though is...if your 9 year old was going someplace so cool with his dad would you give him some money to pick up his half siblings and step dad for which he all lives with a trinket of the trip... or make him just use the money his dad was giving him for spending to bring them back something...knowing something for 6 people would pretty much take most of his spending...

i think my step children's half siblings would love to see their sisters come back from disney with gifts for them from their favorite characters or what ever...

I normally only lurk every once in awhile on this board, but good gravy!! Don't you get sick and tired of writing half siblings and step-dad??? I am SO glad my husband is not like this. He calls my son, from a previous marriage, HIS son. And our daughter? He is her BROTHER! Not half anything. Not step-anything. We are a FAMILY.

I truly feel sorry for your husband's children. You see them once a month and this is what you are worried about??? $20 extra for souvenirs for their FAMILY??? I absolutely LOATHE my ex-husband (for many reasons I won't get into here). But you know what? We have picked up small souvenirs when on vacation for our son to give to him when he had visitation. It's called teaching love and compassion and thinking of someone other than yourself. You have so much hate oozing out of every pore. It's not healthy. For any of you.

Lighten up. Enjoy those girls. I certainly hope you are allowing them to be SISTERS to your son. Some day, you and your husband will be gone. I hope you are not creating an irreparable relationship between the three kids. Resentment is a horrible thing for kids to learn.

Good luck!

Michelle

 

[STAYC18]

I normally only lurk every once in awhile on this board, but good gravy!! Don't you get sick and tired of writing half siblings and step-dad??? I am SO glad my husband is not like this. He calls my son, from a previous marriage, HIS son. And our daughter? He is her BROTHER! Not half anything. Not step-anything. We are a FAMILY.

I truly feel sorry for your husband's children. You see them once a month and this is what you are worried about??? $20 extra for souvenirs for their FAMILY??? I absolutely LOATHE my ex-husband (for many reasons I won't get into here). But you know what? We have picked up small souvenirs when on vacation for our son to give to him when he had visitation. It's called teaching love and compassion and thinking of someone other than yourself. You have so much hate oozing out of every pore. It's not healthy. For any of you.

Lighten up. Enjoy those girls. I certainly hope you are allowing them to be SISTERS to your son. Some day, you and your husband will be gone. I hope you are not creating an irreparable relationship between the three kids. Resentment is a horrible thing for kids to learn.

Good luck!

Michelle

ok so what am i suppose to call my husbands childrens mothers two other children from the guy she is married to now...

 

[STAYC18]

Except you did say:

yeah meaning that buying all 4 of them something might take up most of their spending...

why wouldn"t a mother giver her children some money to buy their half siblings something...