Spanking

I did use the word whipping and later said that I should not have. What she did was a spanking with a belt. She did not beat her kids.

I even said "whipping" brings to mind pictures of something much worse than what I meant and that I needed to correct that. It implies beating. Not what happened at all. She used a belt where others may use their hand.

My use of a word tells you what happened in house you have never been in, in a place you don't know with a family you have never met? Wow. Some skills you got there.

So why is the other side so defensive about their stance? You can't pick the side you disagree with and decide they defend their opinion because they are wrong.

Has anyone else noticed that the "anti-spanking" crowd is the one that is insulting those who disagree with them? Calling them "ignorant", "lazy", or "defensive"?

LOL... as someone who was actually just insulted, when all I did was quote their post and point out what they said, never once insulted or demeaned them in any way... so, yeah, it is interesting.

Saying that folks are acting defensive is not an insult... it is akin to saying that someone is upset, or happy, or sad. I have not called a single person an idiot or lazy, however it has been implied by LuvsJack that I have 'some skills'. And while I do agree that have have lots of Skills... i doubt that poster was being 'complimentary'...
 
Has anyone else noticed that the "anti-spanking" crowd is the one that is insulting those who disagree with them? Calling them "ignorant", "lazy", or "defensive"?
I haven’t posted in this thread until now so I don’t belong to either of the crowds you’re describing.

I would venture a guess the strongly-worded posts in opposition to it are due to the fact that children (whether one’s own or not), and the perceived abuse they might be subjected to, evokes very strong feelings in those that are commenting against it.
 
LOL... as someone who was actually just insulted, when all I did was quote their post and point out what they said, never once insulted or demeaned them in any way... so, yeah, it is interesting.

Saying that folks are acting defensive is not an insult... it is akin to saying that someone is upset, or happy, or sad. I have not called a single person an idiot or lazy, however it has been implied by LuvsJack that I have 'some skills'. And while I do agree that have have lots of Skills... i doubt that poster was being 'complimentary'...

It wasn't a compliment or an insult. Just an observation.

I was not insulted by anything you said. I fully admitted that I made a mistake. But then I don't think the pp meant you in the first place.
 

YOU are the one who brought it up and used her as an example of spanking is great. I'm sorry but using a belt or any other object to "spank" is abusive to me. I also think slapping your kids up side the head is beyond the pale and out right abuse.

Oh dear Lord. Where did I say it was "great"? I used it as an example of not being able to foretell how someone will turn out if they are spanked. Period. I didn't say her style of parenting was the end all and be all. I didn't say I followed her example. I didn't suggest that others follow it.

Is abusive "to me". Again, your opinion. Don't want to spank or paddle or whatever? Then don't!
 
I was just a little uneasy about seeing a child having their trousers dropped down and then spanked. In the same way I'd rather not see a child relieve themselves in line - both are a little OTT if you see what I mean? It's just a personal thing, no judgement as such.
Sorry about being confused on my last post, @Domo. I thought that you saw a child get spanked and then I reread it and I see that you said that "the family behind me came darn close to it". Was the child spanked or were you just afraid that s/he might be spanked in line?
 
It's still legal here. You can sign something saying you do not want your child to be paddled. And you can specify who can and can't do it. I signed one for a few years that stated only the principal could paddle my kids as I did not want to allow a certain teacher to have that right. They never received one anyway so it wasn't necessary.
I think this is really interesting! Inspired a spinoff.

Do you think maybe the poster meant “better off” in that your life would have been better & easier at least in childhood? I didn’t post it so I don’t know what he/she meant. Although it sounds like you overcame things & you said it shaped who you are, I’m sure you would agree that other children should not have endure that even though you were able to overcome it. Maybe that’s what’s meant by better? And I think that’s where I have a problem with it all. What you endured sounds extreme so it’s more obviously abuse, but the severity of corporal punishment can be subjective. So what someone thinks is extreme other ppl think are ok & necessary. We saw that just in this thread. I have seen many parents justify some pretty harsh things in my experience. Things that don’t quite meet the level of the abuse you endured but that were reportable to child protection. In most cases, these parents really thought what they were doing was ok & many made remarks like “nothing else works with him” and/or “it’s my child...it’s no one else’s business”. Most of them were not accidents b/c they lost their temper. For most, it was their form of discipline. I’m not talking about a swat on the butt. Child protection’s bench mark for the most part is did it leave evident marks. Some of the things I’ve heard on this thread could leave marks & would be reportable to child protection & considered child abuse no matter what anyone’s personal opinion is of it.
I can only speak from my own experiences, and fortunately, really nobody I know was ever severely physically abused (that I know of, or can think of right at this moment). But in reading these types of responses, I do think of this. My mother is 92 years old, and she, to this day, is still traumatized by some of the experiences she had in childhood. She doesn't always talk about them, necessarily, but living with her and interacting with her all the time, I see it in the way she is, and the way she sometimes acts, her responses to things, etc. So I find it hard to understand that someone who was physically abused in childhood would not have any sequelae at all from those experiences. I suppose personality type plays a big part, i.e. Some people are more sensitive or stoic than others, but still, traumatizing events often stick with people throughout their lives, and it's also not to say that they can't overcome them to some degree. Just, at our core, there can still be some lingering hurts there. And just to clarify, I am not talking about an occasional swat on the butt here, I am talking about severe physical abuse.

There is a big difference between physical experts and psychological experts. A lot of the science for mental health is still theoretical and new opinions come out yearly, hence the continuing education requirements. What is considered the right way to discipline a child today is only valid until a new study comes out to contradict it.
I can't really agree with this. Although opinions can be revised from time to time, on many recommendations it doesn't happen yearly, especially on pretty mainstream issues. It's also not WHY professionals are mandated to take continuing education requirements - those are because professionals are lifelong learners in their fields, and continuing study is required on a broad range of subjects, not necessarily on yearly changes on one subject.
 
This thread in a nutshell.
I think it’s also b/c logically ppl know it really doesn’t make sense to be allowed to hit a child when hitting anyone else is unacceptable. But, then that may go against their own personal experiences so they don’t want to admit that maybe it’s not the best. What’s interesting is I doubt that there are many (if any) ppl who were not spanked who later chose that for their own kids.
 
Nope. I just don't see the point in discussing anything with someone who believes that parents who use spanking are somehow inferior or uneducated. I'm neither of these things and my 21 year old somehow survived his childhood although according to your studies he should be some sort of violent outlaw by now.
I don’t feel like you have read the studies b/c no one is saying that. Isn’t possible that your 21 y/o turned out great despite your mistakes? I know I have made mistakes in parenting & yet DS is fine (as far as I can tell). It doesn’t mean that what I did was right & that I would advise others to go ahead & just do it b/c he was ok. I think we all strive to be good parents & when there is a lot of info telling us that maybe our techniques aren’t the best, we should look at them & say hmm maybe the experts could be right vs well I did it. I know I do for many things.
 
Nope. I just don't see the point in discussing anything with someone who believes that parents who use spanking are somehow inferior or uneducated. I'm neither of these things and my 21 year old somehow survived his childhood although according to your studies he should be some sort of violent outlaw by now.

Jaycee Dugard also seems to have survived her childhood and not turned into a violent outlaw do I guess kidnap, rape and imprisonment are also ok right? I mean she turned out ok.

Right?

It's called assault when adults hit one another. But it's okay to hit your child, who you presumably love the most in this world. It will never make sense to me.

This ^

Has anyone else noticed that the "anti-spanking" crowd is the one that is insulting those who disagree with them? Calling them "ignorant", "lazy", or "defensive"?

So calling people superior was meant as s compliment?
 
Logic is the same. The pro group spanking are saying that their opinion is supported by the fact that they were spanked and turned out ok and that they spanked their kids and those kids turned out ok.

Sure thing. You think what you want.
 
Explain to me the difference?
If your defence for hitting your child is that you were hit and turned out ok, then how can that same defence not apply to Jacyee Dugard?

I'm not getting into this with you. You very well know the difference and chose the most extreme case you could think of to try to bait people. But I'm not biting, so have a nice day.
 
I'm not getting into this with you. You very well know the difference and chose the most extreme case you could think of to try to bait people. But I'm not biting, so have a nice day.

It’s not baiting people, it’s making the point.
The “I did it to my kids and they turned out fine” is not a valid argument to support the use of spanking.
Millions of children have absolutely horrific things happen to them and turn out fine, it doesn’t mean that those things were ok.

How would you respond if your boss spanked you? I’m pretty sure you would call it assault-so why are
You ok with the same thing being done to children-by people much larger than them.
 
I was just a little uneasy about seeing a child having their trousers dropped down and then spanked. In the same way I'd rather not see a child relieve themselves in line - both are a little OTT if you see what I mean? It's just a personal thing, no judgement as such.

But that isn't at all what you said in your OP. You said the mother got close to spanking her kid. Nothing about her dropping his trousers down and getting spanked. That is much different.
 
I did use the word whipping and later said that I should not have. What she did was a spanking with a belt. She did not beat her kids.
I even said "whipping" brings to mind pictures of something much worse than what I meant and that I needed to correct that. It implies beating. Not what happened at all. She used a belt where others may use their hand.
My use of a word tells you what happened in house you have never been in, in a place you don't know with a family you have never met? Wow. Some skills you got there.
So why is the other side so defensive about their stance? You can't pick the side you disagree with and decide they defend their opinion because they are wrong.

I'm confused. How is "spanking with a belt" different from whipping? If you swing a belt with a force equal to what you would do with your hand, noting happens. I know, because I just tried it up against the couch. To get a belt to hit at all, you have to use some pretty significant force. You know, like whipping.

It's called assault when adults hit one another. But it's okay to hit your child, who you presumably love the most in this world. It will never make sense to me.

ITA. In response to all this, "and I/they turned out alright," to me it's not a question of how anyone turns out or the effects on a person's future. The issue to me is that YOU HIT SOMEONE, INTENTIONALLY. I don't care what your reasoning or purpose was for doing it, or how you turn out in the future. It's assault when you do it to an adult, so why is it OK to do it to a kid?
 












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