I was amazed to see a thread on this subject, as most persons are so divided when it comes to this topic. I do not cast any judgement on others whom choose to punish using this method, just an opinion of why my DH and I chose otherwise. Personally, I have never spanked my child (DD), for a variety of reasons. My husband has easily refrained from using this form of punishment as well. It's something we agreed upon well before she was even conceived. I feel the main reason, is the "loss of control" it would represent for me/us (with regards to the situation). We have always preferred to try different tactics, such as distracting her from possible problems when she was very young, and lacked the cognitive to fully fathom the consequences of her actions. As she became older, we used time-out (seldom) for actions negating such a response or discipline.
Hitting, and/or the use of any physical violence (SPANKING definitely falls under this definition) has always seemed like the "easiest" and most basic/primal response for many people. To "lash out" and subject our child to an uncontrollable fit of anger/rage would be completely unacceptable. We have personally witnessed parents go completely "over the edge/boundary" when in the heat of the moment (bordering abuse). Hitting, is never acceptable. Hands are for HUGGING and PRAYING...not HITTING. Spanking a child, IOHO, inflicts irreparable damage to the soul and psyche. It is humiliating and degrading, and cuts to the core of self-esteem. It is a drastic form of control, nothing less, nothing more. It sends a clear and negative violent message, thus setting the stage for a repeat in the cycle. Children never, ever forget the "feelings" associated with these events. Some incidents, scar/haunt them permanently, well into adulthood.
This is especially true when it comes to females. I feel a male figure, spanking a female child/daughter in a dominating effort to extract control, sends a confusing message about love (and his role in her life). A father's role is to "protect" and love his daughter, unconditionally. When he disciplines her by SPANKING, and then professes his sorrow, regret and love--it's a foolproof recipe for disaster. When this child becomes a woman, she may willingly accept abuse from a male figure (just as she did as a child). It may become the only way she "knows" how to love. This abuse may not only manifest through physical violence, but in verbal abuse as well. Her self-esteem and sense of worth has been irrevocably undermined. The approval and assurance she craves evaporates with each flailing strike. I'm sure, if a study was conducted, many of the women in abusive relationships, were either abused or spanked as children. There are so many other means of disipline/structure to use on your children, which exact healthy results.
I have always believed the only thing separating my daughter from myself, is "LIFE EXPERIENCE." My DH holds the same theory. Therefore, we have always viewed her as a viable person, only much smaller than ourselves...but never less significant or important. We have always permitted/encouraged her to express views which are drastically different from our own, or others. We have embraced her sense of self, creativity and individuality. She is a true gift from God, but not a possession. We provide structure, balance and guidance. Not control.
Our DD is currently 17. She has attended private Catholic school her entire academic life. She is in the top of her class, and is preparing for college next fall. Many of the schools she has applied to (early app...most non-binding) are top-ranked private colleges. Most, are not in this state. She and I are off at the end of this month, on a fact-finding mission in London & Paris for a few weeks. She is MOST interested in attending college in ENGLAND. We have appointments/tours with admission personnel at Oxford, Cambidge and many other top universities in this wonderful Country. She is elated at the possibilities which await her, and the endless roads such choices result.
As much as we both wish she were not leaving, we can not help but feel a sense of accomplishment as parents. We must have done something very right. She has such a compelling sense of independence and esteem, we're constantly in awe of her every move. She is amazingly adept at maintaining a packed schedule which not only includes all AP classes, but community service and steel drum band performances. She's organized and responsible, taking on anything and everything which comes her way. She has the confidence not only to go away to college, but to another country (seemingly a WORLD away). She is a true child of God, and the world now awaits her arrival (just as we did, so many years ago). She stands on the cusp of full autonomy, embracing the prospects.
I can not help but feel the "absence" of spanking throughout her early development had a tremendous and lasting impact on her character and personality. It is said we gift our children with two important things in this life: ROOTS and WINGS. A strong ROOT foundation and a sense of continuity is certainly VITAL in gaining the courage to venture out in search of one's self. BUT, even more important, are the WINGS. As strong as they appear on flight day, they were extremely difficult in the making. They developed one fragile and delicate feather at a time. Through all the ups and downs of life, they continued to flourish and expand. We were ever careful and conscientious of the importance of these wings, even in a subliminal sense. Somehow...the significance remained ever discernible, just under the surface of our parenting techniques. We always knew..."broken winged birds can not fly."
Hi. How many children do you have? Your DD sounds very special. .
I currently have one child, DD (But am pondering another....hmmm). 
Yes, she is a pure delight, and never ceases to impress/amaze me (a daunting task...neither easily achieved). I still believe you "reap what you sow" in this life (nothing less/more). 
Always great to SEE you on this forum. 
