Spanking , hitting kids

I am smart enough to parent without spanking.
IMHO that's a somewhat smug/condescending attitute. While you might have been lucky enough to have a child that doesn't need that sort of threat, I tend to think your own "cleverness" has very little to do with the subject, your luck has a lot more.
There are plenty of kids out there that without the threat of a quick smack on the backside run wild over their parents.

While I know there are some people who use spanking as a first resort, the vast majority of parents who use it, do so as a last resort. Do you honestly think that the majority of people who spank their kids do so because they like doing it? Instead of sitting their smug, in your self rightiousness, you should try to place yourself in the position of a parent whose child doesn't respond to your "smart" methods, whose child is willfull and disobedient to the point of endangering themselves. Given a willful child and the threat of them climbing on a 20 foot wall, running in the road or playing on railway lines what would you NOT do to get their attention and make them cease doing dangerous things?
 
Why is spanking the only way to get a child to stop a dangerous behavior? When my child ran into a parking lot, I grabbed him and yelled at him that was dangerous. He got more upset by this than when I gave him a swat. Now I don't yell very often, so when I did he got the message.

I'm a big believer in logical consequences, so we often remove my son from the situation (timeout), make him clean up a mess or take a toy or tv away. If he hits his little brother and we spank him as punishment, what kind of message is that sending? That when someone does something he doesn't like, he should hit them. He is doing very well following rules at preschool and overall is a delightful child. It does take a little more work and thought than spanking does, but it is what works for our family.
 
You attribute your success to being spanked?
I was spanked. I had success too. I didn't like the spanking
and I don't spank. Did you like being spanked? Do you think
your parents could have successfully parented you without it?
I am smart enough to parent without spanking. Is that because
I was spanked? I can not bring myself to bragging about being
spanked. Curious about why you and others here can. Care
to expound?
You didn't like being spanked? Well, I guess that was the point, don't you think? Did you like any punishment you received? Do you give punishments that your children like?

My parents, who spanked me on occasion (see my signature), were smart enough to know that a small amount of short lived pain would be all that is needed to keep me from thinking I ran the show and it worked. I was not beaten, not abused. I didn't like being spanked, that was the POINT.
 
After leaving teaching, I ran a day care for infants and toddlers for over 15 years. I worked directly with small children every day. Obviously, I would not have been allowed to hit any one of them, even if I had believed in spanking ( which I do not ). And yet I maintained a safe healthy loving environment day after day after day for most of the child's waking hours. Something the parents had every right to expect me to do. And they had every right to demand that I do such, without ever laying a hand on their child.

So my question is this: I am sure most of you would readily agree that anyone else hitting your child would be a huge no no. So if you expect someone else to be able to do the job without hitting, are you not admitting that the job can be done effectively without physical punishment?
 

Why is spanking the only way to get a child to stop a dangerous behavior?
I don't think anyone said it was the only way. Why do people assume that parents who have spanked their children do not use other methods as well?
If he hits his little brother and we spank him as punishment, what kind of message is that sending? That when someone does something he doesn't like, he should hit them.
The message that is sent is that your parent is not going to put up with your behavior. I was occasonally spanked and I never hit anyone at school or elsewhere when they did something I didn't like. Maybe if you raise a child to believe they are the authority they will behave as you describe with their peers, but I was raised that adults were the authority.
It does take a little more work and thought than spanking does, but it is what works for our family.
Glad to hear you feel so good about your parenting methods, we should all do what works for our family.
 
So my question is this: I am sure most of you would readily agree that anyone else hitting your child would be a huge no no. So if you expect someone else to be able to do the job without hitting, are you not admitting that the job can be done effectively without physical punishment?
I spanked very rarely, it set the stage for who was the authority which carried over to babysitting type scenarios. Other people are not raising them when they 'watch over them', so I disagree that they are 'doing the job'.

I am very sure it can be done without physical punishment. It can also be done without any form of punishment, just not very well, IMHO.
 
Originally posted by faithinkarma

So my question is this: I am sure most of you would readily agree that anyone else hitting your child would be a huge no no. So if you expect someone else to be able to do the job without hitting, are you not admitting that the job can be done effectively without physical punishment?

You are a care giver... children respond differently to those who are not their parents. I as a child, would listen to ANYONE, except my mother. Why? It was a challenge and I LOVED a challenge, and believe me, I paid for some of those challenges :teeth: I was spanked! However, I was a child who didn't mind being spanked, and alot of the time, my mother would spank, I would laugh, she would FUMIGATE!!!

Now... my kid does it to me :rolleyes: so I learned quickly, that isn't the way to go, because she, like I did, likes pain. :rolleyes:

Going to the dentist as a child was um, one of the things I looked forward to, just for the needle. So, spanking was a bonus.

ETA - I got paddled in school a few times too. But that was back when they could do that.
 
Keep in mind that I chose to leave a much higher paying job to do child care because I truly believed I could make a difference in the lives of the children I touched. The suggestion that an ineffective job was done is insulting to say the least.
 
You are a care giver... children respond differently to those who are not their parents.

That is a fair answer. I would suggest that they respond differently because they know they can. The answer to "why is Johhny misbehaving?" is usually " because he can".

I am not pontificating here, although I recognize that it sounds as though I am. This is something that has intrigued me for a long time. My own children were always reasonably well behaved and respectful. They would never have behaved the way I see some children behave. And yet I never hit or threatened to hit them. Were they afraid of something else? Why did they behave so well? It is something I have discussed with them now that they are grown, and I still have no real answer.
 
Did not say that your job was ineffective, just saying that you are not the parent and children respond differently to those who are not the parent. My DD's teacher NEVER has a problem with her, I have a constant battle, because she is always testing me because she can. Has nothing to do with ineffective or effective, has to do with role in their lives. I have the utmost respect for people who deal with 20 kids all day long, I personally could NOT do it without committing myself! There is NO way! My kids had the best babysitter in the world when they were little and I always asked her how she did it. She said "alot of patience" I have NO patience, so that job is a definite NO NO!
 
Did not say that your job was ineffective

You were not the one who said it. My next post addressed your comments, which I thought were quite valid.
 
The suggestion that an ineffective job was done is insulting to say the least.
I don't think it is ineffective , but it is not the job of raising them. Apples and oranges. (and I never said child care givers were ineffective, btw)
I am not pontificating here, although I recognize that it sounds as though I am. This is something that has intrigued me for a long time. My own children were always reasonably well behaved and respectful. They would never have behaved the way I see some children behave. And yet I never hit or threatened to hit them. Were they afraid of something else? Why did they behave so well? It is something I have discussed with them now that they are grown, and I still have no real answer.
I am sure it is a combination of many things. Just as my parenting methods are a combination of many things...I have the same result, different methods. Why is it so hard for people who do not spank to understand that people who do also use many other methods as well? (directed at everyone, not only you FIK).

I totally respect that other parents do not use spanking as a parenting method as I don't agree with all of the other discipliary methods out there. I just don't understand why people act so superior over parents who do spank (comments about being smarter, thinking more, working harder than those who spank). I guess if that makes you feel good about yourself all the power to you, but it is distasteful, IMHO. We all love our children (I assume), we all want what is best for them. We all make our own choices. (using 'you' in the general sense here, based on comments from many different 'spanking' threads just like this one...)
 
poohandwendy

All I can say is that I hope that my posts are not coming across in the same tone as yours are this morning. Obviously one of us is in a very bad mood. In case it is me, I am now going to back out of this discussion.
 
Can we go back to about page 5? Things were so civil then. I myself am choosing not to post because too many of these posts are annoying me. Especially that one about being smart enough to know how to discipline your kids without spanking. Yeah, I am not going to go there....
 
FIK, I am in a great mood this morning. If my posts have offended you it was not my intent, I apologize. I totally respect people who work with children, it is a wonderful thing that many people could never do (dealing with all sorts of children AND parents for one thing). I believe caregiving and teaching are totally different than parenting though. And I respect that not all poeple spank, I just get tired of hearing over an over that those who don't spank 'care more, think more, worker harder', it gets old. Hell, I don't spank anymore...haven't for years and could count on my hands how many times I did when my 3 were younger. It just is about making personal choices. We all have the best interest of our children in mind, or at least I suspect so. Of course we all think we are 'right', that is why we do what we do....

again, don't mean to offend, I really respect your opinion. nd I respect that we do things differently. We all have something to bring to the table.
 
Originally posted by faithinkarma
You were not the one who said it. My next post addressed your comments, which I thought were quite valid.

OOps, sorry, I missed that next post, I just didn't want to be the one who offended.

Anywho... children are mini mind-game players, BECAUSE THEY CAN! And my DD is the FIRST to use that line! :rolleyes: She will be 12 and she is the most polite kid in school (she HAS her days!) she is also Bi-Polar and ADHD, ODD, and PDD. She has ALOT of issues, and MANY people see how she is with ME and they want NOTHING to do with her! Most of the time, she is ONLY like that with me. I am her threat, I am the one who will pull the reins on her! She knows that. She might fight it, but in the end, she knows.

Kids are kids, they are all different and all respond differently to punishments. My other DD who is 10, all I need to do with her is LOOK at her and that works. Is there really a right way or a wrong way to punish children? No 2 people will ever agree and it will always be a debate. :)
 
Originally posted by shortbun
You attribute your success to being spanked?
I was spanked. I had success too. I didn't like the spanking
and I don't spank. Did you like being spanked? Do you think
your parents could have successfully parented you without it?
I am smart enough to parent without spanking. Is that because
I was spanked? I can not bring myself to bragging about being
spanked. Curious about why you and others here can. Care
to expound?

No. I said I was successful DESPITE my being spanked. Another poster suggested that since I was spanked, that I should be an emotional wreck with low self-esteem. They said I might never recover.

Please go back and read the posts carefully. We are not bragging about it. We are merely saying that to say that spanking will ruin your child is not accurate.

I am smart enough to parent without spanking.

Then surely you can understand our point of view, even if you do not agree with it.

Ted
 
Originally posted by faithinkarma
After leaving teaching, I ran a day care for infants and toddlers for over 15 years. I worked directly with small children every day. Obviously, I would not have been allowed to hit any one of them, even if I had believed in spanking ( which I do not ). And yet I maintained a safe healthy loving environment day after day after day for most of the child's waking hours. Something the parents had every right to expect me to do. And they had every right to demand that I do such, without ever laying a hand on their child.

So my question is this: I am sure most of you would readily agree that anyone else hitting your child would be a huge no no. So if you expect someone else to be able to do the job without hitting, are you not admitting that the job can be done effectively without physical punishment?

:worship: :worship: :worship: Actually I'm groveling at your feet. Your point is very well made. Thanks for making it and thanks for taking such good care of those little ones.:wave2:
 
I've been thinking about this and - OK - I'm ready to get blasted for saying this - but I really do think spanking is wrong. I can't help it. I'm not saying this to disrespect anyone's parenting, but if this is a spanking debate, I have to say I think it's wrong.

I tend to think that one day we'll look back and be shocked that we ever hit kids just like we are shocked we ever beat them with canes or sent them to work in grade school. Spanking is just a kind of barbaric idea to me....
.....most of you don't like political correctness on this board. I can't be politically correct and say what I think people want me to say about it. I don't think it's every parents' choice (well it is, but I don't think it should be). I just think it's wrong.

Like I said, I'm just being honest in a debate.:D
 
Hey, I respect your honesty Aunt Polly, I just disagree. I don't think that anyone has the right to decide what is wrong for other parents. I disagree that it is harmful unless excessive.

It is one thing to say that you disagree with it, quite another to think your opinion should dictate what others do.

I understand your thinking that 'we' will someday look back on it and think it was wrong...I feel the same way about what I see as a current trend of people giving in to their child's every want and treating them as mini-adults. Others may disagree.
 


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