Son's wedding

[Nevergrow'nup]

Just wondering how others have handled the expenses and helping to pay? The reception will be in parents backyard. We are planning to meet with her parents soon but am still trying to get used to the idea.

 

[njcarita]

Just wondering how others have handled the expenses and helping to pay? The reception will be in parents backyard. We are planning to meet with her parents soon but am still trying to get used to the idea.

I know when my husband and I got married 25 years ago..... my parents pd half........ his parents nothing....... and me and my husband split the other half...................... so back than it was 10,000 my parents and 10,000 me and my than fiance................... most of the wedding i have been to lately the bride and groom were the ones who paid for their own wedding.......parents helped some...........

 

[minnierocks]

Its been awhile but I paid for my wedding...my parents bought my cake only. My DH's parents paid for the bar and bartender. They also paid for the rehearsal dinner. DH paid for our honeymoon. I am not certain that there is anything that can be considered the norm these days...you will find that everyone does it differently. I will say that you need to know what you can financially do before meeting, and stick to it. Don't get sucked into spending way more than you can or want to...that can create underlying tension that will last for years.

 

[Happyjen27]

I think you should take a sincere look at your budget and see if you have anything you can contribute to the cause. Ensure you can contribute with a free and open heart, and money you can only afford. Anything that causes you hardship or worry shouldn't be given, your son wouldn't want that.

For our wedding my husband's family paid for about half of it. I don't come from money. My mother hosted a really nice brunch for family and friends at her home the next day, that was all she could contribute, and that was fine with us. When my husband proposed, he knew I came from a poor family, and we both knew that we wouldn't accept any money from my parents. My mom didn't offer however, because she is wise and reasonable and honest with herself and others.

My husband and I were planning on paying for all of it ourselves, so the money from his parents helped make it a much nicer event.

 

[brymolmom]

I bet you'll get answers all over the board on this one. I am amazed to still find people who say (sincerely) 'I have 3 daughters...That's 3 weddings to pay for'. That's so old-fashioned to me, but I guess to some it still holds true (I know that if the groom's parents and my daughter EXPECTED my husband and I to foot the whole 'traditional' bill, I would be quite peeved).

What I PLAN to do with my own kids (one of each) is take an assessment of my financial situation and give them a set amount of $, let's say $5,000 or $10,000 and let them do whatever they want with it. If they want to use it toward a reception, fine - if they want to take a nice honeymoon instead, fine. But both kids will get the same amount and it will be what we can EASILY afford or save for after the engagement. I will NOT go into debt for my kids' weddings.

So that's my best advice, offer to pay for whatever you can easily afford for the wedding. A backyard wedding isn't as expensive to begin with - So you can either offer to pay a set amount or maybe half of the catering bill or something like that.

DH and I paid for our own...For the most part, my mom gave me my dress ($300) as a gift and she also paid for the flowers (maybe $500 or so). But neither dh's parents nor my own had much money...So obviously we would never have expected or asked for much from them. That's important to me too - I expect my kids to be aware of our situation and to act accordingly. Nothing makes me more angry than when a 25 year old woman will plan a $30,000 wedding, expecting her parents to pay (and they are old fashioned and expect to do so) - when the parents are no where near being able to afford that. IF she and the parents expect them to pay for it - well then, plan a nice SMALL wedding that fits more into their budget OR save and pay for it yourself. OK - rant over.

 

[MAJPLO]

My dad gave us a set amount, my mom paid for my dress (partial actually because I exchanged the first dress she paid for for one that was a little bit more expensive), DH's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner and gave us a small amount to go toward flowers. Everything over that we paid for on our own, including honeymoon.

 

[2fit4fatmom]

Just wondering how others have handled the expenses and helping to pay? The reception will be in parents backyard. We are planning to meet with her parents soon but am still trying to get used to the idea.

My husband and I didn't do a big wedding, my parents paid for a hotel and a cake and a nice dinner: -)

But typically (with my sisters) they paid reception costs, flowers, photographer, all the wedding line up.... pretty much everything (except the brunch put on by in-laws) and most of the honeymoon. We are LDS so the Temple is where you get married (free) and the reception is elsewhere. not sure if that's typical of others so thought I'd throw that out there.

 

[JessM]

I'm not married yet but I'm at the age that a lot of my friends are. My friends whose parents can afford it are helping them with their wedding. One friend got a set amount from her Dad to use as she wished. 2 of my friends getting married this fall parent's are paying for their reception, they are handling their cake, decor, honeymoon etc. One other friend of mine is lucky and having the whole bill, even his groomsmen suits, paid for by his bride's family (lots of money).

My parents have talked to me about it and I think they will pay for my venue and dinner service when I get married. I'll have to cover the cake, dress, booze, decor and dj.

 

[HM]

It's been 25 years since we got married. My DHs parents paid for a rehearsal dinner and groom's cake. They paid for the tuxes for the wedding. The rest of it was paid by my parents. Our wedding cost no more than $5000 altogether.

 

[msmama]

If I remember correctly, "traditionally" the grooms parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and alcohol at the reception.

My (ex)in-laws were very into doing the rehearsal dinner so I let them roll with that (it was a way to get MIL off my back as far as I was concerned, no that your future DIL would ever think that about you )

As for my parents, my mom gave me some money. She thinks she paid for the wedding and I let her go with that, but in reality, we paid for it ourselves and banked her money (though really I guess it doesn't matter whose money went where).

 

[pryncess527]

I think you should take a sincere look at your budget and see if you have anything you can contribute to the cause. Ensure you can contribute with a free and open heart, and money you can only afford. Anything that causes you hardship or worry shouldn't be given, your son wouldn't want that.

Ditto.
My husband's family didn't pay for anything (which was fine, we did not expect them to) so I think it's very sweet that you are considering helping out.

 

[wiigirl]

My dad gave us a set amount, my mom paid for my dress (partial actually because I exchanged the first dress she paid for for one that was a little bit more expensive), DH's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner and gave us a small amount to go toward flowers. Everything over that we paid for on our own, including honeymoon.

Thats what my dad did too. He gave us a set amount.

 

[blessedby3]

When my DD got married last July, my DH and I paid for everything except for the photographer, rehersal dinner, payment to minister and honeymoon. DD's inlaws paid for those things. We had a smaller wedding (about 180 guests) and I had lots of help from friends at church who fixed the reception food and served it. A huge savings. We did as many budget friendly things as possible (printing our own invitations, programs, made our own centerpieces, etc). It was fun to see our own handiwork in most everything and it turned out beautifully.

 

[celina14]

I got married 5 years ago. My mom paid for the reception (venue, food, open bar), flowers and half my dress. My dad paid for the photographer and DJ. My inlaws paid for the rehearsal dinner and gave us a generous gift. And the rest (invitations, ceremony, decorations and favors, honeymoon, other half of the dress, etc.) my husband and I paid for. I always thought it was pretty standard for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding and grooms parents handle the rehearsal but times certainly have changed. My personal opinion would be to help out with what you financially are able to and/or what you feel comfortable with. Congrats on your son's upcoming wedding!

 

[kim929]

I planned my wedding according to what I could afford. My parents then gave me a check to help pay for it. We paid the rest.

 

[smiths02]

We "eloped." My mom is broke and DH was just out of college and enlisted in the USMC and I was in college. His parents gave us $1000 and my mom paid for a fancy dinner on our "honeymoon." My inlaws also put on a family "reception." Think like family get together for a birthday...not fancy, no alcohol, no entertainment.

We have 3 kids (2 boys and a girl). I plan to just give a set amount to each.

 

[scrapquitler]

Just wondering how others have handled the expenses and helping to pay? The reception will be in parents backyard. We are planning to meet with her parents soon but am still trying to get used to the idea.

If you can and want to help pay for the wedding, I would suggest coming up with a dollar amount that you have decided to contribute, then just tell your son, "We are willing to contribute $5000 toward your wedding" and let them figure it out from there.

When I got married, my parents and his parents each paid for the people that they invited to the wedding. My DH and I paid for our friends that we invited. My parents paid for everything that was 'my' expenses (flowers, gown, etc). The venue we used was all inclusive, that the limo, reception flowers, cake, linens etc. were all part of the per person price so splitting that stuff was pretty simple. Someone bought our invitations as a gift to us. DH and I paid for the honeymoon and photographer and my gown.

On the other hand, when my brothers both got married, they both married girls whose families couldn't afford to pay for weddings, so the both had at home receptions (one in my parents yard, picnic style, Mom and I did all the cooking, the other one at the Elks Club, my brother did all the cooking and food prep himself) and my parents paid for everything for both of their weddings except for the brides gown.

I think it depends a lot on the wedding, where it is, how big, what 'style' it is, etc. but you should pay what you feel you can afford. I think the old traditional thing about the brides family paying for everything is pretty rare these days.

 

[scrapquitler]

Just wondering how others have handled the expenses and helping to pay? The reception will be in parents backyard. We are planning to meet with her parents soon but am still trying to get used to the idea.

If you can and want to help pay for the wedding, I would suggest coming up with a dollar amount that you have decided to contribute, then just tell your son, "We are willing to contribute $5000 toward your wedding" and let them figure it out from there.

When I got married, my parents and his parents each paid for the people that they invited to the wedding. My DH and I paid for our friends that we invited. My parents paid for everything that was 'my' expenses (flowers, gown, etc). The venue we used was all inclusive, that the limo, reception flowers, cake, linens etc. were all part of the per person price so splitting that stuff was pretty simple. Someone bought our invitations as a gift to us. DH and I paid for the honeymoon and photographer and my gown.

On the other hand, when my brothers both got married, they both married girls whose families couldn't afford to pay for weddings, so the both had at home receptions (one in my parents yard, picnic style, Mom and I did all the cooking, the other one at the Elks Club, my brother did all the cooking and food prep himself) and my parents paid for everything for both of their weddings except for the brides gown.

I think it depends a lot on the wedding, where it is, how big, what 'style' it is, etc. but you should pay what you feel you can afford. I think the old traditional thing about the brides family paying for everything is pretty rare these days.

 

[Snowysmom]

When our older DS got married last year DH and I looked at our budget and savings and gave him an amount towards his wedding that we were comfortable with. We also planned and paid for the rehearsal dinner. We picked a moderately priced restaurant with a function room so it wasn't too expensive but was very nice. We also gave them some money for a wedding gift. We are giving the same amount to our younger DS who is getting married next year. I don't know what the Bride's families gave if anything and it really isn't any of my business. Older DS and his wife paid for alot of their wedding and younger DS and his fiancee expect to do the same. Luckily their weddings are not lavish affairs.

 

[SamSam]

14 years ago when our son got married we paid for the rehearsal dinner, tuxes for all the men in the wedding, hotel rooms for family that had to travel, and we also paid for the photographer because that wasn't important to the bride's dad and we felt very strongly about having good photos. It was an amazing beach wedding and we were pleased we were able to help.

Like others have said, decide how much $$ you are comfortable with and offer that, or offer specific things that you are happy to fund.