Son got teased at the playground.

[Party.Of.4-NY>>>FL]

To each his own. I still would never advocate telling a child it's ok to hit over words.

I agree that physical contact should be avoided whenever possible. Peaceful conflict resolution is always preferred.

But I also believe that this could be a "fork in the road" for the bully. Perhaps he learned a valuable lesson. Better to learn this lesson at 6 years old rather than 16, 26, 36 etc.

All 3 boys involved learned valuable lessons. I think of the 3, I'm happiest FOR the bully and all of the potential future victims of his bullying, that perhaps WON'T be victims now.

 

[pocomom]

Bullies want attention. They feel badly about themselves, so they try to make other people feel the same way. Bullies need to be ignored. Completely. Act as if they're not even there. No snappy comebacks, no punching. Just pretend as if they don't exist and go on with your business or walk away. That's the worst thing you can do to a bully because it's the opposite of what they want.

You know, this is something we say all the time, but I don't know if it is right. I mean just in this case my son did unintentially ignore him at first. The kid only moved closer , got louder. Who knows how far he would take it? I think my son's response was perfect. It visibly took the wind out of the kid's sails and then the other boy literally took the wind out of the bully's sails. Lol.
I think your job as a "victim" is just to protect yourself . My son read the situation and decided he needed to say something. I'm not sure he was wrong. I got up and started walking over because I was worried it would escalate.
As far as the other boy, you can teach a kid when and where it is appropriate to be physical in a situation. But being the kind of person that would do that for a friend, I feel like is maybe just inate good character.

 

[Klayfish]

First of all, kids can and will be mean. I'd be lying if I said I didn't tease other kids when I was young, and I'd also be lying if I said other kids didn't tease me about something or other. Like it or not, it's part of growing up. Everyone handles it differently, and kids responses are often a product of the environment they're brought up in. I know that's kind of a generalization, but it's so true.

My oldest son has been wearing glasses since he was 5 or 6. He's a sensitive kid, but a proud one. We've always told him to never let a bully bring him down or intimidate him. We teach him to not give the bully the satisfaction he's looking for...we don't say ignore him, because bullies will usually continue, we just tell him to say to the bully "OK, whatever". At the same time, we absolutely teach him to defend himself. We strongly teach him never to strike first, but if physically threatened, defend yourself. We also have him weightlifting and eating right, so he gets stronger and stronger. That'll also stop a bully cold (plus my son is a football and lacrosse player, so he needs the strength). He's 12 now and has been wearing contacts for about a year. It's much better that way. Like it or not, wearing glasses is a tough thing for a kid, so this helps avoid the whole issue and it really helps him with sports...he no longer has glasses fogging up or getting in his way under his helmet.

 

[aprilgail]

It's nice to have a friend who will stand up for you, however...we need to be really careful these days about rewarding a child for punching another. Schools have "zero tolerance" for physical violence. We hear too many stories about schools calling the police on kids who punch, kick, bite, etc. It's sad that typical squabbles between kids have turned into so much more in terms of punishment. Then you have litigious parents who will sue you if your child lays a hand on theirs. It's sad, but it's currently the climate in which we live.

Bullies want attention. They feel badly about themselves, so they try to make other people feel the same way. Bullies need to be ignored. Completely. Act as if they're not even there. No snappy comebacks, no punching. Just pretend as if they don't exist and go on with your business or walk away. That's the worst thing you can do to a bully because it's the opposite of what they want.

I have never known any bully to stop when being ignored- they certainly don't just say "oh they are ignoring me I will just stop"- NO WAY- they escalate it to worse bullying of the kid until it becomes physical!

No. Bullies need to be knocked to the ground. Otherwise they grow up to be big bullies.

TOTALLY agree!!!!

 

[HM]

Hitting my bully did change his tune when I was five. He couldn't have been nicer to me after that. I'm thinking this might help him too.

I'm actually surprised at the four-eyes term being used. I really thought kids didn't do that anymore.
Kind of like braces actually became cool, I thought glasses had to an extent too.

So sorry that happened, but I actually love both of the kids reactions and I think you should be proud.

 

[sunshinehighway]

I think many are over using the word bully. I mean a random kid one time calling another four eyes is hardly bullying.

I didn't realize "four eyes" was a thing. I didn't think having glasses was a big deal anyone. Kids buy fake glasses in accessory stores .

The new friend was awfully quick to jump to punching. I'd watch out. Kids inevitably get into arguments. I'd be concern since he seems to be quick to punch. Maybe it seems great when he's on your side but probably isn't when you say something that upsets him.

 

[cabanafrau]

I think many are over using the word bully. I mean a random kid one time calling another four eyes is hardly bullying.

I didn't realize "four eyes" was a thing. I didn't think having glasses was a big deal anyone. Kids buy fake glasses in accessory stores .

The new friend was awfully quick to jump to punching. I'd watch out. Kids inevitably get into arguments. I'd be concern since he seems to be quick to punch. Maybe it seems great when he's on your side but probably isn't when you say something that upsets him.

But he's kind, he even told the bully as much.

 

[sunshinehighway]

But he's kind, he even told the bully as much.

The son is kind, the friend is not kind (he said that himself)

 

[cabanafrau]

The son is kind, the friend is not kind (he said that himself)

Ah, I see. I have it mixed up by page three.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

It's nice to have a friend who will stand up for you, however...we need to be really careful these days about rewarding a child for punching another. Schools have "zero tolerance" for physical violence. We hear too many stories about schools calling the police on kids who punch, kick, bite, etc. It's sad that typical squabbles between kids have turned into so much more in terms of punishment. Then you have litigious parents who will sue you if your child lays a hand on theirs. It's sad, but it's currently the climate in which we live.

Bullies want attention. They feel badly about themselves, so they try to make other people feel the same way. Bullies need to be ignored. Completely. Act as if they're not even there. No snappy comebacks, no punching. Just pretend as if they don't exist and go on with your business or walk away. That's the worst thing you can do to a bully because it's the opposite of what they want.

Usually bullies stop when they are put in their place. Once they get their butts knocked to the ground they don't like the feeling so they learn not to mess with that kid at least. Bullies don't stop when they are ignored. They just keep going.

My children are allowed to defend themselves even in school. I will deal with the school, a law suit and law enforcement later if it comes down to it. But no way will my kid be someone's target.

 

[sunshinehighway]

Ah, I see. I have it mixed up by page three.

It happens. Who's kind, who's unkind, who has two eyes, who has four eyes, who can give a punch, who can take a punch....my head is spinning

 

[whitney250]

I was picked on by some older girls when I was a freshman in high school... it was relentless for almost an entire year. I finally had enough and me and the main girl that caused the trouble for me scrapped it out... once people know that you won't put up with being picked on, they tend to leave you alone. I had zero bullying issues for the rest of high school. Bullies won't quit if they're ignored, or if they get in trouble (both happened before it got physical), but they will stop when they know you aren't going to put up with it.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I think many are over using the word bully. I mean a random kid one time calling another four eyes is hardly bullying.

I didn't realize "four eyes" was a thing. I didn't think having glasses was a big deal anyone. Kids buy fake glasses in accessory stores .

The new friend was awfully quick to jump to punching. I'd watch out. Kids inevitably get into arguments. I'd be concern since he seems to be quick to punch. Maybe it seems great when he's on your side but probably isn't when you say something that upsets him.

Four eyes has been a thing for years. I remember it from when I was in school, and I am 50.

But I agree. One name calling incident does not a bully make.

 

[Magpie]

I have never known any bully to stop when being ignored- they certainly don't just say "oh they are ignoring me I will just stop"- NO WAY- they escalate it to worse bullying of the kid until it becomes physical!

I think the advice to "ignore" a bully is often not explained in a clear way. Sometimes it's even just a way for adults to shut the complainer (ie, victim) up and put the blame on them.

"Ignore" should not mean refusing to stick up for yourself, just taking the abuse without comment. If you do that, then yes - the bully will escalate.

A properly timed punch can be effective, it's true. But not all kids are going to be able to punch their opponents. Some because of draconian school rules, and others because they simply aren't physical fighters. I was one of those. Many, many people encouraged me to learn to punch. They had me practice making a fist and throwing my weak little punches at their hands. It didn't work. Punching is not my way of fighting.

Words, on the other hand! I'm good with my words. :-D

I believe ignoring a bully means not letting them provoke a hurt or angry reaction. "Ignore" is the strategic eye roll, the sigh of crushing contempt, the snarky comment that puts the bully in his or her place. Properly "ignoring" a bully is a skill that can be tough to master. It's the ability to convey both boredom and amusement at the bully's sadly ineffectual efforts to get your goat. It's an act, and when you've got it down, it's hugely effective. It gives the outward appearance of you taking the high road, while at the same time you're handily de-fanging your opponent.

I have "ignored" bullies of all ages, child and adult. I've done it on my behalf, and on the behalf of others. I remember in the Reserves, a young man was teasing a tiny Asian girl, curling up his lip at her every time she glanced their way. I got angry and the next time he looked our way I smiled at him and said sweetly (as if I was trying to be helpful), "Oh, no! Your intelligence is showing." His friends burst out laughing and he refused to look at us for the rest of the day. And after that, he was less of a jerk to her.

The problem is, we rarely explain this technique properly to kids and we almost never coach them in the skills required to pull it off. And sadly some kids will never be able to effectively master it - they wear their feelings out on their sleeve for everyone to see and exploit. They react impulsively. They can't pretend to feel something different from what they really feel. These kids are why we need to have strong adult leadership in schools, and effective anti-bullying initiatives among the students.

 

[Magpie]

Four eyes has been a thing for years. I remember it from when I was in school, and I am 50.

But I agree. One name calling incident does not a bully make.

I agree, too. Maybe it's just because of the level of bullying I endured as a kid, but I find myself irritated sometimes at how lightly people will throw that word around. Even just disagreeing with someone on a message board can get you called a bully, which I think is ridiculous.

To me, bullying is personal, sustained and targeted, and involves a power imbalance between bully and victim, either physical or social.

One isolated "Hey, four-eyes!" is obnoxious, but it doesn't, by itself, rise to the level of bullying. On the other hand, that very well-timed punch might inspire the young man in the OP's story to consider the importance of showing respect to other kids.

 

[HM]

One isolated "Hey, four-eyes!" is obnoxious, but it doesn't, by itself, rise to the level of bullying. On the other hand, that very well-timed punch might inspire the young man in the OP's story to consider the importance of showing respect to other kids.

The fact that the boy escalated his tone and position as the OP's child didn't respond does lead one to believe that this is truly a bully situation. If he'd just said it a couple times that would be a different situation.

 

[Magpie]

The fact that the boy escalated his tone and position as the OP's child didn't respond does lead one to believe that this is truly a bully situation. If he'd just said it a couple times that would be a different situation.

Given that the children didn't know each other, I would consider this just random aggression, not bullying. But that's really a matter of semantics. If someone's planning to physically assault you, it doesn't really matter what you call it.

 

[TeresaBelle]

My son got teased at the playground today for the first time in a year about his glasses.
He was playing with a new friend and another older kid was calling him 4 eyes , and he didn't respond, because I don't think he had ever heard that before (he's 6)
So the kid kept it up and finally said,"you with the glasses , you are a four eyes, four eyes" (which is also when I realized what was going on)
I stood up to walk closer.
And my son turned around , stared him directly in the eyes and said,

"YES, but I'm kind."

It just about blew me away , but then...

His new little friend said "yeah, he's kind. But I'm not" and punched the other kid and knocked him down!

His mother was horrified and made him leave immediately , but at least a tiny little part of me thought it was awesome.
Sometimes it's nice to have a good friend willing to do bad things for you.

The older boy was fine, btw, but I imagine he will think twice next time.

"Say hello to my little friend!"

 

[sunshinehighway]

Four eyes has been a thing for years. I remember it from when I was in school, and I am 50.

But I agree. One name calling incident does not a bully make.

I should have said I didn't realize it was still a thing.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I agree, too. Maybe it's just because of the level of bullying I endured as a kid, but I find myself irritated sometimes at how lightly people will throw that word around. Even just disagreeing with someone on a message board can get you called a bully, which I think is ridiculous.

To me, bullying is personal, sustained and targeted, and involves a power imbalance between bully and victim, either physical or social.

One isolated "Hey, four-eyes!" is obnoxious, but it doesn't, by itself, rise to the level of bullying. On the other hand, that very well-timed punch might inspire the young man in the OP's story to consider the importance of showing respect to other kids.

Yep.

When I was a little girl, about 6 years old, there was a 4th grade boy that would push me down. He did it almost every day. At our bus stop. He would grab my books and shove me, throwing my books in the process.

This went on for weeks. THAT is bullying.