Somewhat delicate sleep question

[Maddysdaddy]

I adore my wife. She is my life and my world. She is my best friend. She also - and how do I put this delicately - snores so loud that it feels like the .

Not an issue at home - I have spent twenty plus years automatically going to the spare bedroom or sofa after she falls asleep at night, so I had forgotten just how bad it is. She’s asked the Dr and it’s not apnea - it’s just how her airway is built.

Ear plugs just aren’t an option for me (I last about 30 seconds with them in) and neither are noise cancelling headphones (if I lay on my back instead of my front or side, then ‘I’ end up snoring and disturbing her, and it’s more important that she gets a good night's sleep).

I know the pools are close early, but could I get away with trying to catch a few hours sleep on a lounger in the middle of the night, or will security kick me out? Only other option I can think of, is throwing a blanket and pillow down on the balcony?

Ordinarily, I’d just go into the living area and crash on the sofa bed or pull down (we’re in a one bedroom), but our daughter brought a friend this time, so that’s not an option.

I can go a couple of days with minimal sleep, but nine nights is going to be an issue.

Any and all helpful suggestions are greatly appreciated.

 

[Ensusieasm]

I adore my wife. She is my life and my world. She is my best friend. She also - and how do I put this delicately - snores so loud that it feels like the .

Not an issue at home - I have spent twenty plus years automatically going to the spare bedroom or sofa after she falls asleep at night, so I had forgotten just how bad it is. She’s asked the Dr and it’s not apnea - it’s just how her airway is built.

Ear plugs just aren’t an option for me (I last about 30 seconds with them in) and neither are noise cancelling headphones (if I lay on my back instead of my front or side, then ‘I’ end up snoring and disturbing her, and it’s more important that she gets a good night's sleep).

I know the pools are close early, but could I get away with trying to catch a few hours sleep on a lounger in the middle of the night, or will security kick me out? Only other option I can think of, is throwing a blanket and pillow down on the balcony?

Ordinarily, I’d just go into the living area and crash on the sofa bed or pull down (we’re in a one bedroom), but our daughter brought a friend this time, so that’s not an option.

I can go a couple of days with minimal sleep, but nine nights is going to be an issue.

Any and all helpful suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Maybe a fan on the nightstand right next to you. The fan noise might help. The balcony idea sounds like fun too, but are there biting insects at Aulani? I once slept on the veranda every night on a cruise. No biting insects in the middle of the Atlantic. It was lovely!

 

[nw6675]

The fact you said it is more important that she gets a good night's sleep speaks volumes! That is so sweet. My suggestion was going to be to give a gentle shove, but that sounds like it won't work for you. Not that I would do that to DH...

But I vote for the balcony, too.

 

[Jangles]

Has she tried taking sinus meds before bed, the rings that are supposed to stop snoring or the plasters for the nose?

 

[DeeBee3]

I feel your sleeping pain. I use ear plugs, but I'm also a very light sleeper mainly due to young kids. I would find out about the bug situation because I would be eaten alive. Also, what would you sleep on? Would you even be able to sleep comfortably outside?

Is there any way you can bring or get an air mattress and use a separate space? Like, not near your daughter and her friend but maybe the bathroom or entryway? I don't know enough about Aulani room layouts.

 

[mort1331]

If you have a 1bdrm you could sleep in the bathroom..either in the tub or blow up mattress.
And your not the only one like this..i get blamed fot snoring..but my wife is worse and as a result if she is asleep b4 me. I sleep downstairs

 

[DLgal]

Have your wife try Z Quiet. It's a mouthpiece that you can buy at Amazon that pulls your lower jaw slightly forward to open up the airway and quiet snoring. It's made a massive difference with my husband who snores loudly. It brings the snore level down to a very mild buzzing noise which is far easier to sleep through.

Not sure what ear plugs you've tried, but I'd recommend to keep trying different brands. Wear them during the day to get used to them. I'm a VERY light sleeper and have been wearing them for over 20 years. I use Leight Sleepers (the neon yellow/pink ones). These are soft enough to not cause pain (I have small ear canals) but block 32db of noise, which is a LOT. Try this particular earplug before you swear them off altogether.

Also, a doctor cannot rule out apnea without a sleep study. Trust me on this one. My husband brought up his snoring 5 years ago to his doctor. He brushed it off but gave my husband an "at home" sleep study. It said he didn't have apnea. Years went by with my husband having worse and worse snoring, daytime sleepiness, and other symptoms. I pushed him to bring it up, he has a different doctor now. Brushed off again, told to buy OTC mouthpiece for snoring, so we got that Z Quiet, which helped, but did not eliminate it altogether and husband was still having daytime fatigue, and was now developing high blood pressure. He recently saw a pulmonologist about shortness of breath on exertion due to possible long Covid. Part of the intake was a questionnaire for sleep apnea. He scored off the charts for red flags, and the Pulmonologist ordered a sleep study at an overnight clinic. He just had that study done. He has such severe apnea that he stops breathing, on average, 40 times an hour and gets absolutely NO restorative sleep. It's so bad that they expedited his CPAP delivery and he goes back next week to do another study to calibrate the machine. The technician at the clinic told my husband that if the at home sleep study had any merit, he'd be out of a job. He also told my husband that I deserve a medal for sleeping in the same HOUSE as my husband , because his snoring was some of the loudest he has ever heard. Over the past few months, either he or I have been sleeping in the guest bed, because it's been so bad. Loud snoring is almost never "normal."

 

[koncra]

You've probably tried solutions already but in case you haven't... give one of those mouth guards a try. I snore pretty badly and nothing ever seemed to help(breath right strips, nose clips, etc) but the mouth guards do the trick. They suck for the first night or to but after that you get used to them and they feel fine.

Alternatively, get yourself some Bluetooth sleep headphones(essentially a headband with speakers) I wear those to bed because I like to fall asleep to sound while my wife prefers silence. I'm a side sleeper and they are comfortable enough to wear throughout the night and battery lasts for a few nights before needing a charge. They are like $20 on amazon

 

[HerRoyalHighness]

I have an issue with this myself...please look into this before trying it...look into a thing called mouth taping. It sounds VERY weird but works wonders for me. I started out buying these adhesive things by somnifix, but they're pricey and 3M micropore tape works just as well. Theory behind it is you get stuffy from your mouth being dry because of snoring, because your body makes more mucus to compensate for it...so you snore more.

Again...look into this before trying. But my husband and I sleep better

 

[newdeal]

I know one place NOT to sleep. The bathtub. I have tried, the snoring just echos even more loudly. It is also too small to be comfortable. I would try an oral snoring appliance although if her snoring is THAT bad then asking the doctor means nothing, they need to do a sleep study where you sleep over at a sleep lab and they monitor you all night to determine if it is apnea and I would be 99.99% sure that it is

 

[tntstults]

My husband snores very loud. I bought this eye mask that you connect to your phone and can play music, ocean sounds, rainfall, etc. It works amazingly well to drown out snoring. I listen to ocean waves.

Sleep Headphones,Auto Shutoff 3D Music Eye Mask,Bluetooth 5.0 Wireless,HD Stereo Speakers,12Hrs Playtime,TOPLANET Washable Sleeping Headphones Perfect for Side Sleepers,Insomnia,Meditation,Black https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08C7L5WL...t_i_VQHVS992JSNW01Q5BGJN?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

 

[Lilsia]

Your first mistake is sleeping in the spare room instead of getting used to it. LOL I also have the snoring problem and my husband actually has a hard time sleeping when I am gone because it is too quiet. He has just gotten used to it over the years. LOL Earplugs would have been my advice or get a white noise machine to help drown it out. Good luck.

 

[bambialways4ever]

Have your wife try Z Quiet. It's a mouthpiece that you can buy at Amazon that pulls your lower jaw slightly forward to open up the airway and quiet snoring. It's made a massive difference with my husband who snores loudly. It brings the snore level down to a very mild buzzing noise which is far easier to sleep through.

Not sure what ear plugs you've tried, but I'd recommend to keep trying different brands. Wear them during the day to get used to them. I'm a VERY light sleeper and have been wearing them for over 20 years. I use Leight Sleepers (the neon yellow/pink ones). These are soft enough to not cause pain (I have small ear canals) but block 32db of noise, which is a LOT. Try this particular earplug before you swear them off altogether.

Also, a doctor cannot rule out apnea without a sleep study. Trust me on this one. My husband brought up his snoring 5 years ago to his doctor. He brushed it off but gave my husband an "at home" sleep study. It said he didn't have apnea. Years went by with my husband having worse and worse snoring, daytime sleepiness, and other symptoms. I pushed him to bring it up, he has a different doctor now. Brushed off again, told to buy OTC mouthpiece for snoring, so we got that Z Quiet, which helped, but did not eliminate it altogether and husband was still having daytime fatigue, and was now developing high blood pressure. He recently saw a pulmonologist about shortness of breath on exertion due to possible long Covid. Part of the intake was a questionnaire for sleep apnea. He scored off the charts for red flags, and the Pulmonologist ordered a sleep study at an overnight clinic. He just had that study done. He has such severe apnea that he stops breathing, on average, 40 times an hour and gets absolutely NO restorative sleep. It's so bad that they expedited his CPAP delivery and he goes back next week to do another study to calibrate the machine. The technician at the clinic told my husband that if the at home sleep study had any merit, he'd be out of a job. He also told my husband that I deserve a medal for sleeping in the same HOUSE as my husband , because his snoring was some of the loudest he has ever heard. Over the past few months, either he or I have been sleeping in the guest bed, because it's been so bad. Loud snoring is almost never "normal."

Just want to second this about apnea. Same story here with my partner, he was just barely under the criteria for apnea on the home study, but his ENT was like "those ones are unreliable garbage but insurance man" And treated him for apnea including surgery. Now, it's like I'm sleeping next to a different human

 

[Iceman93]

Train yourself to tolerate the earplugs. It's what I had to do, and it's not ideal (I sometimes still have to go to another bed), but it has helped tremendously. My wife also has a prescription mouth guard that forces her lower jaw out, but it only helps so much.

 

[Maddysdaddy]

All good advice - but the fact that I’m typing this response out at 4 in the morning here at Aulani should tell you how things are going. I’ll try sleeping in a chair on the balcony for the rest of the night and if that doesn’t work, I’ll try sneaking down to the pool to try a lounger, and hopefully security won’t see me.

 

[gatechfan99]

I like the blow up mattress idea. There would probably be room in the hallway out from the bathroom leading to the front door to put it. Target is nearby and you could go buy one there. That would potentially put 3 doors between you and her and several walls.

 

[DLgal]

All good advice - but the fact that I’m typing this response out at 4 in the morning here at Aulani should tell you how things are going. I’ll try sleeping in a chair on the balcony for the rest of the night and if that doesn’t work, I’ll try sneaking down to the pool to try a lounger, and hopefully security won’t see me.

Amazon prime some earplugs and a Z Quiet to Aulani?

 

[GBBTomorrow]

All good advice - but the fact that I’m typing this response out at 4 in the morning here at Aulani should tell you how things are going. I’ll try sleeping in a chair on the balcony for the rest of the night and if that doesn’t work, I’ll try sneaking down to the pool to try a lounger, and hopefully security won’t see me.

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time! Would it really be against the rules to sleep in a pool lounger for a few hours? I've always thought that the POOL was closed at night, not the deck. People sleep on them during the day all the time, so if you weren't going into the water, why would anybody care? Worst case, if they wake you up tell them you were worried about all the seat savers and not being able to get a chair during the day, so you're staking out your spot now! LOL

The only other thing I can think of is to try the sleep headband earphones: these are earphones you can use if you are a side-sleeper.

Good luck to you. I know this can't be fun. Hang in there!

 

[figmentfinesse]

There are soft eye covers with headphones inside that you could use to blast white noise in your ears. They are pretty comfortable for side sleepers like myself.

 

[cmph]

Are your daughter and her friend both on the pullout couch? I wonder if you could take the mattress off the fold-down bed... my son slept on that bed and I can't remember if the mattress was attached in some manner. If you can, I would put that into the part of the bathroom with the tub, personally. Then you have your own private space with a wall between you and everyone else. Not ideal if you're really tall, b/c that is not a big bed, but it's better than trying to find an air mattress at this point.