Something to be concerned about? Update....

[KAMKIM]

I have posted about my DD8 before so some of you may know she is a painfully shy, sensitive child...always has been. Every school year has been pure hell for us both. She doesn't have many friends and has a VERY difficult time socializing with other kids.

As a toddler she preferred adults over kids her own age, well not even just adults, adults she knew and was comfortable with. At the same time she has also been very smart (no she isn't gifted and does not have an IQ of 160+) but just always ahead of the game...

DD has always been quiet/shy/smart so in most cases a teachers dream - never brings attention to herself.

for example

preschool - did not interact or play with the other kids, cried every morning, and any time I showed up at the school (like for parties) they did the kindergarten assessment which places them at an age...most preschoolers would get age 4 or 5 probably depending on when their birthdays fell..DD got a 6+ which meant she was off the chart...her teacher and I didn't expect anything less, we knew she was smart..no big deal..

Kindergarten - same thing, emotional, shy, sensitive, cried alot during class but excelled academically..

1st grade - same thing, started interacting more with other kids even to the point where she got reminded to not talk during class work time (I was secretly thrilled) - excelled academically reading level was end of year 2nd grade, so about 2 years ahead of the game...

2nd grade - still a quiet/good student - but resorted back to shy, sensitive, emotional. Teacher mentions she has organizational issues, keeping her desk clean etc, seems to be distracted/and daydreaming - she also started having hearing problems - so we thought/think - you would have to ask her to do something several times and make sure it was directly to her. Several hearing tests later and they all came back with different results...moderate hearing loss, normal, slight hearing loss, normal, moderate hearing loss...etc. ENT and I conclude maybe it's allergies....take her to the allergist - she's allergic to a few things no extreme reactions but maybe enough to affect her hearing..okay she goes on claritan at end of school year...teacher says hearing seems to be improving but again it was always, normal, not normal so we dont know if the claritan helped or not.

3rd grade - emotionally a little better than previous years especially considering it was a new school year which was always difficult for her, we've had some bad nights/days...still very shy...no new friends, feels like she is left out etc....but I sent her teacher an email this morning and asked how she was doing, socially, was she staying organize (I put a little reminder on Mondays in her assignment book to clean out her desk) and did she notice DD had been daydreaming? I also tell her about the hearing loss episodes.

Teacher writes back and says DD is interacting with kids socially somewhat during reading groups and lunch, and recess...her desk is organized and DD is cleaning it every Monday. But then she says she is glad I mentioned the day dreaming because she said DD is distracted and people watches alot during the day...and she has a hard time with transitions...reading time is over and the other kids are getting out their material for the next thing and DD is still reading - so she has to be reminded to move along to the next thing (it isn't just with reading thoguh so it's not that she doesn't want to put the book down) So I mention the hearing loss and she said she would watch for it. She also said DD is making careless mistakes on Math.


Now a few weeks ago DH asked me if I ever thougth something was "wrong" with DD - it caught me off guard, because I have thought that but either didn't want to admit it or assumed I was being the paranoid overreacting mother I usually am - especially because she is just always been known as the smart kid - so how can something be wrong with her, but something has always felt "off". Him and I talked about it and we cant pinpoint what it could be or maybe she is just socially akward....here a few off things I've noticed about her - I dont know if any of them have anything to do with the other but just some things that I think most people dont do...

She doesn't eat meat or heavily seasoned foods...she eats spaghetti no sauce no meat, tacos, no meat - just cheese and lettuce...no cereal, pizza but no pepperoni or if there is too much sauce she wont eat it...she does eat bread, pasta (no flavor), veggies (all kinds again as long as they dont have a strong taste, she'll loves cucumbers lettuce...fruits - will eat most fruits.

She is sensitive to fabrics, like all of her clothes are cotton or fleece...nothing scratchy, she doesn't like that.

Very sensitive to sound, loud noises or DD5 clapping over and over again (somtimes this drives me nuts too though) but this really upsets DD8

Cannot pay attention for very long but still does very well academically.

Gets distracted easily - people watches alot

She is very mature (when she isn't having a meltdown) for her age, seems annoyed but very interested in the other kids.

She sometimes gets very bad headaches especially when she cries which just feeds the headache and the crying - responds to motrin though

Overall her personality is pretty balanced but has a tendancy to lash out or become very emotional - extreme crying, very negative

has NEVER slept through the night.

When she was younger used to be extreme with imaginery friends, for example scooby doo - every conversation was about scooby doo - but elaborate. Like I know most kids have a favorite cartoon character, but when DD was 5 she would carry on half hour conversations about how scooby and the gang took her on this mystery and said or did this...seriously a half hour of details of something that never happened, we thought it was cute/annoying but now that my younger DD is 5 - she doesn't do anything like this.

If she tells you about a dream she's had, you seriously have to stop her because she will carry on/make up details until you really cant sit there anymore - she wont stop unless she is stopped...again in such detail that either she's lying and making up the details about the dream or has an incredible memory.

When she does play with DD5 its never spontaneous play, she will tell DD5 "okay you are underdog, say this......" DD5 complies, then DD8 will say...now say this...she is like constructing her own play - do you know what I mean? It's never just playing, I thought this was a discipline issue and have told her she isn't playing - she's controlling, its not fun for anyone but her...but now I'm wondering if it's something more.


UGH if you made this far, bless your heart. Are all/some of these things normal? Who do I take her to if it's not? Do you know any kids like this? I dont! My DN is the exact some age and not even close to her intelligence/maturity maybe because he is a boy...but he does not act like this...he seems so...simple, I dont mean that in a bad way, but he eats, sleeps, plays...almost like DD5 - kwim? DD8 seems to have so many little issues but I dont know if I should be concerned because she is so smart....

 

[Mouse House Mama]

It is so hard to be a parent sometimes. Our hearts feel everything so much.

I hate to say it but from what you have described I think your DH is right. It seems this behavior was always present even in preschool. If it was my child I would have them evaluated. I would take them to a pediatric neurologist. From what you have described (and that is all I am going on) it sounds like your child has other issues. Intelligence has nothing to do with it. I know a child that sounds very similar to what you have decribed. She has issues, the school tried to tell the mother and she doesn't believe it. The child is still struggling and it is painful to watch. You are doing the right thing by getting this checked out. You are doing what you can to make sure your DD has a great future. That is being an awesome parent. Remember though, no matter what diagnosis etc. she may or may not get, it is just a name so you know where to begin to help her.
Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Do you have my dd?

It is called anxiety with probably a dash of "something". My dd is/was the same way. She is in 7th grade and on meds/counseling now.

We did practice anxiety reducing techniques throughout elem. school. By middle school it became overwhelming for her and then I took action and got her on the right track with meds/counseling.

Should I have taken her in sooner? I don't know. It is one of those things you wrestle with as a parent.

It is hard for a 3rd grader to sit with a counselor and really understand what is happening in their brain.

 

[mjkacmom]

I would definitely have her evaluated - ask your pediatrician for a referral. Many very bright kids have some underlying disorder - ADD, SID, etc. The inability to read social cues in other children is a flag. The fact that she is interested in other children would have me concerned, because that is really going to affect her.

 

[Rafiki31]

Do you think she might interact better with children of a different age group then her own? Maybe slightly older kids? I know nothing about children, but maybe she just needs someone on her level?

 

[DVCisME]

My son is along the same lines. I would mention it to your pediatrician and see a ped. neurologist. My son is currently being eveluated for asperger's syndrome.
You might also get more replies if you put this under the DISabilities thread.

 

[paintnolish]

A lot of her behaviors sound very similar to those of a friend's son with Asperger's. I have known them very closely since he was 2-he is now almost 10.

 

[eeyore65]

I know some kids with sensory disorders and she certainly has that. That would describe the noise issues, fabric issues and food issues. The people I know have done Occupational Therapy and it has helped a ton.

Like others have said - I would try and get her assessed. Child psychologist would be able to do a battery of tests and then point you from there. We did this with DS when he was about 4 and having trouble relating to other kids. It really helped us identify the issue and then figure out how to deal with it. It also really helped us with the school because we weren't just parents saying something about our child but a 3rd party professional.

 

[wdwfan16]

This is certainly not normal behavior for a 8 year old girl. I would take to your Dr. and get recommendations from him/her as to where to get the tests done. Also check with your health insurance so you know what they will pay for.

 

[Mkrop]

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist.html


http://www.newhorizons.org/spneeds/adhd/nicholls.htm


Read the following two links:

Your DD sounds similar to DS6. He has SID.

 

[KAMKIM]

I just want to mention a few more things, 1 she has always done well during her yearly check ups, Ped knows about her eating "problem" is not concerned she is a healthy weight and slightly tall for her age 2 this was extremely difficult for me write. I have always had a gut feeling about and it kind of frightens me because I was the exact same way as a child (not the eating part though). I also know she knows she is different somehow. I cant talk to anyone else about it because they all hold her to such a high regard "your so lucky your daughter is so smart, I wish my child was like yours" etc....little do they know...plus like my mom doesn't believe in ADHD, Autism etc - in her time I guess those were the kids that just needed an extra spanking. I can assure you she is not spanked, but discipline really is not an issue in our house. For the most part she is very well behaved.

But another thing I noticed is that she is extremely neat but not organized...for example we removed a pool from our backyard and put in a new one, the old pool left a big circle of dirt obviously, it had rained the day before and it was a hot day so my nephews, and DD5 took off their shirts and were playing in the mud...DD8 stood there and looked at them like they had 3 heads, she is like this - doesn't like to get dirty but isn't organized at all. One speck of mud landed on her arm and she FREAKED, cried, and ran in the house.

 

[eeyore65]

Try and get her evaluated. Your fears may be much worse than the diagnosis.

You don't mention if she is happy. If she is happy and a little quirky that is one thing. But if she is "freaking out" and unhappy, you should really try and get to the bottom of it. I think your gut is telling you it is "something." And Mom's are very rarely wrong!

 

[KAMKIM]

I keep remember more things that may or may not be important. But last year I signed her up for a kid connection program at school. A counselor would take DD and another "friend" from class and have them play a board game once a week - in the end the counselor never really followed up with my questions but responded with - yeah she seems a little shy, nothing to be concerned about. BUT this is the type of the situation my DD would do fine in...the teachers are seeing things I'm not, and I'm seeing things the teachers are not because of the atmosphere. She doesn't have a problem transitioning at home because rarely would I ever say...you have to put the book down and do this now...obviously it's more relaxed at home.

I did look up Aspergers, I wonder...this does fit some of her issues...not all...but some.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I just want to mention a few more things, 1 she has always done well during her yearly check ups, Ped knows about her eating "problem" is not concerned she is a healthy weight and slightly tall for her age 2 this was extremely difficult for me write. I have always had a gut feeling about and it kind of frightens me because I was the exact same way as a child (not the eating part though). I also know she knows she is different somehow. I cant talk to anyone else about it because they all hold her to such a high regard "your so lucky your daughter is so smart, I wish my child was like yours" etc....little do they know...plus like my mom doesn't believe in ADHD, Autism etc - in her time I guess those were the kids that just needed an extra spanking. I can assure you she is not spanked, but discipline really is not an issue in our house. For the most part she is very well behaved.

But another thing I noticed is that she is extremely neat but not organized...for example we removed a pool from our backyard and put in a new one, the old pool left a big circle of dirt obviously, it had rained the day before and it was a hot day so my nephews, and DD5 took off their shirts and were playing in the mud...DD8 stood there and looked at them like they had 3 heads, she is like this - doesn't like to get dirty but isn't organized at all. One speck of mud landed on her arm and she FREAKED, cried, and ran in the house.

I think you already know. That is why you have that feeling. Don't let what your Mom or anyone else thinks stop you from helping your child.
As for her eating and being healthy, many kids have food issues and are healthy. I hate to say it but a lot of peds brush stuff off. Not because they mean to. It is simply because a lot of developmental information that they get about your child is from the parent. Us parents aren't always impartial. Do what you know will help your child.

 

[KAMKIM]

Well overall she is a happy kid. When its us at home she is typically laid back, not too quiet, interacts with all of us normally. She laughs and smiles alot, we play all the time, board games mostly. When we do play something like Barbies she does try to control the playing as I stated before. She is always pretending to be an animal, usually a dog - again maybe that is strange, althoguh when my nephew is over he will join in with this too.

But having said that, she really wants a friend. She is invited to birthday parties and invites friends over for birthdays at our house as well. She talks in Girl Scouts and stuff but she just always seems to be watching them and not so much interacting/giggling with them...i think she laughs because they are , but not necessarily because she thought it was funny...

 

[KimR]

Wow, your DD sounds exactly like me when I was a child. I would definitely get her evaluated because there is so much they can do these days. And if it turns out she does have some sort of condition, it is much better to deal with it now because once she starts middle school the social will issues become so much more difficult.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I just want to mention a few more things, 1 she has always done well during her yearly check ups, Ped knows about her eating "problem" is not concerned she is a healthy weight and slightly tall for her age 2 this was extremely difficult for me write. I have always had a gut feeling about and it kind of frightens me because I was the exact same way as a child (not the eating part though). I also know she knows she is different somehow. I cant talk to anyone else about it because they all hold her to such a high regard "your so lucky your daughter is so smart, I wish my child was like yours" etc....little do they know...plus like my mom doesn't believe in ADHD, Autism etc - in her time I guess those were the kids that just needed an extra spanking. I can assure you she is not spanked, but discipline really is not an issue in our house. For the most part she is very well behaved.

But another thing I noticed is that she is extremely neat but not organized...for example we removed a pool from our backyard and put in a new one, the old pool left a big circle of dirt obviously, it had rained the day before and it was a hot day so my nephews, and DD5 took off their shirts and were playing in the mud...DD8 stood there and looked at them like they had 3 heads, she is like this - doesn't like to get dirty but isn't organized at all. One speck of mud landed on her arm and she FREAKED, cried, and ran in the house.

Aww....

I have been where you are and still going thru it. Here is something that will boggle your mind.

My dd will practically have panic attacks in crowded places but can get up and do a speech in an assembly of 1000+ people.

She is also smart and a talented writer. She is just light yrs. ahead of the middle school mentality, always has been, which makes her "weird".

Thankfully she has found friends this yr. (after meds/counseling) who are similiar to her.

Middle school kids should be talking about boys, clothes, and makeup. Not them. They are discussing the origins of the universe and other philosophical topics. They just don't care about the reg. middle school drama stuff and how you look.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Be sure to mention to your pediatrician and any specialist that you might take dd to that YOU feel you were the same way as a child. Asperger's, if you weren't aware, does tend to fun in families.

I think you should listen to your gut and get your dd evaluated now.

Good luck!

 

[koolaidmoms]

Get the evaluation if only to put your mind at ease.

My DS was 5 when we finally did it. Like your DD he is advanced 156 IQ tested at 5, reading at 2nd grade level but we still felt something was not right. He loved adults and socializing with them but he also craved friends but just did not know how to do it appropriately.

He is also very literal - The teacher said to him the other day, "I am glad you are around because you keep me on my toes." DS looked at her and said, "But you are standing on your feet not your toes."

It could be something or nothing. There are a WIDE range of things it could fall under and once they figure it out where she needs help they can help her work on those skills. My DS is in a social skills group to work on peer relationships and and understanding emotions.

Whatever you decide good luck to you and your DD.

 

[padams]

The food, clothing and not playing in the mud issues are all classic signs of sensory integration disorder. An occupational therapist can assist with SID. My younger DS had some SID symptoms as a toddler and preschooler. Working with an OT helped him a lot. He is now a middle schooler who is a bit picky about what he eats and wears but he is well within the normal range for a kid.

The daydreaminess and attention span are often ADD symptoms, particularly for girls who may not have the hyperactivity component of ADHD.

You need to get her tested. Ask your pediatrician for a referral.

As for friends, do you regularly have classmates over to play at your house? She may need extra time and help in developing friendships. Just being in class with other kids at school may not be sufficient.