Something to be concerned about? Update....

[honugirl]

She sounds exactly like me as a kid. I still do some of that stuff and I still have odd behaviors. I've been diagnosed with ADD. I have the funky hearing thing, but they tell me I had super sensitive hearing before so it's normal progression. If you figure out what it is, tell me. I guess maybe I'm just destined to be weird. Some of us are you know. It's not necessarily bad. Oh and I also have weird food and clothing issues.

 

[Handbag Lady]

She sounds like a very creative kid to me.


Give her some writing materials and have her write plays and make up stories and see if that give her an outlet.

Show her how to use a movie camera and have her direct the family in a play/movie.

 

[JodyLynC]

Are you sure she is not gifted?

 

[KAMKIM]

After seeing some of the responses I called DH, and got silence when I told him I believe she may have Aspergers, I checked the checklist - for the most part, that is her.......I explained to him what it is, and that it may not even be what her issue is but that I am taking her to the ped...he says nothing. I said HELLO ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? He says well maybe I dont want to believe that something is wrong.

Anyways, so I'm already frustrated and I call my mom to run this by her (she spends alot of time with DD too)....again, I get silence! What is wrong with you people, I am choking back tears telling you what I've always thought was there but never said anything and no one will listen to me. She says...Dd is fine, she is just smart. I said you've never felt like something just wasn't clicking with her....she says no, I explain the long list of issues I made, and you know what she responded with? "You were the same way as a child" Well why didn't you do anything then!??!?

I really feel like crying,...my mom was a good mom but she was never very attentive. I dont think she would have noticed if I started growing a third eye ya know? Probably explains why I'm over analitical - is that word? with my kids...

Maybe no one looks at or listens to my DD like I do as her mom, maybe that is why I see these as being problems and no one else does? This is why I posted this - I knew someone could take a non bias look at it and say...yeah I think there is a problem, or no that is normal...

 

[Jennasis]

Could be lots of things, but for sure there are no people here on a message board who can diagnose your DD. Go to your ped and ask for a referral. Trust your gut!

Maybe she is gifted...maybe it's SID...maybe Asperger's...maybe ADD/ADHD...maybe a combo. Only a professional can tell you.

 

[KAMKIM]

Are you sure she is not gifted?

When she was an infant - early toddler years, I wondered this sometimes. Because she would remember things that I often did not remember - details, I cant even think of an example but ones that would make anyone go .

She also spoke as clearly as she does now at age 1. People were surely impressed by it.

 

[luvpoohandcompany]

Hi I think you should listen to your gut and get things checked out but I would try not to worry too much. Your little girl has parents who love and care for her and that is a great start for anyone in life. Regarding her food issues my own kids are much much fussier believe me. As long as she is energetic she's getting enough to do her. My son had problems socialising and playing with others at that age and now I'm glad to say he is a happy well adjusted 12 year old who gets on with others most of the time and understands that he cant always be in charge of the game. Hope this helps put your mind at rest. I'll be thinking of you all

 

[shirleyb]

A lot of her behaviors remind me of my oldest. He also was really bright from a young age (reading World Book encyclopedias in K and 1st grade). I also never really wanted to admit anything was "off" with his behavior, and I didn't realize until he was about 12, that I covered for his behavior. If adults spoke to him and he didn't answer, I would always jump in, etc.

When he was 12, I learned of Aspergers for the first time, and honestly, to this day I'm not convinced he's not a very mild case of Aspergers. We took him to a pediatric psychiatrist and he didn't feel that he had Aspergers or ADD (something else I was concerned with, due to his absent mindedness). He diagnosed him with anxiety. We had him on anxiety meds for about a year, until DS decided he didn't want to be on them anymore.

He's now almost 20 and I think will always be quirky, but he's functioning, and maturing. He's in the Navy, and each time I see him I see a new maturity that impresses me. I'm sure he's had issues in the Navy due to some of his issues, but he's getting there. I fully believe that when his tour is up, he'll be ready for college, which despite his intelligence, I don't think he was when he graduated from high school.

 

[luvpoohandcompany]

When she was an infant - early toddler years, I wondered this sometimes. Because she would remember things that I often did not remember - details, I cant even think of an example but ones that would make anyone go .

She also spoke as clearly as she does now at age 1. People were surely impressed by it.

Just another quick thought but if you were the same as a kid you should reassure yourself that even if there is some as yet undiagnosed problem you seem to have managed to overcome any issues it may have caused. You're a great mum and your family are lucky to have you and you need to remember that and not worry if others think you,re over-reacting. Your daughter needs you to help her get any issues resolved for her so she can be happy and confident with the world we all live in.

 

[worm761]

My DS is 13 years old. He has a diagnosis of Asperger's and ADHD. He was very borderline with high functioning autism. Your DD sounds a lot like my DS. He was 11 when we finally got a diagnosis for him. I would suggest you get DD evaluated by a pediatric neurologist. It is just a series of game type things to see how they are functioning. They will want you to answer a bunch of questions and a her teachers. What I did was started a journal and wrote things down as I remembered them. It can all be so overwhelming. The neurologist in our area is the ONLY one so it took us 9 months just for the initial interview. It is hard to think that there is something "wrong" with your kid. There is nothing wrong with mine. He is just different. His diagnosis is just a diagnosis. It is NOT a reason or excuse for anything. What it did do is help ME understand him better. It is easier to understand the annoying things that he does as just part of his personality rather than him just trying to get on my nerves. Teenagers do that. It also helped me to understand that I needed to do things differently with him. We started to teach him life skills, like laundry and cooking, at a young age. As smart as he is, he just doesn't get the simple things. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me. It isn't as bad as you think and your husband will come around. Your mother probably will not but that is ok too.

 

[englishteacha]

Some of what you describe does seem to fit on the Autism spectrum. My nephew (who is my godson) has autism and a lot of what you describe about her interactions with others are similar to what he did at that age. He'd want you to play with him but he would tell you exactly what to say or do. The storytelling is similar, too. I've worked with a lot of kids with autism at school and at camp, and your daughter has some similar tendencies as some of my students with Asperger's. It wouldn't hurt to have someone see her. It will at least give you piece of mind, and perhaps some strategies to make her more comfortable.

 

[NotUrsula]

After seeing some of the responses I called DH, and got silence when I told him I believe she may have Aspergers, I checked the checklist - for the most part, that is her.......I explained to him what it is, and that it may not even be what her issue is but that I am taking her to the ped...he says nothing. I said HELLO ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? He says well maybe I dont want to believe that something is wrong.

Anyways, so I'm already frustrated and I call my mom to run this by her (she spends alot of time with DD too)....again, I get silence! What is wrong with you people, I am choking back tears telling you what I've always thought was there but never said anything and no one will listen to me. She says...Dd is fine, she is just smart. I said you've never felt like something just wasn't clicking with her....she says no, I explain the long list of issues I made, and you know what she responded with? "You were the same way as a child" Well why didn't you do anything then!??!?

I really feel like crying,...my mom was a good mom but she was never very attentive. I dont think she would have noticed if I started growing a third eye ya know? Probably explains why I'm over analitical - is that word? with my kids...

Aw, don't be too hard on your Mom -- there wasn't really anything that she could have done then, even presuming that there was really anything to do something about. Aspergers as we now know it is a very new diagnosis. It wasn't described at all until the 1930's, and the diagnosis originally was limited to very extreme cases of "Little professor" type behaviour. It was also originally thought to be a condition that only boys had. It's only in the past 12 years or so that it has begun to be widely recognized by physicans as something that can affect both genders, and most pediatricians are still not qualified to accurately diagnose it. (BTW, you don't have to take her to the pediatrician. Just call and tell them what you think. They will almost certainly refer you to a pediatric neurologist or psychologist for testing, because a good pediatrician won't even try to diagnose anything on the autism spectrum without help from a specialist.)

I've got a 12 yo Aspie who wasn't formally diagnosed until he was 10. He's like me, and I've been exactly where you are -- looking at the checklist and recognizing both my child and myself in it. The people that love you love you, and thus they think that you are fine -- just perhaps a bit unique. Therefore your child who is so much like you has to be fine, too, because she's also just a bit unique.

Here's the thing -- she *is* fine. Asperger's (presuming that she has it) is NOT a mental illness. It is simply a neurological variant that affects social function. If she is diagnosed the people who love her will have better tools with which to understand her and to help her deal with a neurotypical world, but you won't have an obligation to "cure" her" because she it will not mean that she is sick.

For the most part you cannot "fix" Asperger's. You can only coach the child in ways to handle the expectations of others. All of us learn to do it eventually in order to function as working adults; a diagnosis just makes it a lot easier to know how to approach that learning curve and get started on working on it sooner in life.

My DS was really relieved to hear his Asperger's diagnosis. Finally he had an explanation for all of the things that didn't seem to fit in his life, and an acknowlegement from adults that he wasn't being "difficult" on purpose just for the heck of it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

After seeing some of the responses I called DH, and got silence when I told him I believe she may have Aspergers, I checked the checklist - for the most part, that is her.......I explained to him what it is, and that it may not even be what her issue is but that I am taking her to the ped...he says nothing. I said HELLO ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? He says well maybe I dont want to believe that something is wrong.

Anyways, so I'm already frustrated and I call my mom to run this by her (she spends alot of time with DD too)....again, I get silence! What is wrong with you people, I am choking back tears telling you what I've always thought was there but never said anything and no one will listen to me. She says...Dd is fine, she is just smart. I said you've never felt like something just wasn't clicking with her....she says no, I explain the long list of issues I made, and you know what she responded with? "You were the same way as a child" Well why didn't you do anything then!??!?

I really feel like crying,...my mom was a good mom but she was never very attentive. I dont think she would have noticed if I started growing a third eye ya know? Probably explains why I'm over analitical - is that word? with my kids...

Maybe no one looks at or listens to my DD like I do as her mom, maybe that is why I see these as being problems and no one else does? This is why I posted this - I knew someone could take a non bias look at it and say...yeah I think there is a problem, or no that is normal...

Whoa!!! Take a step back here.

My dd is exactly like yours and while she has her sensory issues, a even maybe a touch of Aspie, her primary problem is dealing with anxiety.

She is gifted in writing and has alot of BIG goals for herself which adds to her issues.

But that is who she is and teaching her how to love and deal with her "issues" is what it is all about.

I think you are freaking yourself out over what people are saying here.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Excellent post, NotUrsula. You make a lot of very good points.

I believe in mother's intuition, so if something about your DD is bothering you, you should have her seen. No doubt. I suggest you don't dwell on her issues by trying to diagnose her yourself. Let a professional like a pediatric neurologist figure out what, if anything, is going on. She could just be quirky, or it may be something more.

Best of luck to you, Mom.

 

[KAMKIM]

Aw, don't be too hard on your Mom -- there wasn't really anything that she could have done then, even presuming that there was really anything to do something about. Aspergers as we now know it is a very new diagnosis. It wasn't described at all until the 1930's, and the diagnosis originally was limited to very extreme cases of "Little professor" type behaviour. It was also originally thought to be a condition that only boys had. It's only in the past 12 years or so that it has begun to be widely recognized by physicans as something that can affect both genders, and most pediatricians are still not qualified to accurately diagnose it. (BTW, you don't have to take her to the pediatrician. Just call and tell them what you think. They will almost certainly refer you to a pediatric neurologist or psychologist for testing, because a good pediatrician won't even try to diagnose anything on the autism spectrum without help from a specialist.)

I've got a 12 yo Aspie who wasn't formally diagnosed until he was 10. He's like me, and I've been exactly where you are -- looking at the checklist and recognizing both my child and myself in it. The people that love you love you, and thus they think that you are fine -- just perhaps a bit unique. Therefore your child who is so much like you has to be fine, too, because she's also just a bit unique.

Here's the thing -- she *is* fine. Asperger's (presuming that she has it) is NOT a mental illness. It is simply a neurological variant that affects social function. If she is diagnosed the people who love her will have better tools with which to understand her and to help her deal with a neurotypical world, but you won't have an obligation to "cure" her" because she it will not mean that she is sick.

For the most part you cannot "fix" Asperger's. You can only coach the child in ways to handle the expectations of others. All of us learn to do it eventually in order to function as working adults; a diagnosis just makes it a lot easier to know how to approach that learning curve and get started on working on it sooner in life.

My DS was really relieved to hear his Asperger's diagnosis. Finally he had an explanation for all of the things that didn't seem to fit in his life, and an acknowlegement from adults that he wasn't being "difficult" on purpose just for the heck of it.

Good point. I will call her doc tomorrow and ask for a specialist referral. I think I would feel better knowing there is something or nothing...either way.

 

[DisneyBabies]

My niece is exactly as you describe your daughter. She was diagnosed with Aspergers several years ago, and although she still struggles in some subjects, she is doing beautifully now. Her teachers have worked out a system that helps in class without doing things in a way that make her seem "different" to the other kids. For example: In regards to having a problem switching from one task to another, the teacher assigned group helpers. Each of these helpers (including my niece) have a timer on their desk and when the timer goes off, they begin helping the others in class get ready for the next task (handing out worksheets, reminding about where they left off in their book the previous day, etc.). Hearing the timer seems to clear my niece's head and she can more easily move on to the next task. DN has only 3 friends and although some think that isn't very many, they are all extremely close to one another and they are very supportive of DN. The principal and teachers have been wonderful about implimenting the things that seem to work for DN into their classes each year (her teacher 2 years ago liked the timer thing so much, she has continued to use it in her class even though DN is no longer there) and they have made sure that one of DN's friends is in her class for the last 3 years and have said that they will continue to do so.

As a PP said: Trust your instincts! Tell your DH and Mom that even if you do get some sort of diagnosis, ther is nothing "wrong" with your daughter! She is just like many other kids (like my DN and DS who has a speech delay) who just need a little extra help. Everyone's brains don't work the same way, that's just life and as long as she gets the help she needs, that is all that matters.

OP. It can (and hopefully will) get better.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay....

Yes, it does sound like shades of Asperger's, or something similar such as NLD.

These things are very commonly co-existant with anxiety, sensory integration issues... hearing, etc...

They are also very commonly associated with difficulty with transition, novel (new) and potentially overwhelming situations.

These things can be present along with a great IQ and academic performance in the earlier grades. The issues begin to compound with the increased demands of the higher grades.

And, I see many other things here as well.

My son shows some similarities.... He may have several things going on... We are scheduled for a re-evaluation in a couple of weeks. One thing that he definitely shows is visual-processing issues. He was diagnosed, at age 7, as possible NLD. We are simply not sure at this point.

I would suggest that you do consider a thorough evaluation with an excellent and highly recommended, and objective (not local to a small town, not associated with the school, etc....) Child psychologist or neuropsychologist.

PS: I don't want to forget to say that I hope all is well and that I know how you feel as a parent when having to consider these things!!!!

 

[kirbydog48]

It sounds to me like she has issues with sensory integration. She has all the classic signs: aversion to certain textures, noise, touch, easily distracted. I would ask her pediatrician for a referral to an occupational practice to do a full SI evaluation. Or, you can ask the school to do it, but in my experience the school evals come out with the child having no problems, and therefore they don't have to provide services. Once the eval is done, give a copy to the special ed teacher and ask for an IEP meeting so accommodations can be made for her in school. The careless errors in math might mean a visual motor issue. Possibly you can have the OT who did the eval come to the meeting. This may not be everything that's going on with her, but it's a start. For more info, read "The Out-of-Sync Child". Don't try to figure this out. Get her tested, and then you'll have more information with which to help her. OT therapy can be very effective.

 

[C.Ann]

I would have a private evaluation done (with no mention of this to the school).. If there is something wrong, you can catch it early - if not, you can rest easy without always having to "wonder"..

Good luck..

 

[quentina]

I have posted about my DD8 before so some of you may know she is a painfully shy, sensitive child...always has been. Every school year has been pure hell for us both. She doesn't have many friends and has a VERY difficult time socializing with other kids.

As a toddler she preferred adults over kids her own age, well not even just adults, adults she knew and was comfortable with. At the same time she has also been very smart (no she isn't gifted and does not have an IQ of 160+) but just always ahead of the game...

DD has always been quiet/shy/smart so in most cases a teachers dream - never brings attention to herself.

for example

preschool - did not interact or play with the other kids, cried every morning, and any time I showed up at the school (like for parties) they did the kindergarten assessment which places them at an age...most preschoolers would get age 4 or 5 probably depending on when their birthdays fell..DD got a 6+ which meant she was off the chart...her teacher and I didn't expect anything less, we knew she was smart..no big deal..

Kindergarten - same thing, emotional, shy, sensitive, cried alot during class but excelled academically..

1st grade - same thing, started interacting more with other kids even to the point where she got reminded to not talk during class work time (I was secretly thrilled) - excelled academically reading level was end of year 2nd grade, so about 2 years ahead of the game...

2nd grade - still a quiet/good student - but resorted back to shy, sensitive, emotional. Teacher mentions she has organizational issues, keeping her desk clean etc, seems to be distracted/and daydreaming - she also started having hearing problems - so we thought/think - you would have to ask her to do something several times and make sure it was directly to her. Several hearing tests later and they all came back with different results...moderate hearing loss, normal, slight hearing loss, normal, moderate hearing loss...etc. ENT and I conclude maybe it's allergies....take her to the allergist - she's allergic to a few things no extreme reactions but maybe enough to affect her hearing..okay she goes on claritan at end of school year...teacher says hearing seems to be improving but again it was always, normal, not normal so we dont know if the claritan helped or not.

3rd grade - emotionally a little better than previous years especially considering it was a new school year which was always difficult for her, we've had some bad nights/days...still very shy...no new friends, feels like she is left out etc....but I sent her teacher an email this morning and asked how she was doing, socially, was she staying organize (I put a little reminder on Mondays in her assignment book to clean out her desk) and did she notice DD had been daydreaming? I also tell her about the hearing loss episodes.

Teacher writes back and says DD is interacting with kids socially somewhat during reading groups and lunch, and recess...her desk is organized and DD is cleaning it every Monday. But then she says she is glad I mentioned the day dreaming because she said DD is distracted and people watches alot during the day...and she has a hard time with transitions...reading time is over and the other kids are getting out their material for the next thing and DD is still reading - so she has to be reminded to move along to the next thing (it isn't just with reading thoguh so it's not that she doesn't want to put the book down) So I mention the hearing loss and she said she would watch for it. She also said DD is making careless mistakes on Math.


Now a few weeks ago DH asked me if I ever thougth something was "wrong" with DD - it caught me off guard, because I have thought that but either didn't want to admit it or assumed I was being the paranoid overreacting mother I usually am - especially because she is just always been known as the smart kid - so how can something be wrong with her, but something has always felt "off". Him and I talked about it and we cant pinpoint what it could be or maybe she is just socially akward....here a few off things I've noticed about her - I dont know if any of them have anything to do with the other but just some things that I think most people dont do...

She doesn't eat meat or heavily seasoned foods...she eats spaghetti no sauce no meat, tacos, no meat - just cheese and lettuce...no cereal, pizza but no pepperoni or if there is too much sauce she wont eat it...she does eat bread, pasta (no flavor), veggies (all kinds again as long as they dont have a strong taste, she'll loves cucumbers lettuce...fruits - will eat most fruits.

She is sensitive to fabrics, like all of her clothes are cotton or fleece...nothing scratchy, she doesn't like that.

Very sensitive to sound, loud noises or DD5 clapping over and over again (somtimes this drives me nuts too though) but this really upsets DD8

Cannot pay attention for very long but still does very well academically.

Gets distracted easily - people watches alot

She is very mature (when she isn't having a meltdown) for her age, seems annoyed but very interested in the other kids.

She sometimes gets very bad headaches especially when she cries which just feeds the headache and the crying - responds to motrin though

Overall her personality is pretty balanced but has a tendancy to lash out or become very emotional - extreme crying, very negative

has NEVER slept through the night.

When she was younger used to be extreme with imaginery friends, for example scooby doo - every conversation was about scooby doo - but elaborate. Like I know most kids have a favorite cartoon character, but when DD was 5 she would carry on half hour conversations about how scooby and the gang took her on this mystery and said or did this...seriously a half hour of details of something that never happened, we thought it was cute/annoying but now that my younger DD is 5 - she doesn't do anything like this.

If she tells you about a dream she's had, you seriously have to stop her because she will carry on/make up details until you really cant sit there anymore - she wont stop unless she is stopped...again in such detail that either she's lying and making up the details about the dream or has an incredible memory.

When she does play with DD5 its never spontaneous play, she will tell DD5 "okay you are underdog, say this......" DD5 complies, then DD8 will say...now say this...she is like constructing her own play - do you know what I mean? It's never just playing, I thought this was a discipline issue and have told her she isn't playing - she's controlling, its not fun for anyone but her...but now I'm wondering if it's something more.


UGH if you made this far, bless your heart. Are all/some of these things normal? Who do I take her to if it's not? Do you know any kids like this? I dont! My DN is the exact some age and not even close to her intelligence/maturity maybe because he is a boy...but he does not act like this...he seems so...simple, I dont mean that in a bad way, but he eats, sleeps, plays...almost like DD5 - kwim? DD8 seems to have so many little issues but I dont know if I should be concerned because she is so smart....

I can relate to many of these things. I recommend reading "the out of sync child"...it covers alot of the sensitivity issues etc.

Keep your chin up!