So why did you get divorced?

[MickeysMommy]

My pal, Amy, knows this already but my ex was very controlling and verball and emotionally abusive. Looking back on it now, we never should've gotten married. Oh, and his then-girlfriend, now wife, moved in about 4 months after I moved out

 

[Jennasis]

My ex was verbally and emotionally abusive. I left him 7 months after the weddign (a wedding that should never have happened, but it sort of took on a life of it's own and I felt powerless to put the brakes on). We didn't live together before the wedding, and as soon as we returned from the honeymoon things went from "I guess I can live with this" to "What have I done??" He was simply a terrible terrible human being and I was his whipping boy. I would have stayed with him even though I wasn't in love with him if he had ever just shown me a little kindness or respect, simply to honor my vows.

When I left him and got my divorce I was completely at peace with that decision.

 

[MickeySP]

Well I am divorced once & anulled once.

Anulled - I married him to spite my parents. I was 19 he was 32 Yeah took 96 days for even a 19yp to figure that one out.

I divorced my ex, well because we just grew apart. No animosity, we just arrived in 2 different places after 15 years.

We are now friends after working out left over jealousies and one attempted reconciliation.

 

[Crankyshank]

Ah I said I wasn't going to list the reasons why I'm getting divorced on the other thread, but I'll give a few of the major contributing factors:

I was young and immature at 23. We're completely and totally different people from different backgrounds. Those differences became too much as we got older and grew apart.
He was unsupportive, unfaithful (as part of a mental illness he refused to treat) and instead said it was my fault, and emotionally abusive. Over the years I became a shell of myself and quite frankly I got tired of constantly worrying about money because he spent it like water (mental illness) and wondering when the rug was going to be pulled out from under me all over again. My friends and family wondered why it took me so long to decide to divorce. Since we separated I'm wondering why it took me so long to divorce.

And it's not just men that cheat. My DBF just had his divorce hearing today. His ex flew back home to visit friends and family and told him when she returned that she wanted to divorce. Then spent the next 6mos changing her mind before he told her to go. He suspected she reconnected with someone when she visited her family. She confirmed it last month when she found out he and I were dating.

 

[JCJRSmith]

That's easy - my ex-wife and I were into completely different things:

I was into building a secure, happy future for us and our daughter, and trying to be the best husband I could be.


She was into sleeping with other guys.

Worked out okay though. I have been happily married to for almost 23 years, have three wonderful kids (the daughter I had with my ex-wife, and then a son and daughter with my wife), and three terrific grandkids.

She has gone thru a succession of failed relationships and has pretty much turned into a sour, miserable person

Karma

 

[skiingfast]

Nothing was my fault. Of course not.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

I hear ya, sorry about that, but sounds like it worked out for the best.

See ladies, its not just us.

Of course it's not. My SIL was flagrantly cheating on my brother. She even took their kids out to breakfast with one of her "friends". DB got home from work, heard they were out to breakfast, went to the diner and actually sat down next to the guy. He asked his "wife" if she wanted to introduce him to her "friend". She declined. She's as equally disgusting as my ex, IMHO.

I also have an old friend whose wife was pretty blatant with her escapades, too.

I think the reason that most of the stories are about cheating husbands simply because women are just chattier and need the commiseration. Of course, I could be wrong about that.

 

[rie'smom]

My first husband was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive. He gave zero indication of these tendencies when we were dating for 2 years. It took about 10 days of being married for these behaviors to emerge.

 

[NMAmy]

Thanks to everyone for sharing their reasons. It seemed as though instead of speculating, we should check with the fairly large sample group right here for some real reasons for divorce.

And to everyone who is going through it right now: Those who haven't been through it often speak of how easy it is to divorce. There are many of us who know that it's usually not easy in the least, no matter what the reason.

 

[snapppyd]

So where are all the posts saying it's because the wife wasn't taking care of business, dressing up, etc. According to the other thread men cheat because their wives are not "attentive" enough.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

That's easy - my ex-wife and I were into completely different things:

I was into building a secure, happy future for us and our daughter, and trying to be the best husband I could be.


She was into sleeping with other guys.

Worked out okay though. I have been happily married to for almost 23 years, have three wonderful kids (the daughter I had with my ex-wife, and then a son and daughter with my wife), and three terrific grandkids.

She has gone thru a succession of failed relationships and has pretty much turned into a sour, miserable person

Karma

Ain't karma a biotch?

My ex is going through his second divorce (cheated on wife #2, too); has been living with and booted out by 2 different girlfriends since he and wife #2 split up almost 3 years ago; is currently living with someone but won't even introduce her to his own family. One would think she'd see that as a huge red flag but I guess she's still ensnared in his web of lies. She'll eventually come around and he'll be out on his keister yet again.

Me - I'm quite happily single and raising our son to be a much better man than his dad could ever dream to be. And I don't plan on changing that in the near (or far) future.

 

[DAISY DUCK FAN!]

Infidelity.

Truly though, looking back....we were just plain wrong for each other. I was pregnant and he attempted to do the right thing. Just couldn't begin to work. I was very immature and so was he in different ways.

So, he told me to get out with our 1 year old son & that he wouldn't come back til I was gone. That was that.

10 years later I married my incredibly awesome husband. Being married to him is truly the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

[MomRN]

He cheated and got another girl pregnant, 3 months after our "wedding." Really, the whole thing was a big mistake, and I had a lot of growing up to do (I was 19).

I'm currently still married to my second husband, but I don't know where it's going. Once again, I still had some growing up to do (at 25). He was a better decision than the first, but I've changed. Greaduated college, got a big girl job with big girl responsibilities, and became a mom. He's self-absorbed, and quite frankly lazy. Hasn't worked in over 5 years.

This one is harder, because I think we were meant to be friends. We really do have a good personality match, but our values are at two extremes. Only time will tell.

 

[nuke]

That's easy - my ex-wife and I were into completely different things:

I was into building a secure, happy future for us and our daughter, and trying to be the best husband I could be.


She was into sleeping with other guys.

This is me except I'm into building a happy future for us and our son and he is into sleeping with other women. I'm waiting for the karma to kick in for him.
I figure once the divorce is final and he's actually single he won't be as attractive to the married women he's screwing around with.

 

[IdesOmarch]

So where are all the posts saying it's because the wife wasn't taking care of business, dressing up, etc. According to the other thread men cheat because their wives are not "attentive" enough.

I'm glad you all think that is such a stupid, nonsensical theory that couldn't possibly have one ioda of a grain of truth in it.

 

[snapppyd]

I'm glad you all think that is such a stupid, nonsensical theory that couldn't possibly have one ioda of a grain of truth in it.

I'm asking where the proof is? Please don't put words in my mouth.

 

[IdesOmarch]

I'm asking where the proof is? Please don't put words in my mouth.

Proof? I'm a man, and I'm telling you it is true. We men know these things. Do you want to talk to a list of my guy friends that are either cheating, or on the verge of doing so because of this very reason? I'm not condoning it, just explaining it. Trust me it is true. I'm not saying that this is the only single reason that men will cheat. I'm saying that it is a big reason.

There are certain maxims that exist with the creature known as the human male. This is one. I didn't make it up, I didn't create man to be this way, I don't even always like being a man, I'm just telling you that that is how things are.

 

[RadioNate]

I'm glad you all think that is such a stupid, nonsensical theory that couldn't possibly have one ioda of a grain of truth in it.

Just an excuse to justify their actions. I mean they HAD to cheat. It isn't like they could actually have a conversation with their spouse about how the marriage wasn't fully meeting their needs. Or, fancy this one, got a divorce before seeking out another partner. Cheating was unavoidable, they had to have THEIR needs met. The hell with anyone else.

 

[snapppyd]

Proof? I'm a man, and I'm telling you it is true. We men know these things. Do you want to talk to a list of my guy friends that are either cheating, or on the verge of doing so because of this very reason? I'm not condoning it, just explaining it. Trust me it is true. I'm not saying that this is the only single reason that men will cheat. I'm saying that it is a big reason.

There are certain maxims that exist with the creature known as the human male. This is one. I didn't make it up, I didn't create man to be this way, I don't even always like being a man, I'm just telling you that that is how things are.

Why do you care so much what I think?

 

[j's m]

Domestic abuse and I objected to his girlfriend.

We were only married a year and a half when I found out about his girlfriend. That was the dealbreaker and he finally moved out.

Second DH and I have been happily married for 35 years. Ex married the girlfriend, divorced and then asked my younger sister out. She said she didn't go out with him, though.