So why did you get divorced?

[NMAmy]

A spin-off of the divorce rate thread. I thought it was interesting that mostly married posters were giving opinions as to why the divorce rate is so high. I thought instead of speculating, it might be interesting to see exactly why the marriages of divorced DIS'ers broke up.

Some of the suggestions on that thread included:

-Too many requirements that had nothing to do with a good relationship.
-Money
-Because there is no longer a stigma to divorcing.
-Loss of family values
-Mid-life crisis
-Lazy & selfish
-Not working at the marriage

I'll start--I divorced because my ex had an affair and got another woman pregnant. We'd been married for 13 years and had waited 5 years after marrying to have a child. It was a shock not just to me but to everyone who knew my ex so it's not like I just chose a serial cheater. There was no indication that he might behave like that in all the years we were together.

So, I guess that I would submit that sometimes one spouse changes very unexpectedly and completely. While I can control my actions, I couldn't control his.

 

[wvjules]

I divorced because I just didn't love my husband any more. My granny says I was in "lust". Turns out she was right. I don't think I really did love him even though at the time I thought I did. I was young and in lust. It is as simple as that. I wasn't happy and I didn't want to wake up in 20 and wonder what the hell happened to my life.

Now I am in love and it feels nothing like it did when I thought i was in love with my ex. This is the real thing.

 

[Molliday]

I divorced due to infidelity. My ex cheated on me both in emotional affairs, and physical affairs.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Domestic Violence.

TC

 

[It'sWDW4me]

My ex had been a controlling, manipulative liar for pretty much the entire time we were together - nearly 9 years together, 7 married. I was soooooo stupid for staying as long as I did. I had been on the "should I or shouldn't I divorce him" fence when I got proof positive (he was arrested for picking up a "lady of the evening") that he was also cheating on me. I'm pretty sure he was a serial cheater but could never confirm until then. Yeah, that did it. We were done.

 

[IdesOmarch]

Wow this thread almost makes me hate men.

 

[RayaniFoxmur]

Domestic violence.

Though if you asked him it would be "she wanted to cheat on me". I had a friend who was a guy.

I did remarry though to a wonderful man 5 years later.

 

[disneyfans95]

Wow this thread almost makes me hate men.

Yeah because ONLY men cheat, lie and break up marriage.....

 

[2ManyFairytales]

I have actually been divorced twice. Oopsie...
First time was just a we-had-different-goals in life thing. I personally think I was too young (not that everyone is too young), I really thought I was in love, but it turns out I wanted so much more.
Second, we had 2 kids and he had a huge drinking problem. He wouldn't quit, so I left. Very simple.
I can say I learned a bunch from those. I learned you HAVE to talk, you HAVE to give, you HAVE to love like you want to be loved, you just have to try...
Third....I'll let you know..
Hmm..maybe some people just aren't up to the marriage challenge?

 

[Shmily1]

I was in lust and wanted to have a pretty wedding. After the pretty wedding, I didn't like it--or him! He was lazy and selfish. I'm neither. I felt I was better off being happy and broke than sad and broke.

 

[IdesOmarch]

Yeah because ONLY men cheat, lie and break up marriage.....

Do you really believe that or was that a joke?

 

[BellvilleDad]

Wow this thread almost makes me hate men.

Hey, it's not always us guys that are bad.

My first wife carried on an affair with a co-worker for quite a while. After I found out, I still wanted to try to save our marriage, but she was uninterested.

My real wife is the best thing that ever happened to me!

 

[IdesOmarch]

Hey, it's not always us guys that are bad.

My first wife carried on an affair with a co-worker for quite a while. After I found out, I still wanted to try to save our marriage, but she was uninterested.

My real wife is the best thing that ever happened to me!

I hear ya, sorry about that, but sounds like it worked out for the best.

See ladies, its not just us.

 

[RadioNate]

Primarily, infidelity. Though mine isn't final yet.

My husband had an affair with a co-worker. Upon learning of the affair, I also learned he had been lying about other things.

I was willing to work on the marriage, he decided he wasn't "a family guy."

I see things I could have done differently, however I didn't know the true extent of the issue. For example, he quit his job and took one in a different state. I wasn't supportive because he told me he liked his job & he wouldn't be included in the layoffs that were happening. The truth was that he hated his former job and was about to get laid off. I would have supported the decision to take the other job had I known the truth.

Even now he waivers back and forth. He wants both, me and the kids at home, and to go out drinking on the town like his 20-something single friends 4 nights a week.

I'm proceeding with the divorce even though I know I have the strength to forgive and fix our family. I just can't do it alone.

 

[FredinFL]

Yeah because ONLY men cheat, lie and break up marriage.....

No one said that. Up till that point none of the men had responded. Relax.

 

[NY Disney fan]

He moved out to carry on his "love" affair. He said he was through with the marriage. Since I couldn't hogtie him to the porch, I divorced him.

 

[Pakey]

My first husband had an affair but the honest reason we divorced was that we were not happy living with one another (we weren't happy from the beginning but tried for 7 years). He's been remarried for 23 years to the same woman so I'm not a believer in the "once a cheater, always a cheater" philosophy.

 

[SetzKitten]

Not divorced yet, but he ran away from home and didn't come back. I guess that could be considered a mid-life crisis.

 

[NY Disney fan]

Not divorced yet, but he ran away from home and didn't come back. I guess that could be considered a mid-life crisis.

Those were the grounds for my divorce "constructive abandonment".

 

[MichelleVW]

I divorced because I just didn't love my husband any more. My granny says I was in "lust". Turns out she was right. I don't think I really did love him even though at the time I thought I did. I was young and in lust. It is as simple as that. I wasn't happy and I didn't want to wake up in 20 and wonder what the hell happened to my life.

Now I am in love and it feels nothing like it did when I thought i was in love with my ex. This is the real thing.

Same here. I got married young for stupid stupid reasons. 7 years later I was totally miserable and didn't even like my husband at all. Been so much happier ever since.